Willow and Xander have been rescued. And now everything is chaos.
Faith is at home, her toes all tangled in her sheets. She presses into the mattress with all her weight. She's got a newer, heavier restlessness plaguing her tonight. All the Scoobies know what Faith has known for ages… there is something going on between Willow and Xander that's all romantic and forbidden. Oz and Cordelia are now the spurned boyfriend and girlfriend. Their anger and sadness makes it seem like the Scoobies are imploding. Cordelia is in the hospital… Faith has this worming, squirming guilt. She didn't tell anyone about the secret lovers. And she has no idea if that was the right call. This is the first time she's worried about something like this. Normally, she doesn't have enough friends for this to come up.
Plus, the Xander/Willow betrayal is uncomfortably forcing Angel, Buffy and Spike to the apex of Faith's thoughts. She can't avoid them, they are up, down, everywhere in her head. It was so hard to see Buffy and Angel together. As lovers? Apparently never as friends. Stupid asshole Spike. His intuitiveness about Angel and Buffy is so irksome. He saw something that nags at Faith all the time: Angel and Buffy seem to have locked themselves up in a place where only star-crossed lovers can go.
Yet Faith also curses her own jealousy. Is she not confident? Is she not strong? Her possessiveness of Buffy is a vulnerability.
Hardly anyone makes Faith vulnerable. Right now, Buffy is the only living person who can. And so the thoughts are so tangled up, so woven in, that there is no way Faith can shut them off.
She escorted Cordelia to the hospital with the Scoobies but then she'd had to run. She ran from the hospital back home, before Buffy could say goodbye. Before Buffy could try to kiss her. Faith's whole body is burning. She feels sick. There is sweat under her arms and soaking the bottom of her feet. The sheets are becoming a damp mess. Faith is furious and scared.
Is this what love is?
She wishes Buffy had run after her again. Instead of sitting with Cordelia. Even though Cordelia needs everyone more. She was skewered for Christ's sake. It's amazing she didn't die. Even Faith can see that Cordelia is more important in this case. Shit. Faith oughta call and check up.
Faith trips out of her bed and onto the floor. Sitting on the stained carpet, Faith extracts her feet from the sheets. She bounds outside and down the stairs.
Her face is flushed and she almost rips the payphone apart when she grabs it. She cycles through the phonebook that hangs from a cord in the booth. Finds the hospital.
She presses the black receiver against her jaw. It's covered with anonymous grime, but at least it feels cool against her face.
After ringing for so long Faith is pretty sure she should have gotten an answering machine, a woman answers. Her voice is nasal and drowsy.
"Cordelia Chase. How is she?" Faith asks.
"Are you family?"
"Obviously." Faith snarls. She hopes the panic and annoyance in her voice gives credence to the lie.
"Let me see here." There is the clunky sound of a computer whirring, and pages flipping. "She's going to be fine. She was lucky that none of her organs were impaled. She's been sleeping."
Lucky her organs didn't get impaled? Might have been luckier to just not get impaled while watching your boyfriend kissing another girl.
Faith hangs up without saying thanks or goodbye. Regrets her rudeness a little.
She exits the phone booth and looks down at herself. A total mess: she's wearing a t-shirt and boxers, her hair has become stringy with sweat. She didn't even remember to put on her shoes. She feels love sick. Like physically ill from this thing with Buffy.
Faith trips back to her place, stubbing her bare toe on a car tire as she walks by. She's so disheveled that she has become clumsy. So that's new. And sucks.
When she shoulders back into her own room, she collapses and falls right asleep.
In the morning she is woken by a pounding on her door. She extracts herself from bed with a scowl.
"Coming, jeez." She yells. It feels way too early to be up.
She opens the door. It's Buffy. Buffy of Angel and Buffy. Buffy of not running after Faith Buffy.
"Hey." Faith says. She moves back in case Buffy wants to come in. Buffy does.
Buffy smiles at Faith and sits on the disastrous bed.
Grimacing in response, Faith leans on her wardrobe facing Buffy. Makes an attempt to de-string her hair. Looking this crappy in front of a girl you like is not ideal.
"Are you okay?" Buffy asks. She grabs a handful of sheet and pinches it in between her fingers. "I know you heard Spike… And that probably didn't sound good."
"Surprisingly, it didn't." Faith says, her voice all sarcasm and raised eyebrow.
"It's complicated. Angel and me." Buffy says with a shake in her small voice.
"I've noticed." Faith says. She crosses her arms over her chest.
"What about our date?"
Faith isn't quite sure what this question means. She'd kind of forgotten about it.
"Aren't you supposed to be at school?" Faith asks, instead of answering.
"I'm on my way. I wanted to see you first."
Faith nods. The handle on her dresser is digging into her hip, and she pushes harder into it on purpose, the pain making her head feel more clear. Buffy looks at the floor, her own feet, mostly unable to look at Faith.
"Do you still want to go out with me on Friday?" Buffy asks.
"Oh." Faith stares, her brow all frowny. She's not sure if she does. "I'm not sure B. What Spike said… did not sound good."
Buffy nods, and little tears start leaking out of her eyes. She wipes them away, doesn't make any noise. Faith curses Buffy in her head. How is she so good at being the good guy? Faith plops down beside Buffy and grabs her hand.
"Look B… Sometimes a girl needs a little reassurance is all."
"I know." Buffy nods. "What happened was definitely of the bad, of the very very bad."
Faith stares at Buffy, the type of meaningful stare that is supposed to indicate to Buffy that she better keep talking because this is not adequate. Buffy is still looking resolutely at the floor though, so Faith can't be sure the message is being received.
After a pause that is decidedly too long, Buffy says: "I'm… I'm not in love with Angel." Her face is already streaked with salty lines, and she looks at Faith. "I'm really not."
Buffy puts her hands on Faith's waist. She smiles at Faith in a beseeching way. Buffy puts her head on Faith's chest. Faith pulls back and looks at Buffy in a way she hopes is a weird blend of supportive and accusing.
"Maybe." Faith says.
"Maybe what?" Buffy asks.
"Maybe we can go out on Friday." Faith shrugs, and wraps Buffy in a hug. "I am not cool with the high levels of drama."
Buffy nods into Faith's collarbone, but says nothing. Faith squeezes Buffy once. Then lets her go. Spinning on her toes, Faith takes up her spot against her dresser again. Her hair is so oily, surprisingly so. She showered some time recently (she thinks) but all her stress is making her disgusting.
"Look don't even worry about it. It's not like we're girlfriends or anything." Faith says petulantly. Even though she had thought they kind of were. And wishes that in fact she still felt like they were girlfriends. Or she probably wishes that. Would that make her more or less grumpy?
This statement seems to take the breath right out of Buffy's little chest. She scrunches down on the bed, nods into her own body.
"Okay," Buffy squeeks. Standing, and pulling her arms tightly across her chest, Buffy nods goodbye. "See you soon."
Faith nods as well, opens her door. And Buffy is gone.
Things have been tense between Faith and Buffy for days now, and Buffy is feeling totally blue. Her lassitude is becoming heavier and heavier as Friday approaches. It is Thursday night and still no word about whether the date is happening. So she and Willow match perfectly in their gloom. Willow is over at Buffy's, and they're tucked up in her room. Since they are both in awkward almost-heartbreak, they take turns stroking each others' hair and being moody.
"Will Oz ever forgive me? Do you think?" Willow asks.
"I hope so Will. You need to keep trying." Buffy says. It's her turn to comfort, so she is braiding and unbraiding Willow's hair as they sit together on the floor. "You and Xander though? Is there anything still there?"
"No." Willow shakes her head. "Losing Oz made me realize how much I care about him."
Buffy knows what Willow means. She hasn't lost Faith, but she's coming close. And according to Faith she didn't have her in the first place. Buffy knows it's kind of weird to think she and Faith were girlfriends… But she definitely did.
Buffy nods, even though Willow's eyes are closed. They sit in silence for a long time, Willow's red hair running through Buffy's fingers. It's comfortable within their shared sadness.
The phone rings. Buffy leaps up, hopeful. It stops ringing and Buffy deflates.
"Faith is on the phone for you, Buffy." Joyce calls up the stairs.
Buffy looks down into Willow's upturned face. Willow nods, sage and miserable.
"Go. Speak to your beloved." Willow says. "I can deal till you get back."
Buffy leaps up. She grabs the phone from her room and calls down the stairs: "Thanks mom. I got it."
She steps out into the hallway and pulls her door closed, in hopes of some privacy. She slumps against her bedroom door, takes a deep breath in. Then out.
"Hey." Buffy says. She hopes it comes across cool, and not the strangled awkward voice she heard in her head.
"Hey." Faith says.
There is a pause that feels like it might just not end. Buffy twirls her hair. Time for her to think of something to say.
"So…" Buffy says. How can that be the best she could do? Disappointing.
"Okay." Faith says. Her voice is that adorable mix of grumpy and feisty that Buffy really can't resist. "I'm in for tomorrow. So I hope you're ready."
"Oh thank god." Buffy says. She claps a hand over her own mouth. Overeager much? Faith snorts. "I mean, cool. See you tomorrow night."
"Okay B. See you tomorrow. Pick me up at six?"
"Pick you up at six."
They say goodbye and hang up. Buffy's face turns pink with happiness. She places the phone on her tummy and sighs. That feels good. And she knows she can totally ace this date. Faith's about to get her pants romanced off. Except not actually… Because that's too soon.
The door opens really suddenly and Buffy falls into her room, staring up at Willow.
"Yay!" Willow says. "Date is on!" Beaming at Buffy, Willow gives her a hand and pulls her up.
"Way to eavesdrop Will." Buffy says, smiling.
"I tried not to for a second… But… please let me live vicariously through your romance?" Willow says in a rushed breath. "I need it because I'm heartbreak girl."
"I know Will." Buffy says, and she wraps Willow up in a cuddly hug. "Just keep trying with Oz. He loves you so much, that can't have just disappeared."
Willow nods, moistly, her tears making a sticky patch on Buffy's shoulder. It's too bad that as Buffy's spirits are lifting, Willow is still stuck in Sadsville.
"Sleepover?" Buffy asks, petting Willow's hair. Willow nods into Buffy.
They disentangle and smile at each other.
Buffy slips into her pajamas and Willow gets into an extra pair. They go to the washroom together and brush and floss in synchronicity. Doing something like this with Faith seems unimaginable. But in a good way, Buffy is pretty sure. Faith and Buffy have something electric and uncomfortable. Everything is frantic but exciting with Faith.
Willow is quiet, except for the sniffling. The problem is even though Buffy wishes she could get Willow talking again, she's too distracted, planning her date tomorrow. Luckily she made some arrangements in advance. As Willow and Buffy snuggle into Buffy's bed, Buffy feels her excitement bubbling up. She hopes her smile isn't too obnoxious in the dark.
Faith gets dressed at 5:45, hair still damp from the shower. She left things obnoxiously close, because she was annoyed. But she did bother to check the time, peering into her neighbour's grimy window at his alarm clock, because she also wants to look good.
Putting on her signature tight black jeans, she checks out her butt in the mirror. She takes a moment, standing topless in front of her mirror, admiring. Buffy is a lucky girl. Next Faith pulls on a black tank top. She decides to go braless because it will shock Buffy… And arouse her too, obviously. Faith has regrouped, and decided to be all brass balls and confidence. Because that is who she is, and this complicated stuff with Buffy and Angel just ain't gonna get her down. Probably.
Faith completes the look with dark red lipstick and she's ready. Just as Buffy knocks on the door. How's Faith so perfect at timing?
Faith opens the door wide, her most winning flirtatious smirk ready to go.
And there is Buffy, tiny little Buffy, holding something between her palms, all wrapped in Christmas-y wrapping.
"Open it?" Buffy says, but with a little question mark at the end. It's a shy tone of voice that makes Faith's heart melt just a little. Faith takes the package from Buffy, making sure to brush her fingertips along Buffy's hands. Buffy is wearing a halter dress that falls delightfully far above the knee. Her bare, tan legs peek out at Faith in a way that Faith is finding quite lascivious.
Faith licks her lips and rips open the package. She throws her head back and laughs as the paper falls to the ground outside her door. No way.
It's the most beautiful stake Faith has ever seen. It's dark red, the shade of her lipstick, and polished so that it glistens. And it's hefty. The type of hefty that seems ideal for smiting even the mightiest of demons.
"How did you know?" Faith asks, tone mocking as usual, but at the same time the fact that she is just a little bit moved comes through in the shake in her voice at the end.
Buffy must have heard that telling shake, because she puts her hands on Faith's cheeks. Buffy stares at Faith determinedly, stroking Faith's ears.
She leans into Faith and kisses her with parted lips. Faith kisses her back, pushing her tongue into Buffy's mouth. Faith throws the stake backwards in the vague direction of her bed, so that she can place both her hands on Buffy's ass. Faith squeezes and smiles into Buffy's mouth when Buffy squeals. There is something a little angry in the way Faith is kissing Buffy. But if Faith needs to work through her anger by aggressive lip-locking, that kinda seems okay. And Buffy is definitely into it. She pushes closer and closer into Faith, her own hands travelling down Faith's back. Buffy locks her arms around Faith's waist, but lets a finger dip down to stroke the top of Faith's butt. The longer they kiss, the more Faith feels Buffy melting into her. Buffy is leaning farther and farther into Faith until Faith is basically holding Buffy up with the hands on her ass. Taking that as an invitation, Faith lifts Buffy off the ground. Buffy wraps her legs around Faith's waist, and her hands migrate back to Faith's face. Buffy starts sucking on Faith's tongue. The move almost knocks Faith out with its sexiness. Faith pulls back a bit so that she can nibble on Buffy's lower, pouty lip, and suck on it. Buffy moans, her eyelids fluttering open and closed.
"Well hey B." Faith says. "This is already the best date I've ever been on."
Buffy laughs and tucks her head into Faith's shoulder. Faith kisses Buffy's neck and squeezes her bum.
"I do actually have stuff planned though." Buffy says, raising a finger in the air. "Promise."
"Oh fine." Faith huffs. "I guess I can do the date stuff. If I have to."
Buffy laughs, her breath tickling Faith's ear. Faith squeezes Buffy's butt a final time and then lets her down. Turning back toward her room, Faith grabs the new stake and pockets it. She shrugs on a big military looking jacket and stuffs her wallet and keys inside. Locking her motel door, she is ready to be dated. Although the night is pretty brisk, Buffy doesn't even have one of her signature cute cardigans to pull over her dress. She just has a little purse slung over her shoulder, and miles and miles of bare leg. Faith is already imagining how she can chivalrously give Buffy her coat later.
Buffy reaches out for Faith's hand as they walk down the stairs. Faith goes for it. If she said yes to the date, she might as well actually do the whole date thing.
"Where are we going?" Faith asks, pulling at one of her buttons.
"Not telling." Buffy says. She squeezes Faith's hand and actually does a happy little hop.
Buffy leads Faith through Sunnydale's quiet streets. The sky is already darkening, and goosebumps dot Buffy's arms and legs. Buffy leads them along the middle of the suburban roads, rather than on the sidewalk. Faith feels quite touched. It seems like the type of rule-flaunting gesture that would make Buffy awkward. And it's great.
They pass through identical street after identical street. Curiosity is making Faith look at things more closely. They are heading away from the Bronze. Away from most of the few places Sunnydale actually has. Mysterious.
Buffy speeds up and they start jogging around corners, and through streets, until they reach a park that is almost a forest. It's a quaint place that is usually chock full of monsters.
"Is this a work date?" Faith asks.
"Nope." Buffy smiles. "I spent the whole week in this park killing all the vamps. They started avoiding it by around Wednesday."
Faith beams. What an insanely cute thing to do for a date Buffy wasn't even sure was happening. They brush past leafless trees. Faith gasps. It's adorable. Faith has no idea how to cope with this much cuteness. Buffy has laid out a big plaid blanket with a picnic basket. Like out of a movie. And little twinkling lights are floating around the air, making everything eerily pretty.
Faith approaches the lights, and they bob gently away from her. She reaches out a finger, but they evade her.
"Will spelled them. They're magic." Buffy says.
Buffy's cuteness makes Faith remember her own plans of chivalry. She shrugs off her coat and puts it over Buffy's shoulders. Smiling at Faith, Buffy puts it on.
They sit down on opposite ends of the blanket. Buffy opens the picnic basket and extracts two huge hamburgers wrapped in yellow paper.
"I am not a great cook. So rather than pretend I am, I decided to bring food you would actually like." Buffy says. Faith is impressed. Buffy is usually eating diet everything, or yoghurt, not the heavy greasy stuff Faith loves.
Lifting her burger up in "cheers" type of gesture, Buffy unwraps hers. It's huge and dripping with sauce. Faith does the same. The meaty ketchup smell makes Faith salivate. And watching Buffy take her first bite just makes Faith more drooly. The burger gets all over Buffy's chin and ketchup drips down her pretty neck. Oh this is good. Faith chomps down and gets a delicious explosion of beef and mustard in her mouth. The burger is gone in a few more bites. Leaving Faith able to just watch Buffy eat. Buffy blushes as she notices Faith's gaze. Buffy wipes the ketchup from her chin, licks her lips clean. Faith crawls across the blanket to the picnic basket. She goes deliberately slowly, her hips swinging from side to side. Inside the basket there is a bottle of bubbly apple juice. Faith wishes it was the hard stuff, but that is not Buffy's style. Pulling it out, she spots a tupperware container. She opens it up to find cute little brownies.
"My mom made them." Buffy says. "She was excited about our date."
Faith plops the tupperware in front of Buffy and sits down cross-legged about an inch from Buffy's knee. Peeling off the foil wrapping on the bottle, Faith pops the cork loudly.
"Cups?" Buffy asks. She reaches into the basket, her arm flailing. "Forgot cups."
"Good." Faith says, taking a swig from the bottle. She wipes the juice from her lips with the back of her hand and passes the bottle to Buffy, who is now burger free. Buffy glugs from the bottle. Involuntarily, Faith's lips part as she watches Buffy's throat move.
Faith grabs a brownie from the tupperware and leans into Buffy. Buffy's mouth opens and Faith puts the brownie on her pink tongue. And because Faith is feisty and can't help it, she leans in and bites the other end of the brownie just as Buffy does. They kiss around the sweetness. The world stops as Faith runs her hands through Buffy's hair.
"This is kind of perfect." Buffy whispers. "I was worried… Because… I seem to be kind of messing up."
Faith puts a finger on Buffy's lower lip.
"I think you're doing a good job at making me not rage." Faith says.
Buffy laughs.
They both collapse onto the blanket at the same moment, side by side. Holding hands, they look up at the stars. Except they can't actually see any because of light pollution and general pollution, so Faith ends up looking at the little bobbing lights instead. It's nice. Who needs stars anyway? Faith has always found them depressing. Little dead lights twinkling across space.
Lying here with Buffy, Faith feels the knots of stress that have been making her gross all week begin to unknot. She is relaxed for the first time in days. And isn't even thinking about Angel at all. Except for right then. Damn. She'd been doing pretty well. But she curls towards Buffy anyway, looks at her through half closed eyes. Buffy has her hands crossed over her tummy and her eyes closed. There is something so nice about this. About how comfortable and easy things with Buffy are. Faith leans over Buffy and puts a hand over her heart. It's pounding frantically, erratically. This isn't what Faith expected. She guesses her own presence isn't really as calming as Buffy's. Buffy opens her eyes.
"I like this." Buffy says. "Can we be girlfriends again?"
Faith kisses Buffy, arms spread on either side of her. Faith's hand rests on cold dewy grass. She makes a fist around the grass and rips it up as she kisses Buffy.
"Is that yes?" Buffy asks.
"Again?" Faith asks, eyebrow quirked. "I'm not ready B."
"Oh okay." Buffy says. "Don't even worry. Everything's five-by-five."
That earns Buffy another kiss.
"Hey, don't steal my line." Faith says. She hugs Buffy as they lie on the ground together.
It was a good date. Awesome. But Faith needs some time.
A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who has been reviewing this along the way. I love reading your reviews. I'm so glad to hear that people are reading this and to know what they are thinking about it. It's so cool! And I appreciate you all taking the time to do it.
