A/N: Tonight, I'm going to the Deathly Hallows II midnight screening with my partner, dressed as Remus and Sirius. My heart can not take this. I've been a teary wreck for more than a week. I don't know how I'm going to go on with no more Harry Potter, I just don't. There's always Pottermore, but at the same time... augh.
Also, last night the news talked about fanfiction after the bit on the NZ premiere and it was AMAZING and they interviewed Jaida from Shoebox and I had to resist the urge to marry her on the spot and I was like 'hey bro come interview me I write fanfictionses too and I like actually live in this country' But no, really it was pretty exciting, and certainly not the sort of thing you expect to see on the news. They even showed some stuff on FF dot net, and talked about the amounts and different kinds of Harry Potter fic, and I felt special because mine were among those numbers and it was really pretty excellent. The 6 o'clock news talked about RemusxSirius. Take a moment to think about how fucking awesome that is. I love this world and this beautiful Harry Potter community we have formed and all of you reading this and everyone who has ever read HP fanfiction and liked it and I feel so fucking lucky to be part of such a wonderful group of people, and I will be part of the Harry Potter community for the rest of my life and OH MY GOD THIS MOVIE IS MAKING ME SO EMOTIONAL I'M PRACTICALLY PREGNANT.
"When I'm 80 years old, I'll be reading Harry Potter. My family will say, 'After all this time?' and I will say 'Always.'" - Alan Rickman
Warning: Swearing, gay (NO?), and many sadz :C
Disclaimer: I own Terry Terry Terry. The rest is all copyright to Queen Rowling.
Dedication: My mother, my spell checker, my thesaurus, the one person in the world with the balls to have near-screaming arguments with me to make me make scenes longer. (Apparently every single scene in the last chapter was too short. Looking back, I kind of agree with her but I'm just not sure what else I'm meant to put in. I've tried to remedy that this time.) This story would not be what it is without her, and the fact that she really gets what it's about just makes it that much better. My mum is the fucking coolest person alive. Except for me B)
So I will miss the train ride in, and the pranks pulled by the twins. Though it's nowhere I have been, I'll keep on smiling, from the times I had with them. End Of An Era - Oliver Boyd and the Remembralls
The Wooing Of Sirius Black
Mornings were always the worst time of the day. In the evening, staying separate was easy. They could each sequester themselves off in different areas of the common room, or behind the safety of their curtains, and the painful, bitter silences were few and far between.
Mornings were different, Remus reflected. Mornings brought them all together, they had no choice but to be in each others presence, silent and tense though it was. It had been two whole months since the painful confrontation in the common room, and the heartbreaking conversation with Sirius directly afterwards, two long, silent months. James, typically prideful, had made no moves whatsoever towards apologising, instead becoming more of a showoff and, frankly, an idiot, than ever before. Sirius had withdrawn from the group alltogether, as had Peter, and Remus found himself somewhat lost. The longest conversation held in their dorm in the last two months had been on the subject of Peter's missing pyjama bottoms, mysteriously found on the canopy of Remus' bed.
Hoping to dive into his clothes quickly and avoid the inevitable angry atmosphere, Remus slithered out of his bed, breathing a sigh of relief when he saw that Peter was, as usual, the only other person up, gathering his books and quills for the day.
"Morning, Pete." He said quietly, hurrying to his trunk and searching for a clean uniform, somewhere among the chaotic mess of books and half stress-eaten blocks of chocolate.
"Morning." Peter said neutrally, buckling his bag shut. "Potions first today, yeah?"
"Should be. Did you finish your essay?" Remus asked automatically, tugging off his pyjama top and getting his head stuck trying to pull on his school shirt without unbuttoning the collar.
"Barely, I was up most of last night, working on it. It's not like Slughorn to set us so much homework. Must be getting serious for OWL-" Peter, speaking from the doorway, broke off mid-sentence at the rustle and swish of Sirius' bed curtains opening.
"See ya." Peter changed his sentence abruptly, nodding amiably to Sirius and exiting the room in a hurry, clearly wanting to avoid the inevitable tension. Remus was only half-paying attention, eyes locked anxiously on Sirius' own, the by now traditional morning stare of hurt and apology and longing that broke Remus' heart, and gave him hope at the same time. Finally he tore his eyes away, returning his attention to his trunk, and as he finally dug out a pile of clean pants and trousers from underneath a worn copy of Hamlet, last year's Ancient Runes textbook, and hardly touched white chocolate he had been given by a thoughtful, but not very close uncle for his last birthday, the inevitable scuffling of curtains heralded James' awakening.
Naturally, the air of tension and unsaid words thickened, and Remus kept his eyes glued on his trunk as he changed quickly, hands trembling slightly as he did up his fly.
Somehow, James always dressed ten times faster than the others. "Where are my potions notes?" He asked tersely, looking through his bag, already fully dressed.
"Peter borrowed them. They should be on his bed." Remus said quietly, always slightly startled by the soft, sad voice he had automatically adopted around the people who had once been his closest friends.
"Thanks." Remus heard James scoop up the notes, shuffle quickly past Sirius' bed, and leave the room.
Sirius hadn't even started getting dressed when Remus turned around, he was just tugging angrily with a comb at his beautiful hair in a small mirror, a look of anger and regret reflected back at Remus.
"Sirius... can we talk?" Remus asked this question almost every day, and every time the answer was the same.
Looking up slowly at Remus, sadness painted on his face, Sirius shook his head. "I can't, Remus."
"O... Okay." Remus sighed, picking up his bag and heading for the exit. With every time he got that answer, he got just a little bit more hopeless. Sirius showed no signs of wanting to work things out between them.
'And why would he?' The ever louder pessimistic side of Remus thought. 'James may be the one who lied to both of you, but you were perfectly willing to forsake him and run off to the nearest pair of arms that were open. He has every right to hate you, and now you're pestering him to talk about something he doesn't want to. I wouldn't be surprised if you wake up one day and he's standing over your bed with a knife.'
"Shut up." Remus muttered to himself, as he reached the bottom of the stairs to the common room. As usual, Lily was waiting for him. She had really helped Remus over the last two months, spending more time than ever with him, and forming a close bond, something Remus simply couldn't do without.
"Morning, Remus." She said cheerily, arms wrapped around a large book. "Did you sleep well? You look beat."
"Yeah..." Remus muttered tiredly, rubbing his eyes. "It's not sleep that's the problem, it's the bloody mornings. Every day it's just a bit worse." Lily didn't know the details of why the Marauders were no longer speaking, but Remus had given her a vague gist, though he had made out that their fight was about Sirius hurting Snape, and while he had let Lily in on his own sexuality, he had learned all too well from everything how sharing secrets could ruin things, and hadn't told her anything about the others.
"Poor thing." Lily patted his shoulder sympathetically, as they walked down towards breakfast together. "Don't worry too much. It's just boys being stupid, pigheaded boys. Once they sort out their macho bollocks I'm sure you guys will sort everything out. You're too close for something like this to drive you all apart."
"I guess." Remus sighed, not convinced. He changed the subject, and for the rest of the walk downstairs they discussed the transfiguration essay due today, which both of them had worked hard on, and were convinced they were going to fail. By the time they reached the Great Hall, they were so involved in their conversation, that Remus had almost forgotten James would already be there. He was sitting in the middle of the row of seats, Peter opposite him, clearly not particularly happy for the company of his former hero. James was grinning and flouncing in his usual showoffy way, and as Remus watched, he flicked his wand cheekily at the Ravenclaw table, and all the dishes levitated, floating all round the table, coming tauntingly close to people before pulling away cheekily. Remus swore he saw a dish of scrambled eggs snickering when a tall Ravenclaw girl made a grab for it and instead landed on the table facefirst. Remus and Lily sat down at the end of the Gryffindor table amidst a gale of laughter from all of the school except the Ravenclaws. Within seconds McGonagall was by James' chair, an all too familiar look of stretched patience on her face.
"Potter. Why was I expecting something like this? My office, now." She flicked her wand sternly, and the dishes obediently drifted back to their proper places, humiliated Ravenclaws resuming their meal, all now glaring at James.
James didn't even look at Remus and Lily as he swaggered past, even pausing to snap a flirtatious wink at the girl who had hit her head, who was now rubbing it angrily and glaring at James.
As the laughter and conversation caused by James' prank was beginning to die out, Sirius slouched into the Great Hall. Like James, he didn't even look at Remus and Lily as he passed them. Unlike James, he was hunched over, hands in his pockets, eyes fixed to the floor. The transformation seemingly overnight of Sirius Black from Hogwarts Stud and Prankster Extraodinare to the reserved, slouching, shy boy he had become had been a talking point among the students of Hogwarts for some time now, but people were starting to get used to it, and nobody but Remus so much as noticed him grabbing a stack of toast and immediately turning for the exit, not meeting anyone's eye, desperately avoiding so much as brushing against the back of anyone's chair. He sped up when passing both Peter and Remus, and Remus thought for a second he saw a moist glimmer in his eye, but then he was gone, and it was back to breakfast as usual.
"You really like him, don't you?" Lily sighed, her eyes following Sirius out the door then returning to Remus' face.
"I do." Remus sighed, stirring his beans, no longer hungry. He hadn't been able to come out to Lily without explaining his feelings for Sirius, but the circumstances between them were still largely a mystery to her. "I keep asking him to talk, but he won't."
"It looks like he just needs space." Lily said soothingly. "Give him some time, he'll be ready soon."
"But have you ever seen Sirius needing space?" Remus asked, throwing his fork down on his plate and giving up on the meal. "This isn't him. He's so hurt. I just want to make things right again."
"If he's 'so hurt'," Lily raised an eyebrow, making finger quotes, "Surely he'd be grateful if you gave him that space he wants."
"Well, yeah... but..." Remus couldn't think of a single legitimate reason for his desire to talk things out with Sirius that he hadn't already told Lily. "But... I want to talk to him so I can feel better." He said lamely.
"I know." Lily patted his hand sympathetically. "He'll come around. He just needs some space to sort his head out. Be patient, it'll be fine."
"But he's had so much time. I just... I dunno." Remus sighed, scratching at one of the scars on his face. "I'm thinking of just giving up on him. On men altogether. I hurt him so much, he might never get past it enough to talk. I'd make a good spinster, right?" He said in a pleading voice, and Lily laughed.
"Hey, nothing's worth giving up on men. God, I've had Potter hounding me for the last five years and I haven't given up on finding a good one yet." Lily smiled encouragingly, though the smile fell when she saw the look on Remus' face. "What?"
"Nothing." He sighed. "Just... James is really a good guy, deep, deep, deep, deep down. Or..." He paused, trying to think of a way to put it. "I'm sure he'd be a good guy for you, if you gave him the chance. It's just other people he's not good at being a good guy for."
"I'll take your word for it." Lily said warily. "It doesn't matter... good guy or no, I like my men less stupid and a lot less stalkery. A reasonable request, surely."
"Fair enough." Remus smiled, and their conversation turned to cheerier subjects, Remus still unwilling to think about his situation with Sirius more than he had to.
Every time he had to reject Remus for a talk, Sirius felt just a little bit worse. If he was really honest with himself, he was miserable enough by himself that he was ready to at least talk, get back to being friends, take things slow and see how it went... but every time Remus brought up the subject his heart leaped into his throat, and his guts tied themselves into knots, and his mouth told Remus no all by itself. The immediate, gripping fear at the mere subject of things between them was totally incapacitating, and Sirius felt more and more guilty each time. Sirius wrung his hands angrily, forgetting that he was still holding one slice of toast from breakfast. Looking down at the butter and crumbs smooshed all over his hands, Sirius felt a sudden rush of bitter hopelessness, and in that instant made up his mind to yet again cut all his classes. What was the point, when he was already in detention for pretty much the rest of his education. The idea of sitting in the same room as all the others, all day, was simply too much to bear today. The pain, memories, and tension were overwhelming. Sirius flung the toast angrily at the base of a statue and marched off, heading for the nearest boys' room to wash his hands.
As he turned off the tap, Sirius heard the door opening. Simply not wanting to deal with the stress of people, Sirius ignored them, keeping his head down, until he heard his name.
"Black?" Looking up, Sirius groaned internally at the handsome face reflected in the mirror. Terry.
"Ball." He said, voice bordering on a growl. The last thing in the entire world that he wanted to do was talk to Terry. He'd rather naked mud wrestle with Snape.
"I just... how are you?" He asked timidly, fidgeting with his nails.
"Fine." Sirius didn't bother trying to avoid growling this time. "Just absolutely dandy, thank you very much."
"I never apologised properly to you." Terry's reflection took a step closer, and Sirius, still hunched over the sink, refused to turn and face him.
"Yeah, well it's not like you could have known." Sirius' lip curled as he spoke, and he found himself fighting an animalistic instinct to transform and sink his teeth into Terry's stupid, Remus-kissing leg.
"Well... yeah, but I still have no right. I know I caused a lot of trouble, and I just... I wanted you to know I feel terrible." Terry's voice was uncharacteristically awkward, and Sirius took small pleasure at the fact that he could make him so uncomfortable.
"You do? That's great." Truth be told, Sirius was sure Terry had no idea he was going to open such a can of worms when he kissed Remus, but it didn't help the fact that the entire chain of events had been started by him and his stupid lips.
"I mean it." Terry's voice was actually trembling a bit now, and he looked slightly frightened by Sirius' animalistic tone. "I shouldn't have tried to move in on your territory, it wasn't cool at all. I feel so bad for everything I caused."
"Yeah, well... good luck with that." Unable to listen to any more, Sirius launched himself off from the basin and stormed past Terry and out of the room, refusing to meet Terry's eye, but bumping his shoulder with his own on the way out. "Enjoy your piss."
Sirius slammed the bathroom door, storming away as fast as he could, not willing to cope with any of this right now. He heard Terry call after him from the doorway, but he wanted none of it, simply speeding up his gait and turning the nearest corner to get out of sight.
Sirius rushed around a few corners, bitterness seething in his mind, not even noticing his surroundings until he rounded a corner a little too sharply, and almost walked right into Remus.
"Sirius!" Remus inhaled, and through his curtain of rage Sirius saw the all too familiar flush of uncomfortableness filling Remus' face. "I... sorry." He murmered, biting his lip in a gesture that Sirius would ordinarily have found adorable.
"'Sokay." Sirius growled, not looking forward to the inevitable question he knew was coming.
"Can we please talk, Sirius?" Remus begged, and Sirius, teeth grinding together, so full of anger he was unable to give Remus the usual brush-off answer.
"No, Remus. No, we can't fucking talk." He growled, nails digging into his palms, unruly tears threatening to squeeze free from his eyes. "You wanna know why? Because I fucking love you, and you didn't even CARE about your so-called feelings for me enough to fucking TALK TO ME, before jumping right on to the next available person. Fuck, I'd understand it if you thought you had a real shot at happiness with someone, but I mattered so little to you that you threw away everything we could have had for a fucking cheap snog.. And then when your little thing with James fell apart and you found yourself all alone again you came clawing back, and pestering me day and night to talk about something I find so fucking painful to think about I can't sleep most nights, because you're a clingy bastard, and can't stand to be by yourself for more than five minutes. So no, I don't want to talk about this. I don't want to think about this. Half the time, I don't even want to fucking exist anymore, just so I won't have to feel this terrible every single fucking second. Every time I see you I have to resist the urge to hit you, cry, and throw up all at once, and I have to live with that all day, every day, without a single second off. Why do you think I've been missing so many classes? I can't fucking handle this anymore." With that final sentence, Sirius' voice choked up, and he could no longer keep the tears from bursting free of his eyelids and running down his face. Already, he regretted saying all that to Remus, there was always that little voice in the back of his head, whispering that really, it was all his own fault, for being too much of a coward to tell Remus in the first place, and he had no right to be angry. A thousand different feelings, and unsaid words tearing around inside him, Sirius could bear it no longer. Not even looking up to see Remus' reaction, he ducked around him, teeth gritted, and ran down the corridor, tears flying from his chin, leaving cold trails on his burning skin.
"It seems these little visits of yours are becoming more and more frequent, Mr. Potter." Professor McGonagall sighed, as she leaned over to offer James one of the biscuits she always kept on her desk. She had given up on trying to withhold them from James after, as third years he and Sirius had crept, invisible, into her office and took the whole lot, replacing them with Flobberworm leavings nicked from Care of Magical Creatures class.
"I can't help it, Minerva, my darling." James smirked, taking a biscuit and leaning back in his chair, customary smirk on his face. "I try to resist the pull to do evil, and then I think of your beautiful face, and the longing to once more return to our little love nest overwhelms me. I only do evil so we can be together, my darling."
"Enough, Potter." McGonagall snapped, rubbing her right temple. "The little crush thing was cute when you were eleven. Now that you're sixteen, it is nothing but irritating. Please explain why exactly you feel the need to land yourself in here on a near daily basis, and I will consider not giving you detention this once. I assume it has something to do with your little feud with Mr. Black and Mr. Lupin?"
"I... yes." James sighed, knowing when he was beaten, and leaned forwards in his chair once more, hunching over his knees slightly and running a hand through his hair, biscuit forgotten. "They hate me, and they're right to, and they hate each other because of me, which is stupid, and things are so far gone I don't know how to even begin fixing anything. And... y'know, without friends, a guy's gotta make himself smile somehow." James ruffled his hair again and, remembering his biscuit, took a sorrowful nibble.
"I see." Professor McGonagall said thoughtfully, looking straight through James for what must have been a full minute, James utterly frozen by her piercing gaze. Finally, after the longest time, McGonagall spoke. "And what exactly caused this rift between such solid friends?"
"I..." James choked, startled into speechlessness, and unable to think of a convincing lie in time. "They... we... there was..."
"Let me start you off by working backwards, shall I?" Professor McGonagall said patiently, and James could see that he wasn't getting away with this one. "Prior to this spate of misbehaviour, I interrupted yourself, Mr. Black, and Mr. Lupin arguing very loudly and graphically about some betrayal of trust on your part, if my memory serves me correctly. Before that, all four of you lot and Mr. Snape wound up in hospital wing, due to Mr. Black betraying Mr. Lupin's secret to Mr. Snape, your and Mr. Pettigrew's efforts to save him, and you punching Mr. Black. Am I on the right track so far?"
James could do nothing but nod, desperate to get away from this unwanted conversation. He would have gladly scrubbed the grease from Snape's hair and earlobes just to get away from the penetrating stare of Professor McGonagall. He had never truly realised just how scary a woman she was until now.
"Excellent. The question that I must ask then, is what exactly led to these events? I have my theories, of course, but theories are useless without confirmation." She had James squarely pinned, and his brain filled with panicky, crazy excuses for recent events, suddenly wanting to simply run from the room and keep running forever, never looking back. Like a cat looking at a big bowl of cream, McGonagall smiled ever so slightly, resting her chin on her hands, elbows on her desk, and waiting.
It didn't take James long to crack under the pressure of her iron gaze, dragging his hand through his hair tensely, fingers clutching unwittingly hard enough to tear a few strands out.
"Okay. Okay." He blurted, dejected gaze fixed on his knees, and slowly, painfully he was able to regurgitate the whole story for her, hesitating over some parts, tugging at his hair so tightly in some places that it nearly hurt too much to keep talking. Telling the whole thing to someone else for the first time, really seeing the whole situation from an outside perspective, James finally understood exactly why he was acting out. He wasn't lonely and bored. He wasn't finally free to indulge his inner showman. He wasn't even trying to prove to anyone that he didn't need friends. He felt bad. He felt horrible, like the worst piece of shit ever to crawl the corridors of Hogwarts. He had betrayed his friends feelings. He had taken their deepest secrets and hopes and used them for his own purposes. He had treated his closest friends like mere playthings, fiddling around with their secrets and feelings for no real reason, then pushed them all aside when they caught on. Everything that had gone wrong was his fault. If he hadn't been a selfish bastard, Sirius and Remus would have patched things up quickly after the incident with Terry, it might have even made it easier for Sirius to come out, and everyone would be happy and together as usual, and life would be perfectly simple, the way it was meant to be.
Professor McGonagall must have seen the stunned expression of realisation on James' face, because she surveyed him carefully before speaking in a strange, thoughtful, even tone. "I see. Well, Mr. Potter, you are dismissed. It is nice to have my suspicions confirmed, though things are far more complicated than I thought."
"Thank you, Professor." James said weakly, finding it more difficult to stand up with his suddenly heavy body than he had thought it would be, biscuit still sitting on the desk entirely forgotten. "I..." He hesitated, not sure whether it was stupid to ask more of McGonagall. But the conversation had come this far, she was in deep enough now that a hypothetical question didn't seem so outrageous. "Do you think there's something I can to, to make up for it? Is there some way I can fix the mess I've made?"
Professor McGonagall thought for a moment, before nodding uncharacteristically slowly. "The only thing that can truly fix a situation like yours is time, but every so often, time hands you a gift. Know that gift when you see it, Potter, and take action to redeem yourself. Opportunities do not come around every day."
"Er... thank you, Professor." James said from the doorway, confused and heartened and crushed all at once. Professor McGonagall's cryptic advice had come with a rare warm smile, and as James hurried down the corridor to Charms, the smile stayed with him, as he ran her words over and over in his head, trying to drown out his sense of intense guilt.
"Sorry I'm late, Pete... Slughorn's trying to murder us with this latest assignment, I swear. I don't know how he expects us to memorise the different functions of all the areas of a newt's brain." Terry puffed, falling into his usual chair in their meeting corridor, smelling faintly of newt guts, normally perfect hair askew. "Whatever you do, don't take NEWT level Potions. Biggest mistake I ever made." He sighed with relish, clearly enjoying the comfort of life outside of a classroom.
"I'll keep it in mind." Peter smiled, knowing full well that he was better than Terry at Potions, and would probably find it a breeze. "Stressed about exams yet?" He said in an almost teasing voice, knowing full well that Terry was. He was nearly as bad as Remus when it came to exams.
"A bit, yeah." Terry laughed, gesturing to his overflowing bag. "I know, we've got two months to go, but you can never be too prepared for these things. I should have been a Ravenclaw, really."
"Remus has been like that for four months or so now, you're not the only one. If I didn't know better, his reaction would make me think that we'd all be brutally slaughtered if we failed our OWLS."
"Hey, it's a possibility." Terry laughed slightly. "Imagine bringing home a card with only three or four OWLS on it. I doubt my parents would have let me leave the house alive.
"Mine might not notice." Peter shrugged. "They always seem slightly surprised that I'm there at all. I think they always expected a rowdier child, like James or Sirius, and when they wound up with me I was so quiet they just forgot I existed." Terry looked uncomfortable and sad, and Peter hastily added; "That's a joke, of course. I'm not really bothered. Just means I've got more time to myself."
"Hmm." Terry said unsurely, but didn't push the subject, instead changing it back to more exam talk.
Terry and Peter's meetings had become almost daily, the two forming a surprisingly solid friendship, and Peter had come to lean on Terry immensely. With the disbanding of the Marauders, Peter had found himself drifting uncomfortably, and not really willing to speak with any of his former friends, simply because all they wanted to talk about was themselves and their stupid, stupid problems. Even Remus had become completely unbearable when talking to him for more than a couple of minutes. Making friends had never been Peter's strong point, and just like this, along came Terry. Someone he could rely on, who seemed to be genuinely interested in having Peter as a friend. He did ask about Remus and co (usually Remus) every so often, but it was more out of concern than anything; his kiss with Remus clearly still weighed heavily on his conscience, and Peter didn't mind answering the odd question when they were coming from Terry and his friendly concern. Compared to other things, though, they hardly discussed the Marauder Drama, having far too many other subjects they both enjoyed talking about to hover on just one. And more than anything else, Peter loved the fact that Terry genuinely seemed interested in him. He had approached Peter for his friendship, and he was always keen to listen to anything Peter had to say. For the first time in his life, Peter felt his opinion was truly valued, and finally knew just what had been missing in all his years of 'friendship' with his selfish, arrogant roommates. Some shred of interest in Peter.
Of course, at first Peter had been somewhat worried that Terry was interested in him as more than a friend, but those worries had quickly disappeared when he realised just how often Terry asked about Remus. Clearly, Terry still had strong feelings for him, but was far too much of a gentleman to act on them when, in his eyes, Remus was thoroughly spoken for, another quality that endeared Terry to Peter all the more; knowing when to step back and avoid all the drama. Having a friendship without piles and piles of drama behind it was unbelievably refreshing.
Terry and Peter shared a free hour before dinner every Tuesday and Thursday, and it was time they always spent together, this unseasonably chilly Tuesday being no exception. After an hour of lighthearted conversation they walked to dinner together, still talking, only parting when Terry reached the Hufflepuff table.
Peter always ate slowly now, wanting to prolong the amount of time he had before the inevitable return to the uncomfortable atmosphere of Gryffindor Tower. The choice was always the same, and never a nice one. He could study in the Common Room with Remus, who sat there in the most secluded corner, looking sad and blurting out random comments about how terrible he felt and how much he missed Sirius every other minute. He could hang out, also in the Common Room, with James, who would inevitably be lording it over some group of younger students, showing off tricksy charms and hexes, or pulling some minor prank, anything to keep all eyes on him, and essentially ignoring Peter alltogether. Or, he could spend the evening in the dormitory with Sirius. Peter had only done this twice in the two months since their row, and it was not an experience he wished to repeat. Sirius hardly spoke, and when he did it was always in dull, muted tones Peter had never heard from him before. Mostly he sat there, scribbling thoughts down quietly on paper. Peter knew he was working on some kind of story, but he had never asked to see it in all the months and months Sirius had been writing, simply because he always grew so quiet when working on it, as though it were so totally personal that even the sound of his own voice could spoil its magic.
Not looking forward to this unsavoury choice, Peter took his time eating, though he already knew he would wind up with James tonight. James had seemed strangely subdued ever since being dragged to McGonagall's office, and had hardly even looked at Peter through all their classes together. Peter could already tell he was going to end up bearing the brunt of whatever had happened tonight, because James would assume Peter was desperately interested in his problems, and once upon a time he had been, but now that James was actually paying him attention for the first time in their years of friendship, Peter found it cumbersome and annoying. In all the years he had hero-worshipped James Potter, he had never been shown the slightest bit of interest, and now that he was the only person James had, he found the mere presence of his former hero unbearable. An odd, painful conundrum.
So it was to Peter's total surprise, that James practically brushed him off when Peter sat down next to him in a strangely secluded area of the common room, adopting his tried and true caring voice.
"What's going on?" He asked in his exhausting attempt at caring.
"Don't worry." James sighed, rubbing his face and tugging at his messy fringe. "Just McGonagall said some stuff... made me think. I've been such a prat."
"You just figured that out?" Peter asked in a joking tone, but James was clearly having none of it.
"Yeah. Yeah, I did." He groaned, looking up at Peter, hazel eyes unnaturally dull. "Don't worry. You shouldn't have to put up with any of this crap, it's all my fault. I'm... I'm just gonna go to bed early tonight, Pete. I'm sorry."
Peter stared after James in a slight state of shock as his former hero slumped lifelessly up the stairs, even attracting a surprised glance from Remus, who normally made it a point to avoid looking at James unless necessary.
