Nano word count: 4644
Total word count: 37462
A/N: Actually done with Nano (but not the story), so hopefully will be posting every night :).
He's a one stop shop, makes my cherry pop
He's a sweet talkin' sugar-coated candyman
A sweet talkin' sugar-coated candyman
Christina Aguilera, "Candyman"
The
carnival was alive and bustling with the noise of the crowd when Raito
got there. She'd told her parents that she would be out studying late
at the library, with the college entrance exams knocking on her door
and while she had studied for a few hours after she'd left home, common sense told her that all brilliant academics need some recreation. And who better to recreate with than the man that she loved? He
was waiting for her a few meters away from the entrance, already with a
stick of white cotton candy in one hand and tearing little bits from it
with the other. There were little fuzzes of the candy stuck around his
mouth, making him look like a grown man-child, and she found the sight
to be unbelievably adorable. He stopped when he saw her. She stopped, too, a glow rising in her heart and making her smile goofily. And Raito was never goofy. "Raito-kun,"
said L simply and the sound of her name sounded like the most precious
thing pouring out of his lips. He took a few steps towards her, looking
down at her with those wide, blue-black eyes that she'd grown to love
over the months. Midnight eyes she liked to call them, but he would
just stare at her blankly and ask her to stop making fun of him. "Ryuuzaki," she breathed with a big smile. "You made it," he stated and started having his cotton candy again. She
rolled her eyes good-naturedly. "You don't have to sound so surprised,"
she said. "I said I'd come. And judging from how attached you are," she
gestured towards the white fuzziness, "I'd say you'd have a good time
without me." "Nonsense," he disagreed mildly, popping some more
cotton candy into his mouth, eyes never leaving her. "I would never
dishonor Raito-kun by comparing her to cotton candy." "Oh?" she raised an eyebrow teasingly. Such things he said. "Cotton
candy melts easily in your mouth," he said innocently, oblivious to the
sexual innuendo that made her blush slightly. "Raito-kun is solid and
real like a...pebble." "A pebble?" she exclaimed, surprised by his comparison. "Really, Ryuuzaki..." "I
never said I was a great poet," if he hadn't been so immersed in his
candy, he would have shrugged. Then he held out the stand to her.
"Would you like some?" "You know I don't like sweets," she shook her head. "That's
too bad," he sounded upset, yet darkly happy that he had the candy all
to himself now. He wasn't pretending like other people: he always
showed his feelings like glee and disappointment and love. But
there were other feelings that she couldn't touch in him, fleeting
emotions that he seemed to keep deliberately hidden and she didn't
understand why. "Raito-kun could do with a little bit of sugar,"
L said suggestively, his voice dark and rich. And just to spite him,
she reached out to tear a piece from his stash and pop in her mouth,
looking up at him defiantly.
I dare you to move.
L
was startled. He stared at her for a moment, as if deciding what to do
about her transgression and she was amused by how the white fuzziness
about his lips looked like a beard, when Watari came walking towards
them, carrying something in his hand. Raito was pleasantly
surprised. Even though by now, she should be used to him accompanying L
wherever he went. "Watari-san," she greeted him with a smile. "Yagami-kun," he smiled back. "I have the tickets," he said to L. "Okay," L took them and turned to her. "Let's go." It
was more crowded inside the gates than she'd thought. Children were
running around everywhere, accompanied by their parents and there were
pop corn and cotton candy vendors almost all around. She looked at L,
whose eyes shone with the bright lights from the ferris wheels and
merry-go-rounds and there was this awed smile on his lips, as if he'd
never seen anything like this. And she wondered, where did he come
from? How did he grow up? Why did the simplest things affect him so
much? As they made their way past the crowds, some people gave
them second looks, surprised, frowning at the odd couple. The shaggy,
laid-back young man who looked like a lunatic and the prim-and-proper
girl who shouldn't be hanging out with the likes of him in the first
place. To spite them, perhaps, she reached out and took his arm
possessively, staying close to L, who'd always been oblivious to what
other people thought about him. His arm felt hard and firm under the
cotton of his loose shirt and her bare palm. He always looked to frail,
she often forgot how strong he was. Glancing back at her, L
seemed surprised by her gesture. She returned his gaze unflinchingly,
refusing to let go of the arm she'd taken hostage. (She hoped he
wouldn't call her an attention whore because that was not why she was
doing this.) And then he smiled at her. "Okay," he said and they walked on. They passed various stalls, kissing booths, shooting booths, little restaurants. "So
what did you tell your parents?" he wanted to know, stopping to look at
some colorful lights radiating from the merry-go-rounds, enjoying the
music. "That I was studying at the library," she replied, and then added, "which I did." "You
naughty girl," L reproached her playfully. "Playing hookie at cram
school to hang out with your boyfriend. And just before your exams. You
should be more careful." Like a child, she was tempted to stick
out her tongue at him. Instead she settled for a dignified "You don't
need to worry about my exams. I'm sure they'll be fine." "I
don't doubt that," he answered, still smiling at her. He smiled a lot
when she was around. She liked it. "I'm sure you'll make me very proud." "I'm not studying hard to make you proud," she pointed out, fighting back a smile of her own. His glee was contagious. He
pouted then. "Raito-kun is a cruel woman not to let a man have his
peace," he remarked, making her laugh. His sense of humor was
unparalleled, really, with how he could say everything with a straight
face, even the most ridiculous things. He was, in short, unlike any other man she'd ever met and she had a strong feeling that she'd never bore of him. But
there was a whisper of guilt near her ears, making her wonder what her
father would have to say if he learned that his eldest daughter was
secretly seeing a man he'd never approve of.
Ryuuzaki isn't like other men.
Would
that argument be enough to convince her father? Would it be enough to
say that she was head-over-heels in love with this stranger, this man
who she virtually knew nothing about? Would it be enough to say that
she couldn't imagine spending the rest of her life with anyone else? No,
those thoughts were dangerous and far too serious but they still
drifted about her head like a mist of perfume, the most genuine,
romantic feeling she'd ever had. Would her father understand?
No, he's just be furious. He respected Ryuuzaki but he'd never approve
of him as his daughter's boyfriend. Or a son-in-law. They passed
up a shooting ring. L stopped, attracted by the lights and noise like a
moth to a flame. The lights reflected in his eyes like mirrors and
together, they watched the other men shoot down the ducks moving on the
wall and win teddy tears and other gifts for their girlfriends. L
was very fascinated by this. His face held a childlike glow as he eyed
the moving ducks. They were all sorts of colors – blue, green, yellow. "Do you want to try?" she suggested unobtrusively. He was hesitant, which surprised her. "I've never been any good at shooting," he confessed. "Come on," she urged him, gently tugging at his arm. "It's just a game. Not a competition or anything." And
that had the effect she desired because she knew how competitive he
was; onyx eyes gleamed with determination as he paid for the game (it
was too expensive but he didn't care) and he raised the gun, expertly
pointing at the moving ducks, who he treated as his greatest nemeses.
L vs. ducks. Raito pressed her fingers to her lips, hiding a smile. The
man at the stall stepped behind, having shown his current customer how
to shoot. He was dressed in a colorful suit with a top hat, and seemed
to be in his forties. And L pulled the trigger. Raito held her breath. He
managed with expert accuracy to shoot five ducks in a row, making her
mouth drop open with shock. And he'd said he wasn't good at shooting!
Who the heck was he kidding? L had a smug look on his face as he lowered the gun and then, he turned to Raito, waiting for her to praise him. "Wow," was all she could say. Still
smug, L faced the stallkeeper, waiting for his reward. The latter
gestured towards the wall on his right, "You can choose any one that
you like from here." L pressed his thumb against his upper teeth
and looked closely at the array of prizes – cute, fluffy stuffed teddy
bears, dogs and cats that greatly appealed to Raito. She didn't say it
out loud but she was secretly hoping that he would choose one of the
cats. She'd always wanted a cat of her own but her parents wouldn't
allow her to have a pet. This wouldn't hurt. Instead, L selected
an almost worn-out teddy bear in the corner. The only thing that stood
out about it was its startling brown fur, muddy in color. Even the
stallkeeper was taken aback by his choice. Nevertheless, he handed it
over and did not suggest anything else. L took the teddy and
handed it to Raito, who accepted it with some hesitation. "Uh,
Ryuuzaki," she started, wondering what to say. (No, she would not say
that she was disappointed by this gesture of love.) "It reminds me of your eyes," he pointed at the brown fur, goofy all of a sudden. She
wanted to kiss him right then. She'd been such a fool to doubt his
sincerity, to care about the appearance of his gift that carried so
much personal meaning. With a broad smile (her facial muscles
were starting to hurt from smiling too much) and she took his arm
again, once more ignoring the stares of other people. He'd won her a
teddy bear and she'd taken his arm and that was a statement, a bold
statement telling other young men, who were checking her out, that she
was with L was
probably surprised again. And even if he was, he didn't show it. He was
confused – rather, he looked confused. She supposed that he wasn't too
used to physical contact and maybe she should stop holding his arm like
that because she didn't want him to feel uncomfortable. Men needed
their personal space, as she'd heard from many sources and she would
resent to become a clingy girlfriend and fawn over him like a...lesser
woman. They moved over to the other attractions that the
children seemed to be having more fun with. Actually, most of the
people here were kids, escorted by their parents, but sometimes, she
spotted people of her own age. She fervently hoped that she wouldn't
run into any of her classmates because Ryuuzaki would be hard to
explain. "Is this your first time in a carnival?" she asked. "Yes," he said. Did he never have fun growing up? "Do you like it?" she inquired, already guessing what his answer would be. "Very much." Among
all the attractions they had seen, from taking you weight to a stand of
honeyed pop corn (L just had to help himself to that), the ferris wheel
was the most fascinating one. She was the one to suggest that they take
a ride on it. There was something very irresistible about sitting
several feet above the ground and looking at the stars in the sky with
the love of your life. L was game. He paid the operator and they
took a seat in one of the booths, Raito keeping the teddy bear close to
her, awaiting the ride with anticipation. "You ever been on one of these before?" L asked with wide-eyed excitement. "When I was a kid," she smiled. "I can't say I liked it very much." He titled his head. "How come?" "Guess I was just nervous," she shrugged, and wondered when the ride would start. "Are you nervously now?" he asked, watching her intently. Sometimes his gaze just pierced her, leaving her speechless for an instant. "No." The
ride began. As the wheel turned, rising higher in the air, she gripped
the handle to keep her balance since the booth was shaking a bit. L
wasn't daunted at all; he appeared to be absolutely comfortable, even
in awe, of how everything worked. "Amazing," he said under his breath. The
wheel turned slowly until they were right on the top, the night sky
above their heads. Raito dared a look below and become anxious to see
how far down the ground was. The other passengers were delighted,
though, and so was L. "Woah," he breathed. Raito followed
his gaze and raised his face to look at the sky. The stars were painted
over it just like millions of tiny twinkling diamonds, taking her
breath away. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" she remarked, moved by the sight. L took a moment to reply. "Yes," he agreed softly. She
thought at first that he was too immersed in looking at the stars, but
when she glanced at him, she was amazed to find him looking into her
eyes, quietly, intensely. For a moment, the whole word went
silent, as if someone had flicked a switch and it no longer existed.
They were here, alone, together, under the beauty of the stars and they
had no other worries. Only each other. She held her
breath as she saw L's arm coming around her shoulders – such a common,
cheesy move but it now meant the world to her, making her feel safe as
the hardness of his bone touched her skin. She sighed sweetly
and leaned against him, resting her head on his shoulder, his lip
pressing affectionately against her brown hair. Together, they
sat back and gazed at the stars, not speaking a word, letting the
silence say everything they wanted to say to each other. Beside Raito's hand, the teddy bear's black marble eyes gleamed.
The teddy bear was staring up at Raito unblinkingly from the piles of clothes in her suitcase.She had no idea who'd put it there. Neither Mrs. Yagami nor Sayu knew about the stuffed toy since she'd kept it hidden away into the pitless depths of her closet at home. But now, it seemed to have magically traveled thousands of miles, finding its place among her belongings in a foreign land like it had always been there.
Definitely Sayu, she decided with a roll of her eyes.
Raito wasn't sure why she'd kept the teddy bear, the same way she wasn't sure why she'd kept the wedding ring. On the outside, she pretended to the whole world (not that the whole world knew anything) that she was over that bastard and she'd removed all traces of his existence from her. On the inside, it was a different story; she'd hidden him away like something precious, meant only for her eyes.
With a deep breath, she reached down and picked up the toy. It smelled old, more faded than it was when L had first given it to her. But its fur was still cinnamon and she had to agree that it matched the color of her eyes.
Well, no one had said that L had crappy powers of deduction.
It was his emotional intelligence that sucked.
Even the eyes were still firmly in place, black and shiny, yet not-seeing. Just like L.
The last couple of days had been cool between them; they'd barely spoken and she preferred to be on her own. In her spare time, she worried her lip over the case, read sent medium-length e-mails to Misa and phoned her family when she got the chance.
Mrs. Yagami was interested to hear about the beauty of Winchester, which she was glad enough to describe, taking care of leave out details about Wammy's House to protect its and her husband's (heh, husband) privacy. Sayu, as predicted, was more interested to hear about how things had been going between her and her husband. Oh, and did she get a chance to wear that dress?
Raito decided not to answer that question since she wasn't sure she liked the idea of L fawning over her body. And she didn't think he was capable of feelings like that. Anyway.
Surprisingly, Mr. Yagami was interesting to hear about the case.
"How's that going?" he asked. "Do you have any leads?"
Raito could picture her father's grip on the receiver, his eyes serious behind his glasses, lips grim beneath his mustache.
"It's going," she said carefully. "We have some leads but I don't think I'm at liberty to talk about them."
"I understand," said her father. After a moment's hesitation, he asked quietly, "Does Ryuuzaki talk to you?"
She hadn't seen that question coming. Her father had never asked anything about how she and L got along. What was he thinking of?
"Yeah," she answered. "He talks to me."
"What does he say?" her father surprised her even more.
"Well," she hesitated. "We talk mostly about the case."
"And at other times?"
"We don't...see much of each other at other times." Well, it was half-true since there was no point talking to L outside work.
Wait...her father wasn't entertaining hopes of them getting back together, was he?
Now that she was in her room, listening to the laughter outside in the playground, she wondered again how this had happened. Even when she'd been with L, she was always independent of him, always had her own mind, let him that she didn't need him for anything.
(Well, she had needed him but she would never admit it.)
Now she was in his house on his terms and she felt trapped sometimes by a man who was legally her husband and yet, she knew next to nothing about him. Sometimes, she had nightmares of the case being solved, but L still wouldn't give her the divorce, demanding that she live here and solve cases with him for the rest of her life.
Wammy's House was an enchanted castle in a fairytale, she was the princess trapped inside it and L was the beast holding her prisoner.
All right, she wouldn't go as far to call him a beast since he did treat her decently, but he was no Prince Charming either. She would have to go to his study from time to time, sit with him on the floor and make case notes together as though they were study partners. It would make her feel very uncomfortable sometimes when he stared at her or their hands would brush together. It stabbed her like a knife through the heart because she would be reminded of how their hands would touch when they'd fallen in love, and how different these circumstances were.
What did L make of the matter?
She smirked: certainly nothing. L was fine as long as he had his work and his sweets (and his porn). Yes, he must be so into watching other people have sex that he couldn't muster up the desire for his own wife on their wedding night.
Hmm, maybe he was impotent.
Alone in her room, Raito burst out laughing.
She decided to take a walk downstairs. It was better than being crammed in her room and wondering that the next bad news would be. She'd seen a bench spotted on the far end of the playground, where she could get some privacy away from the noise. She'd sit in the corner with a cup of coffee and watch the world go by.
To her surprise, L was crouching on the bench, like a bird, intently watching the children play tag. He registered her presence without so much as blink or nod and for a moment, she considered finding another place to sit.
And then L said quietly, "Sit down."
Raito sat.
She tried to be comfortable being near him, her eyes lingering on his arms, shoulders and neck (oh, he'd always loved it whenever she'd kiss his neck) and though they sat side-by-side, she understood what a great distance had grown between them.
Before she could say anything, he spoke: "There's no news about the murderer."
She blinked at him. "That's not what I was going to say."
"Really?" L quirked an eyebrow.
She was silent. She didn't know why he was so antagonistic.
"How's it going with you?" he asked as if he were talking to a stranger.
"It's fine," she said, exhausted by the no-leads.
"Did you talk to your family?" he asked politely.
"Yeah." She was actually getting sick of this fake show of courtesy. Who did he think he was fooling by acting like he cared about his in-laws?
"I trust you didn't tell them about Wammy's House?"
She scoffed at the question. "Of course not, Ryuuzaki. I'm not a chatterbox." He should've known better than to her ask her something like that.
He looked a little embarrassed. "And how is your friend Misa?"
She felt a cut of jealousy right then. Such a dirty trick to use her best friend to get to her. Then again, nothing was below L when he wanted to get his own way.
She supposed that they weren't very different after all.
"She's fine," she tried to keep the annoyance out of her voice. "Busy with her features and photo shoots."
"Ah," L's ears perked at that. "Please inform her that I'm eagerly awaiting the next issue of Eighteen."
Raito gritted her teeth. "I'm sure she'll be very happy to know that," she said tightly. She wanted to wipe that smirk off of his stupid face.
"Does your father ever talk about me?" he inquired out of the blue.
She whipped her head to look at him in disbelief. What on earth was this guy getting at?
"Not really," she replied grudgingly. And as an afterthought she added, "Sometimes."
"Okay," said Ryuuzaki. "What does he say?"
She narrowed her eyes with contained rage. "The world doesn't revolve around you, Ryuuzaki," she answered bitingly.
His face fell like a dark cloud. "No," he concurred. "I guess not.
They didn't talk for a while. It wasn't like she wanted to be rude to him but some of the things that came out of his mouth just made her blood boil.
But Raito was a good, kind girl at heart who never wanted to hurt anyone, even if that someone was annoying as L.
"I'm sorry, Ryuuzaki," she said without looking at him. She chose to focus on the children. "But...some of the things you say really get under my nerves."
He was understanding. "I'm sorry, too, Raito-kun. I didn't mean to irritate you."
"Yeah." Raito was once again astonished because it wasn't like L to apologize. He was too arrogant to do that, the sore loser.
Well, you're a sore loser, too, said a nagging voice in her head.
Shut up.
What pricked her the most as of late was that these days, it looked like Ryuuzaki was trying to tell her something. She'd deliberately kept a distance from him because she was not going to let that bastard poison her mind in any manner.
If she'd been this firm in the beginning, clear about her aims and principles, she could have avoided this plight today.
Now she looked at Ryuuzaki, recalled their wedding and wondered, What was I thinking?
"I think," she found herself saying, "that I would like to go and see what Winchester is like."
It was L's turn to be surprised. He pushed a bony thumb against the corner of his mouth, eyeing her with intrigue. "You want to go sightseeing?"
"Why not?" she leaned back. "I've been here almost a week. I'd love to see what this beautiful city looks like. And there are some things that I need to get."
"Watari could get you whatever you needed if you just gave him a list," suggested L.
She shook her head. "I don't want Watari to do anything for me," she refused. "It's not fair to make him work like a servant."
It was directed but L but it simply flew right over his head. Hooray autism.
"Well, I can't let you go on your own," he informed her.
A rebellious streak awoke in her. "Why not?"
"It's too dangerous," he responded calmly.
Brown eyes flashed. "I can take care of myself, thank you very much."
"I don't doubt that you can, Raito-kun," he reasoned. "But I feel responsible for you and I don't want to be the one to give your father any bad news about you."
She couldn't suppress a childish snort. "If you felt so 'responsible' for me," she bit out, "you should have left me responsibly." She scowled. "And don't worry about telling my father anything: if it makes you feel so bad, you can just make Watari do it."
"I never make Watari do personal things for me," he pointed out somewhat icily.
"Well, that's too bad," she rejoined coldly. "If you did, then I'm sure he would've told me when you left."
Tension rose about them like a heavy fog. L was momentarily speechless by her retort and Raito was filled with self-satisfaction that she'd managed to get back at him for what he'd done to her.
At last, L conceded. "It is one thing to be an ex-husband," he uttered slowly. "And another thing to be a widower."
I didn't think you'd notice the difference," her lips curled in a little sneer.
He was shocked. "I'm not made of stone, Raito-kun." He sounded hurt but she knew better than to buy his I'm-hurt act.
"Could've fooled me," she mumbled.
"I don't want anything bad to happen to you." L shifted his weight uneasily even in his crouching position.
"I think you've done more to me than our killer ever would."
That shut him up for good. She folded her arms across her chest and crossed her legs, daring him to say something but he was silent.
A part of her desperately wanted him to make a come-back to defend himself and tell her why he'd deserted her, not bothering to contact her at all when she'd been desperately trying to reach him. But every time she brought it up, he'd just close up like an oyster.
What pearl of a secret was he hiding? Or was the oyster simply empty?
L quietly put down his feet and slipped on his sneakers. Pushing his hands into his pockets, he walked back into the building, head hanging, shoulder slouched, dejected.
A few moments later, Raito left, too.
A/N: Raito and L are still being snippy. If you ask me, they seriously need to make out ;).
Now
about L's POV in the last chapter, it was written to give this fic some
variety...sometimes, it's helpful to shift perspectives to see where
the story is going... And yes, L is confused about his own emotions for
Raito...I suppose he just got scared or frustrated and decided to break
contact with her out of spite, like a child would.
As for my Nano, I
finished it last night! 50489 words in 21 days! I'm so happy :D. The
novel isn't over yet, though; you could say it's halfway through ;).
I'm glad I could do Nano because I can write some other oneshots now so
if you like genderswitch, keep an eye out for those ;).
Feedback is lovely :).
