Chapter 9 – In the Right Direction
Dumbledore closed his office door behind him, leaving Snape alone in the Headmaster's study. He removed the Horcruxes from the safe and extracted them from the bag one by one, laying them upon Dumbledore's desk. The bag contained Slytherin's locket, Hufflepuff's cup, Ravenclaw's diadem, a ring set with a heavy stone engraved with an odd symbol, an old leather book that contained no writing, and a bronzed baby shoe. Snape had the distinct feeling that this last item had been stolen from the Potter's house.
Snape noticed how the objects felt simultaneously warm and cold, as though they contained empty life. Not wanting to spend more time with these objects than was necessary, he created duplicates of each item, making sure to replace the originals in the bag and return them to the safe. He placed the duplicates in a deep pocket inside his cloak and set off to the seventh floor.
Snape walked along, barely noticing the students congregated throughout the hallways as he passed. Eventually he came to the wall opposite the dancing trolls and began to pace, focusing on what he needed as Voldemort had instructed him. Within moments, a small door appeared in the solid stone. Scanning in each direction to make sure no one was watching, Snape opened the door and disappeared inside.
He stepped into a small room no bigger than his office. He strode to a small nook in the stone wall that had caught his eye and placed all six fake Horcruxes into it, muttering all the untraceable and concealment spells he knew. Once he was finished, he left the room.
As instructed by Dumbledore, he returned to the Headmaster's study and began perusing Incantations of the Immortal once more in search of anything that could help him destroy the Horcruxes. But after an hour of only learning a lot of things he would rather not know, he was no closer to an answer. He decided to end his search for the time being, and for some reason suddenly realized that not once had Voldemort directly referred to the six objects as Horcruxes. Rather, he had only said they were objects designed to evade death.
He cast the book aside and let his thoughts focus fully on Lily. That's where Dumbledore had gone, to see her and talk to her. His heart ached for her as he imagined her crying all night, unable to sleep. He hoped Madam Pomfrey had put her into a dreamless sleep again.
The sound of the door opening brought Snape back to the present moment. Dumbledore strode in and went to Fawkes, who let out a low musical cry at Dumbledore's appearance.
'How is she?' Snape asked.
'The poor girl is a mess, naturally,' said Dumbledore.
'How much did you tell her?'
'Only what she needed to know.' He gently stroked Fawkes feathers. 'I told her that James and Harry are indeed dead. Killed by Voldemort, and that James's body was removed from the house and buried in the cemetery in Godric's Hollow. I did not, however, tell her the deplorable manner in which Voldemort disposed of poor Harry.'
Snape's throat constricted at the memory.
'You'll be pleased to know that she has been asking for you.'
Snape couldn't help but feel better at this news.
Dumbledore sat down at his desk. 'Have you hidden the replicas?'
'Yes,' said Snape, anxious to leave so he could go to Lily. 'They real ones are back in the safe. Although I couldn't find anything in the book about Horcrux destruction.'
Dumbledore didn't seem surprised or even disappointed. He simply smiled and said, 'Go on. Lily needs you now.'
Smiling, Snape turned on his heal and left.
--
Lily was sitting in a squashy chair by the window with her back to the door, watching the sunset. The sky in the distance was lit up in neon shades of orange, yellow, and pink. The brilliant light cast the hospital wing in a warm tone. Snape heard her sobbing softly as he slowly and quietly approached her.
He sat down in the chair beside her.
Lily raised her head and attempted a weak smile that was immediately overpowered by her grief. Her tears sparkled in the sunlight, her face framed by beautiful locks of intense red hair.
'Severus,' she said, her voice distorted by her tears.
'I'm here, Lily,' he said reassuringly.
She reached out a hand to him, and he took it. Holding her delicate hand in his, he marveled at her warm skin, how soft it was, how each finger gripped his.
He was suddenly crushed by guilt. The fact that he was the reason why she sat here broken-hearted and completely devastated made him feel awful, worse than he had ever felt in his life. He wrestled with his self-hate as he realized that he was no better than Voldemort.
'What am I going to do?' she pleaded desperately.
Snape looked at her and wondered why there were spells that could change the course of one's life for the worse in a matter of seconds, but nothing existed that could do the opposite.
'I don't know, Lily. But I'll tell you this.' He squeezed her hand as he spoke. 'I will always be here for you.'
She nodded and squeezed back. 'Thank you.' She sighed heavily, her breath trembling from her sobs. 'You're all I've got left.'
While Snape was deeply moved by her words, he couldn't help but feel that maybe it was only the depth of her loss that made her say it. After all, if, after James and Harry and even Sirius, he was all she had, why had she entirely shut him out of her life for six years?
Snape pushed the thought out of this mind. Right now, it didn't matter. He reached out with his free hand and brushed her tears away. He could have done it with his wand and done a better job of it, but they both needed this connection, however slight.
She sighed again, trying to bring herself under some semblance of control. The thumb of the hand Snape was holding began to trace absent little circles on the back of his hand.
'Dumbledore was here,' she said. 'They never found Harry.' The latter she said quietly, as though the words themselves were knives that caused her immeasurable pain. 'And Sirius is in Azkaban. I've lost everything, Severus.'
Snape said nothing. He only sat still, listening to her.
'Dumbledore said that you two are closer than ever to putting an end to You-Know-Who.'
Snape nodded. 'We are. He won't get away with what he's done.'
'I don't know what you ever saw in him or his cause,' Lily said bitterly.
'I don't know, either,' said Snape. 'If I could do it over, I never would have gone near Dark Magic. You were right, and I was a blind fool.'
Lily smiled a little. 'It's good to hear you say that.'
'Can you forgive me for what I've done?' Snape asked, surprised by his own words.
Her chin trembled as she nodded.
The sun had completely set and the vibrant colours of day's end had faded from the heavens, leaving behind swirls of navy cloud that scarred the perfect face of the icy blue sky.
Lily stood up from her chair and wiped away the rest of her tears. 'I've been up here for too long. Madam Pomfrey said I could go for a walk if I felt up to it. Will you come with me?'
'Of course I will,' he said.
Snape lent her his cloak and they made their way to the Entrance Hall and into the fresh air of night. They strolled around the grounds, reflecting on many of their happier moments as children. Eventually they came to the edge of the Black Lake. The moon had risen and hung high and full, piercing the darkness with its ghostly glow.
They stood together in silence for a moment, seemingly lost in the sheer vastness of their surroundings. Snape looked to Lily. Her face was luminescent in the darkness; her hair flowed gracefully around her in the breeze.
Gradually they made their way back to the castle. Unbeknownst to both of them, Dumbledore was standing in the Astronomy tower overlooking the grounds, his eyes filling with tears as he watched them together.
Once back in the hospital, Snape helped her settle into bed for the night. Madam Pomfrey administered a Calming Potion before she retired for the night.
The room was in darkness, save for the moonlight that split the darkness with shades of blue.
When she laid down on her pillow, she reached for Snape's hand again. 'Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?'
Snape sat down on the edge of her bed, still holding her hand. He watched her close her eyes, listened to her as she breathed deeply. She seemed to drift off rather quickly, and Snape brought her hand to his lips before placing it gently on the bed. He backed away slowly and silently and observed her for a few moments to be sure she didn't stir. But just as he closed the door, he was sure he heard a faint sob escape her lips.
