When Jim was fourteen, he learned what it meant to be really, truly hungry.

(And you can be sure it wasn't a pleasant experience.)


By the time he wakes up in the morning, everyone at Camp Green Lake is panicking.

Well, all the campers are. The counselors are doing their very best to calm the kids, despite the fact that they're totally freaking out, themselves.

Eventually, everyone is herded into the mess hall, where Andrea calls for attention. "Alright, everyone, it's time to listen up! No one's really sure exactly what happened, but there is some sort of a fungus that is killing all of the crops. Don't worry, though, we have plenty of backup stores, and the colony is sorting out rations as I speak. Someone has even called Starfleet, so there's no need for all this panic. Everything is going to be okay." Although she is clearly trying to sound confident, Andrea's unspoken 'I hope' rings loud and clear to Jim.

He can see, by glancing around the room, that everyone holds the same worried expression, despite assurances that everything is going to work out in the end.

He wonders what good calling Starfleet can do. In his experience, all they've ever done is get his Dad killed and take his Mom away. Who will they take from his life next? His counselors, whom he has grown to respect over the months? His friends?

Or will Starfleet actually do something right, for once? Will they get there with plenty of time and find a cure for the fungus?

Part of Jim longs to believe that Starfleet will save the day, but there is a voice in the back of his mind that keeps counting off all of the times Starfleet played a hand in ruining his life, and the more he tries to ignore it, the louder the voice gets.

After about a week, everything seems to quiet down, and everyone starts to relax, too. His calculus class stops figuring out different ways to ration the stores, his history teacher stops going on about all of the great famines and the resulting deaths, and people stop taking the bare minimum of food at lunch.

While Jim knows the danger has not passed, he finds he cannot stop himself from going into the woods one day, heading off to explore with Michael, rather than sitting around and worrying about the future.

The boys spend the entire day in the woods, and when they come back at dinner time, the camp is eerily empty.

A cold wind sends a shiver down Jim's spine as he asks, "Where is everybody?"

Michael shakes his head in shock, not entirely sure how to react to the situation. "I don't know, Jimmy," he replies quietly, his eyes fixed on something just behind the other boy, "but I get the feeling they didn't decide to take a trip to town."

Frowning, Jim turns to see what Michael is staring at. When he finally spots it, his heart begins to race. The cabin nearest them is missing its door, as though it has been forced open, as are all of the cabins in the row. He runs toward the nearest one, rushing inside to see the state of complete disarray, far worse than even the messiest of cabins ever was.

"What do you think happened?" Jim nearly jumps when he hears Michael's voice from behind him. He was so focused on the mystery of what had happened that he hadn't even heard his friend come in.

"I don't know, Michael, but I get the feeling it has something to do with the famine - and that it wasn't good."

The two stand in the cabin for a minute longer, not knowing what to think, before Jim finally leads the way out, heading to the camp's office with a determined gait.

When they get there, Jim immediately takes in the chaos of the office and the obvious signs of a struggle before he makes his way over to the nearest whole, working computer. Within a minute, he is in the security system and has found what he is looking for - the surveillance footage from earlier that day. As Michael comes over to join him in front of the monitor, they watch in horror as troops marched into the camp, going into the bunks and dragging kids out, kicking and screaming. The boys watch as the very kids they spent the past year with are identified and sorted; some are dragged off by more soldiers, while others are told that they can go to their families, where they will be allowed to stay until Starfleet comes with the emergency supplies.

Jim frowns, wondering what will happen to those who were dragged away. With a few more clicks of the mouse, he is in the government's computer systems, where he gets his answer. Quite frankly, it almost makes him physically ill.

The files detail that there is only enough food for half of the colony to survive until Starfleet shows up, and that Kodos decided to take it into his own hands which half would live.

With a kind of macabre curiosity, Jim clicks on an unmarked link on the bottom of the page, wondering what more there could possibly be to say on the matter. As soon as the page loads, Jim wishes he hadn't clicked.

There, on the screen, is a list of names, each with a sentence or two after it in italics. On the list he sees names such as Tom Leighton, a boy from the cabin next door, and Cassandra StClaire, whose families apparently had a history of Trisomy-21. He skims the list, wondering how many of the people he has grown to like have been sentenced to their deaths. He sees Michael's name on the list, and is ineffably glad they decided to check out the forest. He sees the names of at least ten of the other boys he has grown close to during his stay at Camp Green Lake, all sentenced to their deaths. Then he sees his own name.

Before he fully realizes what he is doing, Jim is throwing the computer at the nearest wall, and he watches with a strange satisfaction as the screen shatters on impact. Behind him, Michael jumps in surprise, and Jim shakes himself out of his daze. He has to remind himself that he is not the only one who is supposed to be dead.

After a moment of silence, Michael works up the strength to ask, his voice full of fear, "What are we going to do, Jim?"

Listening to a voice in his head that sounds kind of like Sam's, Jim answers firmly, "We're going to find all the food we can, and then we're going to find somewhere to hide. We'll find somewhere out of the way and stay hidden until help finally arrives, and then we will let the Starfleet people handle the rest."

Michael can only nod in response, hoping that Jim knows what he is doing.


"Who goes there?" Jim frowns as he hears the familiar voice. It's been two months since he last heard that voice; its owner is supposed to be dead.

"Tom," he starts, cautious, "Tom Leighton, is that you?"

Sure enough, Tom steps out from behind a bush across the clearing from Jim, exclaiming, "Jimmy? Is it really you? Did you really survive this long?"

"Yeah, I did. Actually, there's a bunch of us, now, surviving. You can come back with me, if you want," Jim offers lightly, as though he is simply inviting Tom over for a game of poker. Then he remembers the gravity of their situation, briefly forgotten in the joy of seeing another of his friends thought to be dead. "Wait, how do I know you're not working for Kodos in exchange for food? How do I know you're not going to rat us out as soon as you see where we're staying?"

"You don't," Tom answers honestly. "But you can't really think I would rat you out, can you? Not after everything we did together. Look, I'll even give you all of the food that I've managed to save up."

It takes another ten minutes before Jim finally agrees to let Tom come back with him. When they return to the cave Jim discovered within two weeks of running into the woods with Michael, Jim calls as he enters, with a grin on his face, "Hey, everyone, look who I found!"


A week later, it happens.

Jim is out looking for food when he hears a young voice cry out in distress.

"Please, somebody, somebody help me! Please!"

Running, Jim moves towards the source of the cries, his face contorting in disgust as he sees two soldiers dragging off a young boy, no more than eight or nine years old.

"Hey," he calls, drawing attention to himself as he runs in. "Get your hands off of him, you bastards!"

Before he can do anything, one of the soldiers grabs him, too, and he finds himself being dragged off to who-knows-where, kicking and screaming until he has no energy left to even lift his head and see where they are going.

When they finally stop, Kirk notices that they are in what looks like a throne room, or something close to it. As he starts paying more attention to his surroundings, Jim hears one of the guards who brought him in say, "We found these two in the Eastern Forest. We were able to identify this one as Kevin Riley, who was on The List. The other one tried to come running to his rescue, so we took him, too. We still haven't gotten a positive ID on him yet, but Jones is working on it as we speak."

"Bring the boy to me," a deep voice commands. When Jim hears the voice, he immediately thinks of the villains from those classic Earth movies. You know, the ones who get this close to defeating the hero and finally winning, but then they stop to monologue and the hero inevitably wins.

"Yes, Sir!"

As the guards drag him across the room, Jim focuses his glare on the floor, not daring to look up at the man who sentenced him to his death without a thought, without even learning his face. The man who is the reason Jim is hiding out in the forest with fifteen others, struggling to survive on their own when the oldest of them isn't even sixteen yet.

When the guards stop Jim lurches in their grips, unable to fight the momentum, and without lifting his gaze he can see the legs of a chair and a pair of feet in front of him.

"Look at me," the voice commanded.

Partly out of defiance, and partly because he honestly doesn't have the strength to lift his head, Jim continues attempting to burn a hole in the floor with his gaze until the guards yank his head by his hair, doing the job for him.

He has been expecting one of those classic villains. You know, tall, dark hair, eyes as black as coal, possibly with too much muscle, definitely with an evil mustache. Instead, he sees a man with reddish-brown hair, of average build, and cold brown eyes that are examining him with a kind of detached interest.

He does have the typical evil facial hair, though.

"Who are you?" There is a hint of curiosity mixed in with the disdain in his voice; the need to know who this is who dares to defy him.

But Jim will be damned if he lets another self-important asshole push him around. Not now that he is finally free of Frank. Rather than comply, as most would, Jim summons up every ounce of disgust in his body and spits right in Kodos's face.

Jim does his very best to forget everything that happens between then and the moment he grabbed Kevin and made his escape, but he only barely manages to block it out through sheer stubbornness, the ghosts of angry hands haunting him despite his best efforts.

Speaking of which, Jim forces himself to keep running, despite how tired and sore he is. He tries to focus on getting Kevin back to the cave, where everyone is surely waiting for him, safe and sound, like always.

But will they really still be there? How long has he even been gone? Was it mere hours? Or was it days? A week? Have they simply assumed he was captured and killed and moved on?

In the midst of running, he stumbles, catching himself before he falls, but only barely. As he forces himself to keep moving, Jim's stomach clenches painfully, a reminder of why he has to keep going.

If he can just keep moving, for a little longer, he can get them to safety; to food.

Kevin remains silent throughout their journey, giving Jim the time to think things through, to try and figure out what is going to happen now that Kodos knows he is hiding – and in the Eastern Forest, too. They will have to be even more careful when they go out to find food, and maybe they'll even have to move to a new location altogether.

And yet, running for his life, with Kevin attached to his back, Jim feels more alive than he has since he drove the car off of the cliff and landed himself on the damn colony. He can hear his heart racing, each beat echoing in his ears, and he can practically feel the adrenaline pumping through him. He focuses on these sensations, ignoring the hunger pains for just a moment; just moment where he feels completely alive.

It's spectacular, it is amazing, it is exhilarating, it is – it is the cave, dead ahead. Quickly, Jim glances behind him, looking and listening for signs that someone is following him. Although he sees none, Jim summons the strength to run the perimeter once, just to be sure, before he slows and knocks the familiar rhythm on the stone in front of him.

After only the slightest hesitation, the stone rolls away to let out a swarm of other children, crowding around Jim, pulling him back into the cave with them as their excited exclamations all blend together.

He catches bits of cries, "I knew you'd come back," and "Where were you?" and "Did you bring back any food?" among the babble, but it is nearly impossible to tell who says what.

He has to fight to keep from flinching away from their touches; he knows these people are safe, he knows they will not hurt him, and yet he still feels the ghost of angry hands burning into his skin. Still, he is James Tiberius Kirk, and he will not let an asshole like Kodos ruin what he has with these kids.

Once everyone calms down and backs off a little, Jim helps Kevin down, careful not to cause him further injuries. The kid is staring around, wide-eyed, as though he did not truly believe they would make it to safety.

It is as he is setting Kevin down that Michael comes forward, ushering the younger kids back to whatever they were doing before Jim's oh-so-exciting entrance.

Not a moment later, Tom approaches with a first aid kit in hand and begins taking care of their injuries, Kevin first, then Jim.

It isn't even until Tom is cleaning up Kevin that Jim even feels his injuries.


"Jim, you've got to eat."

"Has everyone else had their share yet?"

Michael's eyes dart to a point just over Jim's left shoulder, clearly avoiding eye contact. "…Not exactly. We handed it all out, but everyone decided they weren't hungry and insisted that their food go to you."

Jim frowns. "No. They have to eat; make them eat. There's no reason for them to starve for my sake. Besides, you know my rule. I can't eat until everyone else has."

He does his best to hide his grimace as his stomach painfully protests its emptiness. He can't eat, not yet. Not until he knows everyone else has been fed. So what if that means he goes without food for a few days? What kind of a leader would he be if he let those in his care starve while he eats every night? Wouldn't that just make him every bit as bad as Kodos?

The next time his stomach clenches painfully, Jim can't hide the grimace, nor can he hide the pained groan that escapes him as he doubles over.

Michael frowns in concern. "Look, Jim, have half of my share. You can't pretend that you don't need the food. And it's not like I'll go without – I'll still get half, unless you'll admit that you need it all."

Jim can't honestly say how long it takes for him to agree, but when he finally does, the sacrifice that he knows everyone was willing to make for him makes the meager offerings taste like the finest feast in the galaxy.