Chapter 9
Instead of the daily threat of pain, and torture, my life has become one never-ending medical consultation. I stay in the hospital room all day, only allowed to leave it to use the bathroom, and wash. Even then I'm always escorted by a District 13 medic of some sort. They don't know how dangerous Katniss Everdeen is. At first I thought that the constant onslaught of unwanted companions was to protect me from her, but after overhearing a conversation one day, I realised that they seem to want to keep her and others safe from me.
I lost my temper after I heard that, and in the end they had to sedate me.
I know that I'm being watched. That mirror seems a bit too conveniently placed, and sometimes when Dr Aurelius or Callidus are in the room with me, they shoot glances in to the glass, when they think I'm not looking.
For weeks it continues. They talk to me about her, trying to convince me that she's not a mutt, that she isn't out to get me. It's all lies though. Every single word of it.
"Tell the truth!" I shout in Dr Aurelius's face one day.
"We are telling the truth Peeta!" He says exasperatedly, and I can tell that he's about to lose his temper, "We've been through this. The Capitol has been psychologically manipulating you, in to believing that Katniss is a different person to the one you knew."
My arms have been taken out of my restraints, and I press my hands tight over my ears, shouting at the top of my lungs.
You have to fight it Peeta, don't give the bastards the satisfaction. Sometimes I get brief flashes of memory that come back to me. It's almost always nonsensical and I have no idea what to make of it.I remember Johanna Mason telling me that when we were being kept in the Capitol. The trouble is I don't even know what I'm meant to be fighting. Every instinct in my body is telling me Katniss. But after being told completely conflicting things for the past two weeks, my brain aches with confusion, and anger.
I run my fingers through my hair, making it stand on end. "She killed my family, and she tried to kill me." I say through gritted teeth, my eyes streaming with tears. I look up, only to find that Dr Aurelius has gone.
Tentatively I climb out of bed, my bare feet on the cold stone tiles. My District 13 standard issue white hospital paper like pyjamas are good three inches two short for me. I hate wearing them, they make me feel like I'm some kind of invalid, not even allowed proper clothes. With four strides I'm at the door. I reach out and turn the handle, only to find that the door is locked tight.
Frustrated I punch the wall in anger, causing my knuckles to erupt in pain. I slam my palm against the door, and I kick out it, my bare foot colliding with the smooth white metal. My foot throbbing, I hobble back to the bed, starring out at the door.
I want to get out of here. To feel the air on my face, to maybe even feel the rain on my skin. I've been stuck looking at these four walls for what seems like an eternity.
Eventually I give up on any hope of the door opening to allow me out, and just lie on my side, making the pillow damp with my tears, my body shuddering with sobs. I don't even know why I'm crying, just something inside my head makes me feel so heavy and sad inside.
A few days later, I awake to find Dr Callidus, and Aurelius standing at the foot of my bed. Behind is a television set, balanced on a grey trolley.
"Peeta, please keep calm." Dr Callidus says. "We're just going to show you a few short clips to see how you react. Myself and Dr Aurelius will be here the entire time."
I look at her face for a few seconds. Without warning my arms are strapped down again. Immediately I start to struggle against it, I hate the feeling of them; it makes me feel even less in control of myself than I already am. Dr Callidus lays a hand on my shoulder.
"Please Peeta, we're trying to help you." She says.
The television flickers in to life, and I see myself on screen.
"No," I say. My face is cast in shadow, and even though the scene is dark, I can see that I'm lying down on what must be a stone floor. I can easily see the misery and sadness on my features, that I'm obviously working hard to mask. "Thank you. Wait, yes. Tell me a story."
"A story? What about?" I start to kick out, terror surging through me. It's her.
"No!" I shout, "Stop!" but seconds later I feel a prick in my left arm. At first I think that they are trying to sedate me again, but the feelings different. Instead of the world fading in to darkness, the room takes on an odd almost hazy quality. I instantly feel relaxed, my muscles loosening, and I stop trying to break free from the restraints.
I flop back on to the pillows, and carry on watching the television screen. I feel calmer than I've felt in months, years maybe.
She tells me about how she sold an old locket of her mothers, desperate to get enough money together to get Prim a birthday present. She went to the market in the square, looking for a hairbrush, or some material for a dress, when she saw the heard of goats. She says how there was one who'd obviously been mauled by a dog or something. Lying down in a cart, flies attacking the wound. She knew that her mother and Prim were the only ones who could help her. She got in to a bidding war with the goat man, eventually buying her. She says how she bought a pink ribbon to tie around its neck, and Gale carried her home for Prim. Prim was so excited she started crying and laughing all at once. Her mother was less sure, seeing the injury, but the pair of them went to work on it, grinding up herbs and coaxing brews down the animal's throat.
"They sound like you," I say.
"Oh, no, Peeta. They work magic. That thing couldn't have died if it tried," She says, falling immediately silent afterwards.
"Don't worry. I'm not trying," I say jokingly. I look so different. I'm pale, and scarily thin, but my expression is soft. I look almost happy. "Finish the story."
"Well, that's it. Only I remember that night, Prim insisted on sleeping with Lady on a blanket next to the fire. And just before they drifted off, the goat licked her cheek, like it was giving her a good night kiss or something," She says. "It was already mad about her."
"Was it still wearing the pink ribbon?" I ask
"I think so," She says. "Why?"
"I'm just trying to get a picture," I say thoughtfully.
The screen goes blank, and I lie there in a confused stupor. Katniss Everdeen never told me anything about her sisters goat. But she must have done, it's on television clear as day.
"Peeta?" Someone asks, but I ignore them.
I try to run through the scenario in my mind. Katniss Everdeen has tried to kill me on many occasions. This scene has just thrown everything up in the air. I don't know whether I remember it or not. I remember things that happened in that cave, how Katniss threatened me, injured me, and tried to put an end to my life.
I'm completely overcome by confusion, my brow furrowed. It doesn't make any sense. Katniss Everdeen is a murderer, that fact has been firmly established. Why then did she tell me a story about her sister's birthday?
The misery on my face at the start of the clip was obvious, but I really don't know why. Was it because I knew what Katniss Everdeen would do to me eventually? Or because of something else? Why did I look so content at the end then?
My eyes have become unfocused, but I can see the blurry outline of the two Doctor's, now in sitting positions at the end of the room. I still ignore them though, trying to make some kind of sense, of the turmoil happening inside my head.
Hours pass, and still I stay stuck in this kind of weird hazy world, unable to break out of it. A million questions float around my brain, but in the end I only manage to get one of my mouth.
"What happened to the goat?" I ask, snapping out of my reverie.
