Work have really been hectic for me, deadline everyday and I'm so stress that I nearly had a breakdown...

So sorry for the bad and angst chapter for this one 'cause I really need to vent it out somewhere...

This story will be ending soon... I'll definitely give it a happy ending for my dearest Shuichi, no worries.

As usual, everyone belong to Murakami Maki, except for my OC and story plot.


Entry 9. Treatment

July 17, Friday

Day 15 of treatment

Painful memories of that trash are still there, but at least he isn't as agitated as before.

He starts to forget bit of things here and there.

That's… a good start, I guess?

I don't want to hurt him, I don't want to see him suffering this way, but is this the only way?

By hypnotising him.

I told his family and Hiroshi that I don't have confidence in doing this, please think twice about it.

He will forget about everything, everyone and is as pure as a piece of white paper.

They told me, "Please, just do it, as long he's not hurting anymore."

I can't bear to do it.

Yet I can't bear to hear his screams and cries that filled with deep agony.

And so I decided.

Once start, I have to hold on, it may be hard, but if I'm able to see his happy smile again, I wouldn't mind.

Even though he will lost all those memories.

I'll hold on for you, no matter of happiness, grief, madness, fear… everything, I'll remember for you.

Because I love you, my boy.

I'm willing to do anything to exchange for your happiness again.

I brought him to a countryside, a place no one know who are we and started the treatment.

Shuichi struggled greatly at the start, which I have to use medicine to force him to calm down.

Eventually, he gave in, or so I assumed.

He just allow me to do all those (erasing his memories) to him, and having the same expressionless face.

It pains me.

I did my best to make him laugh again, but all in vain.

I began to wonder, am I doing the right thing? Is this the right choice? Is this really the best thing for him?

No, I have to hold on.

I must hold on.

Seeing you laugh again, is enough for me, my dear boy.

Day 25 of treatment.

He started to regain his old self.

He asked me, if the Yuki I mentioned is the author that his sister loved? That guy once saved him from a trip on his autograph session.

That's a good sign, as apparently he forgotten all the bad memories, but it's not good enough.

"Then, do you know who am I?"

I asked, as he looked at me with a big smile.

"You are like a great older brother who have been taking care of me all these while! Come to think about it… I still don't know your name yet… Oniichan?"

His words struck me hard.

I re-introduced myself, with a made up story of I'm his distant cousin who happened to be a psychiatrist and he is suffering from depression, his parents asked me to take care of him till he is 'totally fine'.

"Ah~ Kaine-oniichan~ Thank you so much! But I feel much better…?"

He said, but I cut him off with all the medical terms to convince him that he still need further treatment since he is not 'fully recovered' yet.

He brought in by my words, and the treatment continue.

I'm sorry my boy… to lie to you.

But all I wanted is to be with you a little longer, even it's a very short time.

...

- Kaine