Chapter 9

She was with him again. Irvine could feel her fingers stroking his flanks. Her breath was against his naked skin, a flash of cold erupting into intense heat. Her lips, her skin, everything rubbed against him. Irvine wanted to pull away, wanted to tell her to stop, but his body betrayed him. He knew this was wrong, knew that it would only lead to more pain, but all he could do was lay back and writhe under Shiva's ministrations. His body screamed for release, stimulated by ice and fire.

Irvine's eyes snapped open. He panted for breath, desperately trying to subdue his pounding heart and the heat pulsing through his body. This was the fourth time this week that he had woken up flushed and hard after being stimulated by Shiva.

"You woke too soon. I would have brought you release if you had not pulled away."

"Shut up," Irvine grumbled as he sat up, rubbing his eyes. "I don't need your help."

"Oh but you do," Shiva giggled. "You cannot release yourself anymore. Through our link, I am the only one who can satiate your body."

"Enough!" he shouted. "Why are you torturing me like this?"

"You are torturing yourself. Your own lust has brought you to this. I am merely trying to ease the pain."

Irvine did not respond. She was right, after all. His unstoppable hormones had lead to this, and now he was paying the price. But knowing this was not doing anything about the lovely hard-on he was sporting. He considered taking a cold shower, but quickly dismissed that idea. Cold water would only remind him of the GF tangoing with his pleasure receptors. Going to one of his friends was out of the question as well. He still had not told anyone about Shiva since returning from her world a week ago. If he suddenly went up to Squall and said "Shiva put a curse on me after I fucked her last week," he would inevitably be locked away for reckless behavior, withholding mission information, and general insanity. As for the others, he seriously doubted that anyone would believe him. And so he was stuck dealing with this problem on his own. However, he was seriously starting to reconsider as the situation steadily grew worse.

Shiva, meanwhile, had decided it would be fun to get him off at random intervals each day. She seemed to delight in stimulating him while he was walking through the hallways and watching him bolt back to his room before anyone could see the resulting hard-on. The embarrassment had forced Irvine to isolate himself from most of Garden. The last few days had found him hiding out in his room, only coming out to eat and visit the shooting range long enough that no one suspected he was hiding out in his room. He had requested a training leave to give himself more time, and avoid inevitable mission disaster, but knew it would not last. Sooner or later, Squall would force him to take a mission. Time was running out and Irvine was no closer to finding a solution.

Irvine could not remember feeling so alone before. He was always surrounded by people and rarely spent a free night by himself. Now he was cut off from everyone. He would leave his room at odd times to avoid running into his friends and refused to talk to anyone in the halls. His phone and computer remained off because he knew there would be too many questioning messages waiting for him. Even his radio stayed silent now that he knew Shiva was aware of his musical preferences. For a person who loved interaction, the silence of his room was pure torture. He considered reading a non-textbook for the first time in years, but a quick glance at the clock showed that the Training Center was the only facility open.

"Oh well, that'll do," Irvine shrugged as he stood up and carefully tucked himself into a pair of jeans. "Ok, Shiva, if you want to be active, you're gonna work. A couple rounds with the T-Rexaurs and we'll see how frisky you're feeling."

***

One hour later, Irvine was finally able to get rid of his hard-on. Something about watching a Grat's intestines spill out of a bullet hole was a real turn-off. At least Shiva was tired out. He had summoned her far more than necessary just to keep her quiet. It got to the point where Irvine had lost count of the number of monsters she had frozen.

He had paused for a moment to reload when a Grat suddenly tore through the foliage. The sniper was about to take aim, but the tentacled monster ran by him, completely ignoring his presence. Irvine did not have long to wonder about the strange behavior before a red, blue, and blonde streak charged through the underbrush after the fleeing monster. Said streak caught a glance of Irvine and skidded to a halt, the Grat forgotten.

"Irvine?" Zell questioned as he bounced on the balls of his feet.

"Was there any doubt?" Irvine tried to sound smooth, but the image was ruined by a huge yawn.

Zell shrugged. "Didn't recognize you right away, no cowboy getup and all."

Irvine couldn't blame him. He had been too tired to lace up his chaps or open the closet for his duster. And his hat would have looked really stupid with just jeans and a faded grey t-shirt.

"What are you doing here anyway?" the sniper questioned.

"Selphie brought a friend over tonight and the decibel level was too high for me to sleep though," Zell rolled his eyes. "What about you? I haven't seen you in a while. Shouldn't you be cuddled in bed with an impressionable young cadet at two in the morning?"

"Couldn't sleep," Irvine sighed. Upon seeing Zell's disbelieving expression, he elaborated. "There's something that's been on my mind for a while, and now I can't sleep...with anyone. I can't sleep with anyone. Not anymore."

Cold seeped into Irvine's limbs as Shiva stirred once again, causing him to tremble. The stress of his isolation came back full force and he could hear his voice begin to waver. "I can't. I want to but I can't."

"Hyne, Irvine, you're shaking! You feeling alright?"

Irvine wanted to say he was fine, to shrug and smile and wave the question off. It would be simple enough to just say that he was tired and not thinking straight. But something about the look in Zell's eyes stopped him. Those bright blue orbs were so honest and full of genuine concern that he could not bring himself to lie.

"No," he whispered as the loneliness began to consume him. "No, I'm not alright."

Zell gaped, clearly floored by the sniper's answer. Obviously, he had expected Irvine to wave the question off as well. For a moment, he simply stared at Irvine and the pain that was plainly evident on his face. The martial artist was clearly confused, not sure how to react. After a while, he finally spoke.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

It was a lame question, one that Irvine would never agree to under normal circumstances. But after a week of silence with the only listening ear coming from a frisky ice goddess in his head, Irvine desperately needed to unload on somebody. He knew that Zell would not believe him, but a small part of him clung to the tiny hope that maybe, just maybe, he would. Silently, he nodded and followed Zell out of the Training Center.

They had initially headed for Zell's room, seeing as how it was closer to the Training Center, but immediately turned around when they realized Selphie was still awake and entertaining her guest. An unspoken agreement passed between them, and they headed for Irvine's room instead. The blonde immediately sprawled himself across the bed.

"You got one of the big ones," Zell muttered, his tattooed face buried in the pillows. "No fair."

"I was just lucky when they assigned the room to me. But you got one with more floor space," Irvine sighed as he sat down at the foot of the bed. He was positive that Zell had noticed the distance he was putting between them.

The martial artist rolled onto his back, eyeing Irvine carefully before sitting up. "So what's going on? You said you couldn't sleep with anyone 'cause something's been bugging you. I never thought you, of all people, would be having trouble with your love life. Anything I can do to help? 'Cause I want to. Not that I'm any good with romance, since you've seen that first hand."

"Zell, put a cork in it please," Irvine shook his head, the faintest hint of a smile curling his lips. Trust Zell to make him feel better just by prattling on.

A blush settled on the blonde's cheeks. "Sorry man. So what's wrong? You can tell me."

Zell's face was so honest, his eyes practically begging for the sniper's trust. And Irvine had been hiding his secrets for so long that the frustration had built to the point where he would explode if he did not let it out.

"OK. I know it's going to sound far-fetched, but it's true."

Zell crossed his legs and leaned against the headboard, his face going serious. Irvine recognized it as the same expression he wore during a mission briefing. With a nod of his head, Zell urged the sniper to start.

So he told Zell everything. He recalled the entire story of being thrown through the tear and summoning Shiva to fight the oncoming monsters, the cold void, and the warmth of Shiva as she rescued him. He talked about waking up in her domain and learning of his lost memories. Then he told Zell about her proposal, the amazing experiences that followed, and regaining his memories. Finally, he explained how he was sent back and the terrible pain he felt when the curse overtook his body.

Irvine could see that Zell wanted to interrupt him but held it in. While the fighter's face reflected his reactions of horror, shock, concern, embarrassment, and eye rolling at the details of Shiva's techniques, he kept his mouth shut the entire time. He was giving Irvine all the time he wanted, and the sniper could not have been more grateful.

"So that's it. Shiva put a curse on me that prevents me from having contact with anyone. If I touch someone, or they touch me, it hurts like hell. And it's not only women, but men too. I can't even touch myself without getting sick. Shiva's the only one who can be close to me. And even that is pretty messed up, seeing as how she can touch me without actually being there."

Zell simply stared at Irvine for a minute, a neutral look on his face before blurting out. "You're unbelievable! Why didn't you tell anybody about this when you got back? Yeah, we would have made fun of you, but we could have helped before it got out of hand."

"I didn't think anyone would believe me," the sniper mumbled as he leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees, relieved to get it off his chest. "I'm honestly shocked that you let me finish my story at all. And I didn't know about the curse at first. I thought it was just a side effect from being sick. It wasn't until later that I realized something was wrong and got Shiva to confess. But even if I did tell you guys, there's nothing you could have done. I don't know how to lift the curse and Shiva's keeping her mouth shut about it."

A lump began to form in Irvine's throat as he continued. "I think she enjoys seeing me suffer like this. She keeps popping up inside my mind and stimulating it, turning me on and then getting me off. Sometimes it's when I'm asleep, and other times I could be walking down the hall or practicing at the shooting range. I have no way of knowing when she'll start. But when she does, I can't do anything about it. I can't move a muscle unless she wants me too. She just takes over my body and forces me to come, no matter what I say."

Zell nodded solemnly as he took in the information. "When she takes over your body, does she hurt you?"

"No," Irvine sighed. "Not really. It feels good. Too good. I can't fight it, can't stop it, and that's what scares me. She's in total control, and it's all my fault because I slept with her in the first place. She was completely right about me, you know. I let my lust cloud my judgment and now I'm paying the price."

The blonde looked away from him for a moment, brow wrinkled in thought, before releasing a small chuckle. "It's funny. SeeDs are trained to be the best of the best. We're experts in combat, wield powers that no one else can, and are tactical geniuses. We can withstand harsh interrogation without flinching and keep fighting when most of our bones are broken. Hyne, we can even take on an insanely powerful sorceress from the future and survive. And yet, when we're faced with some gorgeous person, we're slaves to our lust. We may be mercenaries, but we're still just teenage bags of hormones."

"You're right," the sniper nodded solemnly, refusing to meet those trusting blue eyes. "Despite all we're been trained to do, we're still horny teenagers. But I still screwed up. Shiva warned me about possible consequences, but I was too busy staring at her chest to take her seriously. And now I'm royally screwed."

"Hey, relax buddy. It'll all turn out ok in the end," Zell reached out to pat the sniper's shoulder, but Irvine caught the movement out of the corner of his eye and flinched.

"No!" he yelped, scooting to the very edge of the bed. "You can't touch me. No one can touch me anymore, and I can't touch anyone either. Direct skin contact actually burns me. It leaves blisters and hurts like hell. And even contact through clothing is uncomfortable. The pain eventually fades, but it just fares up again when I touch someone else. Nothing you, or anyone else, can say or do will make it better. I'm stuck like this. What if I have to stay like this for the rest of my life? I'll never be able to have sex or train with others. I can't hug someone or hold their hand. Hellfire, I can't even shake someone's hand."

Irvine's voice caught in his throat as he began to tremble again. Zell watched sorrowfully as the sniper's violet eyes began to shimmer with tears.

"I can't spend my life with a lover. I won't be able to live in a crowded place. I can't even go on any group missions because we're always shoved together in a transport," A sob escaped his throat as the tears began to fall. "What have I done? Oh dear Hyne, what have I done?"

He was sobbing wholeheartedly by that point. All of his masculine pride and dignity tossed aside as Irvine wept, knees pulled to his chest. He continued to cry for several minutes before he heard the rustle of fabric and felt something fall across his shoulders. Glancing up, he saw that Zell had pulled up the bed's comforter and draped it around him. The fighter reached out and tenderly wrapped his arms around Irvine's covered body. Those arms gently pulled the sniper closer as the blonde lowered his own head to rest against one covered shoulder.

"Is this hurting you?" Zell whispered with obvious worry.

Irvine thought for a moment and shook his head. "It's a little too warm, but it's OK," he whispered back.

The feel of Zell's powerful arms through the thick fabric sent a wave of heat through his body, much like a developing sunburn, but the temperature was bearable enough. Sighing, Irvine allowed himself to lean against Zell's chest. The uncomfortable heat was worth it to feel some sort of contact with another human.

Closing his eyes, Irvine savored the blonde's presence. "Thanks Zelly," he murmured.

"I'm here for you," Zell mumbled back. "You don't have to face this alone. I'll help you, and we'll figure out a way to fix this. Trust me."

"I trust you," Irvine yawned as sleep finally came to him.

For the first time since this whole ordeal began, Shiva stayed out of his dreams.