How I Met Jane Eyre
Hey everyone. K.J.A. here again. Thank you guys so much for all your amazing comments, especially you Bonbonnett, who helped me with the Latmos thing which I was missing from chapter 6. To be honest, I didn't know what that was - I know, I should have done my research beforehand, sue me - but thank you for clearing that up for me. I updated chapter 6 last night and added that bit in, so go and check it out if you don't believe me. Also, I would just like to say for the record, that I am really sorry that this chapter took me longer to upload than the others, but with one thing and another (and all the information that I had to pack into this one), that's why this one was so long in waiting. I also have to say that I was up really, ridiculously late last night with writing this, so I am sorry if this flops a little in your expectations, but it is what it is. Excerpts for this chapter are taken from chapters 18, 19 and 20 of Jane Eyre, and on that note, on with this chapter. Enjoy!
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Chapter 9 – The Gypsy and Richard Mason's Return
"Many pleasant days proceeded at Thornfield as my guests stayed. There was never a dull moment in the house and there was always a servant passing in the halls and galleries of the house: but I paid very little attention to them, for my thoughts were only focused on one person – your mother, and how on Earth I was going to get your mother to open her heart to me.
"I was disappointed in the days that followed to find that your mother, instead of drawing herself out and coming to speak with me, just like I had hoped, did the complete opposite; she got quieter and her eyes grew dimmer, and she would not leave her corner; and as much as I liked playing the hard-to-get card, I was pained by your mother's lack of trust and faith in me, and I wanted so desperately for her to reveal her sweet, precious heart to me." My children groaned at this, but I ignored them, and pressed on.
"I decided to play a game of charades one night to see what would happen. My guests and I split ourselves into two teams and I tried to get your mother to join mine, but she declined the offer. I knew that I could not persuade her, so I let her go back to her chair.
"I cannot remember much about the game if I am honest with you, my dears," I told my children, "but what I do remember is that mine were all focused around the same topic: marriage. When we had finished and I allowed Dent and his party to go on, I teased Blanche by telling her that she was my wife, for being married in front of witnesses. I chanced a quick glance at your mother, who was watching us through pained eyes. I was getting even more vexed with her now, for I was sure that she would have revealed her heart to me by now; but I wondered why she did not do so, and why she did not do so and why she kept secluding herself and shutting me off from her." My children gave an even louder groan at this, one which I could not ignore, I asked them what it was that I had done wrong and why they were groaning in such a way. Janet and Eddie looked at each other and at me in surprise, before I went on to say that I was there father and that there should be no secrets kept between us, and therefore I had every right to know what was on their minds. So I asked them what the flaw was in my plan., and I told them that I did not mind the harsh words that were bound to insult me, for I was sure that it would open my mind as to where I went wrong.
I was not mistaken, for after a few moments, Janet took a deep, steadying breath and said, "Well Papa, the flaw that you missed is merely the fact that the stations in which Miss Ingram and our mother were placed in society were entirely different back then. Miss Ingram had a family and many connections, was born and accustomed to the ways of society as much as you were, did not have to work for a living and came of a wealthy family; whereas Mama was born with no family and no connections, had had to work hard for a living, was ignorant to the ways of society and had no wealth of which to speak of. Add to that, the fact that Miss Ingram and Mama are both the opposites to each other in the means of outward appearances, then you might now have an understanding of why Mama never opened her heart to you, why she kept herself shut off and secluded from everyone else, and why she knew that even though Miss Ingram would never make you happy, she saw that you two were well suited as far as status in society went and that Mama was but a mere servant in your house at the time, that to interfere as such would be to abuse the position in which she was in," Janet finished in a hasty breath, with Eddie nodding his head in agreement at his sister's words.
I was shocked as I heard this and I inwardly cursed myself for not seeing that when and indeed before I held that party. I also cursed myself for my low, stupid mind, taking me this long to figure it out and to see that my daughter's words were true; that that was the point I had missed when I made my plan to make your mother jealous, in order to make her fall in love with me. I was a fool for not seeing this before, and if I had done so back then, I would not have gone to such lengths and would instead have tried to do what Janet had suggested earlier: to take the leap of faith and see what would have happened. I told my children how grateful I was to them for opening up my eyes to the truth. They both brushed off my comments of foolishness with impatience and asked me to proceed with my tale.
I smiled at their eagerness before I went on: "Well, I was still eager to know of what your mother thought of me. I knew that she cared about me, but I did not know how deep this affection for me went, so I decided to put my acting skills to good use once more and decided to play the part of an old gypsy woman.
"I told a servant that I only wished to see the ladies that were single – for reasons that are self-explanatory enough that I feel no need to explain my reasoning as to why I did that – and so I waited in the library for them to come to my presence. Blanche was the first to arrive as I expected. We spent fifteen minutes together, where I proceeded to "tell" her of her supposed fortune. I told her that my fortune was not one third of what she had originally anticipated, that she was not worthy of mine or any man's love and that my heart was already taken by another's. She was shocked, of course, to all of these announcements, and to my immense joy – it took all I could not to laugh outwardly at her – she got angry with me, shrugging off the money (for even though I knew this was what bothered her the most, she chose to ignore it, letting her pride take over her emotions yet again), and demanded me to tell her of who had won my heart if not she, for she had not seen my eye drawn to another's as she thought mine was to hers. I told her that her heart, which was as harsh and cold as winter frosts, would not be worthy of any man's love as long as she kept up such notions as pride and greed within it and took notice to some of the more natural beauties which lay beyond those of the material ones; and as to the other woman, I told Blanche that it was not my place to say, for I did not want her to know that it was your mother who had stolen my heart (for I could only imagine the look of horror on your mother's face as she was abused, humiliated and hurt by Blanche's cold, cruel and rather hurt words), and went on to tell her that if she chose to look past my ugly demeanour, she would have seen that there was no love there for her at all. She got up and stormed out on me at that point, displeased and hurt by what I had told her."
"She certainly deserved to hear it, though," Eddie said with a chuckle, as his sister giggled beside him.
I laughed myself and said, "She certainly did, my boy. I have to admit that I remembered that I had laughed as I heard Blanche's footsteps retreat down the corridor; for even though Blanche did not know that it was me beneath the old crone's costume, I delighted myself in finally hearing what Blanche actually thought about me, finally giving myself an excuse to hear what Blanche thought about me, and to tell her what I thought about her, and to also get the chance to be angry at her for how she treated your mother the night Blanche first met her.
"Anyway, Mary Ingram and Louisa and Amy Eshton were next in the room. I will not trouble you with the details, my dears, for a long and dull twenty minutes I had to get through with those silly and stupid girls, before I had had enough of them and sent them back. And then came the person I wanted to see the most: your mother, who as you know has a quick eye and mind as I told her that night. She doubted the gypsy's gifts as do I, because we both think that they are conartists, who are willing to tell passing travellers anything they wish to hear, just to make themselves richer in the process."
"What did you tell Mama when you saw her, Papa?" Janet asked me.
"Well, my daughter," I replied, "I will try to keep this as short as possible, for many years have passed since then, and seeing as I have been talking for quite a long time now, my mind might have missed out on a few minor details (amazing isn't it that I can remember so much about my meeting with Bertha and the stuff about the mistresses, and yet I can't really remember the talk of the gypsy. Mind you, saying that, we did talk a lot during that time in the library that night).
"Anyway, one of the things I distinctly remember about her from that night is that she trembled. I told her that she was cold, pale and silly. She told me to prove it, which I did with these very words: I told her that she was cold because she was alone; she was pale because love was kept away from her and she was silly because she suffered in silence because she did not open her heart to anyone, and I wanted so desperately to be able to tell her that she could do so with me and that I would never allow her to be cold again, but I knew that I would have to keep up the role of the gypsy for a while longer.
"Your mother mistrusted me, I can tell you that. Some words will bore you, my dears, but what I will tell you is that I told your mother that happiness was close at hand to her, if she would be brave enough to stretch out her hand and reach for mine, for she could – and eventually would – find happiness with me, but I decided telling her against that for the time being, as it was still too early for me to confess my feelings for her.
"I remember that I started to study one of her hands, and how much I wanted to kiss it, but after a while I pushed it away, saying that it was too fine. From what I can remember, my name was mentioned: this was started by me asking her if there was not one face, or maybe two, that she studied most often out of all of them. My guests of course had discussed mine and Blanche's supposed marriage, which your mother stated, and when I inquired further into how she felt about this, she told me that she did not care about it, which vexed me greatly. I therefore decided to push my inquiries further, saying that Blanche sat by my side and talked to me and smiled at me rather lavishly. She asked me what gentlemen that was with whom Miss Ingram conversed (for remember, I was disguised as a gypsy at the time), and I told her that she knew and that she thought well of. I thought I could detect a glimpse of jealousy through her anger, but I couldn't be too sure, so I pressed on with my investigation. She told me she didn't know any of the gentlemen here, she said that she did not know any, and when my name was mentioned, I learnt that she had been analysing me and that she had seen no looks of gratitude spring forth from my eyes when I conversed with the different tongues of my guests. She had as good as confessed to me that she found me handsome, for only those with the willing eyes of love would be able to see me as such. Anyway, I asked her whether she had seen me happy with Blanche, which of course she replied in the negative. I asked what she had seen, but got nothing out of this, as she told me that she came to inquire and not confess, which vexed me slightly, but I did not press too much into this. I began to tell her of Miss Ingram and myself, but she interrupted me, saying that it was her fortune she wanted told and not my own. I told her to kneel before me, which she of course obliged to do so. I loved every inch of her face, and was willing to gaze at it all night, especially those deep, mesmerising eyes, that had me deeply trapped within her spell. Speaking of her eyes, those were the things I started off with before I moved to her mouth, then her brow and finishing off with her forehead. I told your mother of what I had known from watching her move them, and what each expressed to me. What I said, I cannot remember, but what I do know is that I was getting tired with the charade by this point; so I changed my voice from the old crone's to that of my own deep tones, and told her to rise up for the game was played out.
"I revealed myself to her at last, first with my voice and then with me taking off the garments of the gypsy. Your mother told me that it was a strange idea, and when I told her that it was well carried out and if she thought so, she told me that I had managed well with the others, but not with her. Your mother told me that I did not play the role of a gypsy, but rather that of some unaccountable one, in order for me to draw her out and make her talk nonsense because I was talking nonsense, I asked if she would forgive me, to which she teased me by saying that she would have to think about it.
"I noticed that she had become quiet and that her thoughts were fixed on the demon in the tower (for Grace Poole had come into our conversation, too, but I'm pretty sure that that point is of no interest to you), but I did not wish your mother to be troubled with such dark thoughts as I was; so I asked her what she was thinking about, and she told me that she was self-congratulating herself and asked if she could leave me; but seeing as I did not want to give up her company so soon – for it was the first time in weeks that we had been alone in each other's company – I asked her to stay and tell me of what they were doing. Your mother told me that she thought that they were discussing the gypsy, before she went on to tell me that a stranger had come. I asked for their name – although I already knew who it was – and was told that it was none other than Richard Mason himself, the old devil."
"Bertha's brother?" Eddie asked me. "But why would he turn up so unexpectedly like that?"
"Your guess is as good as mine, my son, but I knew that he was there to see his sister. Anyway, I must have turned pale, because your mother looked at me and asked me sincerely whether I was ill. When I told her that I had a blow and that I was trembling, she once again offered me her arm and I gladly took it, her strength giving me some when I had none. I sat down in the chair in which she had occupied just minutes beforehand, and she sat down beside me. Your mother's presence calmed and comforted me. Nothing can comfort and calm me like your mother can, you know. I took one of her hands in mine and told her that I wished that I was on a desert island with your mother alone, where all thoughts of trouble and torment and all worries and fears were behind me, for she was the only woman who I wanted to be with; and with those words, I sincerely hoped that she would know that. She told me then that she wanted to help me and that she would give her life to serve me. I promised her that if I needed aid of any kind, and would look to it from her hands alone. She thanked me and asked me what she wanted done for me; so I told her to go to the dining room and fetch me a glass of wine, for the company were at dinner, and your mother would be able to tell me what they were doing.
"Oh, of all the times Richard Mason had to show up, that was the worst: not only when I had guests, but also I had finally found the one and seemed on the brink of true happiness at last, when he had to show up and ruin everything. Anyway, when your mother returned to me, I had resumed my stern pallor and took the glass of wine from her hand, toasting her good health as I did so. I had learnt from your mother that my guests were all talking and laughing jovially, and that they were full of jests and gaiety, including Mason, which came as a little bit of relief, for it meant that he had not said anything to anyone … yet. One of the questions I then asked your mother was if those people looked at me in disgust and would walk out on me, I asked what your mother would do; and she told me that she would push them out of the room and that she would stay by my side to comfort me as best she could, despite what others thought, for she did not care for what they thought of her, only me. I felt my love and respect for her increase then and told her to find Richard Mason, told her to tell him that I was in the library and wished to speak to him, bring him to where I was and then leave us.
"Mason and I discussed Bertha at long length that night, but I'm not going to tell you of those details, my dears, because there is not really much to tell, apart from the fact that she had got worse and worse and the years passed. He said that he wished to speak with her that very night, but I refused to let him do so, saying that he should wait until morning if he wanted to speak to her properly and have me there by his side just in case; for when around Bertha, I was always on my guard, and told him to do the same. Anyway, he told me that he would not rest until he saw her before the sun rose the next morn, and after a few minutes of arguing had passed between us, he reluctantly agreed with me, saying that he would wait until the next day to see her. I then showed Mason to his room, bid him goodnight and retired to my chamber, which was the only place I could find comfort, besides being in your mother's company, of course. I wanted to be in her presence that night; to do nothing but talk and let her sweet voice reassure me that all would be well; but I was scared that if I told her of Bertha, she would leave me, and I did not want that to happen. But even as I surrounded myself with these thoughts, I knew that it was going to be a very long night for me to get through."
"What makes you say that, Papa?" Janet asked.
"I say that, Janet, because as we were all sleeping peacefully in our beds that night - myself included, surprisingly enough - there suddenly came three cries of "Help! Help! Help!" which woke me up, and practically everyone else who had been sleeping on that floor. But anyway, that cry was then followed by another: "Will no one come!" I knew what had happened, of course: Richard Mason had ignored what I had said to him about waiting until morning to go and speak to Bertha, and decided to take a chance to see if he could talk to her reasonably, which was of course impossible because of the way Bertha was; and as a result, Bertha attacked her brother."
"Well, that was a stupid idea of his, thinking that he could talk to such a woman reasonably, when her mind was disfigured by her madness!" Eddie said indignantly.
"Indeed it was, my son. But getting back to the point, I was wide awake by now, so I quickly jumped out of bed and dressed just as quickly; and just as I had put my coat on, I heard Richard cry again: "Rochester! Rochester! For God's sake, come!" I opened my chamber door and dashed to the third-storey as quickly as I could. I unlocked the door, crossed the outer room of the third-storey and entered the inner one, where Grace was restraining Bertha, who was writhing and snarling like a wild animal as she was trying to escape from her captor's arms so that she could do some more damage to her brother, who lay on the floor, with his arm cut by a knife. But that was not the only wound he got, oh no; for on his shoulder there was a wound which had been made by his own sister's teeth."
"She bit him?!" Eddie said in shock.
"Oh my! How awful!" Janet said, covering her hands over her mouth.
"I know it's horrible, my lamb," I told her comfortingly, "but this is how it happened, after all. As I was saying, Grace was restraining Bertha, so I managed to haul Mason up as best I could before half-dragging him onto the bed in the outer room, closing the door on the inner one afterwards and locking it. I then went back downstairs to where my guests were and told them that the house had to be settled, for there was nothing that much to fear; just that a servant had had a nightmare, and the house had to be settled before they could be seen to properly. Once my guests were back in their rooms, I went to your mother's door - for she was the only one I could turn to at such a time - and told her to come with me, to take her time and be as quiet as she should. I then asked her when we got outside the door where Richard was if she had a sponge and smelling salts, to which she replied that she had both. I instructed her to get them and return to me with them, which she did. I then asked her whether she fainted at the sight of blood, to which she replied that she did not then know, seeing as she had never tried before. I then took hold of one of your mother's hands, for it would not do to have her faint that night; and when I affirmed that they were warm and steady, I unlocked the door again and we entered.
"I told your mother to stay close by the door as I went across to the inner room, unlocked the door to it, opened it and told Grace that someone was here to attend to her brother and that she did not know of her charge, and thus I warned her to keep her charge as quiet as she could. Grace nodded in understand as I went back into the outer room, locking the door to the inner room and turning to face your mother, who was looking as calm as she possibly could under the circumstances that she was in. That is so like your mother: to be brave and strong when trouble and danger is near. That strength I admire within her so much, but once again, I am getting off topic. Anyway, I showed your mother how to wipe the blood off the wounds, to apply the smelling salts when he needed them and I also told her to give him water when he wanted it. I then instructed her to not speak to him for any reason, and instructed him to do the same thing; for if he were to have told your mother about Bertha and my marriage to her that night, I would never have forgiven him and would have done something which I would have regretted later. Anyway, I then left your mother and Mason alone together, before reminded your mother and Mason about having no conversation, and then shut the door and locked it. I know it was terrible of me to leave your mother alone like that with the demon mere feet away from her; but Mason needed a doctor, so what choice did I have?
"Anyway, as soon as I got out of there, I raced down to the stables and got my horse bridled up, and thence rode off to Carter's place, just beyond the boundaries of Millcote. I knocked on the door and was answered by Carter's apprentice. I told him to wake his master before he could bid me good morning, before I went on to say that I also needed his post-chaise to be prepared as it was important. The boy, who knew me and a little bit about my situation from Carter, just nodded his head a few times before hurrying back inside and rushing to wake up Carter before rushing to wake the stable boys and tell them to make haste with the post-chaise.
"After a few anxious minutes of me waiting for Carter had passed, I saw the man himself appear at last. He knew it had something to do with Bertha and didn't press me for many details, so he just simply hopped into the carriage as I got back on my horse and made our way to Thornfield.
"I was relieved to come back to Thornfield and even more so to see your mother after I unlocked the door, who was still attending to Mason in the exact same spot I had left her, completely safe. I wanted to rush over to her at the moment, lift her off the ground, spin her around and plant her little face with kisses, but unfortunately there were more important things to be getting along with. After I had let some light in the room, Mason told me that he was done for, but I quickly brushed this off, saying that it was just a mere scratch he had received and after a while, he then told me that he had not expected Bertha to jump on him like she had, for she had seemed so quiet to him at first glance. I had tried to warn him, as I had told him mere hours beforehand, but he didn't listen to me. He then went on to say that she had sucked his blood, and I shuddered involuntarily at this as expressions of disgust, horror and hatred passed over my countenance; but then I remembered that your mother was in the room, and since I did not want her to know about my terrible secret, I tried to keep him quiet. He told me that it was going to be impossible for him to forget such a night as that one, which I know for a fact was true; but I tried to give him courage by saying that he would be fine by the time he got back to Spanish Town.
"I then turned my attentions back to your mother, who I instructed first to get a shirt and neck-handkerchief from my room; then to fetch Mason's coat from his room (once I had gotten him red-up and looking decent enough), and finally to collect a little phial and a little glass from my room, which she did brilliantly. I then instructed your mother to pour some water into the glass and then to wet the phial, which she did. I then measured out twelve drops of a crimson liquid (something I had got from a charlatan who I had run across in Italy) and instructed Mason to drink it, which he did, after a while of wallowing away in self-pity. Then Carter helped him to stand after about three minutes after he had taken the medicine, and he said that he was feeling better. I had learnt from your mother in the interim that the house was still, so we should be able to get Mason out nicely; but still, it was best to proceed with caution: so I told your mother to make her way to the backstairs, unbolt the side-passage door and tell the driver of the post-chaise - who I had instructed to stay in the yard - for it would not do to have any of my guests see what had happened to Mason, for they would start to question me, and they would eventually find out about Bertha - to be ready for us. I then told her that if anyone was about that she should go to the foot of the stairs and hem.
"Carter and I both supported Mason as well as we could and led him out of the house and into the carriage. I asked him how he was once inside it, and he told me that the air revived him, which I knew it would. He told me to let Bertha well cared for and to be treated as tenderly as may be; to which I replied that I will do what I could, the same as I always had done. Then the carriage was on its way and I wanted so badly for an end to that accursed, wretched life right there and then at that moment.
"I heard your mother's footsteps turn from mine as I entered the orchard, and seeing that I wanted to spend some time with the only woman I had ever truly loved, for I had missed our talks greatly, and to comfort her as she would me; so I called her back, saying as I did so that she should join me where there was freshness, compared to the house which was a dungeon. When I asked her whether she thought so too about the house, she told me that it was a splendid mansion, which, before Bertha came into my life, I supposed it had been; but after that demon entered my life, it had changed from a heavenly place into a house that was clearly meant to be in hell. Your mother and I then strayed onto a walk where apple and cherry trees lay on one side and a wide variety of different flowers and herbs were growing; and there in that walk was true freshness, whose purity and beauty were only intensified by the purity and beauty of your mother, who was as delicate as a flower petal, and yet was as beautiful as the finest rose known to man.
"Speaking of roses, I remember that I asked your mother whether she would like one, knowing as I did that only those in love as I was - and still am - with someone like your mother, would be able to pass such a gift and have it reciprocated in words of gratitude that only those of a lover's tongue could form. She thanked me in her own way at this. I could see that she was as comfortable with me as I was with her, which she had every right to be, and for a few moments we talked about what a strange night your mother had passed, of Grace Poole and of Mason. She looked puzzled at what I was going on about at one point concerning Mason - I think it was to do with the fact that she was trying to tell me to tell him to not say anything that could harm me, or something of the sort, anyway - and I went on to puzzle her further. I asked if she was my friend (that word I scorned, because I knew that what I felt for her was far more powerful than that of friendship), which she affirmed that she was, and that she would do whatever she could to serve and obey me in all that is right.
"I affirmed that she did like to serve and obey me in "all that is right" as she put it; for if I asked your mother to do something wrong, I knew that she wouldn't do so, my dears; for she would think for herself, and what she termed as right or wrong would completely overbalance my actions, that I knew. Her sense of reasoning quipped with wisdom would compel her to do so. I then asked her to sit beside me, for I wanted her to be very near me, to be able to gaze upon her face freely for a few moments, and to stare into those lovely eyes of hers, not caring about the rest of the world as I looked into them. I thought again about how I would love to touch and caress her face, and feel her soft, sweet lips of hers move against mine, whilst imagining the words of such pure love and adoration for me pour forth from them, with meaning in single word she spoke from her precious heart.
"Anyway, when she decided to sit down by my side after a little bit of hesitation, I decided to put my case to her in a non-too direct fashion, asking her to first imagine herself as a young boy in a foreign land, who committed a mistake which followed him (for I was talking as if this had happened to one of my friends and not to myself at the time) throughout his life, blighting his existence and quenching his hope and a chance to find true happiness. No matter where he went, this mistake would follow him and make him miserable, no matter the pleasure he betook to distract himself from it. Then I told your mother that years later he came home, heart-weary and soul-withered, and there he met a gentle stranger, whose society revived him, for all the things he had been searching for twenty long years lay within her, which are all fresh and healthy, without soil and without taint. I then went on to say to your mother that he felt better days come back to him, with higher wishes and purer feelings. I then finished by asking your mother whether this man - who is me, remember - was justified enough in overleaping an obstacle of custom, a mere conventional impediment, which neither conscience sanctified, nor judgement approved of.
"I let this sink in to your mother's mind for a few moments, my dears, before I continued, asking whether the wandering and sinful, but now rest-seeking and repentant man was justified in daring the world's opinion in order to attach to him for ever this gentle, genial stranger, thereby securing his own peace of mind and regeneration of life. She did not know that I was, of course, speaking of myself, but seeing as she is a religious woman as we know, she told me to tell my friend to look to someone higher than his friends for forgiveness.
"I turned desperate at these words, for I was not getting the answer that I wanted to hear from her: whether or not she agreed with me, and if she had done as such, I would have confessed how I felt for her in an instant, would have poured my heart at her feet and asked her to be mine; but seeing as she didn't, I went on to say that it was myself whom I was speaking of, and that I had been a worldly, dissipated, restless man, and before I could reveal to your mother that she was the instrument for my cure, I stopped myself from telling her the truth."
My children were disgruntled at this, as I knew they would be. "Why didn't you tell her, Papa?" Eddie asked, as Janet just shook her head and groaned.
"I didn't tell her my lad, because even though I had gotten signs of how your mother felt about me from the woman herself, I still did not know whether she cared as deeply for me as I did for her. Besides, I was scared of how your mother would react: whether she would laugh with scorn or cry with happiness at my words. So instead, I went on to ask her about Miss Ingram, seeing as I knew that your mother had watched us, and asked her that if I would marry Blanche, did she think that that noble woman would regenerate me with a vengeance, which I knew she would not as did your mother, who vexed me even more by saying nothing, even though I saw her eyes going dimmer as soon as I had mentioned Blanche. I got up and walked towards the end of the walk with frustration renting through me, before I turned back and walked towards the place where your mother was, who was looking paler by what I had just told her, which gave me some hope as to how strong her feelings for me could possibly be.
"I told her then that she was pale and asked your mother whether she cursed me for disturbing her from her rest, which caused her to reply in the negative, which I knew that she wouldn't curse me. I then asked to shake her hand, whose fingers had gone colder since the last time I had touched them, despite the warmth that was flooding through me as I touched her. Anyway, I asked her if she would be content to sit with me again, to which she replied that she would do so whenever she could be useful. I told her that I would want her to sit up with me the night before my wedding, as it was her company I desired to have, not just for that night, but for the rest of our lives, too. I then teased her about Miss Ingram, saying that she was a "rare one" - I inwardly cursed myself at these words - before I spotted Dent and Lynn in the stables, and asked your mother to go in by the shrubbery, through a wicket, which she did.
"When I was left alone with my thoughts after telling Dent and Lynn that I had been up ahead of them to see Mason off, my thoughts resumed back to your mother, and I thought about all I had learnt from her about her feelings for me within the past few hours. But as much as I knew of her feelings, I still did not know how deeply she cared for me; whether or not she loved me as I loved her. Once again, I was driving myself mad with these thoughts, and I knew right then that if I wanted to know for sure what was in her heart for me, that I would have to come out as clearly as I could about it, but not too clearly."
"And did you?" Janet piqued up eagerly.
"I laughed at her eagerness and said, "All in good time, Janet. All in good time."
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And so, dear readers, that was chapter 9. Chapter 10 will include the proposal, which I don't know about you, but to me that chapter is the best one in the whole damn book; but don't worry, the proposal will not be the only thing that I will include in chapter 10, for I am trying to keep in chronological order with the book after he met Jane, so please do not bite my head off for it when you are reviewing. This is just a statement not a complaint, just so you know.. Please don't forget to R&R, and while you are doing your R&Rs, could you please tell me how you think I am doing with the writing of this thing so far, and not just on your favourite words or phrases or things that need adding, although they're great too. See you next time, then.
