Disclaimer: This update involves random Meredith and Derek communication, and we all watch the show. There's no communication between them on it. Definitely don't own it.
Sorry I didn't update yesterday…spent most of the day on the phone with my best friend and then got busy at night. But here's an update now. It's a week after they decided to take a break…and I guess you could call this update the first step to really fixing things.
Enjoy!
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If I had one super power, I'd want the ability to see the future.
Because that would definitely come in handy at times like these, or actually times like last week, when somewhere in my apparently very messed up head I had suggested a break from Meredith. Because had I been able to foresee the hell my life was without her, I would have suggested something entirely different. Something that involved less clothing and a lot less space between us.
Of course I should have known what kind of hell this would be, there had been that whole trying with Addison thing.
And really…the looking into the future thing would be helpful now too, I could just concentrate on what my life with her would be like, instead of the hell that my life without her was.
Rambling in my head again. Definitely Meredith's fault.
This break thing was weird. Last time we hadn't been together we'd been so miserable that every time our paths crossed had been heaven. This time we weren't miserable, we were working on things and when I saw her, okay when I saw her it was still heaven, but a very awkward heaven. I wanted to talk to her, ask her how things were and just be with her, but there was a line. That I had drawn and yet somehow had no idea where it was.
So this line…is it imaginary or do I need to get you a marker?
Yeah, that line, definitely couldn't cross that line this time, at least not yet.
"Hey," a soft voice interrupted my thoughts, soon followed by the familiar scent of lavender and Meredith.
"Hey," I smiled, looking up from the chart I was examining to find my kind of girlfriend leaning against the nurse's desk.
"So I met the other Dr. Grey," she sighed, frowning slightly at the thought.
"How'd that go?" I asked, smiling as we were apparently back to talking after a week of strange awkwardness. Talking was good, it was a step and things would follow, other steps would follow.
"Okay," she shrugged. "Callie made sure that no one used my last name, so she didn't know. So yeah…it was okay."
"Good, that's good," I nodded.
"She's a little young for you, Der," Meredith giggled softly. She was giggling. And joking. In my presence. Maybe this break thing wasn't a bad idea. Maybe I was a genius.
"She is," I laughed. "Which is part of the reason I already told you there's only one Grey I'm interested in."
"Seriously?"
"Seriously," I nodded, smiling at her slightly tilting my head. And untrue to popular belief, I'm not an idiot. Even though I do question that sometimes, I do know I'm not an idiot. I knew how I was looking at her. I knew her friends had coined it the McDreamy look. And I knew that that line I hadn't wanted to cross had just been jumped over. But she had giggled, that could definitely be my defense. She giggled and I couldn't be held responsible for things I did after she giggled.
"How are you? It's…we haven't talked and we should talk, so how are you?" she asked, looking at her shoes.
"I'm…I'm me, I guess," I shrugged, thinking more along the lines of screaming and yelling about how much I missed her but for some reason I didn't think that would go over very well. "Mark's driving me nuts."
"Really?" she frowned. "He's been behaving himself recently when I'm around."
"Only because he's now decided since Addison's been gone that this would be a good time to save the friendship he destroyed," I groaned. "He's asked me to go out for drinks almost every night, and now he thinks we should go fishing."
"You should go," she nodded.
"I should?" I asked, looking at her quizzically. "Is Meredith Grey giving me advice?"
"She is," she smiled. "It's just…we're on a break and we're…baggage, there's baggage and we're supposed to fix it or whatever so we can be us. Really us like we want. Mark…he was your best friend and he did that thing and now he's baggage, you should do drinks or fishing or whatever. Talk to him."
"I…you're probably right," I sighed. "It's just…it's going to be hard."
"I know," she nodded, reaching over and resting her hand gently on my arm.
Silence fell over us as we both gazed at her hand on my arm, her skin a stark contrast to the white of my lab coat. Contact. For the first time in a week we touched, even if just simply, we touched. And my arm felt warm where her hand rested on it. I couldn't pull my eyes away from the simple touch.
"Thanks," I finally chocked out, my voice gruff.
"I should…we're…yeah, I should go," she whispered, quickly pulling her hand away.
"Yeah…I have…patient," I cleared my throat.
"Okay…umm…okay," she nodded. "I'll see you later."
"Yep," I nodded, watching her run away.
And I turned back to my chart, not trying to wipe the smile off my face. The week of hell suddenly felt worth it, because the woman that had just spontaneously grabbed my arm was the woman I had seen in the bar over a year ago. The smile on her face, the giggle, the way we talked, that had been my Meredith. I knew the work wasn't over, I knew we weren't back and it wasn't time to ask her out, but I knew it was something.
It made the break worth it.
We were going to get back to us.
But all this is crazy and amazing.
There's only one half of us that I'm saving.
First...strangely, I've had them both ask "Where are we going to go from here?" so far. And I know a fan asked me if I was thinking of the song and I swear I wasn't. But I just looked up the lyrics...and they fit this fic. Hehehe. That's where this update's lyric is from. As fo the update...the two of them haven't been avoiding each other but everytime they meet it's awkward. Because they are "together" but not "together" if that makes sense...it's hard to know how to communicate when taking a step back. But it's been a week, and suddenly Meredith talks to him. Kind of casual talk, but actually kind of big talk. She actually tells him about the sister meeting...and then gives him advice about Mark. So yep. It's a tiny bitty step back towards each other.
And I'll update again tonight...have to call my friend, and then I'll update this one again.
Read. Love. Review.
