Ok ok I got to tell you guys a few things. I didn't have my beta check this and I would love it if you guys didn't burn me for grammar mistakes. I'm far from perfect and I get really embarrassed when I make a basic mistake. I'm only comfortable when my beta points it out now. So um thanks and thank you for all your positive feedback! And I have this awesome plan with my friend to make a hetalia show on youtube, we'll be making an announcement sometime in the future so if you're interested let me know. And if ya wanna help out that's cool too! (we'll need it) Um enjoy (my bad grammar!) *cough cough*

~vVv~

The air in the room felt heavy. Alfred stared into cold violet eyes; to afraid Ivan might strangle him if he looked away. He had to give an explanation and fast.

"I-I thought y-you were the enemy." he stuttered. It wasn't a lie but it wasn't the truth.

Ivan's hands whipped out at Alfred and pinned him painfully against the gurney he laid on.

"Hey that hurts. Stop Iv-"

"I do not want to hear excuses! The fact is you had the intent to kill! Regardless if it was me or not!" Ivan shouted

"But I didn't! You saw back there I only shot at joints and non-vital areas. Other than that it was purely a intimidation method." Alfred said squirming under the Russians grip.

Lies. Lies. Lies!

Ivan knew it was pure bullshit and Alfred was avoiding the real question. His condition… Why wouldn't he just tell him? For his own sake!

"Oh? I wasn't aware you were a hypocrite. When you heartlessly killed anyone your superiors said to." he seethed through clenched teeth.

That wasn't his fault! It wasn't!

Alfred felt his blood begin to boil and rage spread through his mind like poison. With unexpected strength he shoved Ivan back, pulled an arm back and punched him in the face. Ivan staggered and fell to the floor. He didn't expect that. Before he could blink Alfred was on top of him with both fists gripping the collar of his shirt.

"I HAD NO CHOICE!" he practically shrieked

"THERE'S ALWAYS A CHOICE!" Ivan shouted

That only welcomed a violent shake and a harsh slam against the floor.

"Not when you sign your rights away! Not when the other has a gun and won't hesitate to kill you themselves. You have no clue how I felt or what I went through!"

"Do I? You Americans are glorified bastards." Ivan said coldly.

Silence…

Alfred's grip on his shirt loosened, hands barely gripping any fabric now.

A wave of guilt crashed over Ivan. Curse how you can say stupid things when you're angry! That was low even for him.

"That's not true." Alfred whispered sadly. His eye's cast down, teary and full of despair. "Do you know how it feels to be asked how it feels to be a hero?" pause "They don't know. They don't know it's far from it." His voice creaked "I know…I know our enemies are like us. They have families… That's something I use to get punished for in the military. Not pulling the trigger right away." A small sob escaped his lips.

Ivan watched in silence as Alfred began to tremble and mumble incoherent words he couldn't understand nor hear.

"Alfred…"

No response.

"I'm sorry"

Alfred stood up and sat back on the edge of his gurney, a blank empty stare sitting on his face. Ivan pushed himself off the floor and walked over to Alfred.

"I wasn't thinking. It just… I know something's wrong and you're fighting it on your own. It doesn't seem to be working is it?"

Tears started to run down his cheeks. He looked up at Ivan like a lost child. "But I don't want it to be true. I just want everything to go back to normal. Like nothing ever happened once I returned."

"What you went through changed a lot of people. There's nothing wrong with asking for help if something's wrong." Ivan said running a finger over his cheek to catch his tears.

"I'm still me aren't I?"

"Of course! You just have wounds to be healed. It may leave a scar but it's better than leaving the wound unintended. "

Alfred wanted to laugh but it came out as a strangled hiccup. "You say weird stuff ya know that?"

"You figured that out now comrade?

They chuckled.

Alfred raised his hand to shake and Ivan gladly shook it. A manly settlement of sorts to end their fighting. After a few moments of holding that position the American wrapped his arms around his waist and cried quietly. Ivan rubbed his back in comfort. At least he won't fight the darkness alone. That day was the beginning of something special.

"oh… Ivan"

"Da?"

"Your lip ok? I remember punching you pretty hard."

"Really? It felt more like a girl's weak slap to me."

"HEY!"