CHAPTER NINE
Breaking Apart: Part Two

Buffy tries to help Faith set up the mats but the brunette shoots her a look. "I got it," she says dismissively, not really wanting to put up with being helped by the other girl because it only made her feel like more of an asshole. As she lays out the mats, Buffy folds her arms across her chest.

"You know, this isn't the most ideal situation for me either," she says flatly.

"Whatever."

"You're just a fountain of intelligent words, aren't you?" Buffy mocks, starting to get a little furious with the younger girl's unwarranted bitchiness. Faith finishes laying out the mats and stands up to face her. She needed Buffy to back off and keep her distance for her own piece of sanity.

"Look, Princess. I don't like you, you don't like me. Let's just stick with that instead of you tryin' to get all buddy-buddy with me."

"I'm not trying to get—ugh," Buffy says, frustrated. "I'm just trying to be nice since we have to work together and see each other every day now because of this. Excuse me for trying to make that a little more pleasant. Excuse me for fucking living, Faith. I can see how much it bothers you."

Faith cocks an eyebrow at her, following her own advice of just saying angry. "Don't start with this dramatic shit, okay? I know what you're doing. Cordelia dumped you, from what I heard Scott dumped you. You got no friends, no boyfriend. You ain't got anyone and now you think that just cause we got something in common me and mine are gonna be your rebound buddies? Really don't think so." Buffy just stares at her like she couldn't believe Faith just said that too her. Hell, Faith is having a big okay, idiot, that was WAY over the line moment in her head, especially after what Buffy just went through, but she can't stop herself.

Protecting herself. Pushing her away. Pushing everyone away. Anger. Hate. Fuck it. She can't deal with it and she knows she's going about it all wrong and yet the words keep coming.

"You can't just come in here and think you're one of us because you have nowhere else to fit in anymore. You can't just fuckin' waltz in here and screw up everyone's lives and think we're going to be okay with it. You know what? Yeah, I can deal with you being here. But don't you fuckin' dare act like a wounded puppy who's trying to find their way back home when you bring this shit down on us. You're the Slayer, B. Fuckin' congratulations. Now deal with your shit like a Slayer."

Faith just took the 'Biggest Bitch' title away from Cordelia. She can feel it and she already regrets every single thing that came out of her mouth when Buffy looks at her like she's not even human. She doesn't feel very human after that. She just took one thing and went way off base, turning it into something uglier just to hurt her; just to push her away. Faith's a lot of things… but she's never been that cruel. She can be a bitch with the rest of them but she doesn't… fuck. She just did.

She feels the pull as she watches Buffy start to fall apart.

Buffy's hands are shaking again and Faith realizes she's trying to control herself not to just beat Faith into that blueberry Giles was talking about. Faith steps back hesitantly as she watches her. Buffy's eyes have misted over and she sets her jaw and Faith watches her swallow hard before a strangled sob is released from her lips. The sound seems to infuriate Buffy and her hands connect with Faith's chest as she shoves her into the ground furiously. Faith gasps in pain; the force making the safety mat that broke her fall relativity useless.

Faith doesn't get up though and for once she doesn't defend herself, though maybe only because she knows she'll lose. She looks up at Buffy who's standing over her, one tear falling down her cheek, the fury igniting behind her green eyes.

When she speaks finally, her voice comes out even, like she's trying to control every single word. It only makes the anger sound more predominant though, and Faith's pretty sure she's not about to pick herself up off this floor anytime soon.

"My Watcher just died, you cold hearted bitch. He died! In front of me! Have you EVER seen anyone die, Faith? Get ripped apart?!" Buffy shrieks, the tears falling from her eyes faster. She points at the brunette below her furiously, "You don't know what it's like for me! Everyone around me is dying and it's my fault! I close my eyes and try to go to sleep and all I see is death!"

Faith's stomach feels like she swallowed rocks. The reality; the reality she's been trying to avoid. Buffy's pain. She saw it; she could practically feel it the minute she walked in the door. She didn't want to think about what Buffy went through because this would happen: she would want to fix it. She can't see her cry. She doesn't know why but the last time she saw her cry it scared her because she wanted to make it better. And this? All she wants to do is make it better and it terrifies her.

She's not supposed to care. She's not that kind of person. She's not the person who helps out someone when they need it cause no one has ever helped out her, that's for damn sure. So she's the person who gives a big FUCK YOU to the world and lets everyone go about their shit. But Buffy… she can't leave it. It freaks her out and pisses her off and she tries like hell to avoid what is happening right now and yet the funny thing is that she's the one that made it happen, her and her stupid fucking mouth.

Faith tries to get up, but Buffy won't let her. "No," Buffy demands, her voice dangerously calm as she stares down at her. "No, don't you fucking move. You're gonna sit there and listen to every single thing I have to say to you before you even think about moving."

Faith's eyes widen; Buffy's dead serious. She's never seen Buffy this way before. She doesn't move though, she stays where she is. She locks her jaw to keep herself from saying anything that's about to make this worse and make both of them feel like even more shit. It's hard though. She's never let anyone tell her what to do before, but right now? It seems like it might be a good idea to just shut the fuck up for once.

Buffy looks down at her. "You want this so badly, don't you? This destiny," she spits the word out like it's vile. "But it's not fun, Faith! Outside of all the blood and the gore and the fighting to survive every single night, everything else around you starts to fall apart!" More tears. So many that it's a wonder Buffy can even see. "No one wants anything to do with me anymore because I'm some sort of freak! My mother's starting to think I'm some sort of delinquent because I come home with bruises and wounds because I'm out there fighting for my life, fighting for your life and everyone else's every single night instead of being normal! I don't get a social life; I don't get a life at all! All I am is this and I can't make it stop! My entire world just fucking broke apart and I'm trying here, really trying to be the destiny girl and you're… you're not helping any, Faith! You don't know what I've been through, okay?! So just shut up and get off of my back!"

Faith doesn't have to see them to know that Giles, Xander, and Willow are watching the scene through the office window. Buffy's loud enough to make that obvious. But Faith doesn't care about them right now. She feels completely fucking horrible and it's making her sick.

Buffy's legs seem to give out from under her as she breaks down sobbing, putting her head in her hands and curling herself into a ball. Buffy's breaking in front of her and it makes Faith feel like she's breaking too. She has never witnessed anyone going through that much pain before. Ever. In her whole life. She's had her shit but she keeps it all inside. Her mother has freak outs but it's more rage than pain. But this… Buffy was shaking as she sobbed and for the first time since she heard about it… Faith hopes she never becomes the Slayer.

"B…" she tries, just trying to say something, anything. But Buffy doesn't respond to her and the overwhelming feeling inside of Faith to just reach out and hold the crying girl was becoming more predominant. But she was scared. Reaching out and relating… she doesn't want to do that. "Buffy," she tries again, moving closer to her, but Buffy pushes her away from her. Not hard though, she can't seem to put much effort behind it.

"Just go away," she sobs.

"Buffy… shit, come on. Stop cryin'," Faith says, her voice gentler as she tries to come closer to her again.

"No! Just… Faith, just leave me alone!" Buffy cries as she pushes her away again, but can barely see through her tears. She tries to make Faith get away from her, keeps trying to push, keeps telling her to leave her alone until she's screaming it. But Faith's arms wrap around her and the fight leaves the blonde and she collapses against her, burying her face in the crook of Faith's neck.

"I'm sorry; I'm a bitch, okay? I'm sorry, Buffy," Faith tells her as she holds her closer to her, just trying to get her to calm down. It was eating her up inside; the guilt. She shouldn't have done that. She should have found a better way to deal with her own problems. She knows she's not the poster girl for dealing with problems in the healthy way, but she shouldn't have been that fuckin' stupid.

Now look what she did.

It takes about ten minutes to calm Buffy down. Faith strokes her hair and holds onto her because she knows she has to; that she has to fix what she just broke. She watches Xander slip out quietly from Giles' office, the list of things he was sent to get in hand. He glances at them quickly, but leaves without another look to give them privacy.

Buffy's sobs have faded now; all that's left are her sniffles every now and then. Her hands hold onto Faith's shirt in a death grip and she won't open her eyes. "Buffy?" Faith asks softly. "B? You… you okay?" Buffy doesn't say anything, but she does lift her head up to look at Faith. Faith feels a tightening in her chest as she sees Buffy's tear stained face and she wipes away the next one that falls down her cheek. Buffy takes a breath, maybe a sigh, and leans her forehead gently against Faith's, closing her eyes.

"You were supposed to be the only one who could ever understand…" Buffy whispers, the pain still evident in her voice. It terrifies Faith that she wants nothing more than to make that pain go away. But she doesn't think about it, she can't right now. She'll freak out later, alone in her room, sure. But right now? Right now she's got more important shit to deal with.

"I don't," Faith tells her softly, almost regrettably. She sighs and closes her eyes too, just feeling Buffy's skin against hers. "I'm sorry, B. I ain't a Slayer. I'm… just me. I got shit I have to deal with every day but it ain't like you."

Fuck. Buffy's lips are way too close to hers, making her think inappropriate thoughts and have stupid urges. The girl's crying for shit's sake.

Faith pulls away from Buffy, just needing the distance before she does anything stupid. She doesn't know where that urge came from because this isn't the sexiest of situations. Buffy looks up at her, so many emotions on her face that Faith can't read.

"You hate me," Buffy states, softly. There's no emotion in her words even though her face is showing too much of it.

"I have to hate you," Faith corrects quietly.

"Why?"

"It's easier."

"Then what?" Buffy asks, her voice cracking. Her eyes search Faith's like she's trying to find answers to her own questions that she's never asked. Faith looks away from her, not wanting to see what's behind her eyes; what's reflected in her own.

"I dunno," Faith tells her, honestly. "Easier than anything else." She looks up at her when she feels Buffy's grip slacken on her tank top and her fingers start to slightly caress Faith's sides. Buffy doesn't seem like she's realizing that she's even doing it. But Faith moves away from her, making her stop. "It's easier for you too," she tells her, keeping her distance now. "You know it."

Buffy looks up at her, studying her; "You're terrified," she tells her.

"So are you," Faith counters defensively, even though she's sure neither of them knows if they're talking about impending doom or something else. They just stare at each other for a long time, the tension so thick in the air that it's almost suffocating them both.

"Yeah," Buffy admits softly. "I am." She takes a deep breath, contemplating something. She picks at her shirt absentmindedly as she goes on, "So maybe you're right. We just… we shouldn't get along."

Faith nods a little as Buffy looks up at her again.

Buffy takes another breath, calming herself down. Making herself deal with the situation and move on. "But we should be training," she says, trying to get back down to business. Faith's grateful for it.

And just like Buffy, she pushes down everything she was feeling and tries to act normal. They both need to right now.

Faith cracks a small smirk. "Now you're talkin'. Let's get rough." Yeah, that came out sounding a lot more suggestive than she meant it to and she can tell by the slight blush of Buffy's cheeks. Shit, that's not what she meant. She tries to move on from that quickly though, not wanting Buffy to think she's hitting on her because she's so not. As both girls pick themselves off the floor, Faith asks, "So what? You want to just come at me then?"

Jeez, that sounded like an innuendo too. Maybe she should just stop talking all together.

"Yeah, turn around," Buffy tells her, thankfully seeming to miss the innuendo. She brushes off her pants and wipes her eyes and Faith can see the strength behind them. It's almost beautiful in a tragic sort of way. Kinda like Faith's life as a whole.

Faith turns around, looking at the doors of the library as she tries not to think about what just happened or what it was. What it even meant. It just didn't make sense, any of it. She shouldn't feel this connected to a person she barely knows. But that's why she needs to run. She doesn't need connections, especially connections she can't explain. And most definitely not a connection that makes her… care. Caring is dangerous. Caring gets you hurt.

Faith's lost in her thoughts and her pause in being aware of the situation costs her when Buffy comes at her and she only realizes at the last second. Before she knows it she's sprawled out flat on her ass. Fuck. She needs to pay attention.

She rubs her shoulder where the hit connected. "Damnit, B. Giles said pull your punches!" Christ that hurt.

"I did!" Buffy insists. "Sorry, I'll pull them more. I'm still trying to get used to this whole super strength thing." She extends her hand to help Faith up, something that normally Faith would slap away. Though right now, after everything, she knows she has no right to be a bitch. She takes it reluctantly and lets the blonde help her to her feet.

"Alright, go again," Faith says, turning around and planting her feet. She can hear Buffy behind her, trying to pay attention to where she is this time. But when Buffy comes at her, even though Faith accurately judges the distance, she still blocks too late and ends up on her ass again. She growls in annoyance and Buffy tries to stifle a giggle.

At least she's feeling better. Christ. Faith rubs her back, wincing in pain.

"Sorry," Buffy says again, helping her back up. "Can I… can I show you something?" she asks, not knowing how receptive Faith is going to be to being taught by her. But right now if it keeps her from landing on her ass she's all for it.

"Go for it, Blondie."

Buffy looks disgruntled at Faith's array of nicknames but comes over to her. "Turn around," she tells her. Faith does what she says and then feels Buffy get behind her; almost pressing against her she was so close. "You're right handed, right?" she asks softly and Faith nods, most of the attention on how close Buffy is to her right now rather than their lesson. Jesus, Lehane. Get a grip. If she got laid recently this probably wouldn't be much of an issue. Well, she's got a new thing on her to do list, anyway.

Not with Buffy. Let's make that perfectly clear.

"Okay, so when you turn to block me, lead with your left," Buffy instructs as she takes Faith's left arm in her hand and guides her, slowly showing her how to turn. "Keep your arm bent like this, that way when you block my punch most of the force will go here," her fingertips trail over an area on Faith's forearm, showing her. Faith feels the tingles getting worse. God damnit, the closeness isn't helping any. She's really gotta talk to Giles about this. "It's less likely to get broken on impact there." Yeah, cause that's comforting.

Faith is facing her now and Buffy has stepped back, demonstrating how she's going to come at her and how Faith's arm will connect to block it. "That way, if you do it like this, you can follow through with your right and get a clean shot," Buffy tells her, smiling a little as she takes Faith's hand in hers, guiding her along the pathway. Damn, they were way too… in each other's space right now. "You get it?"

"Yeah, think so," Faith says, waiting for Buffy to step the hell back from her space, but Buffy doesn't move right away, nor does she let go of her hand or the grip on her arm. She looks kinda spaced for a second before coming back to earth and stepping away, looking a little shy. Faith narrows her eyes, confused. Okay, awkward.

They're supposed to be hating each other. This isn't helping.

"Gimme your best, Twinkie," Faith says with a smirk before stepping back and turning around. She needs to get this back on track before she does something really stupid.

It takes about four tries before she manages to actually follow through correctly. Her fist connects with Buffy's jaw making her stumble back a step. "Oh shit, I did it!" Faith says, excited. Then she notices Buffy rubbing her face. "Oops?"

"It's fine, barely felt it," Buffy tells her, rolling her neck to crack it. She smiles at her though and Faith can't help but smile back, only a little.

It's one short moment of a truce between them, but Faith doesn't plan to think too extensively about the matter. She still needs to hate her, still needs Buffy to hate her back, but it doesn't look like hate is on the menu anymore. Faith will knock it down to 'strongly dislike' but the fact of the matter is… no matter how much she tries to convince herself of it, Buffy isn't exactly the enemy anymore.

TBC…