Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan.
A/N: I am so sorry it took this long. I know an apology doesn't roll back time and make up for how long this chapter took. This story is not easy to write. I can write angst but this one is harder than just normal couple angst. Also I have to make things work and it's not as easy as Unforeseen which kind of just flows together. Its no excuse I know. I got through first year university and am now working very hard at a new job to pay rent but I swear I will find time to sit down at my computer and work on this story. Thank you to all my loyal readers who I hope will continue to read this. Also a big thank you to WIWJ for her help, with editing. If you don't know it already you are my hero. Anyway, enjoy…
This Feeling I Can't Change
Chapter 9 – Confrontation
Jordan stared at her reflection in the oversized bathroom mirror. She pulled her messy curls from her face and stared into her own eyes, looking for an answer she would not find. The pain in her head intensified as she tried to concentrate. She looked at the dark circles that hugged the underbelly of her eyes. Her normally honey eyes, were red from exhaustion and the tears would not let fall. She scrubbed at them with her trembling hands.
She and Woody were back to their dance, trapped on the dance floor for yet another round of pain. Why couldn't they move on and let go? Why did they have to continue to hurt one another? They were drawn to each other like moths to a flame. She thought about the last time she and Woody had slept together. She remembered the pain she'd inflicted on Pollack. The thought made her nauseous as she was once again consumed with guilt. Especially when she'd found out his plans to propose.
She had thought that she and Woody were finally going to be together when she had caught him with Lu. That thought made the nausea turn to pain. She felt violently ill as she remembered watching Lu and Woody making out in his office. She slid to the floor and sobbed. She had called JD back to get over Woody and now JD was dead and she had repeated her adulterous act. In her mind, she had become her mother.
The pain in her stomach worsened and she leaned over the toilet, emptying her stomach contents into it.
"Jordan, can we talk?" Woody called from the other side of the bathroom door. "Can we please talk about this?"
"Leave me alone," she cried out.
"Please," he begged desperately.
"What is there to talk about? I don't want to do this. Just go back to Boston."
"I'm not leaving you here."
"Why? You have a life in Boston. Go back to Lu and have that life."
"I don't want a life with Lu. I want…"
"It's time I left."
"What are you talking about?"
"I have to stop this. We have to stop this. It will be better this way. I won't be around to hurt everyone."
"Open the door," Woody yelled. "Don't be ridiculous Jordan. You're not running away. We're going to clear your name and you can come back to Boston. You can get your job back and everything will go back to normal."
"What the fuck is normal? It will never go back to normal. JD is still going to be dead. We're going to continue to hurt one other. I almost destroyed Lily's wedding. I don't want to go back and ruin everyone's lives and careers."
"What are you talking about? You're not at fault for JD's death. Lily ruined her own wedding when she called it off. As for you and I, we need to talk about it. You're not ruining anyone."
"What is there to talk about regarding us? And what do you mean Lily called off her wedding?"
"What do you think there is to talk about? And Lily left Brandau at the alter…"
"Look Woody, maybe you can screw me and then act like nothing happened but it's not that easy for me."
"What the fuck are you talking about? I don't want to act like nothing happened. I want to talk about it."
"I care about you Woody. I cared about you back in Littleton and you came back and jumped into Lu's bed."
"After I waited three weeks for you to make a decision. If it takes three weeks to decide whether you want to be with me or not, then you obviously don't."
"I had made my decision when I woke up next to you in Littleton. I just couldn't toss him aside like trash when I got home."
"Don't give me that shit. You were still with him until he broke up with you."
"You don't understand. Why the fuck can't you understand? I became my mother Woody. I cheated on someone I cared about. Yes it took three weeks to end things with him but I wanted to be with you."
"You're not your mother Jordan. You are never going to be your mother…"
"Why didn't you come into my apartment?" she asked, her voice suddenly much softer, giving way to how vulnerable she was.
"Pollack had just dumped you. I wanted to give you space to make sure you really wanted me. To make sure you wouldn't hurt me like you used to."
"So you slept with Lu?"
"I don't know why I got together with Lu."
"I do, because you didn't want me. You thought you did. I guess the chase was more rewarding then the capture."
"Bull shit Jordan and you know it."
"Do I Woods? How would I? You just turned around and started fucking Lu behind my back. You even tried to hide it from me. What the fuck does that tell you?"
"Jordan I'm sorry. If I could take back my relationship with Lu, I would. Please open the door."
"Just leave me alone," Jordan said as she stood up and turned on the shower. She needed to escape from Woody and this dance they still couldn't end.
XXXXX
Seely watched Nigel pace around the room. "Nigel," Seely finally called. "Freeze."
"Sorry," Nigel said as he stopped pacing. "I don't know where to go from here. I mean how can we connect Clarence Gordon with Blackie Conroy?"
"I have interesting news," Lu said as she entered the room.
"And what might that be?" Seely asked with annoyance.
"I just spoke with Pete O'Malley. Seems Max Cavanaugh pissed off Blackie Conroy just a week before Emily's murder."
"What?" Nigel exclaimed, as his eyes bulged from his head.
"Max lost at a poker game. He couldn't pay and next week Emily ended up dead."
"O'Malley's probably just mad that Max put him in jail," Nigel said, as he shook his head.
"Can we focus on connecting Blackie to Gordon?" Seely requested, impatiently.
"Who?" Lu asked.
"The judge."
"Again with this ridiculous theory about a judge"
"Let's pull all the cases Gordon ever resided over here in Boston," Nigel suggested.
XXXXX
As Jordan emerged from the bathroom, she found that Woody was no where to be found. She breathed a sigh of relief and sat down on the edge of the bed. She considered leaving again. She decided she had to. It was the only way she'd ever solve Pollack's murder. The phone started ringing on the night table and she felt her heart stop beating. She didn't know whether to answer it or not. It could be Nigel with more news or Lu waiting to arrest her. Cautiously she lifted the phone to her ear. "Hello."
"Hello Mrs. Anderson," she recognized the voice immediately and breathed a sigh of relief.
"Hi Danny, what's going on?"
"Is your husband around?" Danny asked jovially.
"No he ran out for a couple of minutes."
"Can you have him call me at this number?" Danny asked and then dictated the number for Jordan to write down.
"Anything I can help you with?"
"Not this time. I need to speak with Scott." The familiarity of his voice made her stomach do a flip and she realized how much she missed her friends.
"I'll have him call you."
"Stay safe Hayley," Danny said softly before hanging up the phone.
Just as Jordan placed the phone back on the receiver the door opened and Woody entered the room with coffees in his hand, as well as a bag from McDonalds under his arm.
"Danny McCoy just called for you," Jordan said softly. Woody looked slightly confused.
"Did he say what he wanted?"
"No he specifically asked for Scott."
"Nigel must have called him," Woody said as he crossed the room and started dialing the number on the piece of paper.
XXXXX
Garret entered the room where Seely, Lu and Nigel were discussing the case. "Any progress?" he asked tersely.
"Not exactly," Nigel said pointing to the chart on the wall.
"Keep me posted," Garret said, hanging his head and turning to leave.
"Yes sir Dr. Macy," Nigel said, turning back to Seely and Lu.
"Did Jordan ever mention the Irish Mob to you?" Seely asked Nigel.
Nigel recalled Jordan mentioning Blackie Conroy in passing but couldn't think of anything specific. "Not that I can recall," Nigel admitted.
"What did you find out about Pollack's car accident?" Seely asked, as he lifted Lu's notes.
"Nothing," she said, grabbing her notes back from him.
"Well what happened in the accident?"
"His car was hit by another car. It was in the paper," she muttered.
"I'm going to look into it further," Seely said. "You keep digging up information about Blackie Conroy. Nigel, you keep digging up information about Clarence Gordon."
"Sounds good," Nigel said as he sat back at his computer.
XXXXX
"McCoy."
"Hey Danny, you called…"
"Scott, how are you doing man?"
"I'm fine. What's going on?"
"I spoke with Nigel.
"And?"
"I have a proposition…"
XXXXX
Matt Seely stabbed at the elevator button for the fifth time. He hated waiting, especially while his friend's lives were in danger.
"Matt," somebody called a few feet away.
"What now?" The annoyed tone in his voice faded as he swung his head around and looked at her standing there, her eyes lowered. "Hi Lily."
"I guess I don't need to ask how the case is coming?" she asked gently as he watched her wring her hands together.
"I feel like we're stuck at a stand still. I just want to solve the case."
"You can do it, if anyone can…" she said, moving closer to him. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"
"Yeah," Seely chucked a finger towards the opening elevator door. She glanced backwards towards the morgue before moving to the furthest corner of the elevator. Her awkwardness was not lost on him as he followed her inside. She had her gaze fixated on her hands.
"Listen." He coughed a little at the tightness in his throat and faced the elevator doors. "I know you must be worried sick about Jordan…""I'm sorry," she said softly.
He turned to look at her. "For what?"
"For pushing you away when my mother died. I was in a bad place…"
"You don't have to explain Lily," he told her quickly. Please, Matt pleaded in his head. Don't explain. She reached out and stopped the elevator. "Lily what are you doing?"
"I want to explain to you what happened…"
"Lily, you really don't have to."
"Yes I do. We never talked about that night," She bit her lip and looked at him. "You never talked about…"
"Your mother just died," he said incredulously, shaking his head frantically. "It wasn't time to talk about it."
"That was a year ago." She looked down at her feet.
"Why are we talking about this?" She looked up in surprise, sucking her bottom lip into her mouth and biting it when she saw the look on his face. "You're with Bug now…""I wanted you to know I really did care about you."
Seely watched her face for a minute, trying to figure out some sarcastic comeback. Her lips parted softly into a killer smile.
"I'll always care about you Sweetie Pie."She looked down slowly, moving her hands nervously through her hair.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't be doing this," he said, reaching for the button but Lily moved in front of him.
"Matt?"
"You and Bug, you're meant to be. He's a nice guy. The kind of guy you deserve."
"He loves me," Lily breathed.
"He worships you," Matt said simply. Taking her by the shoulders. "You deserve…"
"Why do you keep saying…"
"Because Macy was right." Matt reached over and pressed the button, putting the elevator into motion again.
"Garrett? What does he…"
"Forget it." Matt shook his head as he let her go and moved to the back.
"Have you ever felt like you made one mistake to avoid making another?" she asked sadly.
"Lily I…"
Lily leaned forward and kissed him.
Matt Seely's body went on automatic, returning the kiss and pressing her against the wall of the elevator with the same passion they'd had almost a year ago. He heard the doors of the elevator slide open, pushing her gently away from him. "Lily!"
"Oh my God," she whispered quietly her eyes drifting shut. Matt tilted his gaze away from the man on the other side of the door and looked up at the ceiling.
Bug for his part, just stood there staring from the outside in.
XXXXX
Woody placed the phone back on the receiver and looked at Jordan, who was sitting awkwardly on the bed. "What did Danny want?"
"To help…"
"What do you mean?"
"He's the one that got us our ID's. Ed Deline is paying for our room."
"Why?"
"Danny wants to make sure you're safe." She looked at him, with her head cocked to the side. "I brought you something to eat," he said, breaking the tension.
"A burger?"
"No one of their new deli sandwiches…"
"Excellent," Jordan said moving toward the paper bag that was bleeding grease onto the table beneath it.
"What are your plans for today?"
"I'm going to visit Pollack's old office…"
"You're not going to get anywhere…"
"Jordan's here's the difference between you and I; charm. I'm not going to go in there and demand any information about Pollack…"
"Well then what is your plan?"
"I'm not quite sure yet, but I know I'll get myself in there…"
"Okay, well what am I supposed to do?"
"I don't know. Use the spa. Relax?"
"How can I relax? I just woke up to find my ex dead. I was covered in his blood and now my life is in danger and maybe even yours." He watched her shoulders fall and she backed away.
He moved towards her and grabbed her shoulders gently. "Jordan, there is only so much you can do. There is no reason to put yourself in more danger. You are safe here. I need to know you're safe."
She pulled away and sat down on the bed. "What if we can't prove I didn't do it? What if we don't find the evidence? Should I just sit back and wait to go to jail?"
"Don't think that way. Everything is going to work out and if it doesn't, we'll go to Vegas, permanently."
She looked at him, her eyes widened. "What do you mean?"
"Danny also said that if we can't find a way to get you out of this then we can go there. They'll give me a job and take care of you…"
She looked towards him and he watched her golden eyes sparkle as they filled with tears. "I don't want you to give up your life in Boston, for me."
"I would do anything for you. That's why I'm here. You mean more to me then my badge."
"Are you sure you're not just here because you feel guilty?"
"No I'm here because I …"
The phone interrupted them once again. Woody turned to answer it, leaving his near admission hanging in the air.
"This is Scott…"
"Hey, it's me…"
"Nigel, how is the case coming?"
"Well Lu found out some information. She seems to be coming around…"
"It's probably a trap. She wants you to trust her so you'll slip up and let her know where we are."
"Nice to know she would think so much of my intelligence."
"Don't trust her…"
"I wouldn't dream of it Mate. Now, she went to see Pete O'Malley in jail."
"Why?"
"In regards to Emily."
Woody grimaced and swallowed the bile that started to rise in his throat. "What did she find?"
"Pete said that Max pissed off Blackie Conroy a week before Emily's death."
"What does that have to do with Hayley's current situation?"
"Blackie Conroy is head of the Irish Mob here in Boston."
"So what?"
"Well, it might be the truth…"
"And it might not. It's been rough enough Nigel. You know that."
"I know Scott. I just thought you'd want to know."
"We can worry about that after she is exonerated."
"You're right. I'll keep you posted, but I got to go."
"Okay, I'll talk to you later.""
"Stay safe and keep her safe."
"You know I will."
Woody hung up the phone and looked towards Jordan. She looked so fragile. "Everything okay?"
"They haven't discovered much yet. They will, we just have to give them time and space."
"You promise you're being honest with me?" she asked vulnerably. She looked like a lost, wounded child. Woody wished he could make the pain stop but he knew this was only the beginning. Even when it was all over Jordan would still be reeling from finding Pollack in bed next to her, dead.
"Aren't I always?" he asked, with a smile.
"Do you want me to answer that?"
"I don't know. I'm going to head to Pollack's old office. DO NOT LEAVE THIS HOPTEL BY YOURSELF," Woody ordered.
"Yes Prison Master," she said with a broken smile.
