Roses POV
I slowly started to open my eyes, they were red and swollen. I reached up my hand to touch my face as last night's events came flooding back into my brain. I got an image of the Doctors face, it was the most distraught I'd ever seen it, and I wondered if I said something to him in my demented state. I concentrated hard trying in vain to remember anything I might've said to upset him that much. I paled. I remembered I told him that he didn't come for me, that I called for him but he didn't come. I put my head in hands, oh that must've killed him. I sat In silence for a few minutes before I realized that the Doctor wasn't near me. I whipped my head around the room. I couldn't see him. I started to panic
"Doctor! Doctor!"
There was no answer
Oh god no. tears started to well up in my eyes
Then I heard a whisper from across the room.
"I'm here."
I breathed out a sigh of relief
"Why on Earth would you scare me like that you nut?"
There was no response.
"Doctor?"
He slowly stepped out of the shadows but still staying across the room, like he was trying to stay as far away from me as possible. I started to walk towards him, hand outstretched but when my hand almost touched his shoulder he shuddered away from me like my touch would burn him. I awkwardly dropped my hand and stared at him.
Doctors POV
I saw a flash of hurt flash across Rose's face when I moved away from her touch and I winced a bit. She stared at me confusion lacing her confession as she dropped her hand and pushed her hair out of her face. I didn't deserve to touch her. I didn't deserve to look at her. And I certainly didn't deserve to love her. I must have grown to quiet for her liking, for she started to talk to me
"I'm sorry."
I looked up at her confused
"What?"
"I'm sorry for what I said last night, I didn't mean it."
I was at a loss for words. I should be the one apologizing to her about letting that sick, sadistic bastard lay a hand on her. I started to grow angry at her, why couldn't she just for once let me take the blame for something, why did she have to make me feel guiltier than I already did. I turned away from her, trying to calm myself when she spoke again. I could hear the words but they sounded far away, like as if in a dream.
" Oy, I'm talking to you" she said angrily
I whipped around eyes wild and she shrunk back a little, for which I mentally cursed myself for.
"Why won't you listen to me?"
I didn't respond
She walked toward me til she was right in front of my face.
I looked at the ground
"Look at me."
I continued to stare at the ground
"I said look at me"
I slowly brought my head up, focusing my eyes on the dark wall behind her. This seemed to frustrate her, as she threw up her hands in the air, and walked away from me, obviously exasperated.
"Fine. Don' say anything. I thought you cared but obviously not"
Roses POV
As soon as I uttered those words, I felt the doctor grab my arm. He spun me around so that faced him, not relieving any of the pressure on my arm. His eyes were dangerously dark. I was slightly afraid, but tried not to show it. He just looked at me for a minute, my heart started to grow cold, I'd seen that look In his eye before, but never directed at me and I thought that I maybe I had gone too far. I had grown so fixed on his gaze, that it startled me when he spoke.
"Don't" he paused and swallowed, like it hurt him to say
"Don't. You. Ever. Say. That I don't care about you rose. Because you and I both know that's a load of bull shit."
"I didn't me-" I tried to respond but he interrupted me.
"No rose, let me talk."
I didn't speak.
"Don't ever say that I don't care about you, don't even joke about it because that hurts more than anything else."
I cut across him
"If you care about me so much, then why won't you look at me and why… why won't you touch me?"
My eyes dropped from his as I said the last part. I could feel his stare, but refused to look up at him. He dropped his hand from my arm slowly and brought his other hand up to grasp my chin and tilt it up to look at him. I met his gaze, shocked to see pain in his once hard expression.
"Because Rose I love you and I don't deserve to, not even in the slightest teeniest way."
My mouth dropped. He loved me well I had known that but like actually loved me. My heart jumped, I was trying to contain myself. I felt a small smile creeping up on my face, but it soon left as the doctor let go of my chin and walked away.
Doctors POV
Dammit. It slipped out I meant it, I just didn't mean to say it. I heard Rose call my name, but I couldn't bring myself to answer her. I had seen that small glimmer of hope pass across her face, and it pained me.
"you can't just, just say that to me and walk away"
I turned around and saw rose looking at me with fire in her eyes looking determined as ever
"Don't you shut me out."
I just looked at her
"I can't"
She looked confused
"can't what?"
I looked at the ceiling, then back at her.
" I can't love you. I don't deserve to"
Her gaze grew hard. She strode towards me, hand as the read, I didn't try and stop her as she slapped me across the face. I did deserve that. My cheek stung, and I turned back to face her. She has angry tears streaming down her face and she started to yell at me.
"How dare you! How dare you tell me what I deserve and what I don't! You have no right, no right at all to tell me that, you may be the master of time, but you by no means are the master of ME!"
She bunched up her hand in her hair and continued her yelling
"You think that because I got hurt, and you couldn't stop it, that you don't deserve me! Hmpf don't flatter yourself"
At that I grew angry and started to yell back
"Don't you get it? We might never get out of this place! The master is going to come back and he won't stop until he get what he wants! Your right I'm upset that you were hurt, hell that doesn't even cover it, you were tortured rose, tortured! And I couldn't do a damn thing to prevent it, not one damn thing! So no I don't deserve you. I don't deserve you when I'm going to have to sit hear watching you get hurt because of me and not being able to do one mother fucking think about it."
This seemed to make her angrier.
"Don't treat like im some incompetent child who doesn't know shit because we both know that isn't true! I knew the risk and the dangers, but I didn't care! You know why? Because I love you goddammit and nothing is going to change that!"
She raised her hand to strike me again, but this time as her hand was coming towards my face I grabbed her arm out of the air and pulled her to me, our bodies touching. She looked at me, tear tracks fresh on her face, daring me to contradict her. I don't know how long we stood like that. It felt like hours, but wa probably just mere minutes. Just looking at each other, not speaking just looking at one another. I broke the moment by reaching out my hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.
"You will be the death of my Rose Tyler."
I let go of her arm and turned away, my heart breaking knowing I had I just lost any chance I ever had with her. I could feel her stare on my back, and I heard her shuffle back across the room and she paused and said
"You know, I pegged you as a lot of things doctor, but never a coward."
And leaving me with a thought to ponder, we both sat in the thick silence lost in our thoughts.
