World in a Grain of Sand

Chapter 9 – Legacy


I watched her for a moment. She would have been a Sangre in her human life and felt all of that once. Esme would have been Carlisle's Sangre when she was human. I remembered that and voiced those thoughts to her. While she smiled at me, it was Carlisle who spoke first.

"I love Esme dearly, but she is not my mate. I still haven't come across my mate, and after close to four hundred years, I doubt I will."

I gazed at Carlisle after he told me that. I felt so sad for him. He deserved to have his mate with him. I turned back to Nakhara and asked her the other question on my mind.

"What does this have to do with Mijararos, or me for that matter?"

I got another sad smile before she replied.

"You were correct, you are descended from Mijararos. However, you forgot a couple important facts that I mentioned earlier. Godric's bloodline married into mine nineteen years ago. That union, before it was dissolved, resulted in a daughter who was born over eighteen years ago. As for why I explain the basics of vampire mating to you, my daughter was Mijararos' Sangre. She died giving birth to his daughter, who was also my granddaughter."

"So, if I understood that, I am your descendent, as well as Godric's. I'm also descended from Mijararos, because your daughter was his Sangre and had a child with her?"

Nakhara nodded her head.

I just stood there for a moment, processing.

Not only did I have vampire ancestors, but am descended from some of the most powerful vampires to ever walk this earth. They are the reason I can smell blood, and block Edward's gift. I knew there had to be a reason beyond the AM/FM theory that Edward gave me, I just didn't think it was this.

"Is that why you're so eager to turn me yourself instead of just ordering someone to do it? You realize how powerful I could be as a vampire?"

The question came out of my mouth before I could stop myself. Nakhara's answer, however, was not what I excepted.

"No. While that is one reason I want to become one of us, it is not the reason I plan on turning you myself. Because of the vampire DNA you already possess, you will already rank in the above the Denali's when you are turned. Over time, I have found that the more powerful a vampire's sire is, the more powerful that fledging will be. If I turn you myself, you will be more powerful than you would be otherwise. The reason behind that is for your ears alone."

"But you will tell me?"

"Yes. Not now, but soon."

The fact that I would have all my answers soon was enough to keep my content. As I relaxed, a few things came to mind that I was curious about.

"Carlisle knew about your daughter, didn't he? That's why he was shocked when you said Mijararos' name. And why he freaked out on Edward. He was saying that about Elizabeth's descendent."

She smiled at me again before confirming my thoughts.

"Correct. As you are aware, vampires can process things a bit faster than humans. Even though it was only an interval of a few seconds, his mind had already processed and accepted the information. Now that you have all the pieces, can you tell me exactly why I am so upset with Carlisle and Edward?"

I kept glancing between Carlisle, Edward, and Nakhara, pulling all of my thoughts together. After a moment, I began to speak.

"First of all, he disrespected you when he yelled at you, even if you were provoking him. They also left me, your descendent, in the hands of young, unstable werewolves with a psycho vampire who could have, and did, come after me. I'm sure you had people checking up on me, so you have an idea of the emotional pain I was put through when they left. Also, Carlisle let Edward, his son in every way that counts, tell him what to do. I keep getting the feeling that it's almost unheard of for a sire to bend to his child's will like that. You are also angry at how little they've told me about the nature of vampires. And they brought me here without knowing if you were here to step in or not."

She smirked at me again before she spoke.

"Very good. Now, I am going to send you back to Forks with Carlisle. Your father will be worried. I called Eleazer and had him come up with a cover story for your father. It would still be a good idea to call him though. I have also arranged for my private jet to pick you up in Florence and take you home.

For obvious reasons, you will have to stay here until dark. Since I am sure you flew straight here after Alice's phone call, I insist that you at least eat something. I would like for you to sleep, but I realize that may be a bit difficult."

After she informed me of those arrangements, she turned and stared directly at Aro, Caius, and Marcus before she opened her mouth. I could feel her power coming off of her in waves, each more intense than the last.

"I will warn all of you only once. I have killed literally thousands, human and vampire alike, in defense of my bloodline. I killed my own mate to protect my descendants. Do not make the same mistake that other vampires have made. Isabella means more to me than any other being on this earth. Aro, Marcus, Caius, and Carlisle included. If she is ever harmed in any way, I will gladly destroy the person responsible. Now, Jane, would you please have Gianna send some human food to my chambers?"

Nakhara glared at Jane as she asked her. Jane however, just nodded and left the room. Nakhara then turned to Carlisle.

"Would you take Isabella to my chambers? Heidi is almost here with a meal, and I do not think she should be here. I will be along in a moment."

Her tone left no room for discussion. Carlisle gently nudged my shoulder. As I let him lead me to the other side of the room, I noticed that there were two doors on either side of the throne like chairs I seen when I first walked into the room. Carlisle walked forward and opened the door on the left for me. After I had walked through the door I heard it shut. I could feel Carlisle's safe and comforting presence from behind me. Slowly, I looked around the hallway.

It all reminded me of the 18th century décor I had seen when Renee had gotten interested in art history. It also reminded me of your typical vampire lair. There were a couple of steps, then an ornate entry way. Beyond that, was a long red hallway with chandeliers on the ceiling. The carpet was done in this red and black pattern.

Doesn't this place date back to ancient Rome? Carlisle let out a chuckle. I must have said that out loud.

"While the building itself was first constructed around 57 BC, it has been remodeled and added onto countless times since then. Many of those renovations were done at Nakhara's insistence. More public areas, like the reception hall and the lobby, are remodeled every ten years or so, mostly to keep up pretenses. When Nakhara brought me here in the early 18th century, places like everyone's personal chambers, the hallways, the lower levels you saw earlier, ect, had stayed the same since the last time she had renovated anything, which was right around 1601 I believe. Nakhara loved result so much that she hasn't bothered to change it in over three hundred years except to add modern conveniences like electricity and internet." He explained to me as we made our way down the long hallway. After minute or two of walking in silence, we reached the end

The hallway gave to a large, tan stone spiral staircase. I looked down to see how far it went, but saw nothing but darkness. As I leaned back from the thin, metal railing, I heard Carlisle apologize.

"I thought that at least lighting would have put in. It makes sense why they haven't considered it though. As you go down, there are several doors. Each is the entrance to someone's private chambers. Mortals almost never enter them, and on the rare occasion they do, each of these chambers has another entrance that leads directly outside from the castle. Would you mind if I carried you? Nakhara's chambers are at the very bottom and it would be much easier just to carry you there."

I nodded my head in response. A second later, I was being carried bridal style in Carlisle's arms down the monstrous spiral staircase. I had my eyes closed as I felt the cold, dank air whipping past my face. Running with Carlisle was completely different experience than running with Edward. With Carlisle, it felt right. I wasn't nauseous or dizzy at all, and I felt safe and comfortable, like I always had in his presence. All too soon, I felt him stop and set me upright, his hands on my shoulders. I felt him lean in slightly.

"Give yourself a moment before you start trying to walk. I don't want you to become disorientated and trip. I also need to open the door and turn the lights on." He whispered in my ear. I shivered in response.

Carlisle's voice, always so calm, confident, and reassuring, now had a bit of a dangerous edge to it. Other than upstairs earlier, this was the most he had ever sounded like the vampire he was. Now that we were alone, in addition to feeling safe and comfortable, I felt something else. I couldn't place it though. After a moment of standing still, Carlisle directed me to the door a few feet away from the bottom of the stairs and opened the door. I could see him searching the inside wall for the light switch. After a moment, he found it and flicked it on. I then found myself being led inside and to the nearest seat. Carlisle took a seat on the sofa across from me and started to watch me intently.

"Are you alright Bella?" He asked me after a few seconds of his staring.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

He sighed and looked at me before answering.

"You've been given a lot of sensitive information to process, in addition to the stress you've been put under. I want to make sure that you won't go into shock or shut down." Carlisle told me, looking every bit the concerned doctor he was.

"I'm fine. I'll admit that it's a shock, but I think that some part of me always knew. That's one reason I think I latched onto you guys as much as I did. My entire life, I've never quite fit in anywhere, or had a deep connection with anyone. Even with Renee, I always felt this disconnect. It wasn't until I moved to Forks that I felt like I belonged or was truly connected to anyone. Not until I met Edward and your family. I felt the same connection with Jake and the pack, but it was different somehow. Now, at least, I know why. I was supposed to be in this world. I belong here. I have since the moment I was conceived." I said as I tried to reassure him.

After we fell into a silence, I started to look around the room. The walls, what I could see of them, were the same tan stone that the staircase was. It must be the original brick. Large sections of the stone were covered in blood red velvet that hung from the ceiling. I could tell the drapes were covering something. It looked like shelves, but I couldn't tell. I saw thin metal tubes on parts of the walls, giving that rough industrial look. That must be how the electricity and stuff is run through here. Despite being deep underground, it wasn't damp or cold. I looked up at the ceiling, taking in the elaborate iron wrought spiral stairs and walkways that were about nine feet above me, and spotted the answer. The entire ceiling was covered in heating lamps. You could only see a few areas of stone. For the first time, I also noticed the height of the room. The ceiling had to be at least eighteen feet high. I must have been staring at it for too long, because Carlisle decided to comment on it.

"I remember Nakhara mentioning that in one of her letters. The heating lamps were an attempt to recreate the heat and light of the Sahara. For the first, I suppose it would be the first two thousand years of her existence, now that I know how old she is, she resided solely in Egypt. She had this small home in the middle of the desert that she visited quite a bit. It is still there. She missed the sun and would spend entire days just lying on a sand dune. At night, she would go to the nearest city and hunt. The only time she would travel more than a couple hundred miles was to check on her descendants."

I turned my head back to Carlisle.

"If she loves Egypt so much, how did she end up in here?"

"One of her descendants decided to move to Italy. He was a traveling scholar and made his way around the Greek city states. His son settled here in Italy, not twenty miles from the gates of Volterra. She had no choice but to follow. While she missed the heat, Nakhara could still spend her days in the sun if she was careful. They stayed here in Italy for a couple hundred years, farming. She still owns the land that the farm was on. A girl was born, and got a job here in Volterra. She actually served in Aro's household. That was how he was first brought to Nakhara's attention. She turned him about a year after her descendent first began her job." He quickly explained to me.

I nodded and turned to look at the room again. I now noticed a doorway covered in the same blood red velvet as the rest of the room, except it was being held back by gold rope. I couldn't see into the room though. As I moved to look at another part of the room I was in, my eyes met Carlisle's. I stared into them. They were still black, but it was a dull black and I could see honey flicks. His irises had also returned. The feeling I'd felt before we entered Nakhara's chambers returned. I still couldn't quite place it. It was similar to what I'd first felt when I met Edward, but this was so much stronger. As that thought crossed my mind, I knew what I was feeling.

I had a crush on Carlisle.

I had found him attractive from the moment I first saw him walk into the emergency room. From there, I'd gotten to know him over the days I spent reading in his office during the summer. When they left, Carlisle had been the first person I thought of after Edward. It was actually the thought of Carlisle leaving that had sent me into catatonic state. I was half there after Edward dumped me, but realizing that Carlisle had left pushed me over the edge.

Realizing I'd probably been staring too long, I pushed those thoughts to the back of my mind to deal with later and looked at the floor. It was a dark red, almost brown color rug with a black leaf pattern. I followed it to the other side of the room and back. After I had done this about six times, the door opened and Nakhara walked through, closing the door behind her. She then turned to Carlisle and I. I noticed she had something silver in her hands.

"I apologize. I needed to speak to Marcus, although your son made that a bit difficult. Thank the gods for Reneta. Her shield is one of the most useful gifts I have ever come across. I also brought you something to eat." She told me as she sat the silver dish in front of me on the table.

"Where is Edward?" I asked her as I took the lid off the dish. It was some type of pasta. I was in Italy after all.

I lifted my head and found her over next to the door. She pushed a button below the light dimmer and all of the velvet drapes parted to reveal that most of the walls were covered floor to ceiling in shelves full of books. A couple sections had display cases on the first level, and shelves that started at the walkway I noticed earlier.

"I made him wait in the reception area upstairs. You, Carlisle, Aro, Marcus, and Caius are the only people, human or vampires that have ever been in here. I do not like him and refuse to have him in my private chambers. I apologize if you wanted to speak to him, but you will have to wait." Nakhara informed me as she walked over, behind Carlisle, to the right corner of the room. I noticed that she had a small refrigerator there, as well as a few wine glasses. She turned to Carlisle.

"Would you like anything? I do keep some animal blood."

He looked at me before answering. I just grabbed the fork and started eating. "No thank you. I would suggest you wait until Bella leaves. The smell of human blood makes her sick. I know I mentioned it in my emails."

She smiled at him. "I know. I wanted to see how Isabella would react to the offer."

I looked at her and put another mouthful of noodles on my fork. "I figured you wouldn't drink human blood around me. I don't know how I would react to animal blood. I 've never really been exposed to it before." I brought the fork to my mouth and ate the noodles.

She laughed and was suddenly sitting in the chair to the left of the two sofas. I quickly finished my meal in silence, Nakhara and Carlisle conversing at vampire speed. When I was finished with my meal, she stood up and went to a section of shelves. After partially pulling a book out, the wall opened like you see in all of those mystery movies. She turned her head and stared at me for a moment.

"I would like for you to see this Isabella."

I nodded and walked over to her. She walked into the secret doorway and led me inside. It was lit by floor lamps throughout the room. The far wall was covered in one big iron sheet that had a tree like carving on it with tons of branches. The rest of the room had display cases around the walls. I walked farther in, looking at the far wall. Elizabeth's name stood out among the carvings.

"After I thought my bloodline had died out at last, I was depressed for some time. I created this room as a tomb of sorts. I carved the family tree you are looking at myself. After I found my descendants again, I researched your family, back to that child James had out of wedlock. I added all of them to the tree, including you and your father. The display cases hold the oldest heirlooms. Over on the left wall, one of those cases has a few scrolls in it. They are from the Great Library in Alexandria. One of your ancestors wrote them. In the chaos of the fire, I saved many of those scrolls. The case next to it holds a gold comb that I gave my daughter on her sixteenth birthday. The flowers on it are metal and would have rusted long ago. I thought you might like to see this before you left."

It finally hit home. I was a part of a family that stretched back to the dawn of human civilization. I shared the same DNA as people, who might have been involved in the battle of Troy, seen Egypt at the height of its history, watched as the Roman Empire fell. I started to feel overwhelmed. I sort of understood now exactly how long five thousand years really was. All that Nakhara had seen and been a part of. How much history my ancestors might have helped happen. I walked around the room, taking in the history. I then turned back to the family tree and started looking at the names and dates. I wanted to know what they were like, what they had done in their lives. I noticed that towards the bottom, where the tree started, that there were a couple hundred years between the birth and death dates. As I moved up, the dates faded to normal human lifespans. The longer live was probably an effect of the vampire DNA. I turned back to her. She looked like she was lost in memories again. With five thousand years of them, it was understandable.

"Thank you for showing me this." I told Nakhara as I walked back through the entrance. She followed me and shut the door of bookshelves.

"You are welcome. I will tell you about them. Not now because we have more urgent business to take care of, but I will soon." She smiled as we walked back over to the sofas and chairs. I retook my seat. She did the same. Carlisle was also in the seat he was earlier. After glancing at him, she started.

"As I informed you earlier, I sent Eleazar to your father with a cover story. What I had him tell your father was an altered version of the truth. Edward was here on spring break. Alice called and told Rosalie about your cliff diving, and she misunderstood Alice. She thought you killed yourself. She called and told Edward, including what you were like when they left. Edward thought you killed yourself because of him. He felt guilty and decided that living wasn't worth it after what he did to you. As Carlisle's half-sister and the person Edward was staying with, I called and told Carlisle. He immediately decided to fly out here and talk sense into Edward. When you found out what was going on, you insisted on coming with him. He tried to talk you out of it, but you just threatened to follow him on your own, so he agreed. You arrived and where able to stop him before he went through with it."

I was shocked. "How did you manage to come up with all this in a couple hours?"

Nakhara laughed. "I actually arrived back last night. I sometimes come back early and observe what happens while I am not here. I called Eleazar the minute I realized what was going on. Knowing Alice from Carlisle's emails, I knew she would call him the minute she saw what Edward was planning. I also knew that he was planning on checking up on you sometime this week. Eleazer went by your home the morning after you left and told Charlie the cover story. I also had him beg for forgiveness on Carlisle's behalf. After he explained and apologized, your father was very understanding. You might be scolded, but I doubt any serious punishment will be given out."

I nodded. It was better than what I'd left him with. Nakhara continued after a minute of silence.

"I am returning with you. I want to get to know you and your father. I also have Victoria to deal with. You do not have to agree to anything, but I will take care of Victoria regardless. If you choose to, I also have some things that I wish to teach you. They will prove important when you are a vampire."

I thought about it for a bit. By the time I was ready to talk, I noticed that my tray had been taken away.

"I have a few questions before I agree to anything."

She smiled. "I excepted as much."

I took a breath before starting.

"Do you plan on telling Charlie about vampires?"

She looked deep in thought for a moment. "No. Unless you want to tell him, it does not make sense."

"Ok. I was just wondering about that. I really don't want to have to tell him everything. So if I want to become a vampire before my 21st birthday?"

Carlisle and Nakhara exchanged a glance before Carlisle turned to me. "I will turn you if that is what you want."

"Oh."

I remember her saying that Carlisle could turn me, and I remember his offer earlier, but I still had a hard time believing that he wanted me around. I got up, walked to the nearest shelf, and started to look at the books. I could barely hear them talking at vampire speed again as I made my way around the room. I wondered what time it was. Before I knew it, Nakhara came behind me as tapped me on the shoulder. I jumped and turned to her.

"It is time to leave. I have a car waiting outside."

"Already?"

She chuckled and led me to the doorway I had seen earlier. "You were absorbed in my book collection. I believe you spent close to three and a half hours looking through the shelves."

"Wow. Sorry about that. The same thing happens whenever I go into a bookstore or Carlisle's office." I apologized. She simply nodded and led me through the doorway. Where did Carlisle go?

"Where is Carlisle? He was here earlier."

"He decided to talk to Edward. He will meet us in the car."

I nodded and followed her to a door on the right, not really having a chance to look at the room. I was led down this old tunnel, done in the same tan brick as before. At the end was a large wooden door. Nakhara opened the door and led me through. I was on the street.

The party was still in full swing in the streets. The street lamps were just coming on as we walked swiftly through the narrow, cobbled lanes. The sky was a dull, fading gray overhead, but the buildings crowded the streets so closely that it felt darker.

The party was darker, too. There were in black satin cloaks now, and the plastic fangs I'd seen on the child in the square today seemed to be very popular with the adults.

As we reached the edge of the city, I noticed a black limo parked with the driver waiting for someone. Nakhara walked in that direction and I followed behind her. I realized the driver was waiting for us when she greeted the driver and opened the door. Since she seemed to be holding it open for me, so I hurried and slid into the car. She closed the door behind me.

Carlisle and Edward were sitting across from me at opposite ends of the car. Carlisle's eyes, while they had returned to a golden color, were still darker than before. The door on the driver's side of the car opened and Nakhara quickly entered the limo. As soon as her door shut, we started to move. Thinking about everything that's happened, I remembered something I had yet to ask about.

"You used your power on the guard, didn't you Carlisle? That's why he let us pass through."

He looked uncomfortable as he answered me.

"Not only was Edward's life at stake, but so was yours. I did the only thing I could. As I told you on the plane here, even if we failed to stop Edward, I planned to do everything in my power to get you back to your father. If Jane hadn't come to fetch us, or had arrived a few minutes later, I would have had enough time to hypnotize Felix into starting a fight with Demetri, which would have bought us enough time to get out of the city. Once outside the city walls, Aro, Marcus, and Caius would have let us go home. They would've sent someone to make sure we had killed or turned you, but we would be left alone otherwise."

I looked at him for a moment. "Thank you. I can tell you hate using your gift. It means a lot that you'd be willing to use it for my sake. I do have a question though. I'm not asking to upset you. I'm curious though."

"You want to know if I've ever tried to use it on you?"

"Yes."

He took a deep breath before he nodded and started to explain. "I knew that you saw Edward push the van away from you. I also knew that you could expose us if you discovered what we are and found evidence. That night, I came to your home and waited until you fell asleep. I snuck into your room and tried to hypnotize you into believing you had seen things. At first, I thought it had worked. I quickly realized that it hadn't. Just as you are immune to Edward's, Aro's, and Jane's, you are immune to mine as well."

I nodded and saw that he was ashamed of what he had tried to do. I couldn't bear to see him like that.

"I don't blame you for trying. I would have done the same thing. You were protecting your family. You don't ever have to apologize for that."

"Thank you Bella."

I took a steading breath before saying what I was planning to say. "No problem. Now Edward, I want an explanation. It's obvious that you didn't leave because you didn't love me anymore and wanted to chase after distractions. So why did you leave and why did you lie to me? You owe me an answer to that at least."

He now had a pained expression on his face. Slowly, he began to give me my answers.

"I was scared after what happened on your birthday. It was Jasper then, but what if I went after you next time? I was putting you in danger by being around you and letting you be around my family. I've moved for everyone else's mistakes, so I used their guilt to talk Jasper and Emmett into leaving. I threatened to go on my own, and that convinced Esme. Rosalie was surprisingly difficult to convince, but after I mentioned that she was all for killing you before, she went along with it. Alice goes wherever Jasper does, although I had to beg her not to contact you or look for you. Carlisle took the longest to convince. I didn't have anything to use to guilt or threaten him with to talk him into leaving. He and Esme aren't mates, so he could choose to leave her if he wanted. It took over ten hours of all out arguing and scanning his thoughts to find a way to convince him. I lied to him and told him the real reason I wanted to leave was because you decided in the car that you didn't want to be around vampires anymore. After another hour and a half, he believed me. Once he saw you again, it took all of five seconds to realize I had lied. I did it to make you safe and give you the chance at a normal human life."

I saw red. Who was he to make those kind of decisions for me? The fact that Carlisle fought so hard to stay meant me to than words could express, but I was almost shaking in rage. All of it directed toward Edward.

"You had no right to make those decisions for me. I knew the risk, and I was willing to deal with it. As for a normal human life, I don't want it. I don't think I ever have. I just didn't have another option until I met you and your family. You not only removed your family from my life when you left, but my future as well. You had no damn right to make those decisions for me."

Carlisle and Edward just stared at me for a moment, until I realized why anyways.

"I've been spending a lot of time with teenage boys who happen to be werewolves. I was bound to pick up at least one of their bad habits."

Nakhara just laughed.


Hello! Thanks for the reviews. The more detailed, the better! Reading a review, I realized I may not have been clear on something. Sangre is a term that refers to a vampire's human mate. For example, Emmett was Rosalie's Sangre, even if he was dying when they met. He was still human. Rosalie can't be Emmett's Sangre. She was a vampire when she met her mate. Does that make sense? Sorry about that. I think it sounded better in my head when I wrote it. If you've seen the Phantom of the Opera, the movie, not the play, then you know what the staircase looks like. Just add really thin, wobbly metal railing and doors along the wall and you have it. Also, I took the family tree idea out of The Queen of the Damned as well. I just bought the New Moon soundtrack. It's awesome. I also wrote the chapter where Carlisle and Bella admit their feelings while I was writing this. I got stuck on this a few times and needed a break. With how things are going, it'll be at least chapter 15. I'm actually planning on it being somewhere around chapter 19. There will be at least another chapter after that, but from that point I don't know where this is going. I'm playing with a few ideas though. We have awhile to go though. With how long these chapters end up, I just can't see this being as long as If You Pull the Trigger or Bound in Blood. Both are amazing Twilight fanfiction stories. If You Pull the Trigger is around 40 chapters at the moment. Bound in Blood is over 90 chapters the last time I checked. They're short chapters though. Not the 5000 monster chapters I write. I think. I haven't checked, but I think at least Bound in Blood's are shorter.

I stayed with my aunt and uncle from last Tuesday to this past Sunday, and I'm glad to be home. Then I have a whole week by myself in my dorm. I should get at least one more chapter after this before school starts on the 10th. I love college. My high school only gave us about 10 days of Winter Break. And snow days came out of Spring Break. Not in college though. I'm just adding onto this author's note as I write this chapter. I do that with the others as well. I hate getting stuck. Rihanna's new cd, Loud, is really cool. If any of you want to take me up on it, I will send you my playlists for each chapter if you review and that review is at least two sentences long. I love all my reviews, but I enjoy the detailed ones more. Just like you guys enjoy my 4500 word chapters a lot more than you would if I cut off each chapter at 1000 words. I don't even want to think about how many chapters that would be. The chapter where they admit their feelings and the lemon that follows those admissions is over 3800 words without the author's note. As far as lemons go, I rated this story M for a reason. I planned it that way from the beginning. While Stephanie Meyer is Mormon and all that, I'm most definitely not. Even if I do live in Utah. I'm really sorry I'm rambling. I must be lonelier than I thought I was.