AN: Thank you all for reviewing and reading! It is awesome. Oh and I don't own House and all that. :)
Chapter Nine: My Journey to the Sky
Christmas Eve
After almost two weeks of my sister and her family sleeping in my living room, I had had enough. They were finally leaving in two days and it could not happen soon enough for me or for Greg. Greg and I hadn't had sex since the somewhat strained dinner party a week ago, which was partly because the extra people in the house put unnecessary strain on our relationship and partly because Greg had been working irregular hours at the hospital. He was working a lot right now, but I didn't know if he actually had numerous time consuming patients or if he was just avoiding being at home. I guessed he was just avoiding being home, but whatever the reason, neither of us were happy about the situation. My sister of course was completely oblivious to any tension she was causing.
That afternoon, Rebecca and Callum went out to take care of some last minute Christmas shopping, so I took Bridget and Beth out to lunch at a sandwich shop a block from my house.
"So how do you like Princeton?" I asked Beth as we began eating our sandwiches.
"I like it. It reminds me of London without all the rain," she answered me, taking a big bite from her turkey sandwich.
"Well, I want you to know that if you decide to come to school out here, you can stop by to visit Greg and I anytime."
"Thanks, Aunt Bella. I really like it here and I think it might be time for me to branch out a bit. But we'll see if I even get in."
Bridget giggled as I gave her a spoonful of her baby food. "I loved having you visit, Beth. I hope we are able to see each more often."
"I liked visiting you too and I love Greg. He is so cool. You guys are way cooler than my parents," she said, shoving some potato chips into her mouth.
"I thought you got along with your parents," I said, curious.
"I do, but ever since Bridget came along, they have been weird. I don't even get why they had to have another baby so much longer after I was born. She gets all the attention. Suddenly because I have already taken my first steps nothing I accomplish is ever worthy of their attention," Beth told me, disgusted.
"I'm sorry, Beth. I know how hard it is to feel as if no one cares about what you do." I reached over to her and gave her hand a quick squeeze.
"You do?" She looked over at me.
"After my parents died, I was all alone. I didn't have any aunts or uncles or really close friends, my brother moved to a different state and my sister moved to a different country without me. I was pretty much alone, even when I was in relationships, until I met Greg. He was the first person in my life, since I lost my parents, that I didn't feel lonely with."
Beth giggled a little at me. "Wow, you two are like total soul mates or something."
I rolled my eyes at her with a smile on my face. "I don't know about that, but yeah, we are a good fit." I put down the baby food I was feeding to Bridget and reached into my giant handbag. "Beth, I want to give you your Christmas present now. It's from Greg and I, well, it is really from me but I made Greg pay for it," I said, smiling at her.
I slid a wrapped box over the table to her. She tore through the paper and as she revealed the gift within her eyes grew wide. "Oh my God, Aunt Bella. But, I already have a cell phone."
"I know, but this phone is specifically for you to call me. Now you can call me whenever you want, whenever you need someone to talk to. Beth, I don't want you to feel alone. I am here."
Beth jumped out of her chair and tackled me, giving me the biggest hug. "Thank you so much, Aunt Bella. I am going to call you all the time."
"Good, I hope you do. And don't forget, you can call anytime, even at three in the morning."
"I will. Thank you."
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"So will you and Greg be coming to Mass with us in the morning?" Rebecca asked me. They had just returned from shopping and she had come into my bedroom to wrap presents in private.
I snorted under my breath, "Mass? We don't go to church." I took a drink from my beer.
Rebecca put down the scissors she was using and assumed her lecturing older sister posture, staring me down with her hands on her hips. "Well I know you don't go every week anymore and didn't get married in the church, but don't you go for the big holidays?"
"No, we don't go to church, Becca, for any occasion."
"Since when? Is this another thing Greg made you give up?" she asked, concern in her voice.
I laughed at her. "Greg has not made me give anything up. I haven't been since Mom and Dad died, Becca. I haven't been inside a church since their funeral." I glanced over at her. My parents had been uber-religious and it had worn off on Rebecca. She was a Catholic through and through and it actually surprised me she didn't have more kids.
"But Bella, when we have a profound loss that is the moment we need our faith the most. You can't turn your back on God because one bad thing happened to you." Rebecca moved over to the bed to sit next to me.
"Rebecca, I didn't turn my back on God. I just don't believe anymore." I shrugged my shoulders at her. Then, with a harsher tone, I said, "And Becca, it wasn't just one bad thing, it has been one bad thing after another since Mom and Dad died and that cycle of continuous shit coming my way only stopped two years ago when I met Greg. But of course you wouldn't know about any of that because you never care enough to ask." I hopped off my bed and walked towards the door. "I need a stronger drink."
I walked into the kitchen to search for the last of the scotch. I heard footsteps following me even before I heard Rebecca's voice. "Isabella this is exactly your problem. You are so overdramatic and whenever it gets tough you run right to a bottle of booze. What has happened to you that is so bad?"
I drank straight from the bottle before I answered. "Rebecca, don't pretend that you care now. Where were you two years after Mom and Dad died and I had to go off to college all by myself, all alone? Where were you when my college boyfriend physically abused me? Where were you when the man I had lived with for seven years, the man I moved across the country for, not only cheated on me but had a child with another woman? Oh that's right you were in a whole different country, selfishly doing your selfish Rebecca things."
Rebecca stared at me slack jawed. "Isabella, those are awful things to have happen to you, but don't you see? God gave you Greg to ease your pain. It's important to keep your faith even through the tough times."
I rolled my eyes at her, "God gave me Greg? Believe me, Rebecca, being with Greg is no gift. I love him more than anything in this world, but I can guarantee you that God would want nothing to do with us. I have lost my faith. I lost it the day Mom and Dad died and it is not coming back."
"Isabella, you might think you have lost your faith, but God will always be with you."
"That is complete bullshit. How could you believe that and still leave your eighteen years old siblings to fend for themselves while you gallivanted around in a different country, never to come home again? Patrick and I needed parents, Rebecca, and when our own parents were taken from us, it was your job to step up and fill the void, but you didn't and every single mistake I have made in my life from that point has all stemmed from the fact that I did not have the guidance and care of a supportive family."
Rebecca looked down at the ground. I knew I had hurt her. After all these years, all the emotions I had felt about her were coming out. I just couldn't continue to listen to her talk about God and faith when I had no reason to believe anymore.
She finally looked back at me and said, "Bella, I think you should come to Mass with us tomorrow. It is time for you to return to the Church. All this anger and resentment you feel towards God is normal, but the best place to sort through these feelings is the Church."
"I am not going to Mass. I am not going back to church and I think you need to just let it go if you want to continue to have a relationship with me," I told her, my tone venomous.
For the first time since we had gone into the kitchen, I noticed Greg standing right outside the doorway to the kitchen. He must have come home from work to find us fighting. He was watching my sister and I intently, while Callum and Beth watched with a mixture of apprehension and disbelief. I walked right past him and grabbing my coat, I walked out the front door. I hopped down the front steps and began walking in the direction of the hospital and the Princeton campus.
"Isabella!" I heard Greg's voice behind me. I turned around to face him, tears streaming down my face. He reached out to me, placing a hand on my waist. "Bella," he continued quietly, "I heard everything."
"She is the only person in my life that has always been able to make me feel bad about myself. My entire adult life has basically been spent trying to please her, and all I ever do is disappoint her. She makes me feel like I am a bad person," I told him, in between sobs.
"You are not a bad person." He pulled me closer to him, wrapping me in his arms.
"You know when I told her we got married the first thing she said to me was 'not in the eyes of God.' She didn't congratulate me. She didn't ask about you. She just told me that since we weren't married in the church we were still living in sin." I cried into his chest, moistening the tee shirt he was wearing.
"I had no idea your sister was so religious."
"Yeah, well my parents were. We used to go to church every Sunday and we had all gone to Catholic schools. It stuck with my sister, it didn't with me." My tears slowed down as the anger towards my sister built back up.
He loosened his grip on me and touched my chin, pushing it upwards, forcing me to look at him. "Why didn't you tell me about your ex?" There was hurt in his eyes, almost as if he was wounded by the fact he didn't know everything about me.
"I don't know." I felt the tears welling up again. "It happened so long ago."
"Did you want to talk about it?"
"I don't think so. Look, Greg, what you are trying to do is sweet, but I promise, I have dealt with it. I don't need to discuss it anymore."
He nodded his head. "Do you want to go for a walk?"
I gave him a small smile, "Not really. It's starting to snow."
"Want to go to the OTB parlor?" he asked, a glint in his eyes.
A grin spread quickly over my face as I answered, "Definitely."
"Alright, you wait here," he said, backing away from me slightly. "I'll go get the car keys, tell your annoying family not to wait up and then we can go."
As he turned and walked back to our apartment, I called out to him, "Greg?" When he turned to face me, I said, "Thank you." He nodded his head at me and walked up our steps.
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"I can't believe we won a thousand bucks," I said, sitting down at a table at a little hot dog stand a block from the OTB parlor.
Plopping down next to me, Greg said, "We lost $700."
I pulled the hot dogs and sodas off the tray and gave Greg one of each. "It sounds better to say we won a thousand. Leave all the other stuff out." I took a bite of my hot dog before saying, "Thanks, Greg, for tonight."
"If you really wanted to thank me, you would have been a better good luck charm," he teased, tossing a pill in his mouth.
"I still can't believe I yelled at my sister like that."
Greg took a bite of his hot dog, looking intently at me, thinking. Then, he said, "Why not? You yell at your employees all the time. You yell at the opposing consul all the time. Shit, you yell at me almost daily."
"Yeah, but it's different with my sister. It just always has been," I told him, almost mumbling.
"Do you want to know why? Your sister has taken the place of your mother in your whole parental authority figure schema. Your mother died before you hit your rebellious years so you only had your sister to rebel against, but because she was your maternal figure you have been afraid to stand up to her all these years. You have been stunted in your maturation because you have been desperately seeking the approval of your stand in mother."
"Why is that you get so pissed when people try to psychoanalyze you but you are so quick to psychoanalyze others?" I asked, a slight smile on my face.
He took a drink from his soda. "Well, Isabella, you see, I'm emotionally stunted. I can only dish it out I can never take it," he said, jokingly.
"So what do I do now?"
"You act like every other adult in the world. Pretend it never happened, grit your teeth through the rest of her visit and then avoid her for the next six years."
I glanced sideways at him. "That's your advice? Lie? That is so unlike you."
Greg gave me an intense stare. "I don't care what you do. I just want my tough, no nonsense, bitch of a wife back. All this uncertainty and hand wringing is nauseating. You are not yourself around her and I can't wait for it to end."
I looked down at my hands, embarrassed at the way I had been acting. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry. No one is themselves around their family." He shoved the rest of his hot dog in his mouth and then said, "Want to go back home and have sex?"
"Yeah, I do, really badly," I flashed him a smile. As we stood up and started walking back to the car, I grabbed Greg's arm, turning him to face me. "I love you, Greg."
"I know. I love you too," he said, a soft smile on his face.
