Chapter Nine- "Don't Want an Ending"

Kensi walked into the boathouse, she didn't know why Nate wanted to see her, but she figure it was because of the way their talk ended. She knew there really wasn't much left to say, she had said just about everything she needed to say. When she walked in she saw Nate just standing there waiting for her. The TV monitor was off and Kensi got this sinking feeling something else was going on.

"If this is you trying to get me to change my mind it's not going to happen," Kensi said. "I've made my decision and I'm going to talk to Hetty. This team deserves more then I can give them."

"I am not here to talk you out of leaving," Nate said. "I believe there is one more thing to do before you tell Hetty."

"What's that? Listen to you analyze me some more?" Kensi said.

"Nope," Nate said. "You will be doing the talking. Just follow me." Nate then led her into the interrogation room, where Deeks was already sitting in one of the chairs. Once Kensi saw him she turned to leave but Nate stopped her.

"You set me up?" Kensi snapped at Nate.

"No, you need to talk to Deeks," Nate said. "He's your partner and you owe him that." Nate said before leaving the room and closing the door. Kensi went to try and opened it but it was locked.

"I owe him nothing," Kensi yelled as she kicked the door.

"Just for the record I had nothing to do with this," Deeks said. "Nate dragged me here and locked me in. I didn't know what he was planning on doing."

"Well for Federal Agents, the Psychologist out smarted us," Kensi said. She then walked over to the empty chair and sat down. "I'm not playing his game."

"So that means you are back to being mad at me?" Deeks said. "I thought…"

"I'm just not playing into whatever game he is trying to pull," Kensi said.

"Then why did you say you owe me nothing after Nate said you needed to talk to me?" Deeks asked.

"Nate is playing mind games, he wants to see us react," Kensi said trying to cover up the truth.

"What is it Nate thinks you need to tell me?" Deeks asked.

"Nothing," Kensi said. "It's nothing."

"Which means it's something," Deeks said. "You know I really thought we were moving to a better place. You came to me when you needed help and have talked to me. What happened?"

"What happened?" Kensi said. "What happened? You happened." Kensi got up from the chair and yelled the last part at Deeks. "I was perfectly fine until you walked into my life, but no you had to go and make me believe all these things again like they were at all possible. Only to get up and walk away." Deeks stood there not should how to respond to her. "Why did you leave? Was I not enough for you? Did I do something wrong? Tell me what I did to make you leave?"

"Kensi," Deeks said he got up from his chair and walked over to her. He reached out and took her hands in his. "You didn't do anything. This was about me, it was never about you."

"Why did you shut me out?" Kensi said. She had already started crying.

"I know I did everything wrong," Deeks said. "I shouldn't have ignored your calls, I should have talk to you. I needed to get away from everything."

"You needed to get away from everything? And Everyone?" Kensi said. She wasn't really looking for an answer back.

"At the time yeah," Deeks said. "It was all to much and I'm not like all of you. I don't know how to deal with these kinds of things. I needed to deal with it on my own. At the time it felt right to walk away and never look back."

"Even after?" Kensi asked.

"Yeah," Deeks said. "The bad out weighted the good and I let it. I wasn't trying to hurt you Kensi, I swear."

"Had you left the team, would you have said anything to me?" Kensi asked him. Deeks shook his head no.

"I guess it would have made it easier to leave not seeing you or anyone," Deeks said. Kensi pulled her hands away from Deeks.

"You self-righteous, son of a bitch," Kensi said as she started hitting him with her hands palms up. Deeks stood there and let her get her angry out, knowing she wasn't really trying to hurt him. She just needed to let it out. "How could you do this? How could you leave me? I did everything I could for you." Kensi slowly stopped hitting Deeks. She then leaned against him as he wrapped his arm around her. After a bit her legs gave out on her and she slowly fell to the ground, Deeks with her as he continued to hold her in his arms.

"Shh," Deeks said to her. "I'm not leaving you Kensi, never again" Deeks whispered into her ear.

Nate watched from the monitor he had turned back on once he had left Kensi in the room with Deeks. As he watched he scene unfold he couldn't hope but wonder if Kensi was talking to Deeks or talking to someone else. He had talked to both Deeks and Kensi in the matter of two months and he could see just how different their partnership was compared to Sam and Callen or Kensi and Callen. He knew that Kensi and Deeks partnership was what helped Deeks in the end, but he couldn't help but wonder if it would destroy Kensi.

Deeks sat on the beach looking out at the ocean and the surfer. It had been a couple days since Hetty had visited him. After Nate had coming knocking on his door and he ignored it. Deeks knew this was coming. Nate walked over to him and just stood next to him.

"Wish you were out there?" Nate asked him.

"No such thing as a bad day on the water," Deeks replied. "I came, I had my hand on the door. I don't know what happen I just couldn't come in."

"I'm pretty sure you'd feel better if we talked," Nate said.

"Pretty sure I wouldn't." Deeks said.

"Look, even though I'm here at Hetty's request, well I got my own opinions. The only one who matters in all this is you." Nate said. "I have no agenda beyond making sure you're in the best place you can be right now."

"How can you possible know what that place is, when I don't even know" Deeks said.

"Perspective," Nate replied. "Seldom do we know what we need for ourselves."

"What I need is sleep," Deeks said.

"Why do you think you can't sleep?" Nate asked.

"Because every time I close my eyes my mind just keeps running," Deeks answered.

"What?" Nate said.

"All sorts of stuff man," Deeks said.

"The abductions?" Nate asked.

"Yes the abduction," Deeks said.

"Torture?" Nate said.

"Abductions, torture, when I was shot. Falling off my bike when I was eight years old, stepping on a bee, nursery rhymes, grocery lists, infomercials. It's like someone took all my memories and put them into a blender," Deeks said. He then got up and started walking Nate following behind.

"You went through a traumatic experience," Nate said.

"Yeah but this is not my first traumatic experience," Deeks said.

"No but maybe something about this one had more impact," Nate said. "Your brain could be trying to make sense of what happened by comparing it to past experiences, but you've got nothing that comes close so it's working a little harder to resolve it."

"Okay, so how longs this supposed to last?" Deeks asked.

"I don't think I have a definitive answer for that, but the more you talk about it out here the less you are going to have to work on it in here," Nate said and pointed to his head.

"So what in the mean time I walk around with the mind of a schizophrenic?" Deeks asked.

"I don't think you have to worry about being a schiz..." Nate started to say before Deeks cut him off.

"That's funny cause I already get the shaggy jokes and now I'm half way to homeless," Deeks said. "It's crazy I see these guys and I hear them talking to themselves. It scaring the hell out of me because if I was to say what's going on in my mind, it wouldn't be different."

"That's the real difference," Nate said. "You're worried about it. I'd be more concerned if you weren't."

"So I'm not crazy?" Deeks asked.

"Not yet, but if you don't start getting some sleep, you're gonna act and feel like it," Nate responded. "What about Kensi?"

"What about her?" Deeks asked. Deeks stopped and looked at the ocean for a moment. Nate stopped with him and looked at him.

"Have you spoken with her?" Nate questioned

"She wasn't there," Deeks said.

"She's your partner, don't you think she has a right to know about what's going on?" Nate said.

"She's doing fine," Deeks said.

"Maybe you should let her be the judge of that," Nate said.

"Why does she matter in all this?" Deeks questioned.

"You two obviously have something special," Nate said.

"Who told you that?" Deeks said getting defensive.

"You're partners, it's a special relationship," Nate said. "Like Callen and Sam."

"Right… of course," Deeks said.

"But there is something different about your partnership, then the rest. So what is it about your partnership that's unique," Nate asked.

"What do you mean?" Deeks asked. "What do you mean unique?"

"Different from Callen and Sam, the others. What's the one ingredient that makes your partnership distinct from the rest?" Nate asked.

"I don't know," Deeks said.

"Well once you can answer that truthfully, to yourself everything else will become much clearer," Nate said.


AN: I do not own the Nate/Deeks scenes, that belong 100% to CBS and Shane. I just added a little to it. Bonus Chapter, only hoping it works the way I want. So you get a chapter tonight and then tomorrow too. Then next chapter will be Tuesday. For those question, Carlos not going to come between Kensi and Deeks. He's just someone being nice to Kensi and trying to be a friend. Callen asked him to keep and eye on Kensi, so he's just trying to be a friend. Kensi doesn't know he's a cop, let alone the one who brought her home or that Callen asked him to watch her. That will come out and hoping something good comes out of it, well see.