Walking into the therapist's office was routine and calming. The fern plant in the corner had flourished in the past summer months. Sookie knew even without looking on the underside of the leaves they would be dotted up and down with little black dots, the spores from the fern plant; an indication the plants health was good. She often compared herself to the plant in the beginning of her sessions; the fern was droopy and neglected. After a few weeks of sessions Sookie brought a watering can for the good old Doctor. The older woman just raised an eyebrow at the gift. Then she calmly stated she couldn't accept gifts for herself. Immediately Sookie saw away around the problem, "The watering can isn't a gift for you but the fern; you just need to remember to water it more often."
Still the woman wouldn't budge until Sookie left the office, only to return a few minutes later. She had filled the watering can. Going straight to the fern she poured in a measured amount of water and then placed the watering can artfully next to the droopy fern. Over the months it was routine for the Doctor to put water in the can prior to the session and Sookie would water the plant. It was a silly routine but something that Sookie looked forward to; taking care of the plant.
Picking up the watering can from in front of the plant Sookie poured for a count of three, satisfied the plant would live to see another week she went and sat on the love seat angled away from the window. Dr. Ludwig sat in her seat, which always caused Sookie to smile because of the sheer size overwhelmed the older woman. Still she looked like a wrinkly child sitting in her father's chair. Waffles was wandering in circles on the love seat scratching here and there trying in vain to fluff the cushion to fit her small body.
"How was dancing?" Dr. Ludwig asked ever to the point.
"Dancing was great and I faced Billy without being tempted. That was what the dancing was for right? I mean you wouldn't have allowed me to go to the rave if I wasn't ready to see him without falling back into the same traps. Right?" Sookie curled her legs under her and snuggled into the love seat similarly to what Waffles had just done without the spinning in circles.
"I don't allow you to do anything. You are a grown woman. Yes, you are probation but you still make the decisions." The Doctor's hands rested on top of Sookie's very thick file. Even though they had only been seeing one another for a little over six months, the file could have tumbled a house with its weight. The confidential file could have the same effect with the information it contained. Names she named as John's during her brief career as a call girl; if the information became public knowledge would have damaged households, careers, and the mortal souls of many males she had serviced.
"I know I am a grown woman, responsible for my decisions but it doesn't seem that way. The Judge, Lafayette, Hell even Sophia-Anne have more of a say so in my life. It sucks." Sookie was sullen, she was starting to disassociate from the here and now.
"Tell me about the color of the walls." The distraction worked and brought Sookie back to the present. It took Sookie less than five minutes to describe the walls; color, texture, and pattern. "So why do you feel like you have no control over your life? You went dancing last night, something you have wanted to do for a long time if I am correct."
"I did go dancing and that part was wonderful. It was just this morning that was like living a nightmare all over again."
"What do you mean 'living a nightmare'? Why was this morning different than any other time you had to see Lafayatte?" Ludwig pushed her glasses up her nose a bit and opened Sookie's file and began to scribble furiously across a seemingly blank page.
"There was a bust at the rave last night. Which I am pretty grateful because that proves to me Sophia-Anne listened when I told her about Billy being back in town. But I think I was set up by her. When I mentioned the rave to her I thought she was only going to send me there for recon. I never thought in a million years she would have one of her officers come to the house this morning to arrest me. It was like I was working alone there. She said if I went dancing I would be protected and nothing bad would happen to me."
"I don't trust Sophia-Anne, just between you and I. She seems unsteady. But go on."
"Well this morning I was getting ready to go see Lafayette, and this officer shows up at Gran's house."
"You are still calling it Gran's house. Why?"
"I know I grew up there, but that was ten years ago. As much as she left my room the same, I am different. That room belonged to a little girl. I am a hardened criminal now, a murderess." A harsh laugh came from Sookie's mouth; there was no mirth behind the noise.
"Hmmm." The Doctor scratched more words across the paper. "So an officer showed up at your house. What went on from there?"
"Like always Gran and Jason went and tried to diffuse the situation instead of allowing me to handle my own problems. I think I want them to handle my problems but then I get resentful as they do it. Their ways are not my ways anymore. We used to do everything the same. But I have had too many different experiences from them not to have my own style." Sookie shrugged as if being an individual was a no brainer for her.
"But you let them take care of the situation. How?"
"I stood on the porch until the guy was basically screaming at Jason, and then the next thing I knew Waffles was licking my hand and I heard the Officer tell Jason he was going to shoot Rocky. I don't know what happened. I just snapped into action and went and got up in his face. Then within a blink of an eye he literally was hauling me off to his car. It wasn't even a patrol car but like his personal car. There were hamburger wrappers under the seats and everything. I zoned out again." Sookie was getting heated up. Something she never allowed herself to do, once she was revved up it was really hard to tone it back. "He put the regular cuffs on me. Look," Sookie held her wrists forward so the doctor could take a look at them.
"Did Lafayette take a picture of your wrists?" Ludwig was scribbling more on a clean page of paper now.
"Yeah, but what good will it do? I am just one convict."
"Right but when a voice joins a cause; those voices can turn into a mighty roar. But let's focus on last night. How did you feel as you danced?"
The session ended a few minutes later after Sookie's hour was over. She wasn't quite sure how she was going to get back to Gran's house so she lead Waffles around on the grass outside the brown stone building contemplating how long it would take to walk. Just then an all too familiar car pulled up.
