Del: Thank you SO MUCH for your kind words. I think it's utterly beautiful that you can find it in your time to read this and...enjoy it the way you do. It's so amazing that the last chapter has reached out to you, because...I couldn't ever dream of that ever happening, that my writing could do this to you and others. It's really a blessing to me to see individuals like you enjoy this and go on this journey with me, because I don't feel so alone experiencing this world that I'm creating for them (Paige & Emily). You're very welcome to read this any time you like (not that I have a say in it or whatsoever) but thank you for reading! I love thoughtful reviews as this, because it's really nice to see that I'm not the only one enjoying the story as I write it. I get to read it again along with all of you too. I hope that you have a wonderful day ahead. :) I truly hope this chapter is up to par for you like the last.
TheShawmeister: Hey, hey, hey! YOU'RE not the one to talk when it comes to being "wude." Do you not realize how many times you've done that to me with your story? (I am assuming that this is the writer of Sky's The Limit.) But if you're not who I think you are, please accept my deepest apologies. And you know what? I thoroughly enjoy writing cliffhangers. The possibility is there and if you don't utilize, it's such a waste. ;) I truly hope you were squealing with excitement! Because it's about time someone squealed! hahahaha ;D I squirm in my seat whenever I read the chapter too, just so you know. I hope that you have a wonderful day after reading this! :)
Sazar: Long time no see! I sure remember you digging Em's insecurity. What's up with that? I think it's wonderful that you enjoy this. I really have no words for how thankful I am to see you come back and read. :) When you say you love Paily, I had hope that you meant THIS VERSION of Paily. ;) I hope you continue to fall in love with the story after you read this chapter, although it may be a bit hard when you've finished this update. It was really...something to write. Read the Author's Note if you wish to see why. I hope you have a wonderful day! :)
Jamscottroc54: I adore that facial expression! I wish I could actually see how you looked like when you read that last part. You know, I always want to continue when I get to the cliffhanger part but somehow I manage to have some sort of self-control and just leave it for the future updates. It's amazing what you can do while writing. Thank you for your amazing comment about the previous chapter. It was definitely emotionally exhausting to write! I listen to the songs while I'm reading, and it just touches my heart while I read it and then it all feels so surreal while I'm sitting there reading along with the rest of you guys. Thank you for loving it and continuing to support this story. It means a lot and I truly hope that you have a wonderful day ahead! :)
gigabyte1: I always feel so...spoiled when I get a review from you. ;) Even if you call me evil or whatever words your heart wishes to throw at me. I absolutely thought that the flashback was cute too. Mystical even. Like...it feels so much more real in my mind than in words. Does that make sense? Bet you didn't know that Emily was already there the entire time that Paige had just arrived huh? ;) You're wrong about one thing and you're right about one thing. You'll have to read to see what I mean. Thank you so much for reviewing each and every time I update. It's always so great to get feedbacks on how you're doing to improve the writing or change some things along the way to ameliorate the story. I hope that you have a beautiful day ahead! :)
HungryOwlTavern: I just LOVE your posting name. To tell you the truth...your username encouraged me to write that karaoke bar scene. I mean, I already had it written down as an idea but I wasn't sure how people would react to me writing it, and I decided to take a risk since I knew at least ONE person was a fan of the Hungry Owl Tavern. And for me, one supporter was good enough. Therefore, THANK YOU SO MUCH for ever reviewing and letting me come across your name to have the courage to risk writing that, which turned out...so amazing according to the feedbacks I've been receiving. Thank you for your lovely words and I hope that you can hang tight until next time. I also hope that you enjoy this chapter, if you can, and that you have a wonderful day ahead! :)
Michelle: First of all, thank you so much for reviewing. You are awesome. There are things boiling down and I sure hope you enjoy this chapter. I get a feeling you may not after reading what you had to say about them, but sit tight because more is coming. You'll understand why I said this after reading the chapter. But thank you again for your kind words and for taking the time to even read this at all. I just love individuals like you who take their time to give feedbacks and let me know if I'm on the right track, but I'm also writing for myself so I'm trying to make this an enjoyable ride for both the readers and me. :) I hope that you have a wonderful day ahead!
Baby Darth Dalloway: Gee, you're not giving me much to go on from... BUT thank you so much for reading and reviewing! It's absolutely wonderful that you enjoy it. I like to take out my time and tell my readers how much I appreciate them, and towards people who review I try to show my deepest sincerity because the feedbacks are always so neat. I hope you continue to like this story after this chapter. :) Have a wonderful day, alright?
bleedingsanity: Oh god, your words are like...they make me feel so humble and flattered. Those are very beautiful words you've just told me and I cannot thank you enough for allowing me to be on the receiving ends of that. :) I adore enchanting scenes and when I imagine these parts in my mind, they're very magical and serene, and that's how I like them to come out in my writing. I don't know if it exudes all of the mystics that I'd love to see people imagine or see when they read, but for me, it's just...it's the closest that I can get to that kind of feeling of enchantment, you know? I really hope that you stick with me after reading this chapter though because I just get this...feeling...that people won't be too fond of this update. The characters are just so...complex and I love to portray them as more than just Emily or Paige. I want them to have...more to them that meets the eye on TV. I think it's so wonderful you think that this is a beautiful story. I can't wait to see where I take us with this story too. Thank you for the support and words of encouragement! I hope that you have a beautiful day ahead of you! :)
Also, I'd like to give a shout-out to SUNNY. Thank you so much for your support! ;)
A/N: Here it is. This chapter just really came onto me...out of the blue. Recently, I've been dealing with a really hectic schedule and this honestly came together from bits and pieces during small breaks throughout this week, and in all truths, writing this is one of the little things in life that I enjoy so much. You guys know that I would update this ASAP if I truly could. Always. I really couldn't not write this. This was inspired from a Paily scene after Emily broke up with Paige, and she goes on to date other people. I usually don't ask this of you guys, but please review if you can and tell me if you like this temporary pairing and what you want to see in the next update. Plus, I'll give my sincerest response when you review, so...do it! (look at the paragraphs above!) I truly hope that you guys enjoy this nonetheless (Lots of things happening here!). I wouldn't be surprise if some of you are not too fond of this chapter though. ENJOY!
Disclaimer: I do not own Pretty Little Liars.
Paige's POV
"Have you ever wondered how old you would be if you didn't know how old you are?"
I thought hard about the question, but every thing quiet and peaceful about this place had carried me faraway from the present moment. It never escaped my awareness of how enchanting this place was. There were wildflowers…and green grass…and big trees…and everything serene and beautiful that you can imagine in a picturesque setting. It's almost like a figment of my imagination, but it doesn't seem so, because it feels…real. Almost like you're in a wildflower field that would stretch for acres of miles, but here, you can actually see where the ends meet of this lovely meadow. Yet, there was something mystical about this kind of beauty. Something I couldn't lay finger on. How you could almost feel the spirits that weren't visible to the naked eye roam freely, but you don't feel haunted by their souls as they let their prevailing presence wander. Is that what she meant? To experience, but not know? To feel, but not understand? To live…and stop counting the days?
"No, I haven't. What prompted that question?" I asked with curiosity.
"Sometimes, I don't feel like…we're our age. Or at least…I don't feel that you are. They say that the eyes are the window to your soul and…" She stared at me thoughtfully before speaking again, "When I look into your eyes, it feels…as though you've existed for a much longer time and there's this whole other worldliness about you…like your soul is older than the amount of years you've lived. Almost like you've…roamed the earth for centuries, and then…somehow, you came back to be with me."
I lifted my hands off the ground that was supporting my upper body's weight from the sitting position I was in to lean down and give her a sideway kiss. As I pulled away, she lifted her head up from my lap and gently grabbed me by the nape of my neck to pull my head back down. I followed suit and kissed her tenderly, tasting every inch of her flesh. Her lips tasted and smelled just like her. So intoxicating…and so sweet… I paused and withdrew my lips from hers, but I was still close enough to feel her heavy breathing against my mouth, "That was beautiful." I said before leaning in for a light kiss and then gradually falling back into my previous sitting position. She smiled at me like she had just woken up from a sweet dream, and I felt my heart stopped. It was like I had caught lightning in a bottle.
"Can I ask you another question?" she asked again.
"Well, aren't you full of inquiries today?" my body slightly trembled as I chuckled.
"Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?"
"Hm…which would you prefer?" I asked, because I needed more time to think about it.
"I would rather never be able to make new memories. I don't want to forget…this and every part of how we came to be. I want to keep you in my thoughts forever... I think I'd be devastated if I had to live the rest of my life not remembering what I had with you." she revealed and carried on, "I asked you the question, so now it's your turn to answer."
"I'd choose to lose all of my old memories." I saw the way her eyes had saddened by my words before I continued, "Although it'd be nice to remember everything, I know that I wouldn't need my old memories to have known the life I had lived knowing you, because every time that I look at you, you make me feel so much, like I'm falling in love for the first time all over again. Someone once told me… You can forget how someone looks. You can forget what people have done. You can forget the words that have been said. But you will never forget the way that people have made you feel. The way that…you…make me feel, Emily Fields. Just like you've said earlier, I'll find my way back to you no matter the lost of memories. And when I find you, I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you by making new memories with you each and every day. We'll be each other's halves…you can remind me of the old days while I tell you the stories of our future. Together, we'll be able to keep our old memories and make new ones. What do you say?" I smiled as I finished my little impromptu speech.
"Yes," she uttered and I smiled at the double meaning that her answer conveyed.
"Now, can I ask you a question?" I began before she can say anything else. She nodded so I continued, "Has your greatest fear ever come true?"
She looked deep into my eyes for a long time, and I realized the answer.
She would never lose me. Not if I can help it.
I was about to tell her just that, but the sky started falling and the entire place began spinning out of control with the wind rotating violently, and I quickly clasped both of my hands onto her arm as the storm tried to separate us forcefully. I held onto her limb dearly as if my life depended on it, but the windstorm was relentless and Emily and I were torn apart…and then, she disappeared.
"Emily!" I screamed as I sat bolt upright with a throbbing pain in my head. I looked around and noticed that I was sitting in my car alone on the passenger side. Confusion settled in as I tried to adjust to the new setting I was in. Why am I…here? I squinted my eyes and looked out the window to my right to see that my car was parked right in front of my house. I lifted my hands up to my head to rub my temples in hope of recalling what had happened to me. Quick flashes of the Hungry Owl Tavern karaoke bar, a couple of drinks, and me singing penetrated my thoughts, then her eyes appeared… I looked around again, hoping that I'd find her, but she was nowhere to be seen. So it was just a dream after all… I closed my eyes and fell back into the passenger seat, letting out a deep breath as I did so. It was awfully confusing to relive such a fond memory I had of us in a dream... When I breathed back in, I noticed a faint lavender smell in the air...only it couldn't be the scent that I had thought it was. There's only one person I know who wore that sweet smell...and it couldn't possibly be hers. I must be hallucinating from all of that alcohol. But…there's still one thing I didn't understand. How on earth did I end up back here? …I must've driven home in my drunken state…but how? Wow, that is truly impressive and I couldn't even remember it. That's just great, McCullers. I brought up a hand to rest on my forehead and shook away the thoughts in my head. God, I feel so awful. How many drinks did I have? I looked over to the time on the dashboard and saw that it was 6:04AM. Oh crap, it's morning already?
After I quietly slipped back into the house, I had made it up to my room and showered in good time. I went over to check on Sammie and saw that she was still asleep, and since I couldn't find it in myself to fall asleep again after lying in bed for the past half an hour, I decided to walk to The Brew and grab some coffee.
I lifted up my left arm to see the time on my watch, and it read 7:37AM. The warm light of the morning sunrise had casted a dream-like glow over the town of Rosewood. It was going to be a good morning, it seems. The sun had rose, the morning's light breeze ruffled the dark-green leaves on the trees, and probably half the town was already up and ready to kick-start the day with a cup of coffee or tea. Today was going to be a good day indeed.
I was about a block away from the café when it finally came into sight. I let out a sigh of relief that it wasn't packed this morning, because I had actually wanted to sit down and enjoy my coffee there. When I got to the front of the coffee shop, I pulled the door open and walked in. There were about four people in line. I looked around to see where there were unoccupied tables, and I spotted a few near the window that looked out at the town and some further towards the back of the café. After a few minutes, it was finally my turn to order.
"Good morning, what can I get started for you today?" the man asked. He looked fairly happy at this kind of hour, but I was grateful that he was all the same. It was nice that they don't have to wear uniforms, because they look more friendly and fitted in with the rest of us who didn't work here. The only thing that distinguished them was the green barista apron they had on.
"Hi," I smiled and continued, "Can I have a…soy caramel macchiato?" I was still squinting at the chalkboard behind his back as I tried to decide what Sammie would've liked, but then I remembered that I had wanted to sit here for a bit before heading back home so I figured I'll grab something for her on my way out.
"What size, Miss?" he asked.
"Oh, um, I think medium will be fine." I responded.
"And would that be for here or to go?" he inquired.
I laughed and then said, "For here. I'm so sorry, I should've told you all of that at once."
"No, no, it's not a problem at all. It's still early in the morning, and I completely understand." he smiled sincerely at me and then added, "Well, would you like anything to eat?"
"No thanks, I think I'm good for now." I said and paid.
"Go ahead and take a seat. I'll bring the drink to your table once it's done." he mentioned.
"Thanks," I said as I made my way over to one of the tables by the window. I set my messenger bag down onto the chair across from me before I went over to sit on the other side. I looked to my left and saw a few people walking on the sidewalk, passing each other with greetings as the morning was already on its way. I smiled at how peaceful and lovely it was just sitting here, enjoying the pleasantry the morning had to offer for everyone, myself included. I turned around and looked back over and saw how busy the café has gotten after my arrival. I ran my hand through my hair as I swiveled back to my earlier position in my seat but as I was doing so, I caught a pair of hazel eyes fixated on me.
I let my eyes wander over her dirty blonde tresses and how the wavy lock stopped about three inches past her arms. I continued to stare as I noticed a silky white patterned u-neck blouse that clung loosely to her figure underneath the grey knitted cardigan that hung open. I let my gaze trail down her dark-blue denim skinny jeans clad legs to the brown two lips warrior mid calf leather boots she had on, and then finally let my eyes travel up the length of her body and back to her eyes. She was smiling now, almost looking like she was gratified with the once-over I had just given her. I felt a blush spread across my face as realization set in of what I had just done. I smiled sheepishly her way before turning away from embarrassment. Holy…wow, she was pretty. Who was she? How come I don't recall ever seeing her before?
"You know, it's fairly impolite to stare and not come over and say hello," I looked up to see the same pair of hazel eyes I've noticed earlier staring back at me. My eyes widened a bit and I opened my mouth in an attempt to say something, but nothing ever came out. She laughed, almost melodiously, and carried on, "I was joking, but really, it would've been nice if you had came over and said hi." Wow. She was even more alluring when she smiled.
"Well, hi, I'm Paige." I managed to get out before standing up almost falling over from rising too quickly, but she had reached out her arms in good time to catch me before I fell forward on my face. It felt like we were embracing, but not quite, because my hands were holding onto her shoulders, and I felt her hands holding onto my waist. She smelled of cherry blossom, and I scented a hint of sweetness I couldn't identify, but the floral smell was beginning to make my head spin a bit so I finally decided to step back to gain my balance and composure. "Sorry, I'm usually not…this flat-footed," I confessed. She smiled understandingly before releasing me and taking one step back as well.
"I'm Audra. Audra Reed. It's nice to meet you, Paige…?" she said and arched one of her eyebrows in question.
"McCullers." I finished.
"I was wondering…if this seat was taken?" her eyes gestured to the one across from mine, and I shook my head and bent over to grab my messenger bag to put it in my chair.
"Nope, go ahead and sit…" I said and we both sat down simultaneously. At the same time, the barman had came over and set down our drinks. We thanked him and he left us to ourselves.
"So, what brought you here at this early hour?" she asked and I watched as she ran a hand through her long blonde tresses as a few rays from the sunlight shined through the window and onto her, almost like a spotlight. So… Geez. Could she get any more stunning than this?
"Well…" I said and thought back to the night before and how I woke up this morning, "I couldn't get back to sleep after waking up this morning, so I decided to just come here for a nice cup of coffee." I wasn't…lying. It was pretty much the whole truth without all the awful details that I'd prefer not to reveal, especially to a stranger like her. Why was she even speaking to me? I couldn't help but wonder. "What about you?"
"I have a nine o'clock morning class to get to at Hollis, so I'm here to start off my day with some caffeine." she said and I ponder over how I didn't think of that earlier. So she's a student at Hollis, must be from another town, no wonder I haven't seen her here before.
"Oh, what are you studying there?" I asked, showing interest. Well, I'm definitely curious now after this little meet and greet situation but that didn't stop me from trying to be watchful about how eager I might've put off. I've always been fascinated by meeting new people, let alone a beauty quite like her, and I really didn't want to scare her off, not like that wasn't happening already but I wanted to be sure. I wasn't even certain why I was being careful or concern about how she perceived me. Get your head out of the gutter, Paige.
She gave me a pensive look before going on, "What makes you think that I'm a student there?"
"Uh, well, you're…not?" I asked, slightly confused at the implications of her question. "Wait…that doesn't make sense unless…"
"I teach at Hollis," she said and a grin appeared on her lips.
"Wow! You look…"
"Nothing short of a Hollis professor? …Thanks!" she added and chuckled to herself. I slowly nodded with eyes widen, mouth agape with incredulity. How are her students capable of paying attention in class with her teaching? That is totally unfair. I already felt so sympathetic thinking about how they were dealing with passing the class accompanied by this kind of distraction.
"Well that, and how… I don't mean to sound superficial, but I already feel quite sorry for those kids you're teaching. How are they ever going to manage passing your class?" I smiled and shook my head back and forth, still in disbelief at the newfound information of my new acquaintance.
She looked at me gleamingly and said, "Why thank you, I'll take that as a compliment. You don't look too unrealistic yourself." She bit her lower lip before letting her eyes drift down and back up my form appreciatively. Did she just…? Is she…? Was I seeing things again? Seems like the hangover hasn't gone away yet. I blinked a few times, collecting my thoughts and then spoke to her.
"What class are you teaching at Hollis?" I asked.
"English. I have 9 o'clock morning classes on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays. They're pretty quiet classes I have to say, and mind you, the students are doing fairly well even though it's a fast pace class, owing to the fact that it's a summer course. They understand the materials better than I presumed they would in such a short amount of time. It's a nice transition from nonfiction to fiction literature. I taught at Hollis during the spring semester too, and it was quite frustrating when I was teaching the non-fiction literature course." she had went on.
"So do you commute to Rosewood from somewhere far away, or do you reside in town?" I queried.
"Oh no, I have my own apartment here. I moved from Baltimore, Maryland after I got a job offer at Hollis. I've grown to like this town quite a bit though. It's a sweet little town. What about you? I've never seen you before in the last half a year or so that I've been here, and I'm sure I know most of the people in this town. You must be a newcomer." she looked at me curiously.
"Actually, I was born and raised in this town. I've started college two years ago, so that's where I've been except for holiday breaks when I come back here to visit. I'm sorry, but do you mind me asking how old you are? I'm pretty much prepared to be shocked." I said as a matter of fact and smiled. I don't think I've ever wiped off that goofy grin from the moment she sat down across from me.
"Twenty-four. You do look like a student…and I was really hoping you didn't go to Hollis. So, where are you doing your undergraduate study at?" she questioned.
"U Penn. and I pretty much live in the city when I go to school, and for athletic related reasons too may I add." I answered. She hoped I wasn't attending Hollis? I wondered what she meant by that. "Where did you study at for your undergraduate degree?" I asked.
"U Penn.? Wow, now that's a name I don't hear very often around here with Hollis being the closest college in town. I went to John Hopkins. I did my masters there too, hence the amount of teaching experience I've gotten under my belt at the age of twenty-four. I'd like to think that I'm good at what I do though, that is if you don't mind some vanity coming from me," she joked and giggled after she finished what she was saying.
"No, not at all. On a side note, there are actually three other girls in town that will be attending U Penn. with me for the upcoming fall term, and two of them are individuals I had grown up with too. But back to what you were saying, that is truly impressive. You've definitely made an impression on me ever since you called me out…for checking you out so blatantly earlier." I decided to put forward. I really hope I was picking up on the right vibe, and it may be crazy, but here was the opportunity and why waste it. I stared at her with as much confidence as I can conjure, and finally after a few seconds, I caught sight of her smirk.
Right before she could speak, I saw her eyes looking past me. I looked over my shoulder to see Aria staring our way. I waved at her and she returned the greeting. I turned around to see that Audra was staring from me to Aria and her eyes had finally fallen back on me.
"A friend of yours?" Audra asked dubiously. I smiled and nodded, "Yeah, she's…a friend of a friend. So I guess that makes her my friend as well. Plus, we all grew up together and went our different ways when we all went off to college. She goes to Hollis too by the way."
Audra slowly nodded, processing what I have just said, I believe.
"I think I'm going to go over and say hi," I said and before I stood up to go, she reached over and placed her hand on top of mine, "Wait." I heard her say. She retracted her hand
and began, "How do you feel about having dinner with me tomorrow night?" she asked. I looked at her inquisitively and grinning a little, "You mean…as friends?" I questioned. She chuckled and shook her head, "No…I meant if you'd like to go on a date with me." I tried not to appear so shock, but I must've failed because I saw how worrisome she was becoming and the words escaped me, "I'd love to." She smiled warmly at me before I saw her pull out a piece of paper and began scribbling down what I thought was her name and number, and then handed it to me, "Give me a call tomorrow of when and where you'd like to go. I should be free after three in the afternoon." she said before she stood up with her drink and I watched her go back to sit at her table.
I folded the small piece of paper and tucked it away into the right front pocket of my jeans before I made my way over to the couch where Aria was sitting at. She saw me coming over and smiled at me.
"Hey, you're up early for a summer day." she started.
"About that…why are you here? Isn't it early for you too? I think I recalled how cranky you were back in high school when we had morning classes together." I let out a small laugh as I reminisced on the good old days. "Mind if I sit?"
"Of course not, make yourself comfortable…on this lovely cozy couch that's not mine." she smiled casually.
"I will gladly do so." I smiled and sat on her right side while shifting my body towards her before I continued, "You haven't given me answers yet and I'm still quite curious why you've suddenly become an early bird. Is this a habit now?"
"Oh no, I was just…in the neighborhood." she said and smiled sheepishly. Whatever it was, it appeared she wasn't going to share it with me. That didn't bother me in the slightest bit, because I wasn't as curious as I have put off. I did give her a knowing look that I knew she was hiding something but that I wasn't going to press any further.
"So…who was that girl you were speaking to earlier?" Aria asked as her gaze shifted over to where Audra was sitting.
"Oh, we just met actually. Her name is Audra and she actually teaches at Hollis." I replied.
"Really? You guys looked quite cozy sitting with each other earlier. She looks…" Aria trailed off.
"Stunning? Like she should go modeling instead? Yeah, I sort-of implied that earlier in our conversation but she seemed really humble about it and just brushed it off like it wasn't a factor that she wanted people to take an interest in her," I said as matter of fact.
"Wow, you two must've really gotten to know each other quite well." Aria looked a bit taken aback as she said this.
"Oh no, well at least, not yet… Anyways…I have a question, but I don't know if you'd feel too comfortable answering it." I suddenly proposed out of the blue.
"Shoot." she just went ahead and said.
"Do you know if…she's still upset with me over what happened…back then?" I asked unclearly, but I knew that she'd comprehend what I was saying nonetheless.
Aria looked at me contemplatively before answering, "Honestly? …I think you should ask her that yourself," and I noticed how her gaze had left me and shifted to the entrance of The Brew. I looked over and saw that Hanna and Emily were walking through the door towards us. I looked back at Aria and realization set in of what had just happened and she smiled mercifully. I got played. She knew the entire time and was stalling me until they got here. I snickered out loud and opened my mouth to say something, but I just ended up shaking my head in disbelief. I was so not ready to go through this again, and alone might I add. But too late for that, because I could hear the resounding echo of heels grow louder and abruptly stopped before us. I looked up and was surprised to be met with a pair of warm brown eyes instead of blue. Oh man…how that look always gets me…
I closed my eyes to regain some sort of self-control before willing them to open again, "Good morning," I said to both of the new arrivals. Hanna looked at me in an unusual way as if confused that I was actually talking to her, and Emily looked…happy? What? Well if this wasn't strange, I don't know what was.
"Morning Paige," Emily responded and smiled my way. What?
I looked around to try and seek out if anybody else was as confused as I was. Did she just voluntarily greet me happily…with a smile? Or had I just imagined that like I did with all of my other thoughts the entire morning? Fortunately, I wasn't the only one with a puzzled facial expression, because they were evidently manifested on both Aria and Hanna's as well.
"So can you guys scoot over or do you expect us to stand here all day?" Hanna asked nonchalantly. Before both Aria and I could move to one side of the couch to make room for them, Hanna had decided to plop down right next to Aria, leaving one more spot open to my right. I wondered if that was intentional… Emily didn't seem bothered by it and just walked around to my side and sat down next to me, although there were about two inches between us. I just couldn't believe that this was happening. I had never saw this coming. I felt like my body was going into panic mode and all I wanted to do was flee the scene. I mentally crossed out how this was going to be a good morning, because everything feels all set to slide down the slope. Aria and Hanna were already having their own conversation about something, and I couldn't find it in myself to make out what they were saying, seeing that I was clearly distracted by the girl to my right. Suddenly, both girls had stood up and turned towards us.
"Hey Em, what do you want to drink?" Hanna asked her.
"Medium soy vanilla latte," she said as she reached for her purse but Aria spoke up, "It's okay, I got it." They went over to the coffee bar, and then there were two…
"Look…" I started as I turned towards her and saw her staring at me in a way I thought I'd never see her look at me again. In addition to that, she looked quite a bit concerned too. I blinked frantically trying to make sense of what was happening and composed myself, then continued, "I was talking to Aria earlier…and I asked her a question, but she advised me that it would be a better idea to get the answer from you." Her brow furrowed and she looked at me expectantly, "Go on," she said.
So I continued, "I wanted to know if…" but before I could finish, I was cut off by Audra's arrival. There goes every bit of courage I had left in me to ask the question I've been dying for an answer to in the past two years.
"Hey, you left your bag over there and I wasn't sure if you were coming back to your table, so I thought I'd bring it over to you on my way out." she said while handing me my messenger bag that I left back at the table by the window.
"Thanks, I completely forgot about it when I came over here," I said staring at her and carried on, "You're leaving now?" She nodded and was about to leave after waving goodbye when I reached out and held onto her wrist slightly. "Let me walk you," I said. Her entire face lit up when she smiled, and I suddenly found it so adoring. Oh god, I just feel so…confused right now. Here's the girl I used to date, and on the other hand, here's the girl I'm going on a date with the next day. I was scared and I really didn't know what else to do. How was I supposed to sit there with Emily and not feel terrible about everything? I couldn't face her yet. Not now. So I stood up and tug the strap of the bag over my shoulder before turning to Emily and say, "This is…Audra," I said introducing them, "And Audra, this is Emily."
"It's nice to meet you Emily," she said and Emily nodded.
"Likewise, Audra." she responded curtly.
"I have to go, but I'll save that question for later... I'll see you around?" Emily seems confused but she nodded and by the looks of it, she wasn't going to press any further.
I walked past Hanna and Aria and waved goodbye, then I pulled the front door open for Audra and me. We walked out of the coffee shop, and Audra gestured with her hand to the right that she was heading in that direction. It wasn't the same way that I was heading, but I decided to walk with her anyways.
"Thanks for walking me to my car," she said to break the silence after a minute or so.
I turned her way and smiled, "It's no big deal. So, I was thinking…how does dinner at the Apple Rose Grille at 7:00PM tomorrow night sounds to you? I could pick you up." What are you doing, Paige? Stop playing by the script and go back to Emily. Go sort things out. Go!
She looked away thoughtfully before returning her attention back to me, "That sounds perfect. I'll text you my address after you give me a call."
Before I knew it, we were standing next to her car. "Well, don't enjoy tormenting your students too much, they need a break every once in a while as well," I blathered on. She stared at me in a thoughtful way and leaned in slowly, giving me a light kiss on my right cheek before I felt her breath on my ear whispering, "Don't worry, I won't." I gulped audibly and she stepped back smiling sweetly at me.
Audra had finally got into her car and drove away as I turned around and made my way back home. What had this day come to? What have I done?
It was about nine when I came home to Sammie pestering me about where I've gone and why I had forgotten to grab her something at The Brew too. We spent a good amount of time talking about what I did the night before, this morning when I woke, and what had happened when I went to the café. When I brought up Emily, she seemed surprise that I had almost had a real conversation with her. That was while Sammie and I were sitting at the kitchen island having breakfast that she had just made for the both of us.
"So you just left her sitting there by herself, leaving with this girl that you had barely met? Gee Paige, way to act like nothing had happened between you two." Sammie said before taking a bite out of her French toast.
"The girl's name is Audra for the last time. And no, I didn't just leave her there by herself. Both Aria and Hanna were still present in the café, and I just really lost all the courage I had mustered up when Audra walked over with my bag. I don't know, Sammie…" I tried to find an escape route out of this conversation before saying, "It's just…there's something about Audra that makes me want to believe that nothing had happened, that everything in the past does not matter any more, and I want to give it a try with her, you know?" I said while swirling the orange juice in the mug that I was holding in my right hand.
Sammie rolled her eyes before saying, "Yeah. That's exactly along the lines of what you said to me months ago about Taylor, and Ashley, and Shannon, and Adrianne, and Kristen, and – "
"Okay, okay! Geez you make me sound like I'm such a horrible person." I pouted and put down the cup of orange juice I was holding.
"Hey, you can't blame a girl for being right. Especially if I've been listening to all this nonsense for the past two years." she plainly stated and proceeded, "So stop trying to make yourself believe that nothing had happened and then go act like nothing had happened, because honey, you know what the deal is? I hate to be harsh and break it to you, but I'd really like to make this clear for the last time before I leave: Things have happened between you and Emily, and you need to face the reality of it, accept it, and move on. Especially if she's, like, sitting there right next to you. My god, do you not realize how long you've been anticipating for that moment to come? The opportunity threw itself at you right before your feet, and you just foolishly kicked it aside as if chances like that will come to you every so often. You definitely need a reality check."
I widen my eyes and lifted my eyebrows, "Wow, way to throw all subtlety out the window and go straight for the part that hurts the most…" I mumbled.
"I'm leaving tomorrow, Paige." she sternly said before reaching over and squeezing my left hand with her right, "I'm just really concerned… and then having to leave you here in the midst of all this chaos, I feel like such a horrible friend to you." I saw the way her eyes had saddened and I told her, "I'll be fine. It's just two months and we'll both be back at U Penn. together."
"Why don't you come with me to California?" she asked all of a sudden.
"As much of a great idea that I think it sounds, I believe I'll feel safer here." I said jokingly and laughed.
"Oh, come on! I promise I'll do my best to stop Nial from harassing you. I'll even threaten to –" I stopped her before she could get another word in, because Sammie could get really aggressive and ruthless when it came to threats, "It's okay, Sammie. We all know what you're capable of… I just really think it's better to stay in Rosewood. Like you mentioned earlier, what if I miss out on another chance of reconciling my relationship with Emily? I mean, not in the romantic sense, but…I'd really like for us to be friends again. I honestly wasn't…prepared when the…right set of circumstances crept onto me earlier." And you're right. It's been bothering me for years, and it's time to put an end to all of this grief I've been keeping inside.
Sammie looked like she was absorbing all the words I had just said and finally spoke, "You promise you'll talk to me if something's wrong? I'll be a phone call away." I nodded her way and we went back to our breakfast in silence. I was definitely going to miss having her around in this small town.
After I had dropped Sammie off at the airport and made my way back to Rosewood by noon, I decided to stop by Hollis to see if I could catch Audra and cancel our date tonight in person. I already felt really awful about calling off the date, so the least I could've done for her is let her know face-to-face. The conversation that I had with Sammie yesterday morning had really stuck with me and I felt like it was the best thing to do. As I parked my car in the visitor's parking lot, which limited visitors to only an hour of parking, I looked around to see that the school was bustling with college students. I felt like I caught sight of some familiar faces, and I turned off the engine and stepped out of the car. I slowly made my way to the entrance of the school to see that there was a map. There were various buildings and I really couldn't discern which was the English department, so I decided to look around and spotted a sign that read "Administrative Building" and headed in that direction. I opened the door and walked in, seeing a woman maybe in her fifties typing away at the keyboard. I saunter over to where she was and cleared my throat. She looked up at me and asked, "Can I help you, Miss?"
"Uh, yeah… I was wondering…do you happen to know where the English department is located? I'm looking for a teacher that works in that wing. Her name is Audra Reed?" I asked.
"Let me see…" she said before looking over at the map and a list of names I did not recognize. "Here's a copy of the map of the school," she said as she circled one of the buildings, "and that's where the English department is at. Her office is Room 209 so she should be on the second floor of the building. You just head out of here and take a right and keep going straight until you see a breezeway, go through it and then take a sharp left, and then you'll see that building will be on your right. Just look at the map if you don't remember the directions and you should eventually be able to find your way there."
"Thank you so much, you've been such a great help. Thank you!" I said, trying to show my deepest appreciation for her help. She was surprisingly nice and accommodating.
"No problem, now off you go unless there is anything else I can help you with?" she asked.
"No, thank you, that's it for me. Thank you again, I hope that you have a wonderful day." I said as I began walking away. "You too, dear." I heard her say before I was out the door. I took a right after I was outside and went straight like she had instructed. The sun was out and I guess it's lunchtime because all the students are sitting at various places around school eating and chatting with their friends. It's a nice atmosphere around here during summertime. I never would've known. When I passed through the breezeway between two buildings, I made a left and then saw the sign that read "English Department" right above the entrance into the building on my right. I began walking towards the opening and then walked in. There was a faint hint of cedar wood and I noticed that there were students sitting in the lounge to my right watching another student playing the piano. It almost felt like a familiar tune but I couldn't put a name to it, even so I thought it was a really nice song. The guy that was playing appeared to be really good too…until he started singing and utterly blew me away. The words were so…relatable to how I felt at the moment. It's almost as if that inner voice was singing to me from the inside, telling me how I've been feeling all along. Lost. Wandering. Searching for something. Maybe someone…
"I've been roaming around,
Always looking down at all I see…
Painted faces,
fill the places I can't reach.
You know that I could use somebody…
You know that I could use somebody…
Someone like you,
And all you know,
And how you speak,
Countless lovers under cover…of the street…
You know that I could use somebody…
You know that I could use somebody…
Someone like you…
Oh whoa oh…
Oh whoa oh…
Oh whoa oh…"
Oh sweet baby Jesus, his voice was so melodious and kept me wonderfully enraptured until I heard a voice from behind me, "Paige?" I turned around to see Audra standing there with eyes widened a bit but with a smile on her lips. I smiled and walked towards her and she asked me with an amused look on her face, "What are you doing here? And how did you know where to look for me?"
"I…" I began to look away, trying to find the right words to say, but how could you come up with fair words to say when you're trying to call off a date? I took a breath and I licked my lips unconsciously to moisten them, and look back at her, "I'm sorry but I have to cancel tonight." It didn't take her very long to process what I had just said, and an expression of concern crossed her face, "Why? Is there something wrong?" Oh man, this is much harder than I thought. How do I break it to her that I can't do this to her? To me? It's not fair to either of us. That I may possibly still have feelings for an ex-lover and I'm trying to work things out. Maybe I should just tell her that. Why does this make sense in my head but so hard to say aloud? I leaned my weight back and forth on both my feet trying to find a balance or maybe hoping that the ground beneath me would disappear and I'll fall into a dark abyss from playing such ruthless games with girls that don't deserve these kinds of treatment from me. I honestly didn't realize how much damage I had caused until Sammie confronted me in such a serious manner yesterday morning. It had struck a chord and violently resonated through me, shaking me out of the delusion I have willed myself to live in to escape the bad deeds I've done in the past.
"I thought it over, and I really think it'd be unfair to you if I mislead you into thinking that this could go somewhere. I'm still trying to work things out with an ex and until then, I don't think it'd be fair to you if I agree to go on this date if I have issues I need to resolve first." I finally said. It was a mouthful and wasn't everything I wanted to say, but I had hope I got the main point across.
She looked at me contemplatively, as though trying to make sense of what I was saying or possibly trying to decide what to say. After a long time, she spoke up, "Are you still in love with her?" I don't know why but that question took me by surprise. How was I supposed to answer that? It's complicated was what I wanted to say.
"I don't know… I haven't seen her for more than two years and now that she's showed up again, I feel as though her presence stirs how I feel inside. When we parted, we left things in shambles, and there were a lot of unanswered questions and hurt feelings. I really want her forgiveness and I'm still trying to figure out how to even stand before her and apologize. I've done this whole dating scene for a long time and never really saw how destructive it was for the girls I used to know. I like you, Audra, and I would feel very awful if I did that to you. You don't deserve to be treated that way, especially by someone like me. You're beautiful, and kind, and charismatic, and I'm sure there is someone out there that will be more worthy of your time." I concluded.
"Look Paige… I don't want or need you to tell me what's fair and what's not. I'm really grateful that you could be open about this with me. It's definitely disconcerting for me to know about this person you had a past with because…I really like you. I feel conflicted having to leave things like this, and I know that you don't want to start this with me, but I'm willing to take the chance. I'm willing to go through the trials with you and fix the troubles that you have, because I care for you and when things don't work out I'll be able to live with that, that is if you'll let me. I may come off a bit too strong, but I've already passed up on a lot of opportunities and if I let this one go too, it's just…I don't know if I could live with one more you know? I hope I'm not freaking you out too much."
Wow, I really had no words to say. "I don't know what to say…" I uttered.
"Say yes. Give me a chance. Give us a chance. I know we can't start off with blank slates now that we have come clean about how we feel, but just give the both of us this window of opportunity. A chance at a start of something new. Take a chance with me." she said convincingly. I let my eyes wander anywhere but her, and I noticed that the lounge was empty and so were the hallways in plain sight. This is it. I finally looked back to her and saw how hopeful she was and possibly how afraid she could be if she actually felt all those feelings she had just revealed to me.
"Okay." I finally said and closed my eyes, wondering if it was such a good idea but how could I possibly turn her down after that? Who could possibly reject her? I opened my eyes to see her staring at me, and I felt so blessed that another human being like her could care for me in this way. What have I done to deserve this?
Sammie's going to kill me if she ever finds out, that's the only thing I think I'm sure of as of this moment.
