I hope this chapter isn't too confusing… as always, thanks for the reviews guys!
Glimpse – Chapter Nine
Everybody was looking at her. Looks full of sympathy, compassion and even a little fear confronted Teyla on every side. She went to take a sip of water, trying to avoid their gazes. She quickly put the glass back down again – she still felt nauseous, and the fact that her stomach was now empty was the only thing keeping her from vomiting again.
She was sitting in the briefing room with Colonel Carter, Major Lorne, Dr Keller, Lieutenants Forster and Blackstone, Rodney and Ronon. Nobody was speaking. They were just looking.
Teyla hoped they did not expect her to speak first, because she did not have a clue what to say. Only half an hour had passed since Major Lorne's team had returned with John and his team. Half an hour since her people had been found.
She should be rejoicing. She should be praising the Ancestors for answering her prayers.
Instead, she was quite literally sick with dread at what she had just discovered.
John had lasted until they reached the infirmary before collapsing completely. Teyla had been whisked away from him by Ronon while Rodney had produced strange Wraith equipment. Jennifer had tried to find out what was going on, but neither Rodney nor Ronon had been very forthcoming with details.
From what Teyla had managed to learn from their random conversations over her head as they moved around Wraith equipment, Michael had had something to do with her pregnancy. Somehow, he was using her for one of his experiments.
The knowledge had stunned Teyla beyond belief and she had allowed Rodney to examine her with the strange devices. He had seemed incredibly relieved, as had Jennifer after he had spoken with her and she too had looked over the results.
Teyla had taken little comfort in their relief.
Sam cleared her throat quietly and clasped her hands together on the tabletop, glancing at Teyla with one of the sympathetic looks again. "So, I think we had better –"
The door slid open at that moment and John entered in a wheelchair. He had a piece of gauze taped to the side of his face and the cuts on his neck had been cleaned. His injured leg was wrapped in bandages and propped up in front of him. He was being pushed by a nurse.
Jennifer half-rose from her seat upon seeing him. "You shouldn't be here Colonel – you've lost a lot of blood and –"
"I have to be here," said John flatly.
"I'm sorry Dr Keller," said the nurse sheepishly. "But he insisted, and I was worried he'd try to walk here-"
"I would have," added John.
Jennifer sighed. "Alright," she said. "But you have to go straight back to the infirmary after the briefing."
"Fine," said John. He gestured to the nurse and he was wheeled over to where Teyla was sitting. Their eyes met as he got closer to her, and to her surprise he didn't look sympathetic or fearful.
He looked angry. Very angry.
The nurse manoeuvred the chair in next to Teyla, in between her and the empty chair beside her, so John was very close. He looked straight at Sam, his jaw set angrily.
"What'd I miss?" He asked as the nurse was leaving the room.
Sam hesitated for a moment. "Actually, we're just getting started," she said. She sighed and then looked at Rodney.
"Alright, first things first," she said. "What is this about Michael and Teyla's pregnancy?"
Teyla's nausea returned full force. She wasn't sure she wanted to hear any of this.
"Well we won't know for certain until I've had time to go over all the research we managed to get hold of," said Rodney. He looked across the room at Teyla for a second before looking back at Sam. "But… well, from what we could find out he's trying to create a Wraith-human hybrid, and he's using Teyla as… well, to make it."
Teyla's placed her hands on her stomach. She could feel Imaria moving inside her, as she had for so many weeks. Was it possible that she was the result of some kind of experiment? How could she be?
Teyla looked at John, but he was staring intently at the tabletop in front of him, his jaw still set angrily.
"You learnt this from Michael?" Asked Sam.
Rodney shook his head. "No," he answered. "He wasn't there."
Sam frowned. "Then how did…?"
"Kanan told us," said John.
Teyla's breath caught in her throat. She turned her head to look at John, but he still wasn't looking at her.
"We were caught – most of us – and we were put in a cell with the Athosians," John said haltingly. "Kanan was there and he… told us. Michael found out about Teyla's relationship with Kanan and used it as a cover to… to put his plan into action."
John's jaw tightened every time he said Kanan's name.
Teyla's head was reeling. How had Kanan known these things?
There was a moment's silence before Sam spoke up. "So… Kanan is not Imaria's father?"
"No," said Rodney.
Teyla fought the impulse to run away. No. No no no…
Sam looked highly reluctant to ask her next question. "Is… Michael?"
"No," answered Rodney immediately, vehemently. Teyla felt much of her nausea dissipate in relief.
"Wraith and humans can't interbreed," added Jennifer. "I know Teyla has some Wraith DNA, but not that much."
Sam nodded. "I guess we don't know who is?" She asked.
Rodney glanced at Teyla, looking uncomfortable all of a sudden. "Um… well, technically, biologically…"
Teyla frowned at Rodney's fumbling, and felt John stir next to her.
"I am," John said quietly.
There was silence. Teyla felt her jaw drop slightly as she stared at him.
Daddy…
"He wanted the ATA gene," said Rodney weakly. "Sheppard's is strongest."
Daddy. Imaria called John daddy not because of any of the reasons she had come up with but because he was her father. John Sheppard was Imaria's biological father.
John still wasn't looking at her. Teyla felt her head swimming and forced herself to keep listening to the conversation.
"But it hasn't worked?" Sam asked, avoiding looking at Teyla and John.
"The experiment? No, not the way Michael hoped," said Rodney. "From the scans we managed to do, it's obvious the only the human side has manifested itself in the baby – not the Wraith. Imaria probably has some Wraith DNA, but no more than Teyla does."
"She does," said Jennifer. "It showed up in her blood tests. And you're right – it's about the same level as Teyla's."
Sam frowned suddenly. "How did Colonel Sheppard's paternity not show up?" She asked Jennifer.
Jennifer shifted uncomfortably. "Actually… it did," she said.
John's head jerked up to look at her. "What?" He demanded.
Jennifer turned slightly pink but looked straight back at him. "He – the future Colonel Sheppard – he asked me not to say anything," she said. "He begged me not to say anything."
John let out a disbelieving noise and petulantly slouched back down in his wheelchair.
Jennifer looked over at Sam as she continued. "It wouldn't have shown up at all if I hadn't noticed that Imaria has the ATA gene – which I thought was pretty unusual as none of the Athosians have tested positive for it. So I ran further tests… I'm really sorry, but he was pretty insistent."
She looked back over at John. "And he assured me that it would all be brought out in the open in a few weeks' time," she finished.
There was a moment's silence after Jennifer stopped talking, and Teyla thought back to the moment in the infirmary when she had heard Imaria call the future John daddy. Now that she thought about it, she hadn't looked particularly surprised.
"It's how she got into my quarters," said John suddenly.
"What?" Asked Sam and Rodney simultaneously.
John looked up at Sam. "When she was here, Mia she – she got into my quarters in the middle of the night, even though I'd locked the door," he told her. "If she has the gene and my… my DNA then… right?"
He looked over at Rodney for confirmation, and he nodded, looking thoughtful.
"Yeah… but her gene would have to be pretty powerful," he said. "At least as strong as yours. Even with half your DNA she'd have to override some systems…"
The image of Imaria asleep in John's bed came back to Teyla, along with a flood of other memories of her daughter. Her sweet, innocent, beautiful daughter whom she had just found out was the result of some kind of twisted experiment.
She was tired of all this technical talk.
"But she's – she is alright?" Teyla asked, her hands clenching slightly over her swollen stomach.
Rodney nodded. "Yes," he said.
Jennifer nodded as well. "As far as we can see she's a normal baby, and the wraith equipment confirms that," she added.
Teyla nodded back, still not nearly at ease. "Michael will come after her," she said.
"He won't be alive much longer," growled Ronon.
He was looking straight at Teyla, and had what she thought of as his 'protective big brother' expression on his face. Teyla looked over at Rodney and was surprised to see a similar expression on his face as well.
Teyla looked round at John. He was back to staring at the tabletop angrily, his hands clenched in fists on the armrests of his wheelchair.
Teyla sighed slightly and looked back at Sam.
"Why were the Athosians taken?" She was asking now. "Did you find out?"
"More experiments," said Rodney. "The Athosians are pretty unique in their ability to sense the wraith."
Teyla winced. Something that Michael nor any other Wraith would have ever known if it had not been for actions.
Sam glanced at Teyla before speaking again, somewhat reluctantly. "From what I've been told it… there seems to be a lot of them still missing," she said quietly.
Rodney glanced at Teyla as well and she held his gaze, holding her head high. She needed to know.
"Almost a third," he said after a moment. He sighed and looked at Teyla apologetically. "We think they're dead."
Ronon spoke up again. "Michael's techniques were pretty…"
Teyla nodded and looked away as Ronon's voice trailed off. She wasn't sure she wanted to hear the details of how so many of her people had died.
"What happened to Kanan?" She asked. In her heart she was sure that he was dead. He had not returned, even though he had been there on the planet. But, again, she needed to know for sure.
Rodney's apologetic expression deepened as he looked at her. "He… he didn't make it," he said quietly. "I'm sorry…"
Teyla nodded again, and looked down at her hands. It was as she had expected – he friend was dead. He had been a good man, and she only hoped that he had died well.
"What happened?" She asked.
No one said anything, and Teyla looked up again to find that Rodney was exchanging uncomfortable looks with Lorne, Forster and Blackstone, glancing every now and then at John. She turned to look at him instead and saw that he was still staring at the table, looking so tense he seemed ready to snap in half.
Still nobody answered her question. "John?" She said sharply.
John raised his head slowly and then turned to face Teyla, looking at her for the first time since entering the room. His eyes blazed with fury, and Teyla shrank back a little.
John took a breath, and when he spoke he didn't sound angry, even though he still looked it. "He killed himself," he said.
Teyla blinked. "What?" She said, flabbergasted. "How could… why?"
John shook his head slightly and looked away, across the room at Lorne and Rodney. Major Lorne shifted in his seat and glanced at Rodney, and then leant forward, leaning his arms on the table in front of him.
"Michael was spying on the Athosians, using that Genii Nabel that Teyla and Dr Keller met on New Athos," he explained softly. "He told him that Teyla and Kanan were close and so Michael captured Kanan when he was on another planet, and… Kanan told him about the two of them, and Michael… like the Colonel said he seized the opportunity.
Teyla glanced at John – he was staring at the wall straight ahead of him. She turned back to Major Lorne.
"He made Kanan… we didn't really have time to go into the details but it was Kanan that actually carried out the procedure, whatever it was," he said.
Teyla reeled as though she had been smacked in the face. Kanan? Kanan had… no, it wasn't possible. He would never have done such a thing.
"Kanan told you all this?" Sam asked, sounding doubtful.
"Yeah," said Major Lorne. He looked straight at Teyla. "I'd hasten to add that it was against his will. He didn't know why he'd done it or how – he just had the memory of it."
Teyla swallowed. Something must have happened to him, to have made him do such things.
"He killed himself?" She repeated quietly. It was, strangely, the thing she found hardest to believe.
"Yeah," answered the Major. "I think it was the guilt."
Teyla took a deep, shaky breath and looked down at her hands again. Suicide was an extremely serious action among Athosians – the very last course of action to possibly take. Kanan must have suffered deeply to have even considered such a thing.
Sam moved the briefing away from the issue of Teyla's pregnancy and to a broader overview of the mission itself. Teyla sat silently and listened while the two teams explained what had happened to them on the planet, and how they had discovered the Athosians and rescued them. She learnt that Ronon was the only member of John's team to avoid capture by the few Wraith now loyal to Michael and guarding the compound. He had made contact with Lorne's team after they arrived – and after Major Lorne and Lieutenant O'Bryan were also captured. She learnt that the vast majority of the Athosians were kept in a large, dank dungeon below the ground, while those about to be experimented on were kept separately – Jinto, Perea and two others had been in another cell that John and Ronon raided on their way to the gate. Unfortunately this action had alerted the guards to their escape and they had barely got away – John and Jinto's injuries had been caused by one of Michael's creatures which had attacked them from nowhere.
Teyla listened, but she did not join in with the discussion. She felt numb.
Imaria. Imaria was the product of one of Michael's evil plans. What if it had worked? What would have happened? Would she have felt maternal towards her? Because all Teyla knew for certain at that moment, was that she loved Imaria with every fibre of her being, regardless of how she came to be created.
But would people understand that?
"Alright, let's leave it there for now," said Sam after a while. "We'll meet again tomorrow once Dr McKay and Dr Keller have had time to go over some of that research."
She looked at Teyla and gave her a small smile. "Teyla, I'll need you to report to the infirmary every two days for a check-up," she said.
Teyla nodded. It was the least she had expected. "Yes," she said.
"Okay. Dismissed," said Sam, standing up. The rest of the people in the room followed suit, and quickly headed for the exit. Teyla stayed where she was, still lost in thought. It wasn't until he shifted in his seat that she realised John was still sitting next to her.
She looked up and found – to her surprise – that he was looking straight back at her. Most of the anger in his eyes had gone, but his expression was guarded. And acutely uncomfortable.
Teyla realised that everyone else had left the room, and guessed they had done so on purpose, to give her and John a chance to talk.
As she sat looking at John, unable to think of anything to say, she wasn't sure whether to be grateful or not.
"I'm sorry," said John eventually. "About Kanan."
Teyla blinked and looked away. "I cannot believe… he should have said something," she said. "If he had told me…"
"Yeah."
There was a pause, as Teyla tried to imagine what must be going through John's mind. She could not even begin. She had been slightly – slightly – prepared for the revelation that he was Imaria's father. It must be a complete shock to John.
Imaria chose that moment to kick Teyla, and she placed her hand over her daughter's foot.
"Is it wrong that I do not feel angry?" She said quietly. "I know I should but… but Imaria…"
"You're her mother," said John shortly. "It's not wrong."
Teyla looked back at him and nodded, grateful that he understood.
"I am sorry that Kanan felt he had to take his own life," she said.
John winced and looked away. "I think that might have been my fault," he said. Teyla frowned as she watched John's grip tighten on the arms of his chair.
"I think he knew that if he didn't… I would have," he said.
Teyla's eyes widened. She started to shake her head, but John looked back at her and she stopped when she saw the fury blazing in his eyes again.
"It took Lorne, O'Bryan, Forster and Blackstone to hold me back," he said.
Teyla stared at him for a moment and then looked away. She was almost positive that Kanan would not have taken his own life for fear of John Sheppard's anger, but it may have been a factor. She tried to be understanding of his indignation, reminding herself that he did not know Kanan as she did… had.
It was difficult, though, not to feel a little angry.
"I can't believe Keller didn't say anything," said John, after Teyla was silent for a while.
Teyla froze. She could not, in all good consciousness, remain silent on the subject.
"I… I knew as well," she said. She hastened to explain when she saw the look of utter disbelief in John's face. "I mean, I didn't know… but when Imaria broke her hand and she was calling for her father –"
John's eyes closed and his head fell back. "She called him daddy," he said softly.
"Yes," said Teyla. John didn't say anything, or even move, apart from clenching his fists again.
Teyla sighed. "I did not know how to tell you… or if I should…"
John opened his eyes but stared straight ahead. "Yeah," he said, sounding bitter. "Well, it explains a lot, anyway. About the two of them."
Teyla nodded. "Yes," she said.
John sat up straight again, wincing slightly at the movement. "I've gotta go back to the infirmary," he said. He pushed against the table and began to wheel himself back.
Teyla sighed. "Yes," she repeated. She could feel the sudden tension in the air, as he most certainly could as well.
"I'll see you later," said John. He manoeuvred the chair to face the door and started to roll himself forward.
"Thank you," Teyla said quietly. "For saving my people."
John stopped and inclined his head slightly back towards her. He sat still for a moment before sighing and starting to wheel the chair back. He ended up behind her chair, and Teyla twisted round in her seat so she could see him.
John looked at her for a moment, and then reached down and undid one of the pockets on his pants. He reached into the pocket and withdrew his hand, holding it out to Teyla.
Teyla, unsure of what was going on, held out her hand. As soon as she felt the object drop onto her palm she knew what it was, and her eyes filled with tears.
John looked at her for a moment, his eyes full of sympathy… and guilt… and something else that Teyla couldn't quite identify, and then headed back towards the exit once more.
She watched him go silently, and as her tears began to fall her fist closed tightly around her father's necklace.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Teyla did not see much of John for several weeks. He went back to Earth for a few days, to recover from his injuries, but Teyla guessed that really he was avoiding her. And their situation.
She could not really blame him, as the news he was leaving Atlantis for a short while had been a great relief to Teyla.
She was finding it very difficult to forgive John for his reaction to Kanan's involvement in her pregnancy, especially after reading some of the mission reports. Each of them were so tactfully written when it came to the confrontation in the dungeon between John and Kanan that Teyla was sure John had not been exaggerating when he had told her it had taken four men to restrain him.
Her anger had increased when Rodney had uncovered in Michael's research some notes on mind control technology that he had been working on, and had used on Kanan.
As well as feeling angry with John, Teyla also couldn't feel a little guilty – she knew that John was annoyed that she hadn't told him about his future self and Imaria, and she did feel a little bad for not telling him of it.
They had, as Jennifer had tactfully put it, 'some issues to work out'. But Teyla was more than willing to wait to do so.
John came back from Earth and returned to light duty – the wounds on his leg had been mostly superficial except for one bad one that was healing nicely. As Teyla was very busy helping her people to get resettled in the city – and as John was hardly going out of his way to see her – they saw very little of one another and hardly spoke at all.
However, as Teyla's due date neared, her anger began to lessen and she started to worry.
No matter what their 'issues', John was Imaria's father and deserved to be a part of their daughter's life. John's future self's relationship with Imaria showed that he was, in a big way, and that the two of them were incredibly close. But how was that going to come about if she was avoiding him, and he her?
"Have you ever asked Colonel Sheppard if he'd like to come to one of these?" Jennifer asked Teyla after one of her many scans.
Teyla hesitated before answering. "No," she said. "I – I haven't seen him much lately…"
Jennifer gave her a sympathetic look. "You're still angry with him?" She asked.
Teyla shrugged. "A little," she said. "Mostly, I just do not know how to move forward."
"What do you mean?"
"I want him and Imaria to be close," she said. "But I… how will it affect us? At the moment things are so strained and awkward. I think one of the main reasons we are avoiding one another is that we just do not know what to say."
Jennifer placed a hand on Teyla's shoulder. "Teyla, you and Colonel Sheppard have been through so much together – you'll get through this as well," she said. "And you're pretty uniquely lucky in that you've got proof from the future that everything will be alright."
Teyla shook her head. "Proof that John will be a wonderful father, yes," she said. "Which is something I would never have needed proof to believe."
She looked at Jennifer, willing her to understand. "But what we saw was just a glimpse of the future – it created more questions than it answered," she said. "And one of them is what will become of the two of us."
Jennifer nodded and squeezed her shoulder, and Teyla knew she had understood. It had felt good to talk about it, but it had helped very little. She still did not know what to say to John, but she mused that anything was better than nothing. There was less than a week to go before she was due to give birth, and Teyla wanted to try and make things better before then.
Teyla was reading one of the many books about pregnancy and labour that Jennifer had given her when the chimes in her quarters sounded. Teyla put down the book and made her way to the door – she was expecting Jennifer, who she was meeting for dinner that evening.
The door slid open to reveal John.
Teyla's eyes widened and she stared at him in shock. John stared right back at her, looking more nervous and awkward than she had ever seen him.
"Er, hi," he said.
"Hello," Teyla replied.
"How are you?" He asked.
"I am fine. I thought you were off-world."
"Yeah, we just got back early," John said. "There wasn't much to see, really…"
Teyla nodded, desperately trying to think of something to say to him, now that he was here. He was here – he had come to her… why couldn't she think of anything to say?
"Um, listen, there was a market, on the planet," said John falteringly. "And I… er, I got you something."
Teyla's eyebrows shot up. For the first time she realised that John had his hands behind his back.
"You did?" Teyla asked.
"Yeah – well, no, I guess it's not really for you, it's for…" John shook his head and, carefully avoiding Teyla's eyes, removed his hands from behind his back and held something out to Teyla.
It was Bubba.
A small gasp escaped Teyla and she reached for the toy, her face splitting into a grin.
"John… you – thank you," she said, hugging Bubba to her chest.
John looked up at her and gave her a small smile. "I saw him on a stall with a bunch of other toys – I couldn't believe it," he said.
"Thank you," Teyla repeated emphatically. Somehow this gesture meant more to Teyla than any words ever could.
John nodded. "No problem," he said. "I'd better go – debriefing."
"Goodbye," said Teyla.
John nodded one more time and then turned to leave. He turned back again straight away.
"I'm sorry I've been avoiding you –"
"I have been avoiding you too –"
"It's just really weird –"
"Yes, I did not know what to say –"
"Me too, I –"
"Sorry."
"Me too."
The two of them paused for breath and stood smiling at each other. Teyla felt like she was walking on air.
John coughed slightly. "So… breakfast?" He asked.
Teyla grinned. "I would like that," she said.
John nodded. "Okay. I'll make sure there's plenty of oranges and mustard."
Teyla's grin widened. "Actually, I have recently developed a taste for chocolate and turtle root," she told him.
John's face split into a grin. "Of course you have," he said. He took a step back from the doorway, still grinning at her.
"See you later Teyla."
"Goodbye John."
The End
Only kidding….. though there is only the epilogue left now.
