Death
"Ah… ah…. Mmm. Ah! Xiang…." Yao gasped, always the louder of the two as he thrust inside of Xiang, feeling his tight walls all around him, smooth and constricting him, the warmth that was Xiang sending sparkles of pleasure through his being, gripping Xiang's hips, he pushed in as far as he could.
Xiang bit back a small whimper of lust and pleasure as Yao's length pushed against a certain spot inside him, and threw his head back as Yao rubbed the slit on his member, bubbles of pleasure erupting around his abdomen. He knew he was close to coming, especially with Yao making such sexy noises as he slammed in and out of him.
"Ah! Xi- Xi- … Xiang~" Yao mewled, the friction of feeling Xiang all around him as he started to pant. Xiang was the first to come, splattering semen on them both, instinctively tightening around Yao, and in turn pushing Yao over the edge, and felt cum shoot up himself. Unable to stop himself, a routine squeak fell from Xiang's lips as Yao pulled himself out of him, and finding himself feeling strangely empty without Yao inside of him. Xiang struggled desperately to steady his breathing as Yao settled next to him, pulling him into a hug, dirty as they were.
*Two years later*
Xiang settled himself down on the double bed, no longer as quite so conscious of all the spare space around him as he once was, he no longer felt the weight missing beside him as he slept, or heard steady breathing aside from his own as he closed his eyes and drifted off to the desperate clutches of sleep. Purposefully steadying his breathing, Xiang willed his mind to lose consciousness, he willed the sleeping pills his therapist prescribed him to kick in and send him to oblivion.
Damnit.
His pillow began to dampen, Xiang couldn't feel it; he had schooled himself not to be able to feel his eyes burn, the tear ducts in the corner of his eyes feeling as though they would fall off, the steady, burning ache in his throat, a hard lump that travelled up and down his sarcophagus, trying to strangle him, blocking any air that was heaved in from entering his body, and forcing it to rush back out until Xiang was dizzy from lack of oxygen.
Gulping down unnecessary amounts of oxygen to slow his heartbeat, Xiang buried his head under his soft duvet, unable to feel his heart claw at the rest of his chest; leaving gauges of misery in its path of self-destruction.
Clear the mind. Xiang could practically hear his therapist's voice in his head, the past is the past, nothing can change what happened. You need to take control of your life, believing something is the first step for it to come true. Tell yourself you cannot feel the pain as you go to sleep and it will one day come true.
Letting out strangled sob, Xiang twisted the sheets in his hands.
I can feel nothing. I am strong. I can feel nothing. I am strong.
Taking a locket off the bedside table, Xiang opened it to reveal long strands of dark brown hair. With a shaking finger he caressed it and then placed it back on the table.
I feel nothing. I am strong. I feel nothing. I am strong. I feel nothing. I am strong. I feel nothing. I am strong. I feel nothing. I am strong. I feel nothing. I am strong. I feel nothing. I am strong. I feel nothing. I am strong. I feel nothing. I am strong.
I feel nothing.
The past is the past.
I feel nothing.
Hysterical breathing at last calming down, Xiang felt the sedative in the sleeping pills begin to work their magic and pull him away from reality.
""
Somewhere apart from reality Yao faced him, "Always remember, Xiang," Yao told him with a small, sad smile, "Memories are what make us strong, remember the good times and the bad times, let your feelings of them mix together so that you never wish to let go of life. Every breath you take, every tear that you shed… the very fact that you're living honours the dead, through life you must give and experience as much love as possible to make up for those of us who have passed." At this point, Yao wiped a tear from Xiang's cheek, who just stood there, seeing but not seeing his lover. Yao sighed gently, and gave Xiang a peck on the cheek where the tear had been and a smile so full of love and pity. "By the time you awake you'll probably have forgotten this, but please, always do your best to go on, and one day, I promise you, you'll be able to remember our times together with a smile."
""
Xiang wiped his bleary eyes, knowing they were red and puffy.
I feel nothing. I am strong.
Something twisted painfully in his gut, smothering a scream he ran to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet in time as he emptied his bowls, certain he would throw up an organ with the intensity, feeling his throat screaming in agony from rawness he longed to get a drink, but the stench over powered him and once again he was on his knees dry heaving.
*Five months ago*
Xiang was fussing over the Christmas decorations, should he put the red tinsel at the bottom of the tree or just leave it dressed in simple golden baubles?
A buzzer sounded, was that the cake in the oven? Glancing at the clock he decided it as too early for that. The buzzer rang again, and Xiang realised it was the door, "Yao, is that, like, you? Ya' know you, like, live here as well, right? You don't have to like, ring, just, like let yourself in." He opened the door and was slightly surprised to see two police officers standing by, "Can I, like, help you?" Xiang asked monotonously.
The two glanced at each other; no matter how many times they did this they both knew that it would never easier.
"Xiang Long?" The female officer said at last, and Xiang just nodded, "Could we come in?" feeling as foreboding as the Grim Reaper just standing by the man's door.
"I, like, guess." Xiang replied, impatient for them to get going and for Yao to return so that he could eat.
"So, like, what is it?" He asked once in the lounge room and the two officers glanced at each other again, their knowing looks really starting to annoy Xiang.
"Sir, I am very sorry to have to tell you this…" This time the male officer spoke up, and dread stroke Xiang's back with its icy fingers at his words.
"This afternoon, around three there was a car crash downtown, a certain Wang Yao was involved," He looked up, and seeing all colour drain from the Xiang's face he knew that the man was someone very, very important to him. "He died on to the way to the hospital, we did all that we could, I am very sorry for your loss."
What?
Xiang slowly at himself down, taking in the sudden information… Yao dead? Just like that..?
Seeing the familiar look on the Xiang's face, the two officers stood, "We'll let ourselves out." They said at the exact same time, and then glanced at each other, as though surprised at the synchronicity of their thoughts.
Xiang wanted to strangle them, seeing the passing glance.
On the way out the woman decided to abandon all professionalism and gave Xiang a tight hug, feeling silly when it Xiang just sat there like a stone statue.
The funeral was held only a week into January, while snow was still falling slowly and softly, making everything around it look like a winter wonderland, like Narnia under the rein of the White Witch. Yao was buried outside, beside a huge oak tree whose towering limbs drooped over the grave, shielding it somewhat from the snow. When Xiang saw Yao's corpse before the funeral, he hadn't marvelled at how peaceful he looked, or the serenity of it, or thought that he was just sleeping… Xiang had just thought Yao looked dead. Dead and gone, he had left, and all that remain behind was a shell.
Xiang had run out of that room. Run away from where Yao was dead, away from where he was alone, where there as a world without Yao, from where there was nothing but people dressed in black upon the pure white snow. Unable to contain himself he had just collapsed in the sludge of half melted snow and dirt, sobbing and shivering. Until a person he eternally forgot to thank put a blanket around his shoulders a placed a mug of hot milo in his hands.
"Aru, you're welcome, just don't forget to take care of yourself."
Xiang sprang up. The man was gone. The blanket and drink were there so it couldn't have been a ghost.
""
*Present Day*
"I know, aru, just live for me. Find a way to beckon happiness back into your life."
Xiang payed no more attention to the annoying voice that popped into his head from time to time anymore, tired of how it made him tired. Just wanting the pain to end.
End.
Well, watcha think? I wrote this at midnight so… I'm not quite sure how that may have affected my writing and/or style. Give me feedback.
Going to bed,
Sincerely,
DrowningHeta.
