Chapter Nine:
Darkest Night
I pulled the blanket around my body tighter, cotton candy lingered on the fabric. Burying my face into the stuffed teddy bear I breathed in the sweet smell. Tears stung my eyes, but I refused to allow them to fall. When I opened my eyes again, all I felt was a deep underlying hatred for Stu. I squeezed the bear tighter than before. The anger replaced my tears and my heart started racing. I couldn't help but think of all the things I was going to do to him…I was trembling, trembling with fear and anger. I couldn't believe what had happened with my mom…she was lying in that bed, when it was supposed to be me.
Why did you have to be hurt? Why couldn't have been me?
This time the tears came, and they fell. My eyes were hurting, my nose was red. All I did was burry my face into my stuffed animal that I knew daddy gave me, to help me feel better. I didn't want to feel better. I wanted to get even, I wanted to kill him I wanted to kill Stu for what he did.
What happened to mommy won't go unpunished.
A warm hand touched the back of my head. I lifted my face and I felt a small smile play across my lips. Daddy's cold blue eyes shone with unshed tears. I saw the hatred within them, just like he saw it within mine.
"Dad…" I whispered.
He sat down next to me, pulling me into his embrace. I had never wanted to be held as much as I did now. I felt empty. Numb and perhaps even a little hollow. But his embrace brought the anger back, worse than before. The bear dropped to the floor as I held onto him, my head on his shoulder, I whispered within my father's ear.
"Teach me how to kill dad."
He remained silent as he held me, I held onto him as if my life depended on it.
"Why?" He asked, his hand rubbing my back.
"So, I can kill him, for what he did to our family. To mom." His hand stalled at the back of my head. He held me there for a moment longer before he pulled me away from him. I stared into his cold expressionless eyes, his hair had a soft red tint to it. His face a pale white while his lips had turned to an off grey with a tint of pink. I've taken note of his clothing fading to different colors. I wanted to ask him about it but he looked just as confused as I did, about everything.
"Have you had a chance to see your mother?" He asked me. I shook my head slowly.
"They've called Child Protective Services, told me that they would be here shortly." I casted a low look to the ground.
"They're going to take me away from mom and you." His grip on my shoulders grew tight, worried.
"No, they won't. I won't allow them to take you away from me…just like I won't allow your mother to leave us." The sudden joy that spread through my body shocked me. I looked at him, at his face and I felt a sudden burst of love, of passion I had never felt before. I wrapped my arms around his neck and I hugged him as tight as I could.
"You should go see your mom." He whispered into my ear.
"She's worse for wear, but I promise it'll help in her recovery." I nodded against his shoulder. I was tired, I wanted to sleep…but I had other things that needed to be handled. Dad stood holding me in his strong arms. He opened mom's door, and I didn't like the smell that stayed in the sterile air. It was like a mixture of blood and dirt with a chemical cleaning solution in it. Jack lowered me to the floor, I turned to look at mom and my throat went tight. She laid there, tubes and everything else was hooked up to her. The heart machine beeped, her chest rose and fell with help. I was shaking my head, I didn't understand what was going on.
"Dad, why isn't she awake?" I asked him. He stood there gently pushing me forward.
"It's scaring me…" I whispered. I looked back at him, his face was grim mouth set into a frown. He crossed his arms. When I turned to look back to my mom. I wanted to shake her to wake her up. Her beautiful face was wrapped up in a bandage. Her left eye and ear covered with cotton. Her arm was up in a sling, her ankle was too. I walked up to the bed she laid out on, I gently touched her side.
"Mom?" My voice fell flat. She didn't move.
"Dad…why isn't mom moving?" I turned to look at him. His eyes were glistening.
"Because she's sleeping." He replied. When I looked back to her, I shook my head slowly. A choked sob came from my chest.
"Dad…she's not breathing on her own is she…?" I asked. Jack let out a slow sigh.
"No, she's not. The machine is helping her." He walked up to me, his hand gently touching my shoulder.
"Mom…?" I croaked. She didn't move.
"Mommy…?" I went to her, I touched her arm softly. The cat stuffy underneath her was clutched in her hand.
"Mommy…? Please give me something to let me know, you can hear me…" Her finger lightly twitched. Her eyes rolled and the side of her cheek twitched. She went still, I whimpered.
"Mommy…please fight…please, Jack and I need you with us." Taking her hand into mine giving a light squeeze. The lighting arced across the sky, rain slapped against the window pane.
"I'll kill him mom. I promise Stu won't live another day." Her body went limp, her breathing mechanical. My eyes watered over, shoulders trembled. I wanted to wrap my hands around Stu's neck and choke the last breath out of him.
I'll kill him, I'll kill him with my own two hands.
…
Calen's body trembled when he saw Faylen laying there. She made some movements of recognition. Nothing more. I touched his shoulder, Calen turned around and buried his face deep into my stomach. I heard his cries, the pain in his voice as he spoke to his practically brain-dead mother. I overheard the doctors talking about her, how the blow cracked her skull, and fractured her eye socket. Chances are, she would've been blinded by the blow. Broken wrist, sprained ankle and bleeding within her brain. The medication she was on kept her sedated. Holding Calen close to my body, his trembling finally ceased; his sobbing became soft coughing. Snot laid against my clothing and I didn't care.
I'm not going to allow those people to take him away from me…I must take him somewhere, where he would be safe.
Sighing I pulled him away.
"Calen? Calen listen to me." His face lifted to me, green eyes rimmed red and swollen. His bottom lip still trembled.
Zalgo…this child has been through so much…
Squaring my shoulders, I gently rubbed his cheeks.
"Tell me where the last place you saw Stu at." He started to slowly shake his head.
"In the woods behind the mansion." I took a deep breath in.
He could be anywhere by now…I gave Calen another look.
"Do you remember how you got there?" I asked again. He shook his head no again.
"No, I just followed mom's cries and I found them. It was near a river, I know that much." It wasn't much but it was something…
Alright…time to play this right.
"Alright, keep my box close to you Calen. You need to stay here, wait for those people. And when you need me, you know what to do." Calen's eyes widened and filled with worry.
"But I don't want to be taken away from you or mommy!" He cried out. I gave him a gentle squeeze on the shoulder.
"I'll come for you, I promise." I gave him the best smile I could, the look on his face made me smile more.
"Why are your teeth back to normal?" He asked me.
"You know Calen, I'm not too sure…but I like it." When I pulled away he held my hand tighter than before.
"Please come back, for me and mom…" His eyes…his beautiful green eyes that looked like Faylen's made my heart shudder.
"I promise gummy bear. I won't ever leave you two." I pulled away. I had a deep feeling, something was wrong, and already the forces were working against me. But with his eyes against my back, I had to have some hope left.
…
I rocked back and forth on the bed. I used the little bit of money I had left to grab a room. Even then my sanity kept leaking. I wanted to find Calen, I wanted to kill him. Finish off what I had started. This has gotten too out of hand. Too many people knew what I had done. Myu was still alive, Faylen was in the hospital.
I don't know if she's going to make it, or if she's going to stay brain dead. I hit her damn hard. Then there's that clown…that creepy fucking clown. Was that the 'Jack' that Faylen had been seeing for the last few weeks?
I laid back on the bed, naked and shaking. My shoulder kept throbbing. It hurt, the boy was a shit shot though. It had missed my shoulder completely and just grazed my skin. I rubbed my sore shoulder. It hurt like hell; don't get me wrong I swore I saw my life flash before my eyes. Just in those few moments I believed I was going to die.
That was until I woke back up, and I was here. In this hotel room, with thoughts racing through my head…I could see everything with Myu, my children…
I killed them. I killed my own children. They're all dead, and I'm here…on the run, thinking about the next move. Who should I go after next? The child? Myu and the new baby? Or finish off Faylen? Either way…I must do something, and something before they decide to come after me. I sat back up on the bed, head throbbing. My temples pounding with my heart.
It could be all the heroin I shot up. My chest hurts…
I pushed myself off the bed, getting up and walking to the bathroom. I needed a shower, I stunk…
What are you thinking about doing Stu? I thought you wanted to be just like me, family wipe outs are nothing. Go for something fresher, something more…tasteful.
Brows knitting together, I was slightly confused.
Tasteful? What are you talking about Gacy? I asked, I rubbed my face. Blood flaked off and fell onto the white carpet. Red rubies crystalizing on the snow-white fabric. My vision blurred.
The clown, kill the clown. If you do that, you'll take down the family roots. Did you forget about that?! The anger within John's voice made me flinch. I felt like I had failed my mentor.
I'm sorry! I didn't mean to disappoint you! Please forgive me…My palms covered my face, I cried.
"I didn't mean to fail you." When I lifted my face, I saw the reflection of myself. I looked disgusting.
First thing's first, you need to clean yourself up. Take a shower, fresh clothes and find the boy. The boy is the key to the clown. Faylen, we don't have to worry about any time soon. She's out like a light. I nodded. I nodded to my mentor. He was right, all I needed was to listen to him, calmly and to think it out. It wasn't serious…none of this was serious. I just needed to get my brain back in the game.
You shouldn't have shot up when you did. It made your homicides that much bloodier. Messy. Disgusting. I winced again. I hated hearing him scream at me for my mistakes.
I'm sorry I didn't mean to be such a failure…I've tried, I've tried so hard to gain your acceptance. I leaned forward, the tears were coming I felt the choking sensation within my throat. My eyes burnt beyond belief.
I've never accepted you, you've been a failure since the first time I saw you. I had high hopes that you wouldn't screw up my reputation and you did. Now look at you, covered in blood, sitting on a hotel bed. Taking a DNA bath. What are you going to do now? Burn the entire place down?! John was screaming in my head. I wanted to scream back. It wasn't my fault…
It's not my fault John. I swear to god, it wasn't my fault. I wasn't expecting to fall in love with Myu and had children. I wasn't expecting any of this to happen…and then that girl. That damned girl came into our lives. Faylen…her and her child. What was I to do? I was trapped, and I wanted her. I wanted her so bad…I lifted my face, getting on my feet I shuffled to the bathroom.
What were you going to do? Stu, you are a fucking moron, you should've ran when you had a chance. Serial killers are all about strategy. Not this, kill when you can kill bull! I had so much more hope in you…I had prayed that you would've done better…I'm so disappointed in you…
I went into the bathroom, turning the water on as hot as I could make it. When I stepped in the water scorched my skin. I cried out, feeling the sudden rush of adrenalin shoot through me. Eyes opened wide I allowed the water to run over my skin, shivering at the sudden rush. I turned, water hitting my face. I sighed.
I'll make things better John, I promise. Placing my head against the cool wall. My temples throbbed harder than before. I didn't want anything more than to make John happy, to show him that I could be the perfect copycat killer.
"I was wrong, I was wrong about everything…" hatred, real hatred filled my chest. There was only one thing to do, the only thing I could think of doing.
"Calen, here I come."
…
Floating…I was floating into the abyss of darkness. I was deaf, blind, and mute. No matter how hard I tried to maneuver through it, I would end up nowhere. I wanted my son, I wanted Calen, and I wanted him now. The fear I felt was unreal. My head ached, and I hated the smell that surrounded me. I didn't know what was going on around me. At one point, I heard Calen talking to Jack…then he was talking to me. That…that was it. That was all I could remember.
Where was I anyway?
I don't know where I am…or why I can't move…I don't…I don't get it.
I tried moving my mouth, something was blocking my mouth.
Am I dead?
That question sent me spiral further into the darkness, floating there, as if I was treading water. So, what if I was?
Wouldn't Jack take care of Calen? He loves him…why wouldn't he?
Someone was squeezing my hand, the murky darkness moved from my face. I could see the outline of light…then it was gone. Freedom was gone…seeing my son, and my lover's face. Was gone.
Why can't I wake up?! Please! Please wake up Faylen! Your son needs you, your lover needs you!
The screaming in my brain did nothing. Choking, I was choking…the darkness pulled me back under.
"Hello little boy…" A voice.
A singular voice I've heard before.
"Oh, lookie here. It seems mommy knows my voice." It wasn't fair! I couldn't even protect my own child!
Come on body! Fucking move! I shouted into the darkness, my body refused to move.
"Come here Calen." He was growing near, I wanted to scream in the world, I wanted to grab Calen and run, I couldn't…I couldn't…
"Mommy!" Calen screamed at the top of his lungs…
Glass.
I heard the shattering of glass…
Jack…please find him before it's too late…I prayed. Deep within my heart I prayed that he would come to the rescue like he always did. Calen wouldn't live without Jack…nor me.
Come on…come on…just open your eyes…
Cool wind brushed across my face I could smell the scent of fresh rain and the scent of pine. Within the swirling night air there was just a hint of bloody cotton candy.
…
He was on the move, he had Calen, I wouldn't have allowed him to carry too far away from me. Calen's scream sent a chill down my spine. The moment I walked through the door, I saw the glass shards spread over the tiled floor. Faylen was moaning, trying to wake up from the medically induced coma. The moment Calen disappeared through the glass window, all I saw was a man, naked and laughing. I walked over the shards of glass, to the window. The lightening danced through the stormy night, the wind blew across my face. I stared down into the inky blackness of the world underneath me. How Stu managed to grab Calen and leave, was beyond me. Her eyes were watching me, I knew they were. When I turned to look at her hospital bed. Faylen's one good eye was open, and she was watching me. Tears fell down her cheek, she knew what had happened to Calen. As if on que her hospital door swung wide open. They couldn't see me. The doctors nor the nurses. I wouldn't allow them. Not yet at least.
I had to get my son back. For Faylen, and myself.
Nurses and Doctors surrounded Faylen in wonderment, how she had broken through the coma without them bringing her out. The questions, and she refused to answer. She only looked at me, and I looked at her.
"I'll bring him back toots, I promise." Purple smoke filled the room, nurses were screaming. Alarms were blaring.
Frigid rain embraced my form, lightening danced across the skies illuminating the tree tops. I watched the ground underneath me had become slick from the pouring rain. Hair clung to my cheeks and face. I kept walking ahead of me, boots becoming covered in mud. Through the silence that surrounded me within the dense forestry, the rain fell with such ease covering me, my clothing and all that was around me. My heart became regular, my breathing slow. With the flash of lightening, thunder followed. Wind kissed the trees making a softer rustling. As I opened my mouth clouds of white followed. I shivered with the kisses of wind. Nothing else was making a sound, I could hear nothing other than the rain; no matter how hard I strained my ears…I couldn't make out a sound.
With my eyes closed, trying hard as I might…just the wind sung through the trees. I kept moving forward; the night sky opened, rain came down in sheets, with the wind blowing it felt as if shards of glass were piercing my skin.
"Calen!" I screamed.
My voice was carried in the wind, taken away, shoved somewhere else. My hands grew cold, my body grew cold. The wind whipped harder than before, I closed my eyes at the sudden stinging sensation shooting across my body.
The impact that hit my chest knocked the wind out of me; collapsing to the ground I started to cough.
"Finally, I find you, you fucking clown!" Venom leaked from every syllable. Holding my chest, I lifted my head, rain water had blinded my sight.
"You look a bit different clown. Losing some of your nerve?" He was walking around me, sizing me up. Whatever he struck me with, hurt like a mother trucker…as the lightening stuck I saw that cold, crazy smirk. I grasped my chest getting to my feet.
Another hard blow, this time it was across my face. I fell forward into the mud, my jaw ached. Worse than my chest.
"Where's Calen your sick fuck?" I snapped, the man's sick grin grew wide.
"Oh? That little brat, he's been…disposed of." He walked around me again, stopping before me. He raised a black mass above his head.
I reacted.
Springing to action I tackled him, he smelt of fresh blood and earth. The moment he fell on the ground I went for his face. My blades for fingers raking across his cheek. He brought his knee up getting me right in my groin. Spots filled my vision and I grunted. I still held onto him, forcing him to stay where he was.
"Tell me where he is!" I screamed, Stu started cackling, cackling worse than I ever could.
"He's dead ol' Jackie boy!" He screamed back.
"He's gone. Poof. A ghostigoo!" He kept going on and on and on. I drowned him out with the sweet, soothing sounds of rolling thunder, and cascading rain.
The rain hid tears of hatred.
The rain hid tears of sorrow.
The rain hid tears of loss…
The rain hid tears of failure.
"You lair!" I screamed, lightening arced across the sky. I got right into his face, I saw the insanity within those dilated pupils.
"I don't lie. He's buried deep. Deep within the forest. You'll never, ever find his body." He cackled, eyes rolling around his head. I grasped his hair pulling as hard as I could, I pushed him back down. Beating his head against the ground.
"Tell me." I did it again.
He laughed.
"Tell me." Smash.
He laughed louder.
"God damn it, tell me where my son is!" I hollered. My throat started to become raw, shouting over the sheets of rain. Finally, I cracked his skull open the warmth of his blood flowing into the palm of my hand made me groan.
"Give. Me. My. Child…" My breathing was heavy, while Stu still giggled.
"Your child? You're not that child's father. You never will be. She's a whore, she always will be. Flaunting her fat ass in that little outfit, that my wife so happily gave her." He was lifting his head, I got off him. The anger pulsated through my body. Stu, reached over to his right side pulling a mud covered Laughing Jack in the Box. My eyes widened, and I felt a smile play across my lips.
Finally, something going my way…I watched him look it over.
"I never understood why Calen carried this ugly ass thing around…" He took hold of the handle, he slowly moved it. He went faster, faster, till-
I grabbed him as the box popped open, wrapping the ribbons around his upper body, I pulled him through the box with me. Deeper, and deeper down the rabbit hole we went. His screams made me happy, no... much more than happy. They made me ecstatic. Finally, he was going into my world.
The skies were a bit lighter yet it stilled rained. I landed upon my feet, while I watched him fall on to the ground his body bounced twice off the asphalt. I watched as he landed right at my feet. Crossing my arms, I looked down at him with a big grin. Stu groaned he kept his head against the wet asphalt, leaning over him, my giggle turned into a small laugh.
"Welcome to my little hell Stu!" Opening my arms, I pointed around the dark carnival. Stu lifted his head his eyes widened staring at me. I felt the fear radiating off him.
"This is my home!" Standing, I walked around him. Placing my foot in between his shoulder blades, I gave a little push.
"Where. Is. My. Son?" Placing a little more pressure he screamed.
"Where's my son?!" I screeched.
Shadows shifted, little bodies began to crawl from the corners of my home. Stu kept looking back and forth. My children started reaching out to him, mumbling incoherently.
"A…ah…" He mumbled. He was trying desperately to crawl away from him, my smile turned into a frown.
"Oh no, this just won't do…Children! Daddy needs you to take this gentlemen to the tent." Stu's head turned the look of terror within his eyes showed, he did fear me.
"You're such a tiny little man…taking my job away from me." Lifting my foot off his back, Stu attempted to crawl away, small hands grasped his shirt forcing him back down to the asphalt.
"Make sure he feels every little thing children. I want him to know who's the real devil." I cracked another smile, watching my children of the damned drag Stu into the darkness, of my home. My tent.
"If you do this, I won't tell you where Calen is!"
I gave Stu a look, anger flooded my veins.
"You're going to tell me where he is, one way or another. Whether it be by force, or just by telling me." I followed close behind cackling. Stu's face froze.
"You're going to kill me either way, aren't you?" He whispered, taking a deep breath, I smiled.
"You'll only die, if I allow you too. That could mean many things…but I'll get the answer I wish just by merely showing you, what I can do." The children opened the flaps of the tent, yanking Stu with them. No matter how much he fussed, kicked, or screamed they held on tight to him. I lifted my chin in pride. I knew this was going to be difficult. I planned for it. Following behind the children, I watched them put him up on the chair, tying him down.
"Make sure he's down nice and tight. I don't want him trying to rip his skin apart." The children nodded.
Cracking my neck, I watched him squirm. My eyes landed on his face, he looked me over.
"No wonder she fucked a clown. You're just as crazy as she is." He started to crack a grin.
"Her son's a little psycho. You know, that right? The shit he said about you, I never believed till I found that box. I snatched it right from his little hands." Stu ran his tongue over his teeth hissing.
"I loved watching him squirm as I wrapped my fingers around his little throat and pushed. I pushed just enough to watch his face turn blue, and his lips turn white…the way their eyes look when you're strangling them…mm…" He moaned, rolling his head side to side.
"They look like grapes you're about to pop." Stu's face contorted in pleasure.
"His screams Jackie Boy…they made me jizz my pants." Stu looked at me, his lips dried and cracked he gave a bright smile.
"How was it?" He asked, I snapped my fingers.
"Children, I need my toys." I turned away from him, I didn't wish to hear his mouth any longer.
"How was fucking Faylen? Was she as tight as she looks? Hmmm?" He groaned, I felt a chill shoot through my spine.
"I've always wanted to feel her myself y'know? Slit her throat, ear to ear and fuck her skull." He started to laugh.
"Do you know, how good it'll feel? Just slam your cock deep inside her jaw? I've done it once to one of my students- "
I turned around.
"Would you shut the fuck up?! I kill children for a living, and you make me sick! How dare you speak like that about women?" I watched him blink a few times before laughing.
"Am I getting under your skin talking about your little pet like that?" he wiggled within the chair.
"Is this really all you have to offer? You're supposed to be an insane clown. I'm so scared." He was mocking me. He was fucking mocking me…
You sick mother fucker…
The children pushed a cart to the center of the tent. Staring directly into Stu's eyes, he leaned back in the chair as if bored.
"Entertain me clown." His eyes watched me carefully.
"I'll be honored…John Wayne Gacy wannabe."
His eyes narrowed, the side of his mouth ticked.
Hit a nerve. Good.
I started to cackle, louder looking at all my beautiful toys. The light hit my instruments just right making a soft glittering. My eyes watered at just how beautiful they were, I took a moment to enjoy them.
"Which one…which one…which one…" I stopped at a small, dull, serrated knife. Once I looked to Stu, a small glimmer of hesitation flashed in his eyes.
"Last chance wannabe…where's my son?" I tossed the knife up and down, catching it every time. Stu lifted his chin in a challenge. I gave a shrug.
My hand wrapped around his jaw, forcing his head to the side, I brought the knife down to his chest running it over.
And over.
And over.
The blade ripped into his skin, pulling and tearing at his flesh. His screams filled my ears as I laughed at his misery.
"Hurts, doesn't it?" I pushed harder, digging deeper. I watched Stu grind his teeth together.
"Gonna have to do better than that clown." His eyes were telling a different story. Pain radiated from his brown hues. A little more, just a little harder of a push…
Come on mother fucker, tell me where my child is.
Running the blade down to his stomach, I forced him to look right at me. I stared into his eyes, I leaned heavier into it. He grunted.
"I can do this all day." I pushed heavier, there were tears within his eyes.
"Well, Calen doesn't have all day…does he?" Stu's voice was fading in and out, he was starting to go into shock.
…
I was freezing, the rain kept pummeling me the wind was so bad I thought it would lift my small body up and chuck me like trash. I had to stay on the stool, if I moved at all I would slip and fall. The necklace around my throat was too tight…when I heard Jack shout out my name I couldn't say anything. The wood on the stool started to get wetter as moments passed. I couldn't control the trembling anymore. It was getting harder to breathe. I was blinded by the rain, I stared out into the deepest pits of hell.
"I can't do this anymore…I'm so tired…" Tears warmed my cheeks, I started to lean forward. My knees were just about to give out, the stool underneath me wobbled. I brought my face back up, staring into the darkness.
"Please, someone find me...I want to give up so bad." I couldn't move my hands, they were bound at the wrists behind my back, my fingers felt numb. The necklace was too tight I could almost feel my eyes start to bug out.
Dad…mom…please, just someone come and find me. I don't know how much longer I can stand up on this thing…
From my tip toes, I tried laying my feet down flat. Each time the stool wobbled a bit more to the side and the necklace got tighter. My calves were screaming, my legs grew fatigued. I kept watching the lightening arc across the black skies. The only way I could see out of this…the only way I can escape…
Would be to die…could I do this? How much longer…how much longer…
My thoughts were becoming muddled.
Mom…mom forgive me. I know I wasn't the perfect son. I know I didn't clean my room as often as you wanted me to. I wasn't always there when you needed me. I hope Jack can protect you better than I did…I…
My knee buckled underneath me, a small scream escaped my throat. I felt air underneath me, my whole world started to turn. Feet swayed underneath me, the necklace wrapped tight around my small throat.
"Mom…! Mom…!" I cried out, flailing my body the best I could. Air slowly escaped my lungs, each time I try to take a breath in, nothing filled my lungs.
"Mommy…!" Tears escaped from the corners of my eyes, I tried to watch the lightening play tag with each other.
I love you mommy…
