I am terrible when it comes to dates or anything to do with numbers really so it's possible I got the years wrong in this chapter. Sorry if you see mistakes in that. Thank you to my reviewers and those on the alert list for this story!

Chapter 9

Seventeen years ago to the date I gave myself to Edward Cullen for the first time. Yes, I actually remembered the exact date, exact time and the exact location. I know that may seem a little strange but it was my first time and it was special to me.

I was only fifteen and he was seventeen but I knew I was ready. I didn't know that a year and a half later I'd be giving birth to our son, alone.

But giving myself to Edward felt like the only right thing to do. I wanted to be his first and I wanted him to be mine. I admit the first couple of times were more then awkward but over time things just fell into place.

Just like things fell into place for us right now. Last night we didn't have that awkward feeling like we had the first time we were together physically. Somehow it still brought me back to that first time. It was like I was having my second first time with Edward all over again. As crazy as that sounds…

Edward and I had started dating when I was fourteen and he was sixteen. I couldn't believe either of us had waited that long to have sex, but it was always there in the back of my mine. Just at fourteen I wasn't ready. But being fifteen felt like a totally different story.

I don't regret any of it. I most certainly don't regret the last time we had sex, which was the day before he left for New York. That night was when we conceived Masen, the best thing that we could have ever done.

I hope Edward knows I never regretted loving him. I hope he knows I don't regret having Masen. I just…I want him to know that no matter what he's been there in my mind, in my heart, all along.

Over the years I recorded all of Masen's firsts through video. There's two shelves in our living room that hold videos of Masen's life. I figured that if Edward did ever come back then there was a way that it would be like he was there. That he would be able to share in what I had experienced first hand.

I also knew that nothing would replace that feeling in him that he didn't get to see all of Masen's first firsthand.

It wouldn't replace it in me either. For that I am forever in his debt.

I watched as Edward slept beside me. His face was of an angel and I couldn't help but stare at him. It was already past four pm and I knew I should be getting home. Plus, my phone hadn't stopped ringing since we had first entered his bedroom after Lane left with Alexa.

I hope she didn't mind watching her all this time. I also hoped my son was being nice to her, I could just tell she liked him or at least I hoped she did.

I would hate for my son to get any more involved with Alyssa, although I knew if my son loved her then I would just have to grin and bear it.

But Lane seemed like she would be such a wonderful daughter-in-law.

Oh dear God, I did not just think that. My son was barely sixteen and I was already thinking about him getting married.

I shook my head getting rid of those thoughts.

"You're awake." Edward's hand brushed aside my bangs as he stared deep into my eyes.

"I have been for awhile." I tell him scooting closer.

"You should have woken me." He sighed breathing in deeply.

"You looked far too peaceful for me to wake you." I smiled up at him. His eyes sparkled as he leaned down to kiss me.

"What time is it?" He looked over at the digital clock on his night stand.

"Two hours until we had sex for the first time seventeen years ago." I instantly regretted what I said to him. I felt him chuckle rather then hear it.

"You remember?" He lifted my chin up with his index finger. I just nodded weakly. "I remember too." He whispered against my lips after he placed his on mine.

I let out a whimper. I was ecstatic that he remembered. I almost couldn't believe it.

"I would love to stay longer and celebrate that little anniversary but I really should be getting home to Masen." I pulled away from him reluctantly. I wanted nothing more then to stay in his arms, but the both of us had responsibilities such as our children.

"You're right." He nodded as I sat up and began pulling my clothes on. "Bella?" He stopped me from standing up from his bed.

"Hmm?" I turned around to look at him.

"Would you like to go to dinner with me tomorrow night? I mean, we still need to have that talk." I love how comfortable he sounded as he asked me. I gave him a smile and nodded. "I'll pick you up seven if that's alright."

"Sounds good, but I have work at nine the next morning so we can't stay out too late." I laughed after I finished what I said. I sounded like such a mother right then.

"Then let's make it six." He leaned across the bed and kissed me fully on the lips. It took everything in me to pull away.

"Bye, Love." He said this as I was halfway across his room, almost to the door. I stopped dead in my tracks upon hearing this. My heart was beating quickly and I felt like I was going to pass out any second. It had been so long since he had called me that.

Instead of running back to him like I had in my head I just smiled to myself and kept on walking.


After I got home Lane had caught me sneaking in. She just gave me a smile and picked up Alexa. She said her goodbyes before walking out of my house. As soon as the front door slammed shut Masen came running down the stairs.

He just had this grin on his face. I have no idea what was going through that boys head.

Once I had dinner on the table I thought we would talk but all through dinner he hadn't said a word. Not until he stood up from his chair and told me he was going over to Seth's to spend the night.

I tried to say something about what happened or why I was with Edward all day but he just said we'd talk later. Why was it that all these talks had to wait so long? I was already nervous about my talk with Edward now here I was having to be nervous about my talk with Masen.

Sometimes I wish I could just do things without having to think or talk them through. But with a kid and a past it's difficult to do that, almost impossible.

After Masen left I realized I needed to talk to Jacob. I knew if I invited him over then he'd think I wanted to do more then just talk. If I went over to his place he'd probably think the same thing.

I decided that it would be easier if I just went over there. I wasn't quite sure why but all I knew is I needed to talk to him.

He was surprised to see me standing there. A smile spread across his face and I started to hate myself for what I as about to do. Cleary Jacob loved me more then just in a friendly way. He had tried to express that over the past few years but I just wouldn't have it.

Because even though we fooled around I still just couldn't fall for him.

"Are you going to let me in? It's freezing out here." I pulled my jacket closer to my body. Jacob just swung the door wide so I could step in. His house was tiny. One bedroom and only one bath. The kitchen flowed right into the living room. "Look Jacob, there's some things we need to discuss." I turned to face him after he closed the door.

His smile suddenly faded.

"This is about Edward, isn't it?" His voice was cold and harsh.

"Jacob, you know I love you but…"

"You don't love me the way you love Edward." He interrupted. "Jesus, Bella he left you! Alone and pregnant! How could you possibly want him back in your life? How could you let him?"

"He didn't know I was pregnant." I returned.

"He still left you, pregnant or not. But me, I was there. Though everything."

"I know you were, Jacob and for that I more then grateful but as I've always told you I don't see you as more then a friend. I haven't meant to string you along all these years, and I'm sorry for that."

"But you did." He mumbled.

"I'm sorry." I looked down at my feet suddenly feeling ashamed for dragging him along like that. I didn't feel ashamed for still loving Edward, though.

"So, you've never felt like I do?" He tried to walk towards me but I took a step back. I just shook my head. "Nothing?"

"I love you as a friend, Jacob. That's it. That's all I've ever felt for you."

"All this time. All this fooling around meant nothing to you?" Oh God.

"Jacob…"

"I need to be alone right now, Bella. Please just go." He turned and walked towards his room slamming the door shut behind him.

I just sighed as I looked at his door one last time.

I felt sorry for how I treated him but I didn't feel sorry for ending this. I knew all along it shouldn't have ever started.


"Isabella Marie Swan, I am going to hurt you if you do not answer this door." I heard yelling coming through my front door. I had fallen asleep on the couch after I got back from Jacob's. I hadn't even heard the knocking until I heard Alice's yells. I groggily stood up and walked over to the door. I opened it to only find my very pissed off best friend.

"You have a lot of explaining to do." She huffed shoving past me. I just groaned and followed her to the kitchen. She plopped down on a chair with her arms folded across her chest and a very determined look on her face. "How come when I called today Masen answered and said you were at Edward's? Hmm? And how come when I called your cell phone you never picked up? Heck, I even called Edwards and I got nothing."

"My phone must have died…" I trailed off knowing full well I heard each time she had called.

"That's a terrible excuse Bella and I know it's not true." She rolled her eyes. "Now what were you doing at Edward's?"

"Nothing." I shrugged flashing her a smile. I heard a gasp as it seemed realization hit her.

"You didn't!" She shrieked.

"Yeah, I did." I said shyly.

"Oh my God!" She shrieked again. I didn't understand why she had to shriek so darn much. "So does that mean you two talked everything through?" She lowered her voice.

"Well, not exactly." I looked away.

"Bella…"

"What? I didn't know when I went over there last night that we'd have sex multiple times and end up spending the entire day together!" I threw my hands up into the air.

"You spent the night?" Her eyes widened.

"Yeah." I wrung my hands together nervously.

"And in all of that time you two were together you never thought to talk about everything?" She raised her eyebrow at me.

"We were living in the moment." I shrugged.

"Oh Bella…" She sighed giving me sad look.

"I don't regret what happened, Alice. I even ended things with Jake today…And Edward and I will talk about this. We're going out to dinner tomorrow night." I said.

"How'd Jacob take it?" She asked.

"He seemed pretty upset. I'm sure he'll never speak to me again…"

"He loves you far too much to do that, Bells. Even if it's Edward you want he'll always support you." She reached across the table to squeeze my arm.

"I hope you're right." I bit down on my lower lip.

"So, what's Masen think of all this? He does know right?"

"He knew I was at Edward's but he didn't want to talk about anything when I came home. He said we'd talk later. I know that if he's not okay with this then I won't get into anything more with Edward." I say. I will always put Masen first, even if I have to sacrifice my happiness.

"I'm still mad that you didn't call me or answer my calls." She glared at me. It was so Alice to be stuck on something like that.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't really wanting to have any contact with the real world." I sighed thinking back to the night and day I had spent with Edward. Pure Bliss.

"You owe me." She pointed a finger at me.

"Just as long as it's not shopping." I said groaning knowing that's exactly what she would want to do.

"We won't be shopping for you, Bells. We'll be shopping for the baby." She patted her barely there stomach.

"I can handle that. But don't you think you should wait a bit."

"I didn't say we'd be going anytime soon, I just said you owed me." She rolled her eyes. "Now that I know you're alive and aren't dead somewhere in a ditch I can go home and sleep." She stood up then asked me what time I was going out with Edward.

"Six."

"I'll be over at four." She waved. I should have known not to tell her. She was going to make me into her own personal Barbie. I've always hated telling Alice I was going out anywhere. She'd make such a big fuss about what I would wear or how I would do my hair. Make-up was what we fussed about the most. I loved Alice but those were the times I regretted having such a person as her as a friend.

I just sighed and flipped all of the lights off in my house before going upstairs to my own bed.