Révolution du Cœur - From Their Depths
He had to admit, when Melodie wanted to something done, she got it done. For the past six days she had steadily avoided him during the waking hours. With her ability to move freely about the house, she was able to keep preoccupied and away from him.
That didn't mean she didn't check on him. Usually just before he fell asleep, she would slip into his room, check on him, say a prayer and then slip out. Every once in a while she would brush gentle fingers across the scar at his temple. At those times he was too far gone to say much, but felt he could sleep much better when she did this.
But that still didn't change the fact that she abandoned him to his own guilt almost daily!
That was the worst of it. His mind had too much time to wander back to the barricade. He would go so far into his mind that he could smell the sickening combinations of smoke and blood. He could hear the cries of the wounded and bullets ripping through flesh. His guilt of leading them all into destruction would rise up so sharply that he would cry out and try to punch the broken image.
Then he would fall asleep and wait for it all to begin again.
On the night before his week was up, the nightmare changed. Instead of being out in the open air of the barricade, he was trapped in a dark space with the sights and sounds of death all around him. He thrashed about and tried to drive the images away.
Joly's body broken at odd angles. Courfeyrac clawing at the bayonet lodged in his chest. Grantaire … Grantaire's blood seeping into the floor boards of the Musain.
He tried and tried to dash the images away, but the darkness of his own death began to creep up on him. He wanted it to swallow him whole, just to keep the memories of his friends' deaths at bay. Let it take him now so he could feel no more …
"Capitaine?" A voice echoed out from the darkness. It was a distraction trying to draw him back into the fray of death. He swung at it.
"Ooomph!" He kept swinging, knowing he was beating the siren back.
"Damn it Capitaine, stop!"
Why? Why was the voice so familiar and heavenly to him? Why couldn't guilt just let him go?
He thrashed even harder, trying desperately to dispel his torment.
"Enjolras please!" A flash of gold appeared in his mind's eye and suddenly he couldn't move anymore. The desolate voice was panting and sounded like it was choking. The darkness and death began to fade and he finally wrenched open his eyes.
Two bright gold ones were searching his franticly.
"Melodie? What happened?" He croaked. She didn't answer, just shook and bowed her head.
It was then he noticed her position.
Melodie had his wrist in a vice like grip and was straddling his legs, effectively trapping them. Her other hand was pressing against the uninjured side of his chest, pinning him back. He noticed the darkening bruise on her forearm and felt his stomach roll.
Trapped in his nightmare he must have struck her while she had been attempting to calm him.
He had never hit a woman before. That Melodie was the first made him sick. As gently as possible, he got her attention.
"Melodie? My legs …" She didn't look up at him but quickly released him to scoot over next to him. She remained on the bed, for which he was grateful. As slowly as possible, so not to frighten her, he reached out to tilt her chin up.
He felt his heart twist at the sight of her face.
Tears were spilling onto her cheeks and the clash of despair and the burning emotion he still had yet to identify was overwhelming. His hand shook as he reached out brush the tears from her cheeks. She shuddered violently at his touch and he feared she would move away.
Instead she grabbed his hand and held it tightly to her cheeks.
"Tell me what you said isn't true. Tell me it's not true Enjolras!" Her tone was fierce and her grip tightened. He swallowed hard.
"What did I say?" She sucked in a breath and closed her eyes. She didn't open them as she reiterated his ravings.
"`It's my fault. They died because of me. I wish I was dead. Dear God stay away and let me end it. Let me die.'"
Enjolras couldn't speak for a moment. To hear the secret thoughts in his head voiced aloud by the one person he had tried to shield them from was terrifying. He didn't know how to fix this. Whenever it came to Melodie, it always seemed like he was a step behind. The only thing he had left to do was be honest.
"Melodie look at me." He quietly commanded. Her eyes slowly opened. They were still watery with tears but she seemed to be keeping herself in check now. He carefully extracted his hand from her grip and a forlorn look grew in her expression. He had never seen her face so completely open to him. His dark thoughts must have scared her more than he had first expected and he had a sudden realization that just maybe, she had been experiencing the same darkness.
With that in mind, he gingerly scooted over so that there was room on his uninjured side. He patted the now empty spot beside him and after a startled look, she settled into place. Although they were no longer touching, he unconsciously leaned into that strange heat that always came from her body. Hesitating to gauge her reaction again, he finally captured her hand and entwined their fingers.
"I'll be honest with you Melodie, those thoughts are … true." He felt her tense up beside him so he rushed on, knowing he had to put it all out on the table.
"But they are the thoughts that come with the darkness and loneliness. I'm here all day with no one's thoughts but my own. All I can see is them dying. Some days I can even smell the smoke …" His voice faded off as he tried to fight down the rising tide of images. Melodie's voice thankfully brought him back to the present.
"The same goes for me as well. There are nights when I'm cooped up down in the library that I think I hear Jehan singing. It scared me for a while, but then … but then I thought of you up here and knew there was nothing to be afraid of. I had hope you had found your relief as well."
Enjolras shook his head.
"You're the only thing keeping me grounded these days." He confessed. He felt her shift to look at him so he looked squarely back. Her eyes were dry but the burning emotion was back. He kept his expression as open as possible, hoping to reach her.
"We need each other Melodie. These past days have been hell. If you're not here, I feel like I will be swallowed whole by my own guilt. You're my light at the end of the tunnel. Promise me you won't leave me again."
Melodie sat there for a moment, a variety of different emotions flitting across her face, too many for him to name. Finally her expression cleared and she spoke.
"On one condition." He nodded gravely, unsure of what to expect from this unexpected source of light in his life.
"Promise that you won't leave me either." Her countenance was entirely serious as she held out her hand for him to shake.
"Agreed." He said as he took it in his own. Instead of shaking her hand though, he flipped it over and kissed the palm. Melodie's eyes darkened, but before he could question his own foolishness, her head had snapped toward the doorway.
She seemed to be listening for something. When he heard the muffled voices, she slid of the bed in time for a grim faced Fabien to enter the room.
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Melodie eyed Fabien cautiously. His somber expression and sharp eyes were the harbingers to bad news she decided. Her sister was also not with him, so she assumed this had to do more with the revolution.
"You look like a man staring death in the face." She commented. Fabien flinched and paused mid step, to look balefully at her.
"Are you armed again?" He was obviously dead serious so Melodie decided some sort of honesty was in order. Using exaggerated movements she dropped her hand to the pocket of her dress.
"Possibly." She narrowed her eyes at him. Fabien sighed and rubbed his eyes.
"Then yes, sister-in-law, I am staring death in the face. You and I both know of your … abilities. But that is not my concern right now. Please sit. I need to speak with you both about a matter of some urgency."
Melodie raised an eyebrow at him, but moved to do as he asked. Turning around she realized there was no longer a chair in the room for her. Her sister had obviously noticed her absence from this room and seen fit to remove it. Her only choice was retaking her seat on the bed next to Enjolras.
Damn.
Moving gingerly, she sat down on the duvet. Before she could mutter an apology to Enjolras, the man had scooted over so much she could feel the curve of his body against her back. It was amazing how the feel of him was both a comfort and torture.
She dared a glance back at him, only to find his eyes focused on Fabien. She sighed and did the same. Fabien rolled his shoulders, a motion she had come to associate with agitation. He finally leaned against the wall and took on the role of police inspector.
"What do you know of Inspector Javert?" Melodie felt her jaw stiffen as she bit back a curse. She had completely forgotten about that snake!
"He tried to infiltrate our ranks and almost succeeded in making us fall to the militia. He was given up by Gavroche the street urchin. A child."
She relished telling the information. At least one part of the Revolution had succeed …
"He tried to escape us, but we subdued him. I left to take care of the younglings after that though." She turned to look at Enjolras to continue the story. She was struck by the sudden paleness of his face and his hand gripping the duvet.
"Enjolras?" She gently placed her hand over his clenched fist. He looked at her and she felt a sudden rush of fear at the panic in his eyes.
"I'm sorry." He whispered to her. She could only look at him in confusion as he turned a grim gaze to Fabien.
"We secured Javert in the back room of the cafe and were just going to leave him there. But then … we had a volunteer with a grudge come forward and ask to … take care of the inspector. I was so angry. He had made us believe he was for us and the cause, but he betrayed us! So I let the man have him. I heard a gunshot and we assumed he was dead."
Fabien continued to stare at them. Melodie couldn't process what Enjolras had said. Although she had wanted Javert dead too, the man should have been some sort of trial at least! What Enjolras had allowed to happen was against all that they had been fighting for.
"Did you ever see the body?" Fabien's weary voice broke through her thoughts. She looked sharply at Enjolras who was shaking his head.
"No, I never saw the body. Everything went downhill from there and we're here now." His tone was just as weary as Fabien's. Melodie struggled to fight down her sympathy until she had the chance to reprimand him.
"We searched the area, including that back room. We found a piece of scaffolding splintered by what looks like a bullet but there was no sign of blood anywhere. The place was completely untouched. No blood, no body."
"What are you saying?" Melodie asked. She scowled at the tremor in her voice as she waited to Fabien to respond.
"I'm saying that Inspector Javert is a missing person and you all were the last people to see him. If he turns up alive, he's a witness to your treason. If he shows up dead with a bullet wound in him, you Monsieur Enjolras, will be an accessory to murder. Either way, you lose and there's not much I can do about it."
They all sat silently as she and Enjolras absorbed the information Fabien had given them. Melodie tried to calm her breathing and heartbeat. Her fear for Enjolras made it feel like the walls of the room were closing in.
What could have the volunteer done to Javert?
Sudden inspiration struck her and she stood up and strode to Fabien's side.
"What if he turns up dead but not wounded by a bullet? What he was dead by other means that we had nothing to do with?" She asked quickly.
Fabien shrugged and looked at her curiously.
"You would both be acquitted and we'd conduct a separate investigation."
"So all we can do is wait? What if a body never shows up?" She pressed on.
"Again, nothing. So far, I'm the only one who knows about your activities that night and I don't plan on sharing any information until we have more evidence."
Melodie sagged in relief. Maybe nothing would come of this mess after all.
"So we wait?" Enjolras asked weakly from the bed. Melodie glared at him, letting him know she would tear into him the second Fabien left.
"So we wait." Fabien nodded and started to leave the room. At the doorway he paused and looked back at them. His expression was more melancholy than she had ever seen it.
"For what it's worth he was a good man at heart, that Javert." Melodie snorted and Enjolras's mouth thinned. The betrayal still cut them too deeply to agree with Fabien.
"I was lucky to serve alongside him. He was honest and never shirked his duty. Try not to think too badly of him. He served his cause just as fiercely as you served you own."
With that he left the room. Melodie turned the full force of her glower on Enjolras.
"Why?" She couldn't put into words her disappointment in him. He didn't look at her for a long time so she asked again.
"Why would you go against everything we hold dear?" Her voice had taken on a desperate edge, but she didn't try to hide it from him. She wanted him to know how his actions had hurt her!
His eyes snapped to hers and she was caught off guard by the defiance in his stormy blue eyes.
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you." He declared. Melodie cocked her head to the side and sat down abruptly on the bed.
"Try me." She challenged. Enjolras took a deep breath but didn't break their gaze.
"All I could think about was how he had hurt you. I remembered the blood on your lips." He reached out and gently set the tips of his fingers at the already healed split. Melodie held her breath as he continued. It took all her concentration to listen to him and not give in to the desire slowly building in her core.
She would be eternally grateful that she did.
"I never wanted him to be able to hurt you again. I wanted to kill him myself but I couldn't give in to my anger like that. The volunteer provided an outlet and I took it. I don't regret making that decision. I only regret causing you disappointment."
Melodie released her pent up breath and took a chance by softly kissing his fingertips. She noticed his eyes darkening as hers had, then held the proffered hand in her own and smiled sadly.
"I'm not worth the price of your soul and your conscience Enjolras." She told him softly.
"You're wrong. You are worth that and so much more Melodie. I've said it once, I'll say it again. I will protect you not matter what, my soul be damned."
They stared at each other for a long time, both lost in memories and realizations. Finally Melodie squeezed his hand and stood.
"Tomorrow we start over." She said. "You will walk and I will talk and we will rebuild. No more lies, no more secrets. We will make the best of what we have left and we'll try to be worthy of each other. That's what I want more than anything right now."
She truly meant it as she said it. Yes she wanted a successful revolution. Yes she wanted their friends back. Yes she wanted Enjolras to love her both in body and spirit. But more than anything she wanted the chance to build some sort of life with him. The rest could wait if God would grant her this chance.
Enjolras nodded and smiled at her, the first real smile she had seen on his face in a long time.
"Agreed." He confirmed. "I'll see you tomorrow then. Sleep well Melodie."
She didn't hesitate this time as she gently brushed his temple with her fingers.
"Goodnight Enjolras." She whispered. She quietly left the room but looked back at him before she closed the door.
He had closed his eyes to sleep but the smile lingered on his face.
Melodie smiled in response and wandered off to her room.
