That night the brothers stood afar and watched as the pyre they'd built burn away over the grave they'd dug up days beforehand. It was difficult, paying their respects to the brother they barely knew as Adam's body slowly turned to ash, but it also gave them peace knowing that finally something else in their life had been laid to rest; something resolved, positively. Adam was going back to where he belonged.
Although the weight of Adam and his past predicament had been lifted, throughout the night to the early hours of the morning a heavy atmosphere (solemn in nature) had enshrouded the brothers. After having waited for the remains of their little brother to diminish and for the embers to cool down somewhat, they used the pile of dug up soil and covered his ashes. They slowly walked back to the house into the living room and sat around drinking Dean's last bottle of whisky in silence as they rested their sore muscles, both within their own mind digesting their latest experience.
.
As daylight slowly peaked through the windows, Dean turned to his brother beside him on the sofa and noticed he had eventually fallen asleep. He took his jacket off and covered Sam's torso with it, patted his head then traipsed upstairs to his own bed, exhausted.
They both awoke before lunchtime, slightly hung-over as they gathered all their belongings and removed any evidence of their presence in the house. Few words passed between them. Throwing their duffle bags into the boot of the car and slamming it shut, Sam rested his behind on the car and rung Kevin up.
"Hey Kevin, how you doing?" Sam put speakerphone on and Dean stood beside him to listen.
Kevin's shaky voice spoke through the phone. "I'm fine. I'm feeling better— took a few days break after discovering the second trial. Working on the third trial now… So—yeah, good. You?"
"Yeah we're doing good. Hey Kevin—we called to tell you that we've done it. The trial's been completed."
"Really? Wow, I can't believe it! How did you manage to pull this one?" Kevin asked flabbergasted.
"Awesomeness, that's how." Dean answered.
"Well, Well done is all I can say. And er, one more to go, huh?"
"Sure, not anytime soon." Dean gruffly replied and stared pointedly at Sam in the eye. Sam looked away. "We're taking a little break. So you just take some more rest and we'll come see you soon, alright?"
"Yeah, sounds good. Thank you guys, I'm sure it must have been hard on you, this trial."
Sam nodded, deep in thought. "Yes it was, but it ended well and that's what matters." Sam sniffed. "Anyway we're gonna hit the road now so I gotta go."
"Okay. See you guys soon."
"Sure. Bye."
Dean walked passed Sam as he ended the call, 'back in the driver's seat'.
…
They drove over to Missouri's wanting her to know personally that she knew everything went well. She seemed a little less herself but the brothers also noticed how much she tried to keep up her usual façade. It was understandable given what she had gone through just days ago.
All three stood by her front door.
"So you boys leaving, huh? See you two again in the next decade?" a small cheeky smile played on her lips as she taunted the brothers.
"Maybe. What with how nice you've been and with your hospitality— and the use of your super special psychic services we might be coming around more often." Dean joked right back, hands shoved firmly within his jacket pockets. Sam laughed beside him.
"Missouri, thank you so much for helping us. We couldn't have done it without you." Sam's genuine gratitude warmed her face more. But sadness hung behind her eyes.
"Well, someone had to do it…. Anyway, thank you for thinking of me." Missouri shook her head slowly from side to side. "My, you two sure know how to give someone an adventure." Dean chuckled at that. "But…, I'm glad to have been a part of saving your brother's soul."
Dean nodded. "Yeah me too. Thanks for everything."
Sam looked at Dean.
"Well I hope to see you boys again – not too soon though, phew!"
Both brothers hugged Missouri tightly then said their farewells.
.
Ten minutes later they stopped at a gas station. Dean stood by to refill the tank and Sam went inside to pay for the gas and to get them some brunch.
They drove and ate, munching on snack bars and cheese and salad baguettes. During the drive back to the bunker, Dean noticed only a third of his brother's baguette had been eaten and only half of the fruit bar he usually loves had been nibbled at – furthermore, he could smell fresh liquor coming from Sam's direction. Not for the first time, his brother had him worried. The past few days Sam's new drinking habit hadn't gone unnoticed. He knows that the only time Sam drinks a lot is when things get really bad and are beyond his control. Dean wondered if walking back into Hell again had really gotten to him.
"You did good Sam."
Sam briefly turned to look at him then went straight back to staring at the passing scenery. "Thanks. You too."
"Ah, me?" Dean replied, surprised.
Sam nodded. "You helped me through it. Helped Adam too. So thanks."
"Alright, I'll take that." Dean chuckled. "I wonder how he's doing up there? I hope his living his greatest hits."
Sam remained silent. Dean sighed through his nose. 'Shit, not a pleasant topic.'
"Sammy—?
"Dean, do you mind I take the wheel? I'm sure you need the break."
Dean frowned from being cut off so abruptly. "Sure." He stopped the car at a bypass and they got out and swapped seats. Sam pulled off fast and loud back onto the road. Dean pushed his head back on the head rest and closed his eyes breathing deeply thinking that when they got back to the bunker they could have a good, honest to God talk without losing their cool. 'Ha, pigs could fly'.
…
Placing his duffle bag on the main room desk, Dean watched as Sam traipsed off down the hallway to his bedroom.
Late into the afternoon Dean began preparing dinner since Sam hadn't shown his face since arriving. The whole time he could hear the sound of the television traveling down the hallway and the occasional interval of a coughing fit. During the time they got back and then Dean had walked passed his brother's bedroom door four times, wanting to initiate a serious conversation but not having the nerve to knock on his door. So Dean decided that when it came to dinnertime, he'd have an excuse.
Dean made a delicious casserole full of meat and vegetables with hot rolls. The smell was immensely inviting and he hoped that Sam would eat enough for his size.
He piled a bowl for his brother, buttered a hot roll and wrapped it in a paper napkin and placed bowl and roll with a spoon on the side on a silver tray. The casserole moved around in the bowl a little as he slowly treaded down the hallway towards his brother's bedroom. Standing before Sam's door, he cleared his throat.
"Hey Sam, I've er, made dinner. I've got it right here so could you open up?" Only silence.
Dean balanced the tray on one hand and knocked on the door firmly. "Sam?"
Dean sighed. "Look, if you don't want it just say so. I could just put it in the oven and heat it up when you're ready." Dean suggested, slightly on the side of frustrated. He tilted his head down trying to listen in. "Is everything okay in there?"
Dean put an ear against the door and could hear his brother's feet shuffling towards the door. Then a thump as weight hit it.
"Tha-thank you. But no thanks." Sam's voice was muffled but because of the close proximity between them he could hear the drunken slur in his speech. Dean sighed again.
"How much have you had to drink?"
"Don't know… doesn't ma-a-ter." Sam replied drunkenly. "Anyway, I'm-I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go sleep now." The same shuffling feet sound retreated from the door. Dean shook his head.
"Okay. Goodnight." He headed back to the kitchen, put Sam's dinner in the oven then fixed himself a bowl and ate alone at the kitchen table.
'God, what am I gonna do?'
…
Lucifer goaded Michael on. "Go on, do it. It's really fun."
Lucifer had him pinned on his back on jagged ice and he struggled sluggishly with the invisible bonds. Sam knew what was about to happen and he couldn't do a single thing about it. Michael was about to rip out of his vessel.
Adam screamed fierce from the excruciating pain as Michael tore himself through his vessel's insides and out of every pore. Blood poured from Adam's eyes, his nose and mouth from the intense pressure of the Angel. His human body couldn't withstand it.
"P-p-pleeease!" Adam begged.
"Don't, please just stop!" Sam pleaded for his brother. It was all he could do. Lucifer's glowing eyes flashed at him. "I'm the one you want, you don't need him. I'm the one that threw you back in the Cage!"
Adam's screaming stopped abruptly. Sam watched as he listed to one side then collapsed, his head cracking on the hard icy ground.
"Exactly. You did this!" Michael roared, now in his true form. Sam looked away. "You ruined everything and now I'm going to destroy what you love in front of you!"
"Wow, finally letting you're hair down brother?" Lucifer asked all sickly sweet with Nick's lips.
Michael looked towards Adam's still form. "God will see my wrath below this wretched Earth!"
.
"No-no-no-no-no..., don't—ADAM!"
Sam felt himself awaken but he didn't open his eyes. His heart raced and pounded beneath his ribcage; his breathing shallow from residual panic. Gradually Sam opened his eyes to his lamp lit room. 'It's just a memory, I can deal with this.' "Okay…, okay." He needed a drink.
Slowly sitting up, he turned to sit on the edge of his bed. He read the time from his bedside digital clock (4:25), picked up an almost finished bottle of alcohol from the floor and drank the remaining contents. Placing the bottle back on the tiles, he tipped his head down forward and sighed, breathing forcefully in and out his nose trying to push back those dark memories. He squeezed his eyes shut and fingers gripped his knees tightly.
Dean banged his fist loudly on the door. Sam's head whirled round towards the sound in surprise.
"Hey Sam you alright?" He shouted from the other side.
Sam wanted to be left alone for a few days in his room just to try and get his head on straight. Aggravated, he stood and forced his legs to walk at a steady pace. Sam unlocked his door to find a distressed looking Dean dressed in his rumpled night clothes and slipper-clad feet.
"What's wrong Dean?" he asked, his voice low.
Dean stared at his brother, looked him up and down and peered around the bedroom. The lamplight illuminated the empty beer bottles littering his desk; more filled his bedside bin. An empty whisky bottle remained solo at the foot of Sam's bed with the lid off. The smell of alcohol was heavy on his breath.
"You good?"
Sam's confused face dropped. He ran his fingers through his hair and tugged hard. "Seriously? You woke me up early in the morning to ask me if I'm good?"
"Sam I heard you shouting." Sam's stance automatically became defensive, afraid of what Dean may have heard.
"Huh. Sorry about that. Everything's fine so you can go back to bed now." Sam went to close the door but Dean stopped him with his hand, pushing in the opposite direction.
"Cut the bull Sam, I heard you say Adam's name."
"So?" Sam asked exasperated.
"So?"
"So what do you want me to say, Dean?"
"Oh, I don't know… how about try and be honest with me and tell me what's going on with you. I mean you've been putting the drinks away a lot lately. That's not like you."
"What's that got to do with anything?" Sam's getting angry now. "You drink all the time!"
"Exactly. You've made my point—that's my bag, not yours." Dean pointed at Sam then at himself.
Now Sam's standing at full height, towering and intimidating. His facial features are hard. "So you're saying that only you can drink?"
'Whoa this is so going in the wrong direction'.Dean sighed and rubbed a hand down his face. "No Sam. That's not what I meant."
"You really need to mind your own damn business and leave me alone! Goodnight Dean!" Sam stepped back to slam the door but before it could shut in his brother's face, Dean put his slipper wearing foot between the door and the frame, stopping it from closing.
"Ah, damn it Sam!" Dean yelled, annoyed. The inside of his foot throbbed. "Would you just listen instead of getting angry!"
Sam opened the door again and then stood before Dean with his arms crossed. Dean could see his jaw muscle twitching, his eyes were flat yet his face was masked with disinterest.
Dean delved straight to it.
"It was hard for me to think about Adam, let alone face him. But I got through it. I did my bit to help you do what needed to be done, even though it meant letting you step right back into that place again." Dean shook his head. Sam's crossed arms loosened slightly. "For a long time I felt guilty for leaving him down there. Still do now. And I'm not saying that it wasn't hard for you too, God knows it must be much worse, but I don't know...—."
"What?" Sam asked intently, though he still sounded wound up.
"Ever since you've saved his soul, it's like all that guilt you have—it just seems to be compounding you."
Anguish filled Sam's eyes as he looked down. Dean felt he was finally getting through to him.
"I just wanna help. You'd do the same for me."
Sam's bottom jaw rocked side to side - the pressure was building and the flood gates where opening. He turned, showing his back to Dean and dropped his head down, teeth biting deep into his bottom lip as he tried to contain his emotions. Hair slipped forward, obscuring his face. It was too much, holding it all in and trying to drink it away.
Dean watched as his brother's back tensed and his shoulders folded in. He could hear Sam gulping wetly as his breathing sped up. Dean walked inside the bedroom to stand in front of him. "Sammy, it's okay. Let it go." He opened his arms out and wrapped them tightly around his little brother. Sam remained still, muscles locked.
"Its alright, I'm here, Sam."
Dean placed a hand at the back of his brother's neck and squeezed it firmly. Sam tried to gulp down a painful lump growing at the back of his throat. "I tried so hard to protect him down there," his voice was clogged with emotion. "then I left him alone to rot. You did your damndest to get me out, but I didn'tdo the same – for either of you. What kind of brother does that make me?"
Dean pulled back at arms length. "Sammy listen to me. You did what you had to do at the time, you've had a lot going on. There's nothing to be sorry for."
Sam sniffed. "Dean, I-I think it has something to do with the second trial. All I feel is absolute despair. I'm drowning in it—can't stop thinking about it… I don't know how to deal. Dean…, I can feel Hell, in my blood—in my soul." Dean felt fear shoot down his spine. 'Oh God no.' Sam's sorrow filled eyes stared firmly to the floor.
"We'll get you through this, you're not alone. I'm here for you."
Sam backed away. "No, I have to deal with this myself. This is my burden to bear."
"No Sam, don't say that." Dean could feel his brother slipping from him.
"But it's true. This is way bigger than us. And even though I'm finding it real hard to hold onto the safety bars, I know I'm gonna do whatever it takes to complete God's trails. I have no other choice."
"You do have a choice, there's always another way. We can turn this around—it's not too late." Dean was close to pleading.
Sam looked at him and continued on. "No Dean, I want this. But who knows how messed up I'll get?" Dean's Adam's apple bobbed. "This past trial has really put my mind in a bad place; the things I've had to do, what awaits me in the future—I don't want to drag you down with me."
"Then if that's what it takes, then that's what will happen!" Dean replied adamantly, as he gripped onto his brothers forearms. "There is no way I'm letting you do this alone. We do this together or not at all—we're a team—we're brothers and not Heaven or Hell can take that away from us, you hearing me Sam?" Dean's voice wavered with fierce passion. "We've got this; I've got your back." His eyes bore into Sam's, silently pleading with him to believe in him, to hold on for a while longer.
Finally Sam nodded and tears spilled from his eyes. Dean released a whoosh of breath as his heart thumped erratically within his chest, the panic still residing. He hugged him again, much tighter than before and Sam let go; he allowed himself the comfort and drank in the strength of his brother's words as he hugged his brother right back. Dean choked up and his eyes glistened.
"You can and you will get through this. You will."
Dean would just have to be stronger for the both of them.
-—The End—-
- Finally finished it. So, what do you think? Please leave a review. Thanks.
