For the first scene of this chapter, I would like to share a reading experiment with you all.
1 -Please open two browser windows side by side, with this chapter on one side, and another website called 'sounds to sleep', easily found on google, on the other. This website works best with explorer or chrome.
2 –Before you even begin reading, put the sound for 'waves' on.
3 –Once you have reached the part where Hiccup leaves the group to sit next to the brazier, please switch on the sound for 'bonfire'.
I would be appreciative if you could tell me whether this addition has helped you feel more immersed in the scene, or whether it has disturbed you. Mixed media reading is something I am studying, and it would be great to include you all into my research.
This is, of course, not an obligation and it is completely up to the individual reader's choice whether they want to participate.
Berkian Eddur - 1
Becoming Lífþrasir
Day 3
Morning
A few halls in the village still had lights on - one of them was a lighthouse1 at the very edge of a cliff, where the heirs were congregated for that night. Hiccup had offered to be included in the night watch roster, despite the fact that he had worked himself to the bone all day and been up before the sun. All of the heirs had decided they would spend the night with him, as ten eyes were better than two.
However, the horizon had gone unguarded for the better part of the last half hour, since Thuggory had dropped his bombshell. Toothless was the only one who was still following the frantically pacing Hiccup with his head. Everyone else had given up trying to look at the erratic man.
"But what do you mean engaged to me?" he asked for the millionth time.
"H- Cattongue, I swear I will throw my shoe at you if you don't quit it," Cami moaned, face buried in her dragon's hide. Hiccup ignored her.
"You really must have heard wrong," he said again, not giving Thuggory the time to reply. Not that he seemed to have any inclination to anymore. "And she really didn't say that. She couldn't have said …"
"Cattongue," Dogsbreath said, at last, unfolding his arms and sitting straight. Farthog stirred slightly, but snored on, "I do believe that an explanation is in order, as I feel you haven't been completely honest with me."
Hiccup winced. Looking at Toothless, he took some comfort in the fact that his dragon at least understood right away, as he gave the still night air a sniff and nodded to signal that the group was alone. At least his dragon had his back. Then Toothless nudged him towards Dogsbreath, and Hiccup sighed.
"Look, Dogsbreath, you're right, and I'm sorry. It's just that I was keeping this under wraps. They only found out because they remembered me," he said despondently, pointing to Cami and Thug. "Thing is, my name isn't Cattongue. It's Hiccup." He paused, and waited to see if Dogsbreath caught on. Hiccup had become a great friend of the quiet man, and knew he was smart.
"As in Hiccup Haddock, of Berk." Dogsbreath did not disappoint. Hiccup nodded. "That explains a great many things."
"Huh?" Cami asked, raising her head.
"Why he is working so tirelessly for Berk. Why he has no interest in using his current advantage politically. Why he negotiated his debt to be an obey-all-orders, rather than a place to stay and trade to ply as any other man would have. Why you," a sharp look, "have refused both offers to become a Meathead and an UglyThug." Hiccup winced. He did owe his friend a full explanation.
"And why you won't sleep with any of the Bog women who have been chasing your tail for years," Cami said with a grin. Hiccup groaned and hid his face in his hands. He would never live down the time he'd taken refuge on Cami's rafters from the rather insistent cousin who'd not taken no for an answer.
"That's different," he groaned.
"Yup, that's because you're only interested in one tail, and she's currently engaged to you and begging you to come back," Cami went on, nailing him with a look. "So, what's the story there? Gilted her, did you?"
"What? No! I didn't even know! Heck, I don't believe it. She must have been just trying to get information. And she can't rough an allied clan's heir too much. And he's my friend, and they're in my debt, so she didn't want to piss 'Cattongue' off. Yeah, that has to be it."
He had begun pacing again, but finally sat down with a sigh. Toothless walked up behind him and seated himself so Hiccup could rest against him, but he was too restless. Getting to his feet again, he told the others he was slacking off his duty (which he had been!) and threw himself up the winding stairs to the top of the tower. Once there, he sat on the peak, stoking the fire in the brazier beside him, and made space for Toothless to join him on the platform.
Gods; yes, the gods themselves, they must hate him. It was a really cruel joke to play on a poor lonely bachelor, especially with this particular Viking woman at the other end of the deal. He'd almost swallowed his own tongue when he'd recognised her on the battle field. Still flaxen haired, still beautiful as Frigga, still fierce and determined. He'd been mooning with Toothless in the cove only yesterday, wondering who the lucky man she was engaged to was, and why in hell he was 'missing'. His heart had broken all over again at seeing her and knowing she was tied to someone - he'd known this would happen, Hel, he'd been ready to see her with two or three tots running around her ankles, but it had still been a shock somehow. He knew that he loved her; he'd never really lied to himself, in the same way that he'd known he'd have to work hard for her to even notice him. He remembered everything about her; when they were friends together as children, and then craning his head through the window in the forge, watching her grow while he struggled to keep up. He'd hoped that at least she'd been lucky enough to land Fishlegs - who had married Ruffnut and was a proud dad of a new little girl, unbelievably enough.
Berk had changed, and yet just enough had stayed the same that the ache in Hiccup's chest was almost unbearable at times. Working in the smithy with Gobber had been an ordeal - especially when he'd started asking who he'd learned to make the handle from, and how eagerly he'd taken all the semi-fabricated information about the 'wee lad' who had been his apprentice. He'd long known Gobber was the one who could have possibly taken his departure worst of all Berk, but he had felt guilt-ridden at the delight on the older man's face at any mention of 'Hiccup'.
And his dad … Hiccup didn't want to think about it. Dealing with Stoick the Vast as an abstract concept, as the Chief of the tribe he was helping, was something he could manage, something he could do for the sake of all the kids that ran underfoot as he walked through town with Toothless, and the stock of new teens he would be training with dragons tomorrow, and all the ones who had yet to come and who he used to know, and were now older and wiser. But dealing with Stoick his father, who hadn't even once mentioned his name - why should he? And yet Hiccup was ashamed that he had deeply desired to be missed, even slightly. Hiccup pushed it away, all of it, and took a deep, calming breath. Toothless warbled at him, curling around him more firmly, and he leaned back on the dragon for both their comfort.
Being on Berk again was harder than Hiccup had ever thought it would be. There were memories around every corner, and most of them were unpleasant. When he'd left, a large part of him had always thought he'd never be back. A smaller part of him had dreamed that if he'd make something of himself, if he managed to become … something more, he'd be able to return and face everyone.
It had been this tiny part of him that had grown and grown during that first winter. He'd almost died, either of cold or of starvation, several times, and it was only thanks to Toothless that he survived to see the following spring. He'd longed to turn tail and go back to Berk so fiercely once the ice had broken that the pain of it had competed with his gnawing belly. But he knew he couldn't go back, not with nothing to show for this absence but his emaciated face, so he'd done the opposite, picked the tiny island of as much as they could kill without making it barren, and turned his sights far south.
It had simultaneously been the best and the worst decision of his life. He'd visited lands and cultures he'd never dreamed of, gone as far as the new Rome in the East and traded pieces of amber there that to him were worthless, but which brought him so many goods he and Toothless could barely take off. It had had the dual effect of satiating both his physical hunger and his wanderlust. After a run in with the Pict tribe, he'd learned never to take Toothless with him, and to land in places where Toothless could then use his emergency fin and fly to an unreachable height. He still bore the scars of the hatchet that had tried to take his head off for riding a devilish dragon. He'd made sure to learn to fight properly after that.
He still bore, also, the mark - if only in memory alone - of the first women he had been with. She had taken him to her tent, bleeding and near faint with fright, and Toothless had followed them there. She was an army follower, and through a few common words and gestures, they had managed to communicate sparsely while she sewed him up. He'd felt terribly guilty for taking up her living space, food, and bloodying her clothes, but she had been amiable and patient. She had also had beautiful; long, flaxen hair, blue eyes and freckled cheeks. Her features were different, her voice and language completely foreign, but when she had decided to kiss him and touch him one night, he hadn't refused her, and just buried his face in blonde hair shining in candle light, flaxen just like hers, allowing himself a few hours of a happiness he'd thought he'd never have, and all the nights that followed. She had been a very lonely girl herself, telling him through their stilted way of communicating that her name was Josepha and that she had been reduced to this through her family dying of illness. He'd even taken her with him for a while, finally leaving her behind in a sea village where she had found employment, and new hope in the form of a widowed fisherman to whom they were brother and sister. He had left another part of his soul behind when he'd taken off on Toothless for Constantinople without her. When he'd returned to the archipelago to face the following winter, he'd been armed with new knowledge, supplies, new smithing techniques, and dreams at night that substituted one blonde woman with another. And despite being only three hour's flight away from Berk, he'd always made sure to travel to the islands farthest from it when he wanted to smith and trade, teach about dragons, and haggle his way into a better winter lodging.
Now here he was again, on the island where he'd left his childhood and dreams behind, older, wiser, and not at all more worthy, for all of the five more years he'd lived in the world, to be his father's son. The engagement Thuggory spoke of had to be a lie, a bogus excuse to make asking for information legitimate. Astrid was probably the heir - she behaved like it, was at Stoick's right hand (as he'd always wished to be) all the time, to the point where Hiccup had assumed it. She was probably protecting her position.
He'd have to be careful how he fixed Heather's axe. He'd have to be careful in general. He wanted, more than anything, for Berk to prosper and taste some of the benefits a positive relationship with the dragons brought, and which he'd seeded in almost all the other islands in the archipelago. That wouldn't happen if they found out they'd been tricked into following the instructions of Hiccup the Useless, turned into a lynch mob and then drove the dragons out again in one flaming, massive ball of Viking rage.
He groaned at himself, pulling his knees to his face and burying it there. He wasn't volunteering for the night watch again. Too much time on his hands, too much time to think, and there were just too many things to do and too many horrible, painful things to think about. Best for him that he sleep through the night in the cove, and wake up before the sun to work himself to the bone before the damned huge dragon arrived.
"Hey, scooch over." Hiccup jumped, looking up to find Thuggory trying to get up beside him. Toothless grumbled at him, but moved just enough to let the other man climb onto the brazier tower.
"Look Thug, not now, ok?" Hiccup told him, and he averted his eyes, glad that his voice hadn't broken at least. He didn't need one more humiliation tonight.
"Hey, it's ok brother, I get it." Thug threw an arm around Hiccup's shoulder, and although he gave not a few grumbles, Toothless let them both lean back against him, and curled to put his head on Hiccup's lap (and slap Thuggory with his tail).
They sat in silence for a while. The noise of the waves hitting the shores of the island's cliffs underneath was almost deafening, starting small and hushed as it hit rocks in the distance, and then rising to a roar as it smashed on the rocks beneath them, only to fade into the distance again as the same wave broke on the shore line further out. The ebb and flow of it lulled them for a while, night birds sometimes joining in, and the crackling of the brazier punctuated the quiet.
"Hiccup," Thuggory said in a low voice. Hiccup hummed in reply, eyes trained on a horizon that was already lightening. The sun rose early this time of year; the third or fourth hour after midnight would already give a pinkish horizon. "I know you may not want to hear this, but I think you should."
A lump formed in Hiccup's throat again, but he nodded, ignoring his increased heart rate.
"She said something else. Didn't want to say it in front'a all the others … Said that she didn't mean what she'd said - said it 'in a moment of anger'. Seems to think you left because of that and was pretty cut up about it." Hiccup took a deep breath and shifted uncomfortably but Thuggory went on before he could speak. "Look, I won't tell you what to do, ok? I'd never." Thuggory rubbed Hiccups head, and for a moment the noise of the waves and the fire took over again. "But … try to talk to her. As 'Cattongue', you know? Sound the terrain. If you don't like what you see, move on. If you do … you have time to think about it. You can always come back to Freezing after this is done."
"I can't."
"What?"
"I can't. Your dad knows it's me now, remember? If I'm chased out of Berk, I won't compromise the peace with Freezing to Death by sheltering there. Hell, if Berk knows I'm 'Cattongue', I won't be able to go anywhere."
"Oh …"
"Yeah …"
"Maybe it won't come to that. Like I said," Thuggory rubbed his head again, "sound the terrain. Upturn some rocks, see what comes out. You may as well try while you're here. I know you miss it, so don't lie to me."
He snorted and was silent for a while. "You're a romantic idiot," Hiccup sighed.
"Been speaking to my wife, huh?" They chuckled quietly. Toothless huffed in Hiccup's lap, and a massive wave broke on the rocks beneath them with a noise like the thunder of Thor, sea spray reaching the two young men on the brazier and forcing Hiccup to throw a log in with a shower of sparks and spits. The stars shone brightly, almost trying to compete with the horizon going pink. The air smelled and tasted of fresh salt and embers.
"So, she's her, huh? The one you made the axe for."
"... I don't want to talk about it, Thug."
"Ok."
They watched the sun rise quietly. The snores from below told the two men the rest of them had gone to sleep - or perhaps Cami was still awake and listening, Hiccup could never predict with that girl. Still, Cami was the one who could always discern the most of his thoughts out of them all, so he supposed it wouldn't make much of a difference anyway.
When the sun was fully above the horizon, he stood and stretched, ignoring his grumbling dragon as he tried to work the sea-air's chill out of his joints.
"The next watch is up," he said, spotting a Flyn from the Hopperdottir clan making his way towards the lighthouse. "I have a class to teach, and then I have to go back to the forge while they eat lunch. You up to go shake the others, and get them to log and gather a few good trees? The carpenters will be starting on the new machines today; may as well have some wood ready to get them going."
Thuggory smiled at him, and Hiccup smiled back as he helped him up. He imagined that if he'd had a brother, he'd have been lucky to have one like Thuggory. Stretching one last time, he snapped his helmet back on and nudged his dragon until he got a lick across the neck for his efforts.
Ignoring Thuggory's laughter, he waved and shot off, dropping altitude by Flyn to salute him and then moving on towards the academy. The younger children, who had been knee-high when Hiccup had left, were now the 'new recruits'. And it was their turn to be introduced to whatever dragons had been caught but not yet been partnered, and to be taught on the task that Hiccup had in mind for them. And he would really go to the forge, and start work on some of the traps and preparations Gobber said he needed help with. And meanwhile, if he saw Astrid, maybe he could … no. He had to give the chain mail he'd done to his dad … to Stoick today, and that was going to be taxing enough.
It was the start of another long day.
=0=
There was a small, loud one; a completely mad one; a slightly older, snoozy girl and a few balls of energy. And that was before he even began dealing with the Viking Children.
Ruffnut had bundled her baby up and gone to visit her husband - not because she missed the big lug, oh no. She just needed to keep herself unpredictable - as he worked with the other carpenters. On the way back, the commotion in the ring had drawn her and several other passer-bys to the metal railing, and she had now been there for a good hour, grinning madly and cradling her little monster as she suckled.
Cattongue was standing there, arms crossed, Viking children standing in a line - all except for Gustav, who was standing against the wall, arms extended and trembling, carrying a bucket in each hand. Ruffnut grinned devilishly at the impertinent little boy; she liked the way this Cattongue dealt with bullies - first forcing Snotlout to take the nightmare or be called a coward, and now isolating Gustav while he taught the other children, leaving the 13 year old to get the dregs of whatever dragons remained.
Her husband had taken in the gronkle Cattongue had brought with him - the smith had been none too happy about it, apparently because he used the dragon in the smithy, and had requested that Meatlug (her husband gave awesome names) be at his disposal. But her big lug of a husband and his meat lug of a dragon had bonded so well that Cattongue hadn't been able to deny it. He'd seemed resigned, and Ruffnut could be going nuts with all the milk in her body right now, but he'd apparently seemed almost happy for the gronkle.
He was a good man, that much, at least, she could discern. He was patient with the children, and if some of the women around her were correct, he'd just come from a night watch. Even her Fishlegs would brush her off sometimes when he was nose-deep in a new book, but this one was holding the children's hands every step of the way.
Children - she snorted, causing her daughter to grumble up at her and kick. Ruffnut frowned at her daughter; if she turned out to resemble her uncle Tuffnut, Ruff would drown her herself. But the children down there were only 5 years younger than her, and yet she was feeling so much older than them, between becoming the mistress of her own home and carrying the tot to term.
Looking better, Ruffnut realised that her youngest sibling was down there, too. Nuthead, their littlest brother, was only ten years old and the youngest in class. Gustav had been picking on him and on Sven 'Fleetfoot' Lufthaus's youngest daughter; serves the little bastard right to be shunted to the corner.
"Go on Nut, show them how it's done!" she called down, and the little boy looked up at her with a grin, adjusting his helmet, before sitting down among the terrors. Cattongue had apparently set bait traps in the woods to catch a few damned reptiles, and there hadn't been a shortage of the small, multi-coloured pests. Still, the way Cattongue handled them, you'd think they were kittens, just playing a harmless game of bat-the-string. Speaking of the devil, the night fury guy knelt down beside her seated brother, told him a few words and gave him a three small herrings. With a resolute nod, Cattongue stepped back and waved the rest of the children to do the same.
Nuthead rolled his shoulders like any good Thorston would, grabbed the fish and stood up. He started waving them at the terrors, which were instantly in a gaggle to get them, and immediately began to look at his teacher and follow instructions. Stand straighter, he was told; he did it right away. Tell them you only have three, and that you will chose who to give them to; he followed that order without a stammer, she was pleased to note, and the terrors stood instantly at attention, as if they'd been speaking Norse since they day they hatched. Ruffnut glanced at Cattongue, who was still standing tall, arms folded, with all the children huddled around him, barking directions. Before long, her baby brother had chosen three tiny dragons of different colours and, still following instructions, lured them away from the others with a fish and then moved to the side to begin what Cattongue called 'bonding', but what Ruffnut called a 'good-ol'-belly-rub'. She could understand the dragons; she loved a belly rub herself.
"Looks like it is going good!"
Ruffnut looked up to see her idiot brother and the Bog woman come up, sitting on the log beside her. She ignored the lump of bread he tried to shove at her face, and ignored him as he made stupid noises at her baby. Their little girl had better have her father's intelligence. And her mother's. Just not her uncle's.
"Oooh, Cattongue doing it to that little turd, huh?" Cami asked, nodding towards Gustav. Ruffnut looked up, and the boy had apparently begun complaining angrily. Cattongue stood there and listened for a few moments, and then grabbed a small bucket of fish and shoved the handle into the boy's mouth and began yelling at him.
"Listen to me, and listen well. This isn't a game, and you are not going to be receiving a new toy sword here. When you bond with a dragon, they will have your back, always." The night fury seemed to bloody understand what the man was saying and walked up, sitting behind him and growling as if to make a point. Some of the people around her started to whisper. Cami huffed a laugh. "They will protect you, and they will fight with you to the death, just like a brother Viking would. So you get your head screwed on right, and treat them with respect, or you can leave this arena right now. There aren't enough dragons for our defence as it is, and I won't waste one on someone who will be a danger to himself, his dragon and his comrades on the battle field. Am I clear?"
Gustav tried to nod, but could barely lift his head back up due to the fish's weight. Cattongue took the bucket from his mouth, and then took the two from his arms away also. Tuffnut beside her snickered when Gustav whined in relief, but it still must have been all the milk and mum-feelings inside her, because Ruffnut felt slightly sorry for the twerp. Ung, she was going soft.
"Right. You go apologise to Nuthead and Dartbolt. When you're done, we'll see about giving you your own dragon – but only if you prove to me that you can work in a team. This is a village; when you fight, you fight for yourself and for everyone in it with you. Clear?"
"Clear…"
"Works every time," Cami said beside her. Ruffnut looked at her in askance as she tried to burp her daughter (and the stupid husband of hers had better decide a name, because she was tired of saying 'the baby'!).
"There's always an asshat in every class – it's like a guarantee. We on Bog don't even bet on it anymore – there's always someone's daughter who thinks she can one-up Cattongue. Uses the bucket trick every time, then either makes them apologise, or gives them a drinking horn and makes them fill fifty buckets of water with it. And if that doesn't work, it's dung duty – they always hate that. Gets them in line quick as you please, I tell you. 'Specially hates the bullies."
"Yeah, he seems to be a decent sort," one of the other mothers said, nodding to Ruffnut. She'd been standing there long before the younger mother had dropped in to look, and they'd exchanged a few comments between them … what was her name again… oh, Dryleaf, Dartbolt's mum. The woman had probably come to see how her elder daughter fared, and was currently clutching onto Dartfoot's hand with a clenched fist; the second little girl had a perchance for escaping, especially since her father had imprudently given her a lock-picking set. Dartfoot was chewing on her fist right now, and looking down at her sister with rapt attention.
"Oh aye, that he is," Cami said with a shrug. "I'd say he's an idiot for it, but it brought us good things on Bog, so I shan't slight it."
"Oh?" Dryleaf asked.
"He's generous, and too kind, sometimes, even to people who have done him ill. But I can tell you, he's Viking alright. Don't want to cross him; you know what they say about the temper of the quiet ones."
"Ah yes, my Fleetfoot's one such," Dryleaf said. "Quiet as a mouse most days, but when he thunders, Thor couldn't hold him!" She gave a laugh, sitting down on their log beside Cami and bringing her daughter to her knees. Ruffnut was glad; her own baby seemed fascinated with the older one and stopped fussing and fidgeting. Now mummy could listen in peace. Wait… had she just thought of herself as mummy? Ung, she was disgusted. And Fishlegs was going to be ridiculously pleased. Speaking of whom…
"So's Fishlegs," Ruffnut interjected proudly. "Should have seen him this one time; Snotlout thought it would be funny to try to make me slip on some ice during my third month. Fishlegs strung him up by the ankles, butt-ass naked, and wouldn't let him down until Stoick made him."
"Oh, I like that!" Cami said, slapping her shoulder, and then ruffling her daughter's hair. "H- He, Cattongue, I mean, would probably have done it more subtly. And somehow involved the dragons. And made it fair, because he's an idiot like that. Or maybe not, come to think of the circumstance – Don't think I've ever seen a more family-man-man than that guy."
"He is married, then?" Dryleaf asked, and Ruffnut thought she saw a glimmer in her eye, until she realised that Dryleaf was also picking the Bog heir's brain for information on the man.
"Oooh, no. Not for lack of trying, I can tell you. Not interested myself, have to say – too goody-two-shoes, not mischievous enough; not my type." Had Cami just given a slide-glance towards her brother? Ung, Ruffnut was going to be sick. "But there were some women on Bog who'd have given their shields up for a piece of him; useless, I'm 'fraid." Cami shrugged. "He's as faithful as they come. In love with a girl, somewhere from wherever he's from, and never looked at another woman."
"Where is he from?" Dryleaf asked casually, adjusting her daughter in her lap.
Cami smirked. "Oh, no idea," she replied just as casually. Ruffnut knew that face; she'd worn it herself countless times. Cami knew exactly where Cattongue was from, which not only meant that the Bog heir was holding out on them, but that she also knew they were stringing her up to dry - for all the good it was going to doing them. It was like dealing with one of Loki's children.
She liked this girl. And judging by the look on her brother's face, she wasn't even the only one.
This meant two things – oh, marrying Fishlegs had made her notice more than one thing at a time, bless him. She needed to go out and practice her spear-work2 before she started getting the urge to learn to read books. Anyway, two things; first, she wasn't sure now if anything the blonde girl had said was true, and second, she totally had to tell Fish` anyway. He'd be able to make something out of it while she went out to make holes in trees. Maybe Astrid would come with her … it had been a while since they'd bonded over splinters, and she missed her friend.
=0=
1 This is a shoutout to Foxygirl - hey Foxy! Her versions of Hiccup and Astrid move into a re-kitted lighthouse as a home after they marry in Plans, her first - if for M readers only! - multi-chaptered work in this fandom. Her second, an AU called Chasing Thunderstorms, and it's follow up Stages of Grief are both narratives I strongly, strongly recommend. Her talent has only increased with age and practice.
2 I gave Ruffnut a spear as a weapon of choice in honour of, what I consider to be, the best Hiccstrid story of this fandom: 'The Choice', by Reens. This story has much less attention than it deserves, which is a pity, as I can't imagine any fan of the pairing not loving how well it is paced and how faithfully it is characterised. English is not the author's first language, so there are some errors; they are not glaring and are ignorable, however, and detract nothing from the beauty of this particular re-telling of the original HTTYD 1 story.
=0=
The third and fourth days are divided into three, as they would have been whopping massive chapters otherwise. This is also part of the reason why I stared updating twice a week, so the gap wouldn't be so large.
This chapter contained a look into the past five years for Hiccup; they have not been easy. This story starts his process towards the recovery and reintegration of his home. Please feel free to ask me questions; however, I will not necessarily be able to answer them. This story is fairly self-contained, and I like to leave some things up to readers' imaginations.
I operate on the system where, if the dragon has the same name as the film, it is the same dragon. If it does not have that name ... then it is not. How Meatlug managed to survive and end up on Hiccup's island? There is a tiny, one-sentence hint about how she escaped in chapter 8.
Also, now my other crack pairing should be pretty clear. They are so perfect for one another, in all their crazy, destructive glory, I don't know how no one's thought of it before.
