A/N Wow, over a hundred reviews so far … I'm stunned. Thank you so much!!!

I am sorry for the delay, guys, but it couldn't be prevented … I will try to do better.

Unfortunately (for you guys) I've changed my mind, and this chapter is solely dedicated to Bella and her thoughts. Now that she a breather while Jasper calms himself from his not so pure thoughts, she will use the opportunity to come to terms with some things … realizing some important and interesting details about Jasper's and her past relationship … if you could call it that … which will set the foundation for their new (real) relationship … I hope … as long as Jasper doesn't screw it up ;-)

I thought this chapter goes better standing alone … so I hope you agree with me there.

Enjoy!!!

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Chapter 9 Pulling back the curtain

Bella POV

I went into the house in a sort of trance like state, pushing the door shut behind me with a little too much force … unintentionally though. The sudden noise startled me some, but it helped me otherwise to snap out of this uncanny stupor. I stumbled forward in the darkness on my search for the light switch, glad not to fall down in the process. Sure I wasn't so clumsy anymore, but that didn't mean that silly accidents were improbable all together. I was human after all and things like that used to happen.

When I finally found the switch, I turned on the light in the hallway, and made my way straight into the kitchen. In there I ungracefully slumped down into the nearest chair. The need to sit down was pretty overwhelming all of the sudden.

What a day! I sighed heavily, crossing my arms on the table and resting my head on them. My eyes shut. I felt utterly exhausted, more emotionally worn-out than actually physically tired despite the lack of sleep I'd had last night … and every other night as well for the last five months. But somehow I've gotten used to it by now, and it didn't bother me that much anymore …

Feeling the way I did right this moment … emotionally unstable … I truly didn't envy Jasper for his gift … no quite the contrary actually. I was once again impressed how he was able to deal with it … on a daily basis nonetheless, being forced to feel what other people – human and vampire alike - were feeling on top of his own emotions. That was why I didn't blame him for losing his temper like he'd had earlier. I thought considering the circumstances and his fragile state of mind it was a natural, a reasonable reaction on his part …

But albeit … I was glad to have some time to be on my own right now, realizing that I actually needed the opportunity to come to terms with all that happened since I'd left the house this morning. I didn't know how much time I had before Jasper would come back to pick me up, but I would make good use of the time given to me, to sort some things out at least before returning to the Cullen house with him. I was actually surprised how well I had been handling the whole situation … not only seeing Jasper again but meeting another strange vampire … as well as the amount of information they both had bestowed upon me …

Oh yes, I really wanted … no actually needed to go back with Jasper, because I still had more questions that needed answers, and who knew how long they would stick around before they would vanish again. My heart ached at the mere thought of them leaving me here alone once more … I didn't think I would be able to handle it very well. My abandonment issues were still something I hadn't been able to work out yet.

Maybe we could stay in contact … via e-mail or phone calls … I mused, desperately, but pushing the thought away for now, to ponder over at a later time.

Strangely, despite my latest dislike of the word 'promise' I was sure that Jasper had meant what he'd said and that he indeed would be back. Like me, he probably just needed some alone-time too. Even without possessing his peculiar gift it was pretty obvious to me that Jasper was a mess … emotionally unstable like me, which might explain his latest 'freak-out' … a little bit.

I was still pretty confused about what had gone wrong outside. One minute I was just about to invite Jasper into my home … feeling a little nervous about his reaction towards our simple standard of living in contrast to the Cullen's extravagant lifestyle he was used to … and then suddenly, without any forewarning at all his beautiful golden eyes had changed color in mere seconds.

I couldn't suppress a shudder running down my spine remembering the sight of Jasper's dark orbs burning into mine. My first reaction was probably normal, expected under the circumstances. I was scared … but strangely the fear had quickly morphed into plain shock, because I hadn't known what had caused this sudden change in his demeanor.

Of course, I'd seen a vampire with black eyes before … every time Edward hadn't fed for a longer period of time his eyes had darkened as well. But not as rapidly though … and more importantly his eyes didn't used to sparkle like Jasper's just had. I couldn't help myself but to marvel over the beauty of them … despite the danger they most likely symbolized.

I wonder what kind of color they originally were … probably blue … considering he has blond hair… I mused for a moment, but then I shook my head vigorously, in order to get rid of this interesting, but very distracting thought.

Of course, I knew that I should have been scared because I knew exactly what the color of black vampire eyes meant … hunger, more accurately thirst. But I just couldn't bring myself to feel that way about Jasper. Somehow deep down inside of me I knew that he would never hurt me … that he was strong enough to resist if he wanted to … like the rest of the Cullens had done. Jasper wouldn't try to bite me … of that I was certain. And showing how he'd just reacted outside, he was willing to put my safety first … having learnt his lesson the hard way … and not without consequences …

But yet, what made me wonder was the fact that I knew that he couldn't have been thirsty in the first place, since he'd hunted just half an hour ago, or so I'd presumed, and I had no open wound to tempt him otherwise … like I'd done on my birthday party. But what other reason than hunger or bloodlust could have caused such a reaction in him? I had no answer to that question … but whatever the reason was, I knew that I could trust him not to hurt me, otherwise I wouldn't allow him to be alone with me. I was not suicidal … a little naive maybe … but not suicidal.

Suddenly an old, almost forgotten memory came to my mind …

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I lay on the bed in total darkness, staring at the ceiling. It was pretty late, but I still couldn't sleep. Time seemed to have lost any meaning to me in the last two days. I slept when I was tired, I ate when I felt hungry … and by God, I truly loathed this hotel suite by now … being stuck in here without being able to do anything else but waiting … was the worst thing imaginable for me at the moment. I felt so unbelievably useless … and on top of that extremely guilty.

Just half an hour ago Edward had finally called, telling us that he, Emmett and Carlisle had unfortunately lost track of James somewhere in northern Canada and that they were now on their way back to Forks, to meet up with Esme and Rosalie, who were currently keeping an eye on my father. I had been waiting for this phone call all day long, probably driving both Alice and Jasper crazy with my restless behavior, my never-ending questions. Alice tried her best to soothe me, to reassure me with words. But the strange thing was, I was more thankful for Jasper's presence than hers … even though he didn't talk much, I knew perfectly well that he was able to sense my distress and that he kept sending me calming waves to help me to keep it together at least to some extent. But apart from his little assistance, I also got the impression that he held back … that he didn't let me experience the full amount of his power, and I was very grateful for this. I knew that I needed to feel what I was feeling, and not being sedated.

However, I had to admit that I didn't feel much better even after the phone call from Edward, not as much as I'd hoped I would. Sure, I was relieved to hear that they all had been safe and unharmed … that nothing had happened to any of them, which had been one of my main concerns the whole time. But all the reassurances didn't help to calm down my nerves completely. Certainly because I still felt awful for the way Charlie and I had parted … for the words I'd thrown at him. I wouldn't be surprised if he would not forgive me for behaving like that … hurting him the same way my mother had done …

Tears began to roll down my face, and I clutched the comforter around me very tightly. I felt so lonely and lost at the moment, longing for someone to comfort me, to hold me and tell me that everything would be alright. But Alice had gone hunting, and the only person available was Jasper, who was in the other room, probably watching TV to pass the time. The whole time since we'd arrived here he'd kept a safe distance … never making any contact with me … barely more than two words and of course no physical contact. Not that I wanted him to hug me, but …

Suddenly there was a light knock on the door, pulling me out of my reverie.

"Bella?" I heard Jasper's voice calling my name softly, through the door from the next room. "May I come in?"

"Yes," I replied, trying to get control of myself again. I didn't want him to see me cry … it was bad enough that he'd been able to sense my distress …

The door opened slowly, and I could make out the tall and slender shape of Jasper, standing in the doorframe. "What's wrong, Bella? Why are you crying?" He asked, concerned, almost loving.

"I was just thinking about my father." I said, sobbing.

"He's safe … Esme and Rose are with him as we speak. He is in no danger." He reassured me, taking two steps into the room, but didn't dare to move any closer, cautious to keep his distance … for my sake …

"I know …" I muttered, sniffing. "It's just …"

"Please, Bella. Don't worry about anything. It'll all be over soon, I'll promise." Jasper sounded so sincere but somehow also pleading that I couldn't doubt him. For a moment there I could have sworn that he was actually struggling with himself, yearning to close the distance between us and just taking me into his arms, hugging me, to provide the comfort, that I so intensely craved … but that was probably just my imagination, running wild under the stress, because he didn't make a move. I sighed.

"Do you want me to help you sleep?" He asked cautiously, but didn't actually wait for my response, because I could already feel his influence washing over me. I relished the feeling of peace and calm, realizing that not only did it make me feel better but it would provide the vampire some needed comfort as well.

"Yes, please … thank you." I murmured, sleepily. Then a wave of lethargy hit me, and my eyes dropped shut.

"Anything for you, Darlin'." Jasper whispered in the darkness. Even drifting still further into sleep, I clearly heard his words, and smiled before falling into peaceful dreams … for once …


Finally, I reopened my eyes, frowning but smiling slightly at the same time, remembering that particular night at the hotel in Phoenix very clearly. Even though it had been some time ago I could still recall every detail of that night. Jasper's calming influence, his soothing voice, and his genuine concern about my feelings … which shouldn't have been that much of a surprise bearing in mind that he was an empath after all … but most of all I remembered his last words, although their significance were still a huge mystery to me, since he hadn't shown any interest to get to know me better before and not even after that night which had always pained me a little … because all the other family members … well except for Rosalie … had welcomed me with open arms. I still wondered why both them had always shown me the cold shoulder. Regrettably though, Edward had neglected to go into details when I'd asked him about it once, since I knew he had some insight information due to his gift … but he hadn't shared his knowledge with me, or at least not enough to answer my questions completely. But on the other side I was glad that he'd respected their privacy … if that was the reason why he'd kept their motives from me. If anything, I should have found the courage to confront them myself. Or at least Jasper … because Rosalie had scared the crab out of me sometimes …

Anyhow, at the time I hadn't given it too much thought … being hunted by a deranged, bloodthirsty vampire who'd taken great pleasure in torturing and almost killing me … my mind had been pretty much occupied with other things than Jasper's words or his unexpected, kind behavior. Only once or twice after our return to Forks and my long recovery, the thought of talking to Jasper about it had crossed my mind … but somehow I had never gotten the chance to put it into action. Partly because Edward had barely left my side after the incident with James' coven, feeling the need to protect me even more than before, and the other reason had been, that Jasper had gone back to his old behavior of staying away and ignoring me.

Of course I had been immensely happy that Edward had decided to stay at my side, even though he'd considered leaving me for a moment, but even then I could already tell that something significant had changed … between Edward and me … and oddly even between Jasper and me as well. I still didn't know why, but from time to time I'd used to glance at him when no one was paying attention, carefully keeping my feelings under control not to give myself away … My curiosity had been awakened and I'd longed to get to know the mysterious, silent brother, who'd always seemed to be hovering at the sidelines and never being a true member of the family …

Maybe that was the reason why I was so determined to go back to the house with him … because now that the opportunity to get to know Jasper at last had presented itself, I wouldn't let it pass again.

Oddly, even though I'd never gotten the chance to get to know Jasper very well … or at all … I had always felt safe in his presence, despite Edward's constant subtle warnings about Jasper's alleged incompetence to withstand the urge to bite me, nothing had happened the time we'd spent alone together in the hotel room. Come to think of it, I'd felt even more secure with Jasper … and all of the other Cullens … than I had felt with Edward sometimes. This notion totally made sense to me now, remembering the fact that my blood had been enticing especially to Edward … and his constant reluctance of showing more physical affection than just holding hands and a chaste kiss from time to time.

Jasper hadn't shown any sign of distress today, when he was physically close to me … when was hugging me … when he was holding my hand longer than necessary … Oddly, neither had I.

Talk about double standard … I thought sullenly.

I thought back to the evening of my disastrous birthday party. I would never forget the alarming sight of not only one pair of black, ravenous eyes but seven … yes seven, because even Carlisle had been affected at least to some extent by the scent of my blood … and realization hit me. It was like a veil had been lifted, and I finally was able to see the truth. Edward had been the weak one the whole time, and not Jasper.

Jasper's loss of control that night had been caused by all of them. He must have felt all of their bloodlust, and combined with his own, he hadn't stand a chance … he had been unable to shield himself from their feelings … and considering that my blood sang to Edward his bloodlust must have been the greatest of them all, so of course he'd snapped.

Poor Jasper.

True, I hadn't blamed Jasper from the very beginning, but that had been because I'd thought it would be unfair to blame him for acting on his natural instinct. I'd never held Edward accountable for what he was either. So why should I've blamed Jasper for something he hadn't control over or had even been responsible for? After all I had been the one who'd cut herself on a simple sheet of paper … in a room full of vampires. If there was someone to blame for all this mess, it was me.

But with this new insight … and I didn't need any confirmation because I just knew it was the truth … the whole situation was that much more despicable in my opinion, especially with the new information Peter had given me. Of course, Jasper had run off, to seek refuge at the one place he'd known to be accepted, and not judged for his actions.

What made me mad was not his behavior … I did understand the reason behind his sudden but somehow cowardly exit … but the way the rest of his family had reacted. How was it possible that none of them … not even his wife … had made any kind of contact with him in all those months? He was supposed to be part of the family. Shouldn't Alice have seen where Jasper had gone? Well, on the other hand, she hadn't had a premonition about my birthday party either, which I had been a huge surprise for me at the time. Apparently her gift wasn't as reliable as I'd always used to believe. I just hoped for Jasper's sake that that was the reason … because if she'd seen him and hadn't gone after him …

Argh … I groaned, shaking my head angrily, trying to get rid of these depressing thoughts. I couldn't believe that Alice would act that way, be that malicious. The thought of that kind of betrayal made me sick and unbelievably sad. No one deserved to be treated like that, especially someone as sensitive as Jasper. I knew from my own experience how devastating it was to be left behind by the same people who had sworn to protect and to love you. And I guessed that for someone like Jasper it would be twice as bad … I made a silent promise to myself, that I would try harder to keep my emotions in check, thus making it easier for him to deal with the truth … whatever the truth would be.

Suddenly, my stomach growled loudly, trying to remind me despite my lack of appetite these days that it was indeed time for some sustenance. True, I was pretty hungry by now, considering I hadn't eaten anything else than the granola bar I'd grabbed this morning, but with all the recent drama my mind was on anything else but food. With a little lack of enthusiasm, I stood up, and walked over to the kitchen counter, picking up an apple. This would be enough to sate my hunger for the moment, because Peter had promised to bring me some Italian food back from Seattle. Of course I knew that this wasn't the only reason why he'd gone to the larger city. But like I'd told Jasper on the ride here, it was sort of okay with me … and honestly what could I have done to prevent Peter from hunting? He was a vampire after all … and like any other creature he had to feed sometime. I was just glad he did it in Seattle rather than in Forks … and I took some comfort in the fact that according to Jasper his friend only feasted on the human scum …

Eating the apple, I smiled. Despite his obvious momentary lack of self-confidence Jasper had kept up with the Cullen lifestyle after he'd left the family, going to live with Peter and his mate. I could imagine that it wasn't easy for him, considering his friends didn't share his choice of diet, what was further prove for me, that Jasper was stronger than he believed. Apparently he just needed someone to tell him that. Although, I was pretty sure Peter had tried that already.

Thinking about Peter made me smile again. I wondered idly how he'd known that Italian was my favorite food. Had Jasper told him that? I doubted that. There was something weird about this red-eyed vampire, apart from the fact that he used to stick to their natural diet and was still able to walk around humans without attacking them. I felt oddly comfortable in his presence, and I was utterly intrigued by him.

Then I saw that light on the answering machine was blinking. I went over to the phone, and pushed the button.

"You have one new message," the mechanical voice announced, followed by the familiar beeping sound and then the voice of my father. "Hey, kiddo, it's your Dad … obviously. I'm just calling to see how you're doing … I've tried your cell already, but apparently you'd left without it. It's cold out here … but we are having fun. Until now Harry and Billy had more luck than me … but there is always tomorrow. Call me, when you get home. Bye." He sounded cheerful, but underneath I could detect his worry.

I am eighteen years old, an adult for crying out loud, and here I am checking in with my father like a ten-year-old. This is ridiculous. I fumed, silently, while I retrieved my cell phone from the living room table, where I'd left it last night. Checking the display, I could see that I had three missed calls and one text message … all from Charlie. I shook my head in exasperation. Of course, I loved Charlie, but this constantly-checking-up-on-me behavior of his was beginning to get on my last nerves. Like I was up to do something stupid? Well … maybe today I had been … sort of … but it had turned out okay-ish … hadn't it?

Well … the day is not over yet … I smiled mischievously, while I dialed my dad's number on my cell. He picked up only after the second ringing.

"Hey dad, it's me." I greeted him with joy to my surprise, but very glad that I was able to hide my true feelings from him. Good practice for later … Truth be told, I was more than irritated with my father at the moment. But then again I knew that I had to appease him, if I didn't want him to come home early and thereby ruining my plans for the rest of this evening and the next day.

We only talked for a few minutes. I reassured him that I was fine, that I'd just forgotten to take my cell phone with me when I'd left the house … which was actually the truth. Although I hated lying to him, I told him that I intended to go to bed early this evening, therefore there would be no need to check in with again. Charlie did seem to buy my rather pitiful excuse, not asking any unpleasant questions. Thank God. I could hardly tell him that I was about to spend the night with two strange men … let alone two vampires. He would think that I'd finally lost it.

Worse than that, he would probably give me an earful, reminding me what the sudden disappearance of the Cullens had done to me. Knowing that Charlie had never really liked Edward from the start, and actually would kill him on sight … or rather try … it wouldn't be wise to mention Jasper's return … at least not yet.

Sometimes it is healthier to keep secrets from the people you love …

Even though Charlie always had a fondness for Carlisle, his opinion of the good doctor seemed to have changed as well. Not that he spoke of him badly, but I could sense his aversion underneath his composure every time the name Cullen was mentioned. I could hardly tell Charlie the truth … so I kept my mouth shut. And most likely I didn't even have to tell Charlie about Jasper's presence at all, because I doubted that he would stay here in Forks for a prolonged visit, even though I rather hoped he would.

Before I hung up, I wished him good luck, and he promised to bring back some fish … even if it wouldn't be his own catch, which made me laugh in response.

Being otherwise occupied, I hadn't checked the time when I'd entered the house, but I assumed that I hadn't much time left before Jasper would be back. Without further delay I quickly made my way upstairs to get ready for my stay with Jasper and Peter at the former Cullen mansion. I wasn't sure if I would be able to sleep at all this night, as wound up as I was, but I thought it might be useful to pack up some things I would definitely need.

Up in my room I went to my closet, pulling out a small rucksack, I barely used. I packed my pajamas, and some change of clothes for the next day. I went into the bathroom to retrieve my bag of toiletries and a towel, putting them on top of my clothes. I took a look around my room, thinking about what else I would need to bring along.

Strangely, I knew that Jasper was back even before he announced his presence by tapping on my window.

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A/N Next chapter will be up soon … yeah … sleepover with Peter and Jasper … is there something better ;-)

You know the drill … push the green button and let me know what you think of this chapter. Thanks!