A/N: I love you all for your AMAZING reviews! And an extra thank you to my beautiful boyfriend, Danny. :) He gave me the idea for this chapter and put me in a good mood today so I would remember to update, lol. Love you!
Chapter Nine: Gladiator
JPOV
I had only two classes Friday Night, but I drove myself as soon as the sun went down to escape my family, the house. It was becoming a prison to me.
Alice's truck was parked on the far side of the lot. It surprised me because she hadn't been there last week. I was stuck behind a red Mazda Miata, unable to move. Looking around, I saw Alice off to one side in the grass with a group of six other girls, laughing and swing dancing with one as she waited for the volleyball to be passed her way. She was good at it too, leading perfectly in beat with no music.
Alice was barefoot. I saw a pair of expensive heels next to her backpack. She instantly stopped dancing when the ball was hit her way on accident and spiked it easily as I was finally able to move forward.
She saw me, but she remained with her friends anyway.
I smiled at her. After a whole two weeks of being crowded and flooded by thoughts of her, I didn't know what to do anymore. She deserved to be given the title of a friend because she was! She behaved as a friend would through and through. She was loyal. How could I ever protect her from myself if we got any closer though? I wanted to save her in anyway I could, even from my lies.
Alice set the ball up one more time for the girls and she stepped back to go sit down. She sat on the ground, legs crossed and still laughing.
I watched her too much. Was she even aware that I did?
Soon, I was parked down the line from the burgundy truck I knew so well. Alice sent a smile over her shoulder at me. It was one sign that she had spared a few moments of thought for me since we last met. I was pleased by that. She was somewhat quieter than usual then, she didn't jump up to greet me. She seemed more distant.
I locked my car doors and stepped out. Alice gestured for me to join her, another sweet smile on her face. She read me well, which was why she invited me over. A concerned look was in her eyes. I put my hands in my pocket as I waltzed over. People looked now, like they always had before. Alice seemed to be the one person in the world who didn't stare though.
"Hey," she greeted. She took my hand without any hesitation and pulled me onto the ground next to her. I sat with one leg under me, the other bent at the knee and brought up to my chest so I could easily stand. "You look miserable," she pointed out with a gentle smile, her hand still on mine.
I nodded, staring ahead at the other girls playing.
"You want to talk?" she asked, her eyes also ahead now.
I glanced at her, amazed by her once again. She looked as thoughtful as I felt, and she still asked me about my problems. She shocked me! I smiled just a bit. "It's not important to be honest."
"But if you're so quiet about it, it must have some form of importance."
I nodded thoughtfully. "I suppose. Why do you stay here? I've told you that I'm dangerous, Alice. I don't understand why you remain here when you are truly in danger."
Alice smiled. She took her time to consider my words. Running her fingers through her curls, she wet her lips with one more glance over at me. "At first, I thought it was a joke. You kept insisting and then I almost came to believe it." She paused for a few moments and I heard her heart beat. It was strong, a wonderful sound to me. "But when you kept saying you were a monster, you looked at me like I was the real monster, like I would be the one to hurt you instead of you hurting me." She fell back into the grass, her hair scattering with the force. "I thought I was imagining things again until the look grew more and more and more intense.
"I don't know what it was, but it really got to me. I wanted to help and I didn't want to be the predator to you. Maybe you are dangerous--I don't know. But I was just as dangerous to you for sometime and maybe now also. Maybe even more so now." She shook her head, showing some frustration. "I don't know," she whispered. "I believe that there's something more than danger here. I don't know what it is or where it came from; I just know that it does exist." She turned her head to look at me, and she smiled.
"Do you always see so much in people?" I asked softly.
Alice shook her head. "Only the good ones," she corrected.
"And how do you tell the good from the bad?" I inquired.
"I can't always, but I know things." She showed a small amount of fear as her heart accelerated to an unreal speed. She closed her eyes. "I've always been able to make these educated guesses to know part of the future. Once a decision is made, somethings about a person change. Like the look in their eyes, their posture, the set of the jaw. When you warned me, you set your jaw firmly and squared your shoulders, which told me that you were refusing to hurt me," she concluded softly, and she smiled confidently at me.
"So you can tell the future?" I pressed on, and I did believe her. She was too honest.
Alice shrugged. "I wouldn't call it that as much as I would call it reading people's body language," she replied with a pleasant tone.
"Oh. So... what does one do in their free time while living in Los Angeles?" I asked. I had to start somewhere, even if the change of subject was sudden and made Alice give me a suspicious look.
"Well, we have all our pets," she answered, her eyes closed again as if she was remembering all the memories. "I have friends. We go out, many different things. It's not hard to entertain in LA."
"What pets do you have?"
"Uh..." She wrinkled her pointed nose. "Two guinea pigs, a cat, a horse, and three dogs," she listed.
"You don't seem to be like the girl to ride horses."
"I've been riding since I was four. I bought my horse in Germany a few years ago. I trained him and he's got a lot of meaning to me. But since you're from Texas, it's not really cutting or barrel racing. I ride English."
I grinned. She knew quite a bit about horseback riding disciplines from what I could see. She didn't know that I grew up on a horse more than she did. "So dressage, jumping?"
"Eventing," she corrected. "So cross country, dressage, and show jumping. But Peter Pan--that's my horse's name--is only four. He's too young to do any competing, not too much jumping at his age either."
I nodded in understanding. She'd named her horse after a Disney character that never grew older. That told me something about her. "What breed is he?" I continued. It was a conversation where I got details, actual facts about her. This was a first. I liked it and I wasn't about to let it end so soon.
"He's an Oldenburg."
"Ah, a very German breed."
She nodded once. "You know something about horses." An observation. Not a question.
"And your dogs are what breeds?"
"Chance is a rottweiler. Image is a boxer. All In is a German shepherd," she listed in a matter of fact voice. "No pets on your side? No hobbies from Alaska and Washington?"
"No. Nothing's changed." Such a simple answer.
Alice nodded, but she looked at me in disbelief. She didn't seem to be bothered by my questions, but she looked amused too.
I sighed. Honesty, remember? "Growing up, I had a coon hound named Prince," I admitted, and she smiled up at me in satisfaction, her eyes twinkling. "He was my brother's dog technically, but I got to play with him."
"An older brother?" she said.
I nodded. "By seven years."
"How many siblings do you have then? Seven years is a lot."
She was too observant. That would get me in trouble eventually. "Two sisters, four brothers," I told her. I'd avoided the subject of my family for so long. Now it felt strange to speak of them again. No one had bothered asking before. Of course Alice was the one to inquire about them and she heard the sadness in my voice. She waited, ready to ask me about it, but I shook my head to ease her worries. "Don't worry about it, Alice. I'm fine."
"I already do worry, sorry," she replied. She was direct. I liked that, though I wasn't sure why she bothered to add an apology at all. She cleared her throat softly. "What happened to them?"
"They died a long time ago," I said coldly.
Alice looked embarrassed then. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked so boldly."
"No, no, I'm glad someone knows now," I told her.
"Which part of Texas are you from?"
I smiled. She never missed a detail, but she changed the route when she thought it was necessary. "We had a ranch in Montgomery. It's in east Texas." My mind still had all the images left over from the war. They would last, even if our human memories slowly fade and then they were gone. It killed me that I would forget the best years of my life, but there was nothing I could do about it. They were just memories that I rarely reviewed anyway. I was what I was. But I refused to just live with that--there had to be some way to find happiness.
Carlisle believed this life was better. Innocent people weren't being killed. They were just being lied to and I was still tormented by the ghosts of my past. What could anyone do?
My only friend didn't know that such creatures as me even existed.
I took a deep breath. Alice studied me for a moment, then she pulled me down to lay next to her. "Sometimes you have to learn to love the little things in life," she told me. I looked over at her stiffly. Her smell was stronger next to the grass for some reason. "I used to sit out on the roof of my house and stare at the stars all night. I used to go for walks in the rain or walk barefoot through the snow for a while just to find that moment of wonder." She laughed joyously. "You can't keep going on like this. I don't know what it is, but... you're not the same."
I smiled a bit. "Is it so simple as that?"
She nodded and moved her eyes back to the stars. I kept my eyes on her the whole time--she was the only star in my sky.
We laid on the ground for some time. She looked to the sky; I looked to her. She could not have been aware. I could have stayed there all night. She was the only wonder in my life. But I heard Emmett's voice approaching before long and I had only counted so many breaths from Alice.
I didn't want to move. The stars were exquisite, yes, but my view was even more beautiful. She smiled, taking a deep breath as the wind blew past. She savored every moment.
"Jasper," Emmett called for the third time.
"I heard you before," I announced, making the annoyance only audible to him.
"Your class starts in two minutes, dude."
Alice turned her eyes to me and smiled--our faces hardly an inch apart. I would have been blurry to the human eye, but she was so clear to me and then she spoke. "You should go," she whispered.
"Will you be here?"
She nodded. "I'll stay."
I offered a grin and sat up quickly. She touched my hand as I curled one leg under myself to stand. "I'll see you soon," she told me with a concerned look again. "Don't lose the wonder while you're away."
I nodded once and squeezed her hand. I had to jog to make it to class and I only just made it then. My mind remained on Alice. Her words had touched my forever-still heart.
I could still feel her hand in mine and it was so gentle.
Two classes felt like two lifetimes to me. I had Applied Physics with MaRai and then Spanish alone. I'd signed up for the second to avoid being babysat by Rose in a free period, and it was full after I joined.
When I escaped from class, I practically sprinted out to find Alice. I longed to see her smile again, and to hear her voice, gentle, absolute, passionate, and strong too.
I found her by her truck with her engine on, her music playing softly. She was painting the stars from her new position on the ground with her legs crossed. The painting was almost done already. The clouds passed in front of the moon like they did in life. All the stars were in the right places.
I moved to sit next to her. "You're an artist," I observed.
She didn't reply to my comment. Instead she set the canvas and paint brush down and took my wrist in her hand to observe the sweatband. Carlisle had designed the crest on it. We each wore one as a symbol. I let Alice study it closely.
There was a hand at the top of the oval that symbolized faith and sincerity. The lion meant strength, ferocity. The trefoil under it stood for perpetuity. I wore mine always because it described us well. Carlisle had given us each one as a gift.
Alice released my wrist. "You all wear the same crest," she pointed out. "Edward and Emmett have wristbands like yours. The blond has a pendent. And the brunette has a bracelet."
I nodded. "It's kind of a family thing," I explained.
"Oh..." She smiled and looked away.
"'The blond' is Rosalie. 'The brunette' is MaRai," I told her softly. "Rose is supposed to be like a twin sister to me."
"What? 'Supposed to be'?"
I sighed. "We lie and say we're twins."
Alice raised her eyebrows. "Okay. But why? I mean, you and Edward could pass for fraternal twins maybe. Why bother lying?"
I shrugged. "I don't know. I don't understand this life, Alice. I never will because it's wrong." I looked at her to see she was studying me now, an intent look on her face. I didn't know why she continued to listen to my mindless babbling that I would never be able to explain fully. I was glad though. She was the only one who seemed to truly hear what I had to say. Carlisle listened, but not the way she did.
She was so much more than anyone I had ever met before.
Alice sighed. "Mm... It's beautiful out."
I nodded in agreement. The late summer air was easy to breathe in and out, even with Alice's taste lingering on it. The taste became sweet to me, something I could even appreciate. It was the kind of pain I could welcome because the good out weighed the bad.
She looked over at me. "So if you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?"
I smiled down at her. "Los Angeles and Rome, all over Europe. I miss the sun sometimes. I'd like to go back home too."
"Home?" she repeated.
"Montgomery. I want to fix up the house my father built, replant all the flowers and the grass, make it just like before."
"You still own it?" she inquired.
I nodded. "I would never sell it. My father loved the house and my mother took good care of it before..." I shook my head in frustration and fell back against the grass. The loose movement was freeing! I loved the way it felt. "Well, anyway, I've always wanted to fix it up and I used to say I would get married there, but that won't happen."
"Why not? Anything's possible."
"Not this," I said bitterly. "I wish it was, but I doubt I'll ever get married anyway."
Alice stared up at the stars in silence.
"Tell me about your brother and your uncle."
Alice smiled, close to laughter. "Uncle Nathan is quiet a lot. He hates parties and society. He's the chief executive of a publishing company and he's extremely generous. He likes to tease me. He's protective. He's like a dad to me."
"Did you ever meet your parents?"
"Yeah, a few times. They come around when they want to or when it's convenient."
I nodded. "And your brother?"
"Travis. He's one of my best friends and a lot like Emmett. He usually comes here for Labor Day and small vacations, but he has other plans this year. New girlfriend."
"Have you met her yet?"
She laughed and nodded once. "She's good for him," she replied.
"What's her name?"
"Amy. They met through my best friend Danny," Alice explained cheerfully. She sounded so happy when she spoke both names. I knew Danny couldn't be more than a friend, but they were close. I envied that. Danny knew facts about her; I was still learning. He was lucky to have her friendship, as lucky as I was.
"Where does Danny go to school?" I asked dryly.
She glanced over me with a concerned, yet amused look. "Um... He goes to Stanford. He's one of those tech geniuses, so I figured I should let him be, but the plan was for him to go to MIT for a while. I wanted him closer, but that's the way things go." She sounded like she missed him a lot.
"How long have you been friends?"
"Three years. We met at a junior college. I went through the last bit of high school there."
I sighed once more. I was so close to an angel. She wasn't coming to escort me to the next life. She was simply there to show me the good parts of the life I'd lived for so long. To me, she was all of them though. She was my best friend, my Danny, when I hadn't known her a full two weeks yet.
"What are you thinking about?" I asked.
Alice smiled distantly. "I'm thinking about all the wonders in life versus the bad." She rolled over onto her stomach, looking into my eyes. "You know how all the black holes come, then go? Why does yours keep going? Those rare moments when you smile, it's not like when I smile," she explained, resting her chin on the palm of her hand.
"Because there isn't any right or good way to live this life," I told her.
"That's like a gladiator in the Colosseum."
I turned to face her. "Come again?" I pressed.
Alice nodded as if she knew I'd heard her clearly, just not understood the meaning of her words. She would have to explain it to me, and she wet her lips to do that.
"Gladiators were entertainment in the Roman Empire, which I'm sure you know. Some did volunteer for the life of fighting other men, wild animals, and so on. Most were hated slaves. You're the latter. You're in this beautiful world and you have so much worth living for, even if you don't understand the point because you live to fight off this black hole--like the gladiators fought off each other or animals, but in the end they were just fighting the same thing, which was death. You get through the day somehow and you have those small moments of amazement or pleasure, relaxation even. But you can never see the point of your life if you're only entertainment," she explained softly, her eyes never leaving mine in case she hit a point where she needed to stop. They were words of wisdom.
"The Colosseum is your prison and your wall of protection at the same time. It's that thing inside you. You're your own opponent, your own shackles, your own Colosseum, Jasper."
I turned away. Her words were brutally honest, and brutally true also! I stared up at the stars too thoughtful to look away as Alice left me with those words. She stood and I heard her go, wondering why she always had to be right.
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