Words can't descibe how much I suck at updating. I keep making promises I'll get better and I never follow through! I'm so sorry!
I promise I will start actively trying to find time in my busy University schedule (when I'm not actually drunk) to write and update.
Thank you for all the reviews guys, I appreciate everything you guys leave me!
I hope the readers of this story haven't died of old age while waiting for this update. . . . .
I woke up with Spencer still curled up to my side. I felt better after a proper night sleep in our bed next to her and as much as I just want to stay here all morning I knew I should really get up. I looked over at the digital clock on the bedside table. 8am, Paula wouldn't wait too long before coming over at Spencer's request and I really wanted to get breakfast started.
Carefully I extracted myself from Spencer's embrace and padded to the bathroom to commence my daily routines. After brushing my teeth I looked at myself carefully in the mirror.
I look like absolute shit.
Unsurprisingly.
Sighing I decided to forgo my shower for now encase it disturbed Spence and headed quietly to the kitchen.
Hm. I'm not exactly the greatest cook in the world, Spencer is more the domestic one but I can pull out a mean pancake occasionally and I'm pretty certain we have the ingredients I need so I pull out the frying pan and get to work.
I'm humming quietly to myself as I cook the second pancake when I hear the sharp knock at the door.
9am, I guess I should just be grateful Paula didn't turn up at seven. I move the pan away from the heat and let her in.
"Ashley," I get a brief smile and a nod "Where is Spencer?"
"She's still asleep, I was just making breakfast. Morning Mr C"
"Morning Ashley, how are you holding up?" He enters the doorway after Paula and reaches out for my shoulder, his eyes are still carrying that concern from yesterday.
"As best as I can. She woke up screaming last night, she was hysterical. I almost could calm her."
"What? Arthur! She should be at home, she can't be dealing with this on her own!"
"She isn't on her own Paula! She has me, you know the long term devoted girlfriend."
"You are barely even an adult Ashley, these are the types of things that need to be dealt with and prevented, Spencer needs proper support and care to get her though this."
"I wasn't aware your house had the magical ability to stop nightmares, I can look after her too and she said herself she wanted to be here! Here is her home!"
"Here is not her home! As her parents and as professionals we are a lot more capable of helping her regardless of what you think Ashley!"
"Paula, stop. Ashley calm down." Arthur smoothly positions himself in front of his wife. "We have discussed this. If this is where Spencer would like to be then we have to respect her wishes, Ashley loves her and she has nothing but Spence's interests at heart, we can trust her with this. Fighting won't help anything." He looks between us, I give him a grateful half smile and a nod. I'm glad at least someone here believes in me, even if I'm not so certain myself.
I push these thoughts to the back of my mind. Now is not the time or the place, my efforts need to be focused elsewhere.
"I made pancakes if you're hungry?" I venture.
"That would be lovely" I can see Arthur give his wife a pointed look as he answers and follows me towards the kitchen.
I continue to cook breakfast while the Carlin's eat in silence. It's not exactly like conversation is needed right now. It's not like we have anything to say.
Several long minutes pass and as I retrieve some more fruit from the refrigerator we hear the sound of shuffling footsteps approaching. Obviously Spencer is up and I am already on high alert, scooting around the island in the kitchen to greet her as she wanders over.
"Hey," I reach for her hand and give it a gentle squeeze. I smile when I feel her squeeze back.
"Hey, I was wondering where you were, when I woke up and you weren't with me I thought . . ." She trails off and shakes her head. "Never mind,"
"Spencer, honey, how are you?" Paula pushes herself between us and reaches out for Spencer, pausing momentarily when her daughter flinches slightly at the action.
"As can be expected Mom. Sorry"
"There is no need to apologise sweetheart," I feel Arthurs presence behind me. "Ashley made breakfast, it's not the amazing feast I would have prepared but she is learning. Aren't you young grasshopper?" He winks at me and squeezes my shoulder briefly. It seems to be a new thing to silently support me. I'm grateful.
"You made breakfast?" Spencer turns to me, a hint of a smile on her lips. "I don't smell the smoke. . ."
"Oi! I'll have you know my pancakes are fit for a King, or Queen as the case may be"
I'm still holding Spencer's hand. I tug it lightly and indicate towards the kitchen. I'm delighted she made a joke. It was more forced than normal but it gives me hope. I dish her up some pancakes and fruit and sit down to my own. Paula is hovering close by.
"Spence, we need to talk, your father and I believe you should start therapy straight away. You can't go through something as traumatic as this and not get some help. Your father believes it best if you see someone who you don't know. It will be for the best, we have experience dealing with victims of. . .of trauma."
I watch Spencer carefully as her mother continues, she was barely eating before this announcement and as soon as her mother nearly said. . . that word, she put her fork down altogether. I reach under the bench and gently rest my hand on her knee. She swiftly and smoothly removes it from her leg, giving my hand a quick squeeze before returning it to my own lap.
" We don't want to see you lose yourself honey. It's important you have someone professional to talk to. I have also informed UCLA that you will not be in class for the next two weeks at the very least."
Spencer looks up sharply at this.
"You didn't tell them why did you Dad? I can't... I don't. . .People can't know about this!"
"Shh, Spence it's okay, I didn't have to tell them why. I wouldn't do that. The work you are missing will be emailed to you so you don't fall behind. It's important not to let this eat you alive sweetheart."
Arthur stretched out his hand across the table but didn't go to hold Spencer's, he merely waited for her to reach for him. I could see him being careful not to agitate or upset her. She placed her hand on his and nodded, looking down at her plate. I needed to speak to Arthur on his own, I needed advice on how to best be there for her, my bumbling attempts were bound to do more harm than good. I made a mental note to do so before he left.
"Your father knows an excellent therapist from work, we booked you an appointment with him for Thursday, the sooner the better. I would like to have a look at the bandages if you don't mind Spencer; I want to check on your head and back." Paula indicated for Spencer to follow her, her daughter obliging quietly.
Once they had headed for the bathroom I turned to Arthur, he had also been watching his wife and daughter leave. The sad broken look on his face made my heart break a little more. If he can't always been strong how could I?
"Mr C?"
"Yes Ashley?"
"What do I do? How did you know not to grab for her hand? Should we sleep in the same bed? How should I act? Do you honestly think I can help her? I'm so worried that I will do more harm than good! I keep doing stupid things that make her uneasy like touch her knee but I don't want to seem distant keeping away!"
"It's difficult Ashley, you are going to have to understand that things, especially boundaries and touching will have changed drastically. She will feel insecure yet will not want to let you reassure her. She will still need your love, but not be comfortable with the same level of intimacy as before. At least not yet, if ever. You have to understand the damage that has been done to her, mentally and physically. It will be hard. And even as she rejects you, you have to understand she needs you more than ever. You love her?"
"With my whole heart."
"Then just keep letting her know, and be there for her, whatever she needs. I know you can do it, I know how much she means to you."
"She's my everything."
"Then Ashley, I have every faith in your ability to look after my daughter. There is no manual for exactly you need to behave, just trust your gut and trust Spencer and you will both weather this."
"Thanks Mr C."
He pulls me into another hug and I bury my face into his shoulder.
I just wish I was half as sure I could do this as he was.
