A/N:
Oohhh, no one's happy with Edward. Have no fear. We're picking up right where we left off.
Beta is Lindz26. Pre-reader is Dinx, who says this is her favorite chapter to date.
CHAPTER NINE
*REVIVE*
Carefully, I climbed down from the tree and waited patiently by the front door. She was taking forever, and I hoped I wasn't being duped. But finally, the door slowly opened, and she came out, wearing small shorts and a thick sweater. I tried as hard as I could to keep my eyes on her face and not on her legs…or other parts of her.
"Hey," I whispered.
"Hey," she greeted curtly, and crossed her arms in front of her. I wasn't sure if the action was from the cold or to shield herself from me.
"Can we walk and talk?"
She merely nodded, and I led the way, walking us down the empty street. She was quiet, waiting for me to speak.
"First," I started, taking a deep, calming breath, "I just want to say that I hope Alice hasn't bugged you too much. She's a little excited you're here."
"No, it's okay. We've been hanging out."
"Honestly, you don't have to. She's fifteen years old and a bit starry-eyed with you."
"I love Alice. She was always like a little sister to me. I wanted to see her," she admitted, and I felt content with that. "She's changed so much. I can't get over how pretty she is."
"Yeah, all the boys lately are thinking that, too, much to my dismay," I said, causing her to smile only slightly. "She went through a couple years of being introverted, but she grew out of that, and now she has a million friends that call at all hours. And she and Mom started to finally become close when she decided she liked boys and shopping."
Bella chuckled softly. "I'm glad," she said, and cast me a sideways glance. "You've done a great job with her. Really. You're so devoted to her."
I nodded. "She's my little sister. I'd do anything for her…except be okay with her dating that Jasper kid."
We both laughed for a moment, but it soon died, and left in its wake was a batch of tension that needed to be tended to.
"I never meant to hurt you," I spoke quietly, trying to find the confidence within to continue. "I know that's probably what I ended up doing, but it really wasn't my intention."
Her posture was stiff, and she kept a sizable distance between us as we strolled down the street. "I find that hard to believe, given how you ended our friendship."
I sighed. "You have to understand, I was going through stuff. I wasn't really myself."
"I knew that, and I wanted to be there for you," she said with emotion. "But it was hard when you were constantly pushing me away and making me think you didn't want me here."
I stopped walking, turning to her. "Bella, of course I wanted you here."
She shook her head, looking down. She didn't believe me. "The whole time, up until my flight, you were smiling and acting as if you couldn't wait until I left."
I huffed, angry at her for not understanding me better, and mad at myself for trying to hide my feelings back then. "You wanna know something? After you boarded your flight, I cried. That's not the reaction of someone that couldn't wait until you left."
Her eyes refused to move from mine, and I finally felt comfortable to do the same. "You cried?" she breathed, her expression turning sullen.
I nodded, feeling ashamed at my inability to withhold my feelings around this woman, as much as I tried to hide them.
A cool breeze wafted around us, filling our pondering silence. She tried to mask a shiver.
"Why did you stop talking to me?" she asked, barely above a whisper. Despair was laced through her words, causing a lump in my throat.
I dropped my eyes to the ground. I couldn't tell her all the reasons why, maybe not now at least, but I would try to explain some. "You were out doing what we both talked about for ages. I was here…every day no different than the other."
Her brow furrowed in bewilderment. "You were…jealous of me?"
"Not of you, Bella," I corrected. "Of not being there with you."
She looked down at the pavement. "You ignored all my emails and calls. I was so desperate to talk to you that I even attempted to get a last minute flight back here. I realized I didn't have the money for a new ticket, and I didn't want to tell my parents, so I took on a waitressing job. But when I'd saved enough, it just…it seemed like a wasted effort. I really thought you didn't want to speak to me ever again. It hurt me. So, I tried to forget you."
She'd almost come back? What would've happened if she'd returned after I'd cut off contact? Would our friendship have been whole again?
My hands itched to grab hers that were at her sides. Old feelings were beginning to resurface, and there was nothing I could do about it. Around Bella, it was as natural as breathing.
"Did you forget me?" I asked, not wanting to know the answer, but desperately needing to.
I didn't know how or why, but suddenly, her arms were around my waist, and her face was pressed against my chest. I breathed in deeply, trying to keep myself together, but not doing a good job. Not allowing myself to over think it, I fully embraced her, hugging her to me, my fingers winding into her silky hair to hold her head to my racing heart.
This was the best feeling in the world to me in this moment. I knew I probably wasn't forgiven, and rightly so, but she was willing to give me a chance. We used to always give each other chances, no matter what the argument or fight was. In this case, giving me a chance was like finding a cave of gold.
"I missed you all the time, you big idiot," she said, half sobbing, half chuckling.
I held her tighter to me, needing to know that this was real. That she was back in my life. I wouldn't think about tomorrow or the day after. For now, this was all that mattered.
"Thank you for coming home," I whispered, more to myself than her.
We stayed wrapped up in each other for a little while longer, until we realized we probably looked weird, hugging on a sidewalk after midnight. As we continued our walk, we began to loosen up a bit, our conversation turning more casual than before. We needed the break for a while.
"Newton's Olympic Outfitters?" she questioned with a scowl in reaction to telling her my job. "Please tell me Mike isn't still around."
I chuckled. "Not that much anymore. He moved to the east coast."
"Wise choice. Let's hope he stays over there," she said, and I smiled at her threatening words. There was a time I used to be afraid she still had feelings for him. Apparently, not anymore. "But you're manager. That's awesome."
I shrugged noncommittally. "It's okay. It's not exactly something I pictured doing in my life." I realized when she was quiet that I caused the conversation to become another pity session for me, so I knew I had to quickly change the subject. "So, an actress, huh?"
That hadn't helped, either. She seemed more upset now. "Yeah, guess so," she replied unenthusiastically.
"I never knew you wanted to be one."
"I never thought about it, really. But being out in LA, everyone was an actress, model, or singer. It was just something I fell into." She sighed. "But…I think I'm done for a while."
I furrowed my brow. "Why?"
She stopped walking and looked back in the direction we came from. "Maybe we should go back. I'm kinda getting cold."
I supposed that meant she didn't want to continue on with the conversation. Nevertheless, we returned back to her house, remaining silent the rest of the way. I knew I'd have to say goodnight to her…but I didn't want to.
"So…" I started warily as we approached her front door. "I guess I'll see you some other time?"
"Yeah, or you could come up to my room..." she darted her eyes "…if you want, that is."
Butterflies were swirling around in my stomach. I hadn't been in her room in so long. I couldn't deny, I very much wanted to go in there…especially if that meant lying with her on that small bed of hers.
"Okay," I found myself saying.
We crept through the house quietly, trying not to make too much noise and wake up her parents. I followed her into her bedroom, and my eyes roamed around. Nothing had changed. At all. It was like she'd left her entire past in here when she left. Even though she was so different now and seemed like she wouldn't fit with this room, in a way, she sort of did.
She shut the door, slipped off her shoes, and crawled back under the covers. I did the same with my sneakers and joined her on top of the blankets. I lay on my side, facing her, but kept a small distance between us. Her eyes closed for the briefest of moments, before they opened and focused on me.
"I didn't really know what I was getting into when I auditioned for Malibu Beach," she started. "It all happened so fast. One second I was at an open casting, next I was getting a call back, then I got the show, and it was picked up.
"At first, it was great. Something new, you know? Something to do. I spent so much time on and off set with the cast, and they almost became like my second family. We all did everything together. Victoria, who plays Autumn on the show, she and I became fast friends. I told her everything about me there was to know."
I couldn't help but feel a little saddened that she'd replaced me so easily, but then again, I hadn't really given her a choice.
"We were all shocked the show lasted past the first season," she continued, "and even more so that it was insanely popular. I still can't get over that, actually. Suddenly, I was known and everyone wanted to be in my life." She sighed. "Some of these things I'm not allowed to talk about, because I signed a non-disclosure agreement."
I frowned, because I wanted her to tell me everything about her life, even though for the longest time it hurt to even hear one shred of news about her. "You don't have to tell me," I assured.
She shook her head. "I want to. I trust you," she said, and continued. "I met Riley through the show. He played Brendan, who was described to me as my slow burn love interest." I tried not to tense at the mention of Riley. I feared I already knew where this was going. "Anyway, he and I became involved off-camera. He was charming, fun, and we spent so much time together that it almost seemed natural for us to be in a relationship. And it was. We liked each other a lot.
"Somewhere along the way, things became stale between us. It started to show on-screen, too, which was awful. We talked about breaking up, but the network pretty much forced us to stay together, for ratings sake. Apparently, us together in real life meant more people were tuning in to get an idea how we were off-screen from our on-screen relationship, which gave absolutely no indication whatsoever, if I'm being honest.
"We were close to wrapping up the filming of the fourth season, when I walked into Riley's dressing room one day and saw Victoria and him practically having sex on the couch. I was so pissed—not at Riley, but at her." Her tone grew venomous. "I trusted her. I told her everything. She knew Riley and I were only together for the public's sake, but she just had to try something with him. Riley wasn't even her type.
"It was then that I realized how phony she and everyone in LA are. They're only out for themselves. Victoria wasn't even remorseful; in fact, she went to the executive producer of the show, who happens to be her dad, and convinced him to make Brendan and Autumn the new it couple in season five." She huffed. "Autumn is supposed to be with Huck, not Brendan! It was unbelievable, and I was stuck with some bogus storyline about finding myself.
"I didn't like me or the fans being shoved aside for Victoria's manipulations, so I went to the producers and gave them an ultimatum—either they returned the couples to what they were before, or I wasn't signing on next season." She exhaled through her nose slowly. "The next week, when I saw the new version of the season finale script, I knew they'd decided to let me go—or maybe Victoria manipulated that, as well. Who knows? Either way, I was so heartbroken, and filming that final scene…all I wanted to do was run away."
I took her hand that was resting on top of the blanket, needing to comfort her, and wound my fingers with hers. "Is that why you came here?" I questioned.
"Kind of," she said. "I needed to get out of LA, but I also wanted to feel something real." Her eyes stared glassily into mine. "You were more real to me than everyone in LA put together. The whole way here, all I could think about was you."
She came back here…for me? "You said you didn't want to be my friend."
"That's 'cause I didn't think you'd want to be…but I do," she whispered, and brought her hand up to my face, stroking my cheek. I closed my eyes for a moment, feeling calmed by her touch. "I'm so tired."
"Do you want me to go?" Please say no.
"No." Her eyes fluttered shut, and her hand stilled on my cheek.
I took her hand and brought it down between us, refusing to let go. How was it possible that after six years, all she had to do was come back into town, and I was falling for her again? She had a hold of my heart now. Maybe she always had.
X-X-X-X
There was something mildly heavy on me, which caused my eyes to open. As soon as my vision adjusted, I realized Bella's face was an inch away from mine. I remembered one time right after high school when she was this close, and I'd flinched away nervously. Now, I definitely wasn't flinching.
"Hi," she whispered, the corners of her mouth turning up.
"Hey," I replied, my eyes darting all around her stunning face.
She skimmed her fingertips along my cheek, feeling the rough stubble there. "I like this," she spoke, and slowly dragged a finger down to my jaw, drawing a path to my chin. When she traced around my lips, my heartbeat picked up. Her eyes were filled with something I'd never seen from her before, something I was feeling right now as I stared at her pouty mouth.
The pad of her index finger pressed to my lips. I kissed it gently, reverently, not even thinking about my actions; just going on instinct. She didn't move, so I did it again and peppered slow, gentle kisses down her finger, coming to her knuckles. I brushed my lips over each of them, never once breaking eye contact.
Her breath was picking up, and I was growing hard.
Wanting more, I darted my tongue out, wetting the salty skin over the pulse of her wrist. She let out a breathy moan, giving me more incentive to continue. I moved her hand away and pushed my fingers into her messy hair. Enough. I needed her mouth on mine.
There was suddenly a knock on the door.
"Quick, hide!" Bella whisper-yelled, and swiftly moved off me.
Panicked, I flew off the bed and hid on the ground, out of sight from the door. I was panting loudly, so I tried to hold my breath. Great, I was lying on the floor of Bella's room, with an erection.
"Come in," Bella called casually, sounding unfazed. Damn, she was good. I would probably be a nervous wreck if I was in her position.
The door creaked open. "Morning, honey," Mrs. Swan greeted. "Whenever you're ready, there's—"
I furrowed my brow, wondering why she stopped speaking.
"Edward, I can see your legs," Mrs. Swan said dryly.
My eyes went wide.
Busted.
I slowly stood, glad that my boner had relaxed enough not to show through my pajama pants. She was looking at me from the doorway with a raised eyebrow. "Morning, Mrs. Swan," I mumbled nervously, and took a quick glance at Bella, whose face was clearly that of someone guilty. So much for being an actress.
"What were you two doing?" Mrs. Swan questioned, now looking at Bella.
"We were just talking, Mom," she answered.
Not exactly true, but okay. It wasn't like I wanted her mother to know what I would've done to her daughter this morning…in her childhood bed.
Mrs. Swan didn't seem convinced. "Breakfast is downstairs…" she looked back at me "…for the both of you, I guess." She turned to leave, but I thought I saw the corners of her mouth turn up before she shut the door.
Bella exhaled and grinned up at me.
Mrs. Swan's waffles were great. At the kitchen table, Bella and I went down memory lane, talking about some fun times we had once upon a time. Her bright, infectious laugh was just as I remembered. She even told me about her experiences in Los Angeles, which I found myself actually listening to with no hint of envy in the least. I was glad she'd enjoyed being out there, but I was even more glad she was home.
My thoughts often strayed to what had happened up in her room. The idea of her being attracted to me was something I wanted to shout to the world about. But was it solely sexual attraction for her? Perhaps she was just lonely and vulnerable after everything that she went through recently.
Though I wasn't sure about her, I was positive about myself. I was still in love with her. Still so damn in love with her, that I couldn't believe I'd wasted all that time not telling her before she'd left for LA. But this time…she was going to know.
After breakfast, I realized I didn't want to tell her in my pajamas, with her mom standing a few feet away, so I decided to head home. Bella walked me to the door.
"Can I see you later today?" I asked, once we were outside.
"My parents are taking me to see my grandmother in Bellingham. I won't be back until tomorrow."
"Oh," I said sadly. "Well, what about tomorrow, then? I have work, but I get off at around six."
She smiled. "Can I stop by the store? I'd like to see the camping gear."
I chuckled. "Sure, if you want."
"Okay," she replied, and her eyes darted to the side. Rapidly, her smile fell, her face paling.
Instead of asking what was wrong, I looked where her line of sight was. My eyes went wide in horror. Gianna was leaning against her car, staring at us with an expression of hurt and anger.
Shit. What the hell was I doing? I'd completely forgotten about Gianna, who was my girlfriend. The girlfriend who was committed to me, regardless of the distance. The girlfriend who I'd told I loved. And now, I was so wrapped up in Bella being back, I'd lost sight of the life I'd built in her absence.
My eyes shot to Bella, who seemed so sad now. She knew about Gianna. She had to; otherwise, her reaction wouldn't be like this.
Fuck, I was a dick.
Nothing had happened between Bella and me, but something would have if we hadn't been interrupted by her mother. I would've cheated on Gianna. In a heartbeat. What the fuck was wrong with me?
"Bella, I…" My voice trailed, unsure of what to say.
"I gotta go," she said, and went back into the house. Before she closed the door she gave me a meaningful look that I understood. With that one look, everything suddenly made sense.
Hesitantly, I walked across the front lawn and over to Gianna, who was now standing on the sidewalk.
"I can't even believe this," she said, her voice cracking slightly.
"What can't you believe?" I questioned hesitantly, feeling like shit.
She crossed her arms in front of her chest. "You were supposed to pick me up at nine, so we could go to my mother's grave. It's now almost noon."
"Shit…Gi, I'm so, so sorry," I said almost pleadingly. I was such a dumbass. It had been important for her to take me to her mom's grave. I'd been waking up next to Bella, when I should've been driving out to Seattle. "I just—"
"Forgot?" she finished, tears welling up in her eyes. Damnit…I was making her cry. "You know, when you didn't come, I called, but you weren't even answering your phone. I was so worried about you that I decided to drive down and see if you were okay. Emmett said you were at your mom's, so when I came here, and I saw you coming out of her house…"
"Honestly, Gi, I didn't—" I tried to salvage, until she cut me off.
She narrowed her eyes at me. "Funny how she's back, and suddenly, you just forget. You never missed one single Friday to watch that show, did you?"
My expression turned baffled. She knew I watched Malibu Beach? I was sure I'd never told her that. In fact, I was certain all I'd ever said was Fridays were nights I spent with my family.
"Don't think I didn't know you were watching it because of her," she sobbed, full-on crying now. I didn't know what to say, so I stood there, watching her break down. She sniffled. "Do you love me?"
"Yes," I answered automatically. Of course I loved her. She was one of the few people I'd ever opened up to.
"Do you love her?" she questioned shakily.
My eyes fell to the floor. I couldn't admit to my own girlfriend that I was in love with another woman. If the shoe was on the other foot, I wouldn't want to know.
"I always suspected you loved her," she said softly, her voice gravelly. "Even though you were with me, there seemed to be some part of you that was never fully there. And now, I know I was right." She opened her car door, refusing to look at me any further. "Goodbye, Edward. And don't come after me."
Watching her drive away from me was something I never thought would happen. I felt like the worst human being alive for hurting her, but many of the things she said was right. There was a part of me that was never here. That part had been in LA with the girl I'd lost years ago. The girl that was now back.
A/N:
Poor Gianna got the short end of the stick. He tried, but as my pre-reader said to me, the heart wants what it wants.
Now you know that Bella is back because A. she was fired, and B. she thinks people in LA are fake. Even though she gave the producers an ultimatum and threatened to quit, they beat her to the punch by firing her, AKA writing her out of the show. Harsh. Ahh, Hollywood. Anyway, most of you kinda got it, so congrats!
I forgot to mention in my last update that my other story, My Perfect Mr. Imperfect, won an Inspired Award for Best Angst. I know a lot of you crossed over from there, so thank you so much for voting. I was a little surprised to have won, given the fact that I wouldn't classify MPMI as angsty, but I know there are some parts that cut deep. Again, thanks!
Twitter: xrxdanixrx
