"Sookie! Sookie, are you alright?" came Eric's worried voice.
My eyes slowly fluttered open, and I was once again encased with the vision of my angel. I felt heavy and very groggy from my fainting spell. Luckily, I didn't feel any sore spots so Eric must have caught me before I managed to crack my head open on the floor.
"Hey, baby, thanks for catching me" I smiled weakly at him.
"I am not an infant, don't refer to me as one." One sentence and I knew something was horribly, terribly wrong. I froze in his arms not sure what to do. Could my worst fears have come true? Did he really not want to be with me, or maybe it was just that we were in front of Pam. I never thought he would actually be different around her, but maybe I misgauged their relationship. My eyes bore into his, searching for the answers my heart feared to know. In his eyes, I saw mainly anger and confusion with a hint of fear. All that didn't mean anything, really, but what made my heart stop was the total lack of real emotion in his eyes; they looked dark and uninviting rather than loving and welcoming.
'I figured he would be upset, but could he really just not feel for me after all that we had been through the past couple of days? Losing him would justbe the last traumatic experience I could handle. Maybe if we go talk at his house we could get this worked out. Surely he knows I'd do anything to work this out '
"What did I do to make you so mad at me? I did everything I could to get you to come back with Pam! I thought you understood how hard this has been on me. All I wanted was to keep you with me, but I let you go! Please don't be upset with me. I know it's a lot to absorb—caring for a human and all, but can't you at least try and accept what's happened?" Hoping with all my heart he wouldn't leave me, I pleaded him with him to just evaluate everything that had happened.
Eric returned my glare with even more intensity than my own, doing some searching of his own. His beautiful brow furrowed deeply, and confusion was painted across his features.
"Sookie, I don't understand what you're talking about. Why is there more of my blood in you? I can feel you so clearly." He inhaled deeply and his eyes grew as wide as saucers; if they got any bigger, I think they would have popped right out of their sockets. "And my scent is all over you. You've yielded to me? And I can't even remember it?" A growl emanated from low in his throat as he stood up and started pacing.
"You've said it's been two weeks? I have no recollection of what's happened to me for two weeks!? If Hallow were alive, I would rip her apart so slowly she would regret the day she was born! What is she mumbling about Pam?"
Understanding hit me like a mac truck. The blood drained out of my face and I had to fight not to loose consciousness again. I love life and I pride myself in making it through rough situations, but in that moment, Eric was making me regret I had ever been born. Everything that happened in my life was overwhelming, and I was finally accepting and being able to bear it all because of the love I'd found with Eric. During those nights spent talking in front of my fireplace, I opened up to him even more than I ever had with Bill; it had helped old wounds to heal. Now he was ripping off those scabs and tearing new holes all over my heart. This man knew me inside and out, and now that was gone. Knowing I would face the upcoming battles with Eric by my side was what was keeping me happy and sane; that had just been pulled out from under me and I didn't know what to do.
'Oh god, Andre!' This meant I was now going to have to go with that monster unless I could somehow stay away from him. And even if I did manage to evade him, I wouldn't get to keep my normal life. I wouldn't get to see my little remaining family or friends. My vision was clouding, but I couldn't do anything to stop it. My body had gone numb, trying to shut itself off from the pain my heart was pouring out in truckloads. My world was crashing down around me and I didn't know which way to run.
"Sookie, you have to breathe." Pam whispered as she crouched down next to me and took my hand. Slowly, I inhaled, and it felt like thousands of little knives were pricking me everywhere. My eyes found Pam's and she cringed at the raw torment she saw in mine. "He doesn't remember what happened does he?" I whispered so lightly I'm sure it was only audible to her close vampire ears.
She shook her head no. "I gave him a brief overview while you were passed out."
"Andre." I voiced under my breath.
"What are you two talking about?" boomed a very frustrated and angry Eric. "What does Andre have to do with this?"
"Master, Andre came to Fangtasia a couple nights ago. He was sent by the Queen to retrieve Sookie for her retinue. Compton was sent to get her but failed." Eric's face lit up with surprise and concern flitted across his face for a brief moment. He looked down at me, as I still hadn't moved from where he left me on the floor. The lack of emotion in his eyes forced me to look down at the tile, gritting my teeth in agony.
"The Queen should not have gone around me on this. I promise I did not know." He looked over at Pam. "What happened? How is she still with us?"
Fear bubbled up inside me. I didn't know what this Eric thought of bonding, but I had a feeling I didn't want to know the answer. "Pam, please. I don't know if I can handle being here while you tell him this." Eric furrowed his brow in confusion again as he felt my heartache and fear across the bond. Apparently Pam didn't care about my pleas because she continued anyways.
"The only way I could think to save her for the time being was to tell Andre you had completed a blood bond with her."
"You what? You very well know, Pamela, that I have never in my thousand years, bonded to a human, and I never will! How dare you put me in this situation? I would never weaken myself that way!" Eric had rose to his full height stepping closer and closer to Pam with every spoken word. His impressive body was quivering with the rage he was barely able to contain. I had no doubt that if it wasn't his own child standing in front of him, Pam would have met her final death already.
She lowered her head in submission to him. "Master, I only did this because she is very valuable to us. Wouldn't it be better to keep her in your Area rather than surrender her to Sophie-Anne's trifling whims?"
About this time I was feeling a lot of anger mixed in with my heartache. I was angry at myself for being so stupid to not only trust but to fall in love with Eric fucking Northman. Maybe because of Bill's betrayal, or Gran's death, or just being lonely in general I had given myself over to this man far to easily. I was angry that Eric had made me believe there was actually a caring part of him when he wasn't cursed. Deep in my heart I had always known this is what was going to happen; it's why I fought him so hard after the witch war. Angry that he was acting like it was so horrible to be bonded to me and the only reason he would do it would be to use me for my telepathy. I was getting so exasperated with people trying to use me for something. The thing that had made me so wonderful around my Eric is that he gave unconditionally. No bullshit or politics, or using me! Gathering myself off the floor, I went and interrupted their little conversation.
"Is there a reason ya'll are talking about me like I'm not here?!" I shouted much louder than I had intended to.
"This is none of your concern. You will be fairly compensated above the agreed amount for keeping me safe. I will take you home shortly, but I will not bond with a human. Regretfully, you will have to go with Andre."
Everything that was left inside me broke out from my dam of self control. I let my words fly out of my mouth and my torrent of emotions pour into the bond I knew he could feel. "I knew it! I knew you would do this! The entire time we were together I kept telling you, you didn't have emotions, that you would never love me after you got your memories back. But no, you had to beg," I started stepping closer and closer to him pushing him back with pokes in the chest, "plead, convince, and show me that the caring side of you was still a part of this person." Motioning to him in disgust. "You made me trust you, Eric Northman, you made promises you swore you would keep! And now you're just going to give me over to Andre to rot and eventually die? How dare you! You absolutely disgust me." Trembling, I walked away from Eric, collapsed on a stool, and started crying as hard as humanly possible.
"I do not love," he replied simply.
'Really? I couldn't have guessed that.'
Pam reached for me, but I put my hand out and stopped her with a blue light coming from my palm. Eric, who had remained motionless against the wall during my little rant was examining me closely. "What is this?" he asked.
Pam gave a knowing smirk, "Oh by the way, she's part Fae. I tried to kill her for it, but you wouldn't let me." She scoffed at Eric and rolled her eyes.
In vampiric speed, Eric was before me with his fangs extended. "Perhaps that explains why I'm so drawn to her." Being scared for my life probably should have been at the forefront of my emotions, but I couldn't bring myself to be scared of him; even if this version of himself wouldn't stop Pam from ending me.
Hekate finally stepped out from the corner of the room and gave her input.
"Northman, you would do well to watch your tongue. Can't you feel the pain you're inflicting on your fated? The longer you fight her, the longer your lives will be in danger. Bond with her and perhaps your memories will come back."
"Demon, you would do well to bide your tongue. While your services are duly noted your opinions on how I conduct myself will be kept to yourself."
'Stupid vampire pride! Give him time to cool down child. He's under a bit of shock right now.'
Enduring the emotional unrest of being around Eric like this was becoming overwhelming. I placed my hands on Eric's face and looked deep in his eyes. With much effort I forced every feeling out of my body besides the love and peace I felt with him over the past two weeks. I shoved all of it his way across the weak bond.
"I love you with all my being, Eric Northman." He looked confused and scared with all the feelings I was sending his way. For a second, I even thought I saw recognition in his eyes, but it disappeared quickly and I refused to spend anymore time hoping for this man to love me. I removed my hands from his face and thought about going to a safe place as hard as possible. Feeling that gentle breeze I was learning came along with transporting myself, I opened my eyes to see—
'What in cheese crackers? Could this day get any worse?'
—to see Eric's dayroom. I crawled up on his bed and inhaled our mingled scents from the passionate nights we spent there. Grabbing Eric's pillow I began to cry as I took in his wonderful masculine smell and let myself think about the past couple of weeks and how much I enjoyed them. I cried even harder when I realized the little quickie in Eric's corvette was probably the last time I was going to enjoy the touch of my Viking sex god. After laying there for a while I drifted off to sleep, trying not to feel anything. I woke up to movement upstairs, so I assumed Eric and Pam had come back to the house. Looking back, I should have popped right to Gran's house, but instead, I went and hid in the bathroom. In my defense; my brain wasn't working very well through all this emotional upheaval.
The familiar click of the dayroom door sounded, and I heard Eric and Pam enter. Something flew across the room and broke against the wall. "She has been in my resting chamber! How could I have been so foolish?" he roared.
"You were not yourself."
"I'm going to have to change all the codes and perhaps even move now."
"I highly doubt she would ever hurt you. She has . . . strong feelings for you, even for a human. She was very loyal to you. Besides, being Fae she could just get in here anyways."
The bed creaked with the weight of Eric's massive form. "She won't last long with him."
"No. He will take her body and soul before he's finished with her. Though, she may be able to evade him with her gifts."
"I can't bond with her. I've lived for a thousand years only because of how I am. Lowering myself to bond with a human, part Fae or not, is simply unacceptable."
"Master, I know you were not yourself, but you did feel very strongly for her. You didn't block me very well, and I felt it too. I think you loved her, it was not a feeling I had experienced since before my death, but I believe it was love. It surprises me that none of that came through even if your memories didn't."
"I do not love, Pamela, I do not feel for humans." He said very loudly, seemingly trying to convince himself more than Pam.
In my hiding spot in the bathroom, I crouched down while listening to their conversation as silent tears began sliding down my cheeks. A small sob escaped my lips, and the next thing I knew, I was being held up against the wall by Eric whose hand was around my throat.
"Why are you here?" He practically growled at me, baring his fangs.
"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking clearly when I popped out, and this is where I ended up." My eyes fell to the floor. "Apparently, this is still where I feel most safe."
His gaze softened, and he lowered me to the floor. "Go. Controlling myself is difficult with all your human emotions clouding my mind. Don't come here again."
I nodded and popped to my real bed. Without relent, I cried for the next two hours throwing myself a little pity party.
'At least before all this, we were kind of friends. Now not only does he not want to be with me, but he practically hates me. How could I think a thousand-year-old being could be capable of love?'
Sleep demanded I give way to it after several more hours of crying. My dreams started out beautiful with a replay of my times with Eric. It took a turn for the worse as the light left Eric's eyes and he stilled underneath my touch. He felt rigid and unwelcoming compared to the welcoming embrace I was wrapped up just a moment ago. Looking back up to his face I saw nothing there. No hint of emotion on his features. His gaze was off into the distance; I followed it but saw nothing but a dark haze. Slowly the outline of a man appeared getting closer and closer to us. Every nerve was standing at attention and my instincts told me to run as fast and as far as I could away from this intruder. Instead of running though I stayed by Eric's side having confidence he would be able to protect. The figure made it's way out of the haze and I gasped as Andre made an appearance in my dreams.
"You have no claim on her, Viking. Hand her over to me." His evil voice swirled around me. My vision turned red at the demented images I saw in Andre's mind. I clung to Eric as my lifeline, firmly believing he would never let that creature take me away from him.
"Of course, Andre, she is yours." Horror exuberated in me at his words. He was my lover, protector, and friend; he would never deceive me like that! One look in his twisted eyes and I knew he was being serious.
"No! Eric, please! Don't you love me? What did I do? Please, I'll do anything to not have to go with him."
"Love you?" Andre mocked at me, "Of course he doesn't love you. Vampires do not love, unless it is the love for death and blood." Both Eric's and Andre's maniacal laugh filled the air.
"He is right. We do not love, but I did use that illusion to make you yield to me. You never meant anything to me, you never will!" Their laughter continued as Andre roughly grabbed my arm and pulled me, kicking and screaming, away from Eric and into the deep dark abyss of nothing.
I awoke with a scream on my lips. The tears I thought were dried up started overflowing again as it occurred to me that dream was probably pretty accurate to reality. Why did men have to be so cruel? Was honest love really so hard to come by?
'My first love betrayed me and now the love of my life has disregarded me like a used towel. What a mess I'm in.'
Sleeping seemed like a lost cause at this point; visions of Andre biting me, taking me, beating me kept dancing in front of my eyes every time I closed them. I got ready for my day feeling groggy and just plain worn out.
The next week all went about the same as that first night. I convinced Sam to let me come back to work to have something to do, but I was just a walking empty shell. My heart had been obliterated into so many pieces that I didn't know how to fix it just yet. Due to my train-wrecked state, I was getting severe headaches from not properly blocking people's thoughts out. Most of the time, I was able to keep it together in public, but every now and then, something would ignite the fire of betrayal laying dormant inside me, and I'd have to go out to my car for a good cry. My body was reacting to the emotional stress as well; I'd lost 7 pounds in only a week. It wasn't that I was trying to starve myself, but I never felt hungry, and when I did eat, I'd often throw it up later.
Eric never called or talked to me about what had happened or what was going to ensue with the whole Andre situation. This only deepened my pain every day; I guess some sick part of me was still hoping he would come back into my life apologizing for what happened and declare his love for me.
Sam tried to get me to talk to him but dropped it after I vehemently told him no five times. I knew he was trying to be a good friend, and I could hear Gran punishing me for my bad manners, but it was just too soon. That Saturday I was feeling particularly awful after the end of my shift. Exhaustion was my new best friend and it was beating me up inside and out. Nausea swept through me as I got in the car to go home. The drive was too short, and I felt the dread and fear of being alone creep up inside me as I ascended my front porch steps.
I had just settled down on the couch with a box of Kleenex, a whole gallon of ice cream, and Gone with the Wind when my doorbell rang. I hesitated before answering it and scanned the front porch. All I found was a blank hum.
'Vampire. So it's either Bill, Pam, Eric, or Andre.'
"It's me, now open up!" came Pam's annoyed voice.
Jumping up, I went to the door and invited her in. More than anything, I was just happy to prolong my long evening of not sleeping and heartbroken tears. Pam looked me up and down, appraising my condition.
"You two are both ridiculous." She sighed and sat down in one of my kitchen table chairs.
"Why are you here, Pam?"
"Sookie, you should go to him. He may not know all that happened, but I promise you, his feelings for you are still there, and let's just say he's not coping very well. Everyone is avoiding him like the plague at Fangtasia; they're terrified he's going to kill the first person who makes a wrong move. The fangbangers won't even approach him he's in such a foul mood! I've already had to replace three computer monitors from him throwing them across the room in an outrage. In all the time I've known him I have never seen him this distraught over something!"
Unfortunately, I couldn't stop the tears from trickling down my cheeks. "Then why isn't he here? Why was he so against bonding with me? Why did he practically tell me he never wants to see me again?"
Pam shrugged nonchalantly as if the answer was the most obvious thing in the world. "Because he's Eric. He's not accustomed to such emotions—certainly not such strong emotions. He can still feel you all the way in Shreveport you know. Your bond is quite strong for a couple who has only exchanged blood twice. There are times when he's sitting on his throne and his face contorts into such pain, I know he's feeling what you're going through."
Humiliation ripped through me. "Well that's just fantastic! So not only am I rejected, but I can't even go through that loss with my pride intact!"
She growled and stood over me. "Don't you get it you stupid girl? He still loves you. My master, Sheriff of Area 5 still has feelings for you! Now stop being so damn stubborn and come with me to talk to him. You two must get this resolved before Fangtasia goes under, " she paused briefly and grief flitted across her face, "and before you're supposed to go see the Queen. She called last night."
Fury boiled up in me and I stood up to face her. "You know Pam, I am sick and tired of only being wanted because you stupid high and mighty vampires need something from me. I don't give a flip if Fangtasia loses all its business. You can just stick it where the sun shines! I rescind your invitation."
Now it was Pam's turn to look furious as the unseen force of magic compelled her to walk briskly out my front door. "When are we supposed to go? How long do I have before he comes for me?" I asked through gritted teeth.
"Two weeks. Go to him, Sookie, please." I rolled my eyes at her and slammed the door in her face. After watching my movie and having yet another soul-tearing cry, I drifted off to sleep on the couch. Once again, I found myself in a red haze again with Andre's bed in the center of this dream reality. Like my first dream I looked like the walking dead and was chained to the corner post. Andre kicked me repeatedly eliciting moans of pain from me. Eric sat in his throne by the bed watching everything, but not doing anything to help me. He was egging Andre on and giving him torture suggestions.
"Why not use the crop on her? Heal her wounds when she passes out from the pain so you can continue with the fun." Eric snickered at me with glee in his eyes at getting to watch this "fun".
"Eric, why? Please don't let him do this to me!" He started laughing as the first of Andre's crop strokes slammed into the sensitive skin on my back. I jerked up on the couch and had to take a moment to still my thrumming heart. Knowing I wouldn't be getting anymore sleep again that night I went to my bedroom and threw on my pink fuzzy robe. I went down to the kitchen and made myself a pot of coffee. Sitting at the table, I thought about all that had happened in the past year. My gran had been brutally murdered, my brother accused of said murder, I'd met a vampire, fell in love, had my heart broken, almost been killed more times than I could remember, and yet I was still here. The lonely crazy Sookie Stackhouse of a year ago no longer existed. I was valuable now and knew how to control my telepathy better. I also knew who I could count and who my real friends were. Really, I knew who I was as an individual more than ever. The past couple of days had been really difficult, but if there was anything I could learn from my past experiences is that I was a survivor and didn't need a man to get by. I would get through all of this even if it hurt like hell all the way through.
'I am not going to by a bystander to my own life! Eric and Andre will not be allowed to dictate what happens to me!' Well that was easier said than done; one had just torn my heart to shreds and the other was trying to make me his prisoner. The past week had been unbearable, but it was time to move on; I couldn't wallow in pain and self pity for the rest of my life. That was so uncharacteristically Stackhouse! For the next hour, I debated my options with Andre. My only solutions included going to the Queen and asking to be bonded to Bill instead, give myself to Andre without a fight and hope he was gentle, run away from everything, or do my best to fight when he came and kill him. Deciding the latter was my best chance at keeping my normal life, I spent the next hour figuring out how to best prepare myself for what a battle with a vampire would entail.
'Hekate said she would help train my powers if I ever needed it, perhaps I should take her up on her offer. I'm going to have to be as prepared as possible if I'm going to best Andre; even with my new "gifts"'
My powers were all I had at my disposal, and I was fairly sure that wasn't going to be enough; I still had to be able to use something to kill him.
'I wish I would have had Eric teach me to use those swords while I had the chance.' I wistfully thought.
'Pam' my mind whispered to me. 'Pam would know how to use a sword. She is Eric's child after all.' I did my best to ignore that little voice not wanting to endure the humiliation of having to call and ask for her help after the way I had treated her tonight. After another half hour of thinking of other possible options, I finally admitted defeat. Tomorrow I was going to call Hekate and ask for help in developing my gifts, and then I was going to call Pam to see if she would teach me some sword fighting 101.
Feeling much more in control of my future, I went up to bed with more of a bounce to my step and purpose in my heart. For the first time in a week I slept the sleep of the dead, dreaming only about Andre's head falling from his finally dead, flaking body.
