Hi everyone. I would like to thank all of you who have marked me as a favorite author and/or LTI as their favorite story. I'm tickled.
Many thanks to Ms. Saluki168 who took over as beta starting with this chapter! SusanAshlea remains a faithful prereader, she had to pass the torch in order to work on her own fic (which I fully supported!) BTW if you are enjoying this story I think you would really enjoy Saluki168's Lost & Found and it's companion, Blessed are the Patient. They are beautifully written and I think you would enjoy.
Finally, I just wanted to let my readers here know that I post under a different pen name at Twilighted (BEEternity) - I wish I could change that name but I can't. Just so you know, nothing has been plagiarized and I REALLY appreciate the reader that was looking out for me!
I actually ended waking up before Alice. Her and due to Alice. Her knee was jabbing me sharply in the back as she sprawled out diagonally across the bed. I swung my legs around over the side and stood up, stretching my arms as high as they could reach as a yawn escaped me.
I peered over at the clock and saw that it was nine-thirty. Certainly not a bad night's sleep. I was actually glad that Alice hadn't rushed out to shop; I really wanted to spend some more time with her as my time had been consumed by other things and other people the night before.
I used the bathroom and proceeded downstairs to check on Charlie. The door was just barely cracked open, and I peeked inside to see that he was still asleep. He looked peaceful and I was relieved, as I always was, to see his chest expanding and then deflating, as he unconsciously drew in breaths. His breathing did seem slightly labored, which didn't catch me off guard, because I knew ALS affected the respiratory system. I smiled as I recalled the myriad of happy expressions that crossed his face the night before.
As I dragged my feet back upstairs, I headed directly for the shower. Thoughts of Edward came out of nowhere, and I wondered what he was going to do with his day off. I knew things about him, very intimate things, yet, I still knew so very little about the man he was. I meant it when I told him the evening before that I wanted to get to know him. Still, there was no chance I could let myself run away with delusions of grandeur about Edward. He was Charlie's nurse, and for me, that was above and beyond everything else, the most important thing. I didn't want our friendship to be a distraction, and I didn't want my attraction to become an issue.
I shook my head, trying to clear it of my rambling thoughts, as I stepped into the hot spray of the shower. I washed the grime of the previous day away, toweled off and then threw on my robe before drying my hair. I picked up my pile of dirty clothes and headed back to my room. Alice was still sleeping, so I stood over her and dragged my hair across her face.
Her nose twitched and I pulled my head back just as she brought a hand to her nose and rubbed it. She slowly came out of her sleepy haze and opened her eyes.
"Good morning sweet pea, just thought I would let you know that you are almost six hours late for the shopping madness."
She shot me an aggravated look before laughing to herself.
"Morning sunshine. You know what's funny? That's what Jasper calls me, sweet pea. Sorry, but it's not quite the same coming from you."
"I wouldn't expect it to be," I answered in a matter-of-fact tone.
"I'm going to shock you right now Bella and suggest that we spend this dreary day indoors and watch movies with Charlie."
"Wow, that is shocking. Here I expected you to pull out two pairs of galoshes and drag me to sleuth out some deals that others missed." I rolled my eyes at her and then turned to look out the window at the gray sky.
"That would be predictable, not shocking," she retorted, as she sat up, seeming reluctant to do so.
"Yeah, yeah." I found some comfy fleece lounge pants and a gray thermal shirt that was perfect for our day of leisure. All I had to do was throw on a hoodie and I would be good to go to rent the movies.
Alice peeled herself off the bed. "I'm going to my room to get dressed. You were great in bed, by the way," she said, kissing me on the cheek.
"Well, I can't say the same for you! You completely hijacked the middle of the bed and when I woke up your knee was pressed into my spine and your legs were on the opposite side of the bed from your arms."
"I love you too, honey," she said as she exited the room.
I returned my robe to its hook in the bathroom and headed back downstairs to get on with the rest of the day.
A short two hours later and Charlie, Alice, and I were all curled up in the living room. Alice and I shared the couch and my dad sat in his recliner.
Alice and I had both insisted that Charlie decide what he wanted to watch. and he made a few selections. We ended up with Walk the Line, Shawshank Redemption, and The Bourne Ultimatum.
Shawshank Redemption was one movie I never tired of, neither did Charlie for that matter. Charlie had passedhad passed his love of Johnny Cash down to me as well, so Walk the Line was an obvious choice. Alice had actually encouraged him towards the last choice as she had a thing for Matt Damon, especially Matt Damon portraying Jason Bourne.
I made us all hot turkey sandwiches for lunch, and we snacked on other leftovers throughout the day. Alice left to take a call from Jasper about half way through the second movie, so we paused it and waited for her to come back.
"I really like Edward, Bella," Charlie said, his speech not so clear.
"Yeah, I know you do."
"I'm surprised he doesn't have a girlfriend."
"Maybe he doesn't want one," I replied curtly.
"Maybe. Or maybe he just needs a little push in the right direction." He sort of smirked at the end of his suggestion.
"Please, can we talk about something ? Really Dad, I don't know what point you are trying to make, but I don't want to talk about this with you." I could almost see both him and Alice dressed in red, pitchforks in hand, making a camp on either shoulder. Two devils, no angel.
"You're quite defensive, you know. I was just making small talk." He lifted his hands in submission.
I shook my head at him. "Small talk my ass! Don't try and get crafty with me dad. I know a conspirator when I see one."
He laughed and I couldn't help but join in. Alice was back a few minutes later, thank goodness. I wanted to lose myself in the movie and forget about everything for a while. Just for a for a short while.
I let myself sink further into the couch as we continued our mini movie marathon.
Perhaps still recovering from the events of the previous day, we all turned in before ten that night.
Although I tried to keep my thoughts pure, as I drifted off I couldn't help but smile, thinking about how I would get to see Edward the following day.
I slept straight through to eight o'clock in the morning and the first thing I did, per my normal routine, was check on Charlie.
When I cracked the door I expected to find Charlie still asleep, but that is not what I found.
His hand was at his throat and his upper half was jerking towards the ceiling.
"Dad! Dad!" I called, running over to the bedside.
Without thinking, I lifted him into a sitting position and he stopped struggling.
"Coul-d-ent bre-ath, uh," he said with no voice.
My cheeks were wet with tears, but I only noticed once I started coming down from my panic attack.
"Dad, don't try and talk...just focus on your breathing."
I heard the thudding of feet over my head and Alice appeared in the doorway moments later.
"Bella, Charlie, is everything okay?" She sounded on the verge of breaking down, and I noticed that her bottom lip was trembling.
"He was just having a hard time breathing. I think he's okay now that he's sitting up."
"Bet-ter," Charlie eked out.
Alice walked around to the opposite side of the bed and then knelt on top, putting some pillows behind Charlie's back for support.
'Thank you,' I mouthed to her.
It was not going to be a good day.
"Do either of you want me to call anyone?"
"No, Alice, it's okay. We'll be okay until Edward gets here."
Charlie nodded in agreement.
Edward usually came over around nine, and I was resigned to stay with Charlie until he did.
Alice fidgeted, looking uncomfortable, on the bed next to Charlie.
"Hey A- would you mind getting me some water?"
"Yeah, of course. Can I get you anything, Charlie?"
He shook his head no.
"Are you sure, dad?"
He nodded in the affirmative.
As left the room, Charlie grabbed my arm. "I need to go to the bathroom Bell-a." The way my name fell from his lips pained me. He was struggling so much, and I was overwhelmed with fear. I looked at the clock, it was only ten-after-eight. It's only been ten minutes?
"I'll help you up, dad."
"My legs are hea-vy," he labored.
"Okay, we'll do this together."
I grabbed the walker and placed it in front of him. He braced his hands on either side. I watched as strain appeared on his face as he tried to pull himself up. Eventually I got behind him and I tried to push him up. With a great effort, it finally worked and he was standing.
He laboriously picked up one foot ,foot, dragging it along the floor as he urged the walker forward with his quaking arms. He did not look well.
Internal panic was ringing throughout my body, but I had no outlet. I watched as he shut the bathroom door behind him and then ran to the kitchen. I nearly bumped into Alice as she was headed back with my water.
She stretched her arm out to hand me the water. I downed it like a camel in the Sahara.
I checked the time again, eight-fifteen. Time was still refusing to cooperate with my anxiousness. Seeing my dad gasp desperately for air was triggering a level of nervousness I had never encountered.
"Bella, what are you thinking? Talk to me. You're scaring me." Silence was known to unnerve her.
"I don't know, Alice. I just don't know. I'm so helpless in this situation, but I want to do everything. And things are just going to keep getting worse. I have to watch him deteriorate when all I want to do is save him. I don't want him to die. He can't die!"
She latched onto my shoulders with her dainty fingers and made sure that I was looking directly at her. "Bella, I know you are scared because of what you just saw. It terrified me, and I wasn't even in there for the worst of it, but, listen to me. He's okay right now, maybe a bit under the weather, but here. Don't think about tomorrow. Don't think about yesterday. Focus on right now."
I let her words seep into my overstimulatedover stimulated brain and inhaled her sweet scent deeply.
"Alice, he's my dad. He's my only family. I mean-"
She cut me off. "I know what you mean. No explanation necessary."
"I wish we lived closer," I said, silently thanking the heavens that she was there with me.
"I know. I do too."
"I can't believe you are taking off tonight. Three days goes by so quickly," I observed.
"Yeah, but we have now. I'm not leaving until six," she comforted. She followed me into the kitchen, where I refilled my empty water glass.
At eight-thirty Charlie still had not reemerged, and I decided to check on him. Horrible thoughts flashed through my head. Visions of Charlie collapsed on the floor, his walker tipped on it'sits side, his chest unmoving. I didn't want to go there in my head, but I couldn't help it. I took quiet steps towards his bathroom door and leaned against it to see if I could hear movement on the other side; I couldn't.
I knocked gently on the door; I didn't want to startle him.
"Yeah." I heard his feeble voice on the other side, and breathed a sigh of great relief.
"Just making sure you are okay."
"Yeah, I'm fine." His speech was still terrible, the worse it had ever been.
"Okay, let me know if you need anything."
"Kay."
I headed back into the living room and found Alice thumbing through a magazine. When she saw me, she put it down on the coffee table.
"Everything alright?"
"As far as I can tell it is from the opposite side of a wooden door."
"You know, Bella, I've always envied your relationship with Charlie. You know my relationship with my parents is almost non-existent and if something like this happened to one of them, I couldn't do what you are doing. I really admire you."
"You do?" I asked, sincerely needing her reassurance.
"Absolutely. Since all of this came up, or at least since I have know about it, you have handled it much better than I ever could of. And Charlie? He is just an inspiration. His will is strong, not that I would expect anything different from him."
"Thanks, Alice. I needed that...and...I don't know what I would do without you."
"You don't have to worry about that. Ever. You are stuck with me for the rest of your life, whether you like it or not B."
"I like it." At that, we both giggled. The pressure was somewhat alleviated, though there was no chance it was whisking away completely anytime soon.
There was a resounding knock at the door. It was only eight-forty. I opened the door and Edward was standing there. Without thinking I threw my arms around his neck before he could even lift his foot to step inside.
"Hi Bella," he cooed into my ear, some measure of surprise in his tone.
I regained my sanity, or what was left of it, and retracted my arms.
"Sorry, Edward. I didn't mean to maul you. It's just... I'm so relieved you are here."
His wistful expression shifted into one of concern. "Did something happen with Charlie?"
"Yes. Yes. Something happened. I found him gasping for air this morning and he didn't have the strength to sit up. He seems okay but he's been in the bathroom for nearly thirty minutes."
He looked at me and assured, "Everything is going to be fine, Bella. I'll go check on him now."
Without pause, he took off his coat and hung it on the rack before heading in the direction of Charlie's room.
Alice looked at me knowingly and said, "Friends, huh." Her voice was tainted with a smug delight that I could only respond to with an eye-roll.
She hadn't forgotten, even in the wake of the morning we had had.
I ignored her impossible ways and took a few steps down the hall. To my surprise, Edward was not standing within view and the bathroom door appeared open.
I took a few more steps toward the bedroom and heard muffled voices. I decided to let them be and returned to my post in the living room. Alice was busy texting her man, so I just laid back and stared at the ceiling, waiting. I had no idea of what it was I was waiting for. Good news? Bad news? Something in the middle?
The whole situation was an enigma to me despite the fact I had done my research on ALS. I thought that through all my studying I would have been prepared for things, at least a bit. But, I wasn't. So far I had done a brilliant job at handing over the reigns to fear.
Edward came out about a half an hour later.
I couldn't read his expression, and it frustrated me. I wanted to know exactly what he was thinking; I didn't want him to leave anything out.
He sat on the edge of Charlie's arm chair and looked at me intently. Alice perked to attention.
"I'm not a doctor," he started. "I can't tell you everything that's going on right now, Bella, but, his breathing is definitely labored and his legs, according to him, have lost some feeling. I think this is just standard progression, but he should probably see the doctor this week. Just to check things out."
"He has an appointment scheduled for Wednesday with your father."
"Good," was his simple reply.
"What was he doing in the bathroom for so long?"
Edward looked hesitant, as if he didn't want to betray Charlie's confidence.
"Please, tell me," I pleaded.
"He had...uh... sat down and didn't have the strength to pull himself up. He knew I was coming soon and decided he would rather not make you unnecessarily uncomfortable."
My heart beat against my breastbone with frantic measure. My dad couldn't ask for my help. We had reached that point where things were going to get more difficult for both of us. My dad was extremely modest; I could understand why he wouldn't want me to help, but what if I had to? I needed to talk with him, to make him understand that he could ask for my help, no matter the situation.
"Oh." I was at a loss.
"Look, Bella, I got him back into bed;, he's tired from everything that happened this morning. He was already drifting off when I left the room."
"Shouldn't we watch him? I mean, he couldn't breathe. If I hadn't come down when I did, who knows what would have happened."
"I understand your concern. I've propped him up on the bed pillows which should make it easier on him. And I have an idea. Seeing how he is okay for the moment, would you mind if I ran out on a quick errand?"
"No, that would be fine."
"You sure?" he asked.
"Yeah, of course. Go ahead."
"I'll make it quick. You can even dock my pay." He winked at me and it was more endearing than cool.
I let a little smile escape but suppressed the laugh that threatened to emerge.
Alice hadn't said a word,word; she was just taking it all in while she rubbed my back soothingly.
As he made his way to the front door, he paused at my side and squeezed my shoulder tenderly.
"You are not alone in this, Bella," he stated, before he turned and walked out the door.
"I can change my flight, Bella, stick around for a few extra days," Alice offered.
"No, you need to get back. You only have one day off with Jasper."
"I have plenty of time with Jazz. He would understand."
"He sounds like a pretty great guy. I'm so happy for you A. Please, go home. Live with him. Be in love with him. And next time, bring him with you."
"I promise."
Edward was only gone for about forty minutes.
I had checked on my dad twice, and he was sleeping. The way he was propped up on the pillows did not look comfortable, but he was breathing.
Alice had retreated upstairs to shower and pack.
Edward had brought back a bag with him.
"What's in the bag?"
"Something to help alleviate your anxieties," he answered.
"Is it gin, vodka, or whiskey?" I asked, jokingly.
It must have been funny because he laughed.
"No," he answered, reaching into the bag.
A moment later a baby monitoring system was revealed in his hand.
"Edward, why didn't you tell me you were going to get something for him? I could have given you some cash or something."
"That's alright, it's a tax write off for me."
"I can't believe my dad is your first regular charge., Youyou are so good at this."
I examined the box. It wasn't just any old baby monitor. It actually had video capabilities.
"I can install it today," he said.
"Thanks." I felt like he might get sick of hearing me say that word; I used it frequently when he was around.
"No worries. I want to make this as easy on both of you as is possible. That's what I'm here for."
His eyes were so kind, and I wanted to spend more time seeking the comfort they offered, but I had only a few hours left with Alice and Charlie wasn't feeling well. He needed Edward more than he had needed me so I was left with no choice but to abandon the moment.
"I was going to go to town with Alice but, if you think I should stay-"
"Go. Enjoy your afternoon. Or at least try to."
"I promise," I answered echoing Alice's own words just under an hour earlier.
Edward went to check on Charlie, and I sort of ambled behind him. He paused in the doorway, gave me a thumbs up, put his hands together, and rested his head on top to indicate that Charlie was sleeping.
I smiled at him and nodded my head.
Alice and I went to the local coffee shop. She had a salad while I munched on a side of fries. I really had no appetite to speak of. By the time we made our way back to the house it was time for her to depart for the airport.
Charlie was awake, albeit still in bed, and Alice said her goodbye to him there.
He had cheered a bit, but I could still see fatigue wearing on his expression. He just looked so tired, and his complexion looked ashy, but of course Alice brought out a big smile and the blush in his cheeks.
"You're good for me hot stuff, don't forget to come back and visit now."
"Of course not, Charlie. I love you so." She bent forward and pressed a kiss against his left cheek, then his right.
She wished Edward farewell with a quick squeeze and then took my hand as we walked to the front door.
"I feel like we are always saying goodbye, B."
"Yeah, me too."
"I wish you could come spend New Year's Eve in the city, but I know that would be too difficult."
"Mmm-hmm," I sounded, trying hard to stifle my tears.
"I'll call you everyday," she offered.
"I might not answer." I was being honest,honest; sometimes I just wasn't in the mood to talk.
"I'll still call."
We embraced and issued each other "I love yous," before she turned and began her trip back to her alluring, normal life. I missed her the moment she was gone.
I returned to the bedroom, where Charlie had already dozed off again.
Edward had mounted the camera on the wall and had it angled in Charlie's direction.
I watched my dad as he took in breaths and then as they were exhaled in an uncomfortable huff. It didn't look normal.
I was so fixated on him, that I didn't notice when Edward appeared at my side.
He whispered to me softly. "Bella, let's let him sleep. He's had a trying day, despite the fact he spent the majority of it in bed."
Before I could leave, I bent down and whispered in Charlie's ear. "I love you dad."
I left his room, leaving the door slightly more ajar than was usual, and found Edward in the living room gathering his belongings. He set them down next to the front door and postured himself next to me in the center of the room.
"I can't stay late tonight, Bella, but, I will make sure I keep my phone turned on. Please call, if there's anything...you need."
"Do you have to leave right away?"
"I can spare another fifteen minutes or so." There was a measure of caution I detected in his voice.
"I'll take it."
I sat down first and he followed. It didn't escape my notice that he had positioned himself further away than we had sat on Thanksgiving.
"Would you like to know more about Charlie?" he asked.
I glanced down at the small monitor on the coffee table. Charlie was definitely out.
"Do you know more?"
"A little. I spoke with my father this afternoon. I explained his aggravated symptoms. Off the record, as he hasn't examined him, he believes it's just another stage of progression."
"I get that. I can see it. But, what does that mean? How will we have to adapt this time?"
"I should really let my father explain but...I won't leave you agonizing over it. Most likely he will have to begin using something called a Bi-pap. It will force the breath into his lungs and help them maintain a proper function. It works like a ventilator but is completely external and removable." His tone was gentle, but he seemed distant.
"That doesn't sound too bad." My tone portrayed skepticism.
"It won't be." The look on his face betrayed his stoic answer.
"Then why do you seem unconvinced?"
"Do you want an honest answer?" he asked cautiously.
"Always."
"It's not the introduction of a piece of equipment that bothers me. What I'm struggling with is the underlying matter."
I thought about what he was saying and it resonated with me pretty quickly. Edward was worried about the progression, the disease itself.
He checked his watch. I looked at the clock, seven-forty.
"I'm so sorry Edward,Edward; I'm keeping you from something. You should go. It's Saturday night, hot date?"
His cheeks turned immediately pink. I was asking in an attempt to lighten the mood, but if I was being honest with myself, I really wanted the dirt. I also felt as if it was some sort of escape mechanism, switching from a very heavy topic to one of ultimately little importance.
In conjunction with his blush, a look of complete confusion wore on his expression. I wondered what about my question could have caused such a reaction.
His response was absolute avoidance. "I have a few more minutes to spend...if-"
Impatient, I cut him off. "Yes. I mean, please stay. Just promise we can talk about something other than disease or machines or pills or progression, okay?"
"Sure, what would you like to talk about?" he asked, as he leaned a millimeter closer.
"Hmmm. What do you enjoy outside of your life of compassionate work and charity?"
He paused briefly as he thought about it.
"I love to run. Trail running especially. I would never survive running in a city or on a track. I like the way the soil gives slightly under my feet and the unpolluted air. It's freeing for me."
"Impressive," I said, nodding my head. "What about your friends?"
"I haven't had the chance to make many here and my two closest friends are in New York. They're both very established there. There's Jesse, who was my college room mate... also a nurse. He thinks he's some sort of ladies man, but he's pretty much a goof. Then there's Trent. I actually met him in Alaska, but his family moved to upstate New York when he was a freshman in high school. We kept in touch throughout the years and ended up at NYU together as well, though in pursuit of different degrees. He has a masters in Political Science. Trent is the opposite of Jesse. He's oblivious to his power over women. He attracts them like a magnet."
"They sound interesting. So if Jesse is hopelessly foolish and Trent is obliviously in demand, where does that leave you with the ladies?"
He ran one half of his gorgeous set of hands through his hair and looked up at me, his eyelids slightly lowered.
"I don't know, Bella. Where does that leave me?" There was suggestion in his eyes and words and my heart started drumming in my chest.
I wanted to lean in to him but couldn't muster up the nerve, so I attempted to answer his question.
"Maybe you're the idealist." My voice came out in a timid timbre.
"Again, you read me well, Bella."
The attraction between the two of us was becoming increasingly palpable. I tilted my head downward, as a strand of my hair escaped from behind my ear.
Almost as soon as it swept against my eye, Edward reached out and gently tucked it back from where it came, his warm fingers brushing against my ear lobe.
I looked up at him wantonly, but in what seemed to be a reflex, his eyes pinched shut and his brow furrowed. He opened them just a moment before saying, "I really should get going." His forehead was crinkled with worry.
My heart sank into the pit of my stomach and lodged itself there uncomfortably. "Yeah...yeah," was the only thing that came out when I opened my mouth to speak.
"Please remember to call if you need anything. Okay?" he asked, as he stood.
"We'll be fine, but thank you. Thanks for everything you did today, especially with the monitor. It will help me, undoubtedly. Have a good night," I said, hoping I was masking the disappointment in my voice.
"You too. I'll see you in a couple of days, okay?"
"Sounds like a plan." I walked him to the door. There was no further contact, just a quick wave goodbye, before I shut the door behind him.
I was so confused by everything that had transpired between us over the week. I was plainly aware he had used the term friends, but his small gestures towards me seemed to indicate something more. He had shared a part of himself with me, but just two days later seemed to be retracting his subtle advances. But maybe there weren't any mixed signals. Maybe I was reading into things and had complicated the situation by allowing my attraction to grow. He was there, in fact, to do a job, and he had already gone above and beyond in that regard. Then I remembered what he had basically admitted to me about women and relationships; he was an idealist. And guess what? I was far from ideal.
That evening I decided to put my little girl crush out to pasture and forget about my friendship, or whatever it was, with Edward.
As it was, life had other plans for me anyway. Soon my confusion and feelings surrounding Edward would be the furthest thing from my mind.
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