AN: Hello! I'm so terribly sorry for the late update, I had this chapter mostly thought out, I just... didn't write it. I don't even have much of an excuse, except for the past 3 weeks I've had ballet camp, and after I got home each day I just collapsed. :P And, also, I sort of spontaneously started another fanfic which wasn't the best idea I've ever had. (3 fanfics PLUS my novel? What was I THINKING?) Anyways. I am back now, and I will do my best to update much more quickly in the future! Also, I was just looking through the chapters I've written so far, and realized a lot of them are rather angsty. And I'm really not an especially angsty person, and Doctor/Rose fluff is amazing, so if you're getting tired of the angst, I promise to do more fluff soon. :)
BUT ENOUGH OF MY RAMBLING. Today's song is Imperfection by Saving Jane. The chapter turned out a little differently than I originally planned, but hopefully it's still enjoyable. :)
Rose was angry. Well, that was really a bit of an understatement. She was pissed. It had been several days since they returned from their adventure in 18th century France, and Mme de Pompadour. The Doctor had been sullen and depressed when he couldn't get to Mme de Pompadour in time, but Rose figured it would pass. It did, but something still didn't seem right with the Doctor. She had been avoiding the Doctor as much as possible, but it wasn't easy to do when the only other person on board was Mickey. She wanted to confront the Doctor about it, but quite frankly, she was a little scared of how he might react. She had thought she was important to the Doctor, but lately things seemed to be changing. First there was Sarah Jane, and although Rose had grown to like her quite a bit, the Doctor had all too readily ignored Rose in favor of his old friend. Not to mention that the Doctor and Sarah Jane has obviously been close, but he had still just dumped her back home one day. He said he wouldn't do that to her, but what made her different? He hadn't thought about her happiness or safety when he went jumping after Mme de Pompadour. Rose wasn't sure where she stood with the Doctor anymore, and it frightened her.
"Rose!" The Doctor said, as he found her in the library. "There you are. I was looking all over for you. What do you think about going to Avalon next? Lovely planet, it has six moons. Quite beautiful, I went there once, well, more than once, but one time in particular when it was…"
Rose tuned him out. How could he act like nothing was different? He had left her behind of a spaceship, with no hope of returning, and no way for her and Mickey to get home. She didn't hate him for falling for Mme de Pompadour. She could forgive him for that, even though she wished he hadn't. But she couldn't forgive him for abandoning her, not without an apology. Didn't she deserve that much? Not to mention Mickey, it was his first adventure, and the Doctor abandoned them both.
"Rose?" The Doctor asked. "Did you hear what I said?"
"Sorry, what was it?" Rose asked, trying not to snap at him, and mostly failing.
The Doctor frowned. "Is everything alright, Rose? Ever since we got back from our last adventure, you've seemed a bit… on edge."
"No, everything's fine, Doctor," Rose said, getting angrier by the second. How could he pretend like he didn't know what she was angry about? She didn't want to talk with him right now, so she picked up the book she was reading, and stormed out of the room, leaving the Doctor with a confused expression as she left.
Rose ran down the corridors of the TARDIS, not paying much attention to where she was going. She just had to go somewhere. Anywhere, as long as it wasn't near the Doctor. The tears in her eyes threatened to spill over, but Rose kept running, until she finally found a door. She opened it, and collapsed on the other side of it, giving into her sobs. It was silly, really. The Doctor had given her all of time and space, the adventure of a lifetime. She had seen so much, and done so much, and he had no obligation to take her anywhere, especially not with all the mistakes she had made in the past. But he did. He showed her the universe, so why should it matter that he chose someone else over her? It wasn't like the Doctor had acted as though he had feelings for her. The old Doctor, maybe, but he had changed. But Rose thought that didn't matter. At first, when he regenerated, she was scared and upset. But even though she'd only been on a handful of adventures with this Doctor, she trusted him now. Rather, she had trusted him. He had broken that trust, and Rose wasn't sure if she could continue to travel with him if he didn't at least apologize for abandoning her. Rose wiped her tears from her eyes, and stood up. She would go confront the Doctor. If she couldn't get him to apologize, then maybe she'd ask him to take her back home, at least for a little bit. Right as she was about to leave, Rose heard a knocking on the door.
"Rose?" It was the Doctor. "Can I come in?"
Rose sighed. She had hoped to put off the confrontation for a tiny bit longer, while she searched for the Doctor, but I guess it had to be now.
"What is it?" Rose asked, opening the door, trying to keep the emotion out of her face.
"What's wrong?" The Doctor asked. "Something's clearly bothering you.
Rose felt herself start to get angry again. "I don't know, why don't you think about it?"
The Doctor was surprised by the venom in Rose's voice. "Did I do something? If so, I'm sorry."
"Did you do something?" Rose exploded. "Did you do something? Oh, I don't know, Doctor, think! You said it yourself, ever since our last adventure I've been 'on edge'! What happened on our last adventure? You left me and Mickey behind to go gallivanting off with Mme de Pompadour!"
"Oh," the Doctor said.
"Listen, Doctor," Rose said. "I can't blame you for falling for her. I mean, she's beautiful, and perfect, so who wouldn't? But do you have any idea what it was like when you went off to rescue her? You left us for five and a half hours, Doctor. I didn't thin you were coming back! You said, before you left that if you shattered the mirror, you broke the connection. No way back. But you went anyway. Please, tell me you knew you were going to come back."
The Doctor swallowed. "I… I can't. I'm sorry, Rose, really, I am truly sorry. I wasn't thinking, I didn't think about how once I jumped there would be no way back. I just had to save her."
"Because you love her," Rose said, her voice defeated. At least the truth was out now. The Doctor had abandoned her and Mickey because he had to save the woman he loved. Maybe it was time for Rose to go back home.
"No," the Doctor said, surprising Rose. "No, I don't, didn't, love her."
"It's okay, Doctor," Rose said. "It's obvious you did."
"No, I honestly didn't love her," The Doctor said,
Rose was angry again. If he was going to break her heart couldn't he at least just get it over with, instead of dragging it out? "I can't blame you. Future mistress of the King of France, and an important historical figure, not to mention talented and beautiful… and then me, shop girl from London with no A-Levels, no job, nothing important about me. It's obvious you'd choose her."
"But, Rose, you don't understand," The Doctor said. "You are important, your background doesn't change any of that."
"Can't you just apologize for abandoning me and Mickey, and then go off and find someone else like Mme de Pompadour?" Rose said, her voice rising as she got angrier and slightly more hysterical.
"What are you going on about?" The Doctor said. "I don't want to find someone else like Mme de Pompadour, you're traveling with me."
"Why though?" Rose asked, tears streaming down her face now. "I'm not perfect. And I'm sorry I'm not, but… no. I'm not sorry. You chose her, not me, so I've got nothing to apologize for. I make stupid mistakes and say stupid things, I hardly ever do anything right the first time, or the second time really, and I'm stubborn and I'm flawed. I know I trip and fall, and I don't always look perfect and pretty, but I am proud of who I am. So if you want perfection, that just drop me off back home, and forget about me."
"Is that what you want?" The Doctor asked, afraid of how she might respond.
"I don't know," Rose said wiping her tears. "I love traveling with you, Doctor. But… if you're just going to abandon me whenever you find someone you like better, then I don't want to. Because being abandoned by you, it hurt. Can you imagine what it was like? We were left with no way to get home, thousands of years in the future on an abandoned spaceship. Mickey, he gave up on you after the first hour. He tried to work the TARDIS, tried to take us home, because he didn't believe you were coming back. I did, I kept my faith in you, because I've seen what you can do. But I was so ready to give up, so ready to just go back to the TARDIS and see if I could take us home, because you had left us for Mme de Pompadour." Rose took a deep breath. There was no stopping now, she had to go full out. She was tired of hiding her feelings.
The Doctor stood there, looking shocked, but didn't say anything.
"I don't know where I stand with you anymore, Doctor. The old Doctor… he never would have done this. And I thought I'd gotten over you regeneration, and that you really were the same man, only with a different face, but now I don't know. He abandoned me once, but that was to save my life, to keep me safe like he had promised. Not because he'd fallen in love with some beautiful, talented and accomplished historical figure who was in danger, and he absolutely had to save her. And… and I know it's ridiculous to think that you'd ever chose me over her, because who am I? Nothing. Of course you'd never like me like that, it's silly to even wish so. All I want is to know that I can travel with you without worrying I might get left behind. Because right now I don't think I can go anywhere without some sort of promise that you won't just forget about me the next time some beautiful woman is in danger. And if you can't promise me that, I think I should go home."
The Doctor opened his mouth, and then shut it again. He had no idea how much Rose was hurting. And… did Rose just confess that she possibly loved him?
Rose sighed, and turned towards the door, ready to leave. It was obvious the Doctor didn't have anything to say.
"Rose, wait," The Doctor said, catching her wrist. "I… I am so, so sorry. Truly, I am. I had no idea how much you were hurting, and I guess I'm an idiot for not noticing, because of course you'd be upset. But just listen to me, Rose. You are not nothing. Your job, or lack thereof doesn't matter, and it doesn't matter that you don't have A-levels. I travel with you because you are kind and compassionate, and you make the adventures more fun. As for Mme de Pompadour, I cannot stress enough how much I didn't love her. I suppose I liked her a little, but that was just the base attraction of good looks and talent. But you have all that, Rose, and so much more. Really, it was just a distraction, and nothing more. I never should have left you and Mickey behind, it was wrong, and I am so deeply sorry. I didn't think, I just had to go and save her, because saving people is what I do, Rose. I have done so many terrible things in my life, and I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't save everyone I possibly could, even if it mean hurting myself. But I can't stand hurting you, and I swear I will never, ever leave you behind again." The Doctor was begging now. He hadn't meant to say so much, but the thought of Rose leaving terrified him. She made his life better, and a life without Rose wasn't one the Doctor really wanted to experience.
"Please, just stay," The Doctor said. "Stay, and I promise I will never leave you behind. Please. Just stay with me."
"All right then," Rose said. "I'll stay. I didn't really want to leave anyways."
The Doctor pulled Rose into a hug, relieved that she wasn't leaving.
"Doctor?" Rose asked, her voice muffled by his shoulder.
"Yes?" He asked, pulling away from the hug.
"Distraction from what?" Rose asked. At the Doctor's puzzled look, she continued. "You said that Mme de Pompadour was just a distraction. A distraction from what?"
The Doctor hadn't meant to admit that. He could just make something up… or, he could tell the truth. Oh, why not. Today was a day for confessions, and Rose had said something about wishing the Doctor would like her, so the Doctor was just going to do it.
"A distraction from you," The Doctor said. Rose looked stunned, hopeful and a little bit confused, so the Doctor kissed her. That did a much better job of explaining that anything he could think of.
After a few seconds, when Rose didn't kiss him back, the Doctor started to pull away. He was disappointed; he must have misheard her earlier. But then, suddenly, Rose's hand was on the back of his neck, pulling him back into the kiss, and it turned into a proper snog.
"Wow," Rose said, when they finally pulled away. "Um… wow."
The Doctor grinned at her. "I've been wanting to do that for a very long time now."
"You could have done it a bit sooner," Rose grumbled, but she wasn't upset in the slightest.
The Doctor's grin widened. "So, what do you say about going off to Avalon now? It really is beautiful."
"That sounds great," Rose said, grinning back at them.
The Doctor grabbed Rose's hand and pulled her along the corridors, running towards the console room where he set the coordinates for Avalon, and they were off on another adventure full of excitement, aliens and lots of snogging. Lots of snogging. Which, in retrospect perhaps wasn't the best idea, as Mickey shot them many annoyed looks, and one particular snogging incident landed them in jail. The locals weren't too happy when the Doctor held up the evacuation process by snogging Rose in the middle of the street. And really, they wouldn't have needed to evacuate temporarily in the first place if the Doctor hadn't forgotten about the corrupt government trying to take over the planet, because he was too busy snogging Rose to stop them. And it was hardly the Doctor's fault that the corrupt government nearly succeeded, because he was too busy snogging Rose. … Really.
AN: Reviews make the world go 'round!
