Well, I am so ashamed that it has been so long since I updated I am not going to offer excuses or reasons, just please know that I have not forgotten nor forsaken all my faithful readers and I will finish my stories! That is a promise! 3 " ) Bensler
What Can it Hurt?
By Bensler
Chapter 9 ~ Rocky
SVU Squad Room – Friday, May 14 – 10:17 a.m.
"What's the word on Crooks?" Captain Cragen asked his detectives.
"Being arraigned at eleven," Fin told him.
"Too bad we don't have enough to hold him. I think he's a flight risk," Elliot added.
"Flight risk?" Cragen frowned. "Why?"
"He's from Canada." Olivia tossed a file folder into the basket on her desk.
Entering the squad room, Dr. Warner said, "You've got enough now to get the judge to hold him. Crooks' DNA and evidence left at the scene of the rape was a match. And not only that but when I ran it, three more hits came up. Two from victims at the middle school he taught at two years ago. And the third one from a student who took private music lessons from him in Connecticut last summer."
All the detectives and Cragen traded glances. He motioned to Olivia and Elliot. "Benson, Stabler, go."
Melinda handed the DNA analysis report to Elliot as they headed out. "Thanks, Doc."
As Olivia drove to the courthouse, Elliot read over the results. "What makes a man do this?" He shook his head, flipping pages as he read the report.
Since their heated exchange the night before they had not talked to each other except about the case. She still wasn't ready to forgive him but figured this was still sort of about the case. "I don't know," she said without looking at him. "What makes anyone do the horrible things we've seen to another human being?"
Elliot let out a big sigh, closed the file folder and tossed it in the backseat. Without bothering to answer, he silently stared out his window.
After several long minutes of quiet, Olivia figured they were back to their not talking mode which was more than fine with her. She really didn't feel like talking at all much less having a conversation about the darkness of their job.
No sooner had she thought this, Elliot asked, "You ever wonder why we keep doing this?"
Her mind went into overdrive. This? This what? This not talking? This anger between them? This insanity that was their partnership? The job? What? If she presumed the wrong thing it would just cause more trouble so she decided to play safe. She glanced over at him but he was still looking out his window. "Doing what?"
From the corner of her eye she saw him shaking his head. He turned to lean against the door and she knew he was looking at her now. "The job."
The sudden jump of her heart brought home the fear she had carried with her for years now. The fear he would one day have enough of her or the job or both and quit the unit if not the force.
At this moment she could not bring herself to look at him. She was so afraid she would see in his eyes that he had reached his limit. Instead, she concentrated on the road in front of her and told him the truth. "Yeah, I do wonder at times."
Elliot took a deep breath and ran his hands over his face. "Ever think about quitting?"
Now her heart was in her throat. She would not be able to bear hearing him say he was leaving. They had talked about this before. Maybe not concretely but in a round-about way. Like the time he told her she could 'walk away', and she told him 'no, I can't'. Not from the job; not from him. Or the time he told her he didn't know why he was doing it anymore; or all the times he had to get out and away from a case before he completely lost it. Or after Gitano when he told her she and the job were all he had and he couldn't take it if he messed up either. Then she had left the unit. Not once but twice. And it had done no good whatsoever. There was simply something between them too strong to be severed. And she had no choice but to come back.
Hoping that being truthful would soften how he was feeling, her voice was a low whisper, "Nearly every day."
She felt his gaze boring into her and when she pulled into a parking space near the courthouse, she found the courage to look at him. In his eyes she saw what she knew hers mirrored. Yes, this was an extremely difficult job. Sometimes it took all she had physically, but always everything mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and then some. More times than not it left her empty and questioning everything she thought was truth and everyone she thought she trusted. Still, it was in her blood. It was the beat of her heart. And there was no way she could walk away from this job. Or her partner. Thank God, she saw in his eyes the same.
Elliot nodded. "Me, too."
A wave of relief swept over Olivia and though she was able to breathe a little easier, she wanted to hear him say he would not leave. "Would you ever…do you think you could ever…" The word seemed to stick in her throat and her voice trailed off.
"Quit?" Elliot finished for her.
Nodding was the only way she could answer him.
"There's only one reason I could ever see myself leaving the squad, but that reason will probably never happen." Giving her a smile that seemed tinged with sadness, he added, "So face it, Benson…you're stuck with me." He grabbed the file from the backseat, opened his door and started toward the courthouse before she could respond to his last remark.
Olivia quickly grabbed the keys from the ignition, locked the car and followed Elliot, all the while contemplating just what could possibly ever make him leave SVU.
The rest of the day was routine – if one could call two rapes, an elderly man shoved down a stairwell by his son, and mother locking her eleven year old in the trunk of her car because she talked back, routine. Munch and Fin were out on the second rape call when Cragen handed Olivia and Elliot a slip of paper with the address for the kid in the trunk.
It was nearly eight o'clock by the time the mother had been arrested and the girl taken by ACS with the promise of placing her with an aunt and uncle in New Jersey.
Olivia was worn out and ready for a hot shower and her bed. She halfway thought she might just skip the shower and fall into bed fully clothed. As she buckled her seat belt she asked Elliot, "Hey, drop me at the corner of my street, all right?"
"Thought you drove in today?" Elliot frowned as he looked at her.
"I did. But it'll take another forty-five minutes to get back to the precinct then drive home and I'm tired. I just want to go home. Besides, it's on the way. So, just drop me, okay?"
"Too tired for a quick dinner? I'm starving," he asked.
Olivia looked at him and he smiled before turning his attention back to the road. The way they were with one another was going to drive her completely nuts someday. They'd had the fight last night, never discussed it, never traded apologies, and here he was asking her to eat dinner with him as if nothing was amiss between them. She couldn't help the smirk that played at the corner of her mouth. Though she knew this was Elliot's way of apologizing and trying to make amends, she really was tired and not in the mood to deal with him. With her being so exhausted one of them would say or do something that would set the other off and they'd be right back at square one.
"Thanks for the invite, but I'm gonna pass."
Elliot nodded and turned toward her neighborhood. "Well, you're not walking. I'm taking you to your building."
"Elliot…"
"No arguing. We did enough of that last night."
The looks they traded said more than any words could, but Elliot quickly apologized. "And I'm sorry for all that…last night. I was…uh…out of line." He smoothly pulled the car into a space right in front of her building.
Olivia smiled in spite of her annoyance at him for bringing up last night. "Yeah. You were." She opened the car door and stepped out. "Thanks for the ride."
Elliot watched her walk up the stoop and key into the building. He was still watching as she turned just before the door closed and smiled again.
Benson Residence – Friday, May 14 – 7:52 p.m.
Olivia shrugged out of her jacket and hung it up; took off her holster and badge and placed them on the kitchen counter. As she walked toward her bedroom, she peeled her clothes off dropping them along the way. Grabbing an oversized tee shirt and a pair of shorts, she slipped into them.
She had just tossed half of a moldy leftover pizza when she heard a knock at her door. Had to be Elliot. It was rare for anyone but her partner to show up unannounced.
"Come on, Elliot. I told you I was too tired to go out for dinner," she said as she opened the door and came to face to face with a set of blue eyes.
But not the ones she had been expecting.
"Sorry, but I'm not Elliot. Do you guys have plans?" Kyle stood with his hands in his pockets, smiling.
Startled that it was not Elliot, it took a few seconds to find her voice. "Kyle, hey. No plans. He wanted to go eat…I'm tired but I thought you were him…I mean, we just finished a case and Elliot dropped me off not five minutes ago."
"I see."
"What are you doing here?"
"I need to talk to you." His tone turned serious.
Olivia eyed him warily. "Hmmm…sounds serious."
Kyle's gaze dropped away. "May I come in?"
She pulled the door open and went to stand in the kitchen. Kyle closed the door and took a few steps toward her. They stared at one another – he, not sure how to start; she, determined to wait until he ready to have his say.
"Liv…I really don't know how to say this…"
"Kyle, we're not kids. Just say whatever it is you need to say."
His nervousness was making Olivia fidgety and she didn't like it. Years of dating told her she was about to get dumped. Though she was usually the dumpor she had been the dumpee enough to know it when she saw it coming.
"Okay…I've really enjoyed spending time with you, getting to know the woman behind the badge…"
"But?" Olivia interrupted.
"This is really hard for me, Liv, because I really do like you." He ran a hand over his head and sighed.
"But?"
"But, my ex-fiancé, Abby – I told you about her. She's coming through town this weekend and wants to see me. Wants to know if I'd give her a second chance…and I…I don't know…"
"You still love her?" Olivia asked softly.
Kyle looked up at her and she knew he did before he answered. Nodding, he told her, "Very much."
Olivia was surprised that she really was not upset by his admission or the fact that she was being dumped. "Then you owe it to her – and yourself - to give her that second chance, Kyle."
"I know…I just…I really like you, Olivia."
"But you love Abby. Guess that means the ballgame is off, huh?" Olivia smiled at him.
"I'm sorry, Liv, really I am."
"No need to apologize. All's fair in love and war, remember?" she teased.
"Thanks for being so understanding."
"Well, just so you know…I'm usually the one doing the dumping."
He laughed at that statement. "That's because anyone would be crazy not to want to be with you, Olivia. You're wonderful woman, not to mention gorgeous."
"So that makes you crazy or Abby drop-dead gorgeous or both."
They smiled at one another and Kyle took a step closer to pull her into a hug and whispered in her ear, "Just remember, chances can be for anybody special in our lives – not just exes. Besides, what can it hurt to give someone a chance, right?" He kissed her cheek and was out the door before she could begin to process what he said.
After Kyle was gone, Olivia could not quit thinking about what he said and pondering what he meant. It seemed to hold some cryptic meaning she could not quite grasp. She had showered, made some tea, put a load of laundry on and was still lost in thought over his words when her phone rang.
"Hey, Alex."
"Hey. What are you doing?"
"Nothing."
"Friday night and you're doing nothing? Want to meet me somewhere for a late dinner? I just finished going over half the Lindstrom testimony for Monday's trial."
"Sorry, but I'm already dressed for bed and I turned Elliot down earlier for dinner. I'm really tired."
"And you've got a big day tomorrow so I completely understand."
Olivia snorted at that then told Alex what had transpired between her and Kyle. "So, you want to go to the game? I hate to waste the tickets."
"Well, I'd love to, but I'm going to be at the office all weekend to finish prepping for the trial. What about Elliot?"
"What about Elliot?" Olivia asked, certain that Alex was not suggesting what she thought she was.
"He loves baseball. Ask him to go with you," Alex prodded.
Laughing at the mere thought, Olivia said, "Right. Are you crazy? He and I are either not speaking or we're yelling at each other. Don't think so. Maybe I'll just give them to the college kids across the hall."
"Well, have you ever considered exactly why it is you guys do fight so often? Anyway, it was just a suggestion and I don't see how going to a ballgame together could be all that bad." Alex subtly pushed the idea.
"And I thought you knew us so well," Olivia countered.
Alex chuckled. "Well, I think you're just scared of what might happen between the two of you."
"Scared? Of Elliot? Me? I think your brain is fried from all that paperwork."
"Whatever. I'm starving so I'm gonna pick up a sandwich or something. Call me sometime this weekend and let me know what you decided."
"All right. Good night."
For another hour, Olivia played the conversations with Kyle and Alex over and over in her head. What did Kyle mean 'anyone special'? Was he talking about Elliot? He had told her he thought she and Elliot had been together. And what did Alex mean about 'why they fought so much? Her brain was hovering near insanity. Afraid? Of Elliot? She was practically the only one who was not afraid of him; the only one who could calm him down when he went ballistic. That is, unless, she was the reason for his rage.
As rocky as their relationship was at times, she could never stay mad at him. Nor he at her. They always came back to the other. That had to mean something. And honestly, there was no one she would rather spend time with and she really did want to go to the game. And he was single now and Elliot did love baseball. Finally, she muttered to herself, 'What can it hurt?' and picked up her cell phone then hit #1.
For some reason, her hands were sweaty and her stomach was doing flips as she wondered what was wrong with her? It was only Elliot. Just Elliot. Still, her apprehension was so intense she almost hung up before he answered. If she hadn't known he would simply call her back when he saw the missed call, she would have done just that.
Elliot didn't bother with greetings or niceties. "Thought you'd be sound asleep by now."
"Me, too," she admitted.
"What's up?" The sudden concern in his voice was unmistakable.
"Um…I…Kyle can't go tomorrow…to the game…and I was wondering…I thought…well, do you want to go?" she stammered and stuttered.
Caught off guard, Elliot tried to cover his involuntary sharp intake of breath with a cough. "That depends."
"On what?"
"Why can't Kyle go?"
"He just can't." She did not want to tell Elliot the truth. Not right now.
"Gotta be a reason."
Sighing, Olivia's voice was quiet when she answered. "Well, an old friend is coming into town tomorrow and wants to see him."
"Friend?"
"Okay, Elliot. His ex-fiance, okay? And she wants to get back with him and he's going to give her another chance and I got dumped. That a good enough reason for you?"
Elliot cleared his throat but didn't say anything. The silence went on for so long, she feared he was gloating over the fact that yet another of her relationships had met its demise. She would not be able to handle his jokes about it. Olivia decided to end the call. "Look, forget I asked…"
"Are you asking me 'cause you're on the rebound?" His tone was quiet, serious.
"What? No! I just don't want to waste the tickets and I know you like baseball and…never mind. I knew this was a bad idea."
"I'll go."
"What?"
"I said I'll go. What time do you want me to pick you up?"
"Are…are you sure?"
"Liv, what time?"
"Game's at 1:00…"
"I'll be there at 10:00."
"Isn't that a little early?"
"Nah…it'll give us a jump on traffic and all, okay?"
"Okay."
"So…it's a date. See you in the morning."
Date? It's a date? Her mind went blank. "Yeah…in the morning."
She stared at the phone in her hand. She could not believe she asked him to go to the game. Even more she really could not believe he agreed to go. He was picking her up in the morning. She had a date with Elliot Stabler tomorrow. His words, not hers. What should she wear? What would they talk about? She would make a concerted effort not argue with him. Her stomach was hurting now and her hands shook. All because she had a date. With Elliot.
~ ~ ~ eoeoeoeoeo ~ ~ ~
