A/N: Oh man, I'm dying here guys... Please review... I only have 2.
Chapter Eight.
The Night of the Lolly Overdose, as it was widely remembered, became to Axel a symbol of the massive changes that were occurring in his life. As the others were leaving in the morning he received hugs from both of the girls and Zexion, and surprisingly even Demyx muttered something about next time shutting the hell up when he judged someone. Axel stood in the doorway in a happy daze until Roxas tugged playfully on his hair and they went inside to begin the monumental task of clearing up.
A strange thing happened while they were cleaning that Axel tried to avoid thinking about afterwards as he didn't want to even lift the lid on the potential clusterfuck that lurked within the incident. He and Roxas were collecting the empty chippie packets and trying to gather up the worst of the crumbs when they reached for the same piece of rubbish and their hands brushed together. Axel felt a jolt shoot through his body and his eyes widened before he clamped down on the feeling and tried to crush it out of existence. Pretending that nothing had happened he jumped to his feet and hurried over to the rubbish bin, buying time for his suddenly racing heart to slow.
Axel was distracted and skittish for the rest of day, doing everything he could to avoid Roxas while at the same time trying to act natural. In the moments when he was alone he spent his time kicking his own ass in an attempt to reason with his treacherous and fucking stupid emotions. 'I don't fucking believe me, seriously, what the fuck is wrong with me? He's only just stopped instinctively reaching for a bazooka when I'm near, there is no universe that this could ever happen in so just fucking forget it!'
When he could finally escape and retreat to his room Axel sat on his bed with his head in his hands and attempted to work out what the hell was going on in his obviously malfunctioning brain. He tentatively took himself back to the moment that his hand touched Roxas' and tried to sort through the riot of feelings stemming from that instant. Alone with his thoughts he could no longer deny to himself that the emotion most dominant was attraction and the thought shook him to his core. The situation could not be more wrong for him to develop a crush and most definitely not on Roxas. He didn't even have any idea if the other boy swung that way.
As was his first instinct in the absence of drugs, alcohol or a knife to numb the confusion Axel grabbed his notebook and sat there, pen poised, waiting for the words to flow through him. He inhaled deeply and let out a shuddering breath, the chaos inside him building up to critical level before he started to write, his pen skittering frantically across the paper.
Still as stone
White as bone
He is alone
He is alone
Locked inside
He has to hide
Protected, all alone.
He spreads the pain
Like acid rain
He is alone
He is alone
Don't let them near
Keep back, stay clear
And leave him all alone.
His love can kill
Not safe until
He is alone
He is alone
A life apart
No warmth, no heart
Doomed to be alone.
The words that flowed from the tip of his pen were reflective of Axel's deepest beliefs about himself. Writing the desolate poem served to both purge the build-up of pain within him and remind him that his future would in no way contain the comfort and solace of love. His life experience had taught him that love was torture for all involved and even though the odds of Roxas ever actually having feelings for him were slim to none he would rather gnaw off his own arm than even think about being the cause of more pain for the teen.
Having finished his poem Axel slammed his book shut and tried to figure out how to deal with this new development. Eventually he came to the conclusion that he would just have to do the best acting job of his life to maintain the illusion that there was nothing wrong and that he saw Roxas as nothing more than a friend. Years of hiding his self-harm and drug abuse would help him in creating a smokescreen but Axel didn't fool himself into believing that this would be easy while living under the same roof as Roxas. As he had no other options however he just needed to suck it up and get on with it.
Rising from his bed Axel did just that and sucked it up. The boy who emerged from the bedroom was not the rattled and uncertain creature who had locked himself away only 30 minutes before. Engraved in his mind was his promise to himself to do nothing further to screw with the well-being of the family who had taken him in and in an effort to cement the resolution in his head he went slightly overboard and cooked a huge dinner of roast lamb for Roxas and Ventus who had been dropped back home that afternoon. Axel kept up a natural sounding chatter of conversation through the evening but as soon he could he escaped to his bedroom again and lay awake long into the night, his thoughts refusing to give him peace.
Unfortunately for Axel and his plans of emotional suppression he was not the only one who felt a shock run through him when his and Roxas' hands had touched. When Axel leaped up and high-tailed it to the kitchen Roxas just sat there on the floor looking at his hand, slightly dazed by the unexpected zap that started at his fingers and coursed through his body. He was confused enough by the unanticipated emotional jumble that he barely noticed Axel's edgy behavior and he walked around the rest of the day lost in thought.
After the tidying up was done and Axel did his disappearing act Roxas flopped onto the armchair to try and sort out what was going on in his own head. His azure eyes stared off into space and he replayed the moment that his fingers touched Axel's over and over in his mind. Even taking into account the knee-jerk of denial it only took a short time for him to admit to himself that the electric shock that had shot through him earlier had been desire mixed with no small amount of longing. Roxas could barely deal with that fact that he no longer would be happy to see Axel drop dead on the spot and he definitely was not ready to even start thinking about this new development.
Another thing that complicated matters exponentially was Roxas' suspicions about Axel possibly self-harming. He had been watching Axel as surreptitiously as he could since the night before and had seen what could have been a bandage outlined under the redhead's shirt. This situation provoked an unexpected ache in Roxas' heart that just added more perplexity to the emotions stewing inside of him. By the time Ventus was dropped home however, Roxas had managed to shove the bewildering feelings so far to the back of his mind he could almost fool himself into believing they had never arisen.
Roxas dragged himself out of his confusion when Ventus hobbled in and he managed to interact normally, if in a slightly distracted manner. He was little nervous when Axel finally emerged from his room but the redhead was so convincingly and aggressively normal that Roxas found himself wondering if he had actually imagined the moment in the lounge. He stuffed himself at dinner, the lamb being on the level of gourmet dining at the Hakunetsu house, and when he went to bed he was so full that he fell asleep almost before he could get under the covers.
A puzzled Ventus limped around a quiet house for the next 3 days. When Roxas wasn't at school he was either doing his homework or watching Axel furtively and Axel was a constant whirlwind of cleaning, cooking and writing but would only talk in monosyllables. Even though he was rather bemused by the weird atmosphere that the 3 of them were living in Ventus was reluctant to interfere until he knew more. Fortunately on Thursday a package arrived in the post that promised to shake things up in a good way; Ventus had finally received Axel's home-study materials.
In one of the brief moments between Axel finishing one chore and starting the next Ventus managed to snag the boy by the collar and sit him down at the table. As Axel was still very uncommunicative Ventus was prepared to do all the talking and started by saying, 'I don't know what's going on at the moment Axel and I'm not going to force you to tell me when it's obvious you'd rather not. I've grabbed you because I've actually got good news. Do you want to hear it?'
As planned Ventus' blunt approach had caught Axel's full attention. When the boy nodded curiously Ventus grinned and said, 'That box sitting there on the table, that's your study materials for the home school program. We were able to get all the subjects you asked for, English, Music, Calculus, Italian and Physics and they even sent us an example schedule that would get you finished on time at the end of the year. You don't even have to start right away as the timeframe allows for another week…'
Ventus didn't get to finish his sentence because Axel leant over to give him a massive hug. Snapped out of his funk the teen blurted out, 'Can we start today? I've cleaned everything in this house that it's possible to clean and I can't believe I'm saying this but I've actually missed school. I mean, only if that suits you and you have the time to help…'
Chuckling at the sudden reappearance of Axel's personality Ventus nodded emphatically. 'Of course you can Axel, really there isn't much I need to do after we get you set up. Seeing as you're so keen we can take the time now to get your timetable sorted out and that way you're ready to get right into it. Honestly, all you're going to need me for once you get going is to supervise your tests and to answer any questions.'
Axel responded with a glowing smile and Ventus sat back, watching the teen attack the paperwork like he had a grudge against it. Between them they hammered out a timetable of subjects for each weekday and a tentative projection of dates for tests. The time flew by swiftly and before he knew it Ventus was limping to answer the stridently ringing phone at exactly the same moment that Roxas walked in the door from school.
Ventus answered the phone while waving at Roxas but he wasn't sure if his brother saw him as the blonde teen staggered straight to the lounge and fell full length on the couch. The unexpected voice on the other end of the phone however grabbed his total attention and when he hung up he was grinning as much as Axel had been at the arrival of his study materials. Hobbling back to the table he sat down and just stared at Axel with a huge grin until the boy felt the pressure of his gaze and looked up at him questioningly.
The smile on Ventus' face widened as he said, 'Hey Axel, you remember that I said on Monday that I might have found you a job? Well that was Aqua and she wanted to know if you were interested in helping on Sundays, giving her a hand tidying up her yard and doing some work on her house. I should warn you though, her section looks like a jungle at the moment so it won't just be pulling a couple of weeds.'
For the second time that day Ventus had managed to provoke a sunny grin from Axel and the teen shook his head, the smile turning a little goofy. His voice sounded slightly husky as he replied, 'That's amazing Ventus, I have a suspicion that you might be going for sainthood you know. You can tell Aqua that I'll be there whenever she needs me for as long as she wants me there. I have a bigger debt to you than I can ever pay, but I'll be damned if I'll just sit and sponge off your hospitality too. I know your disability can't be paying much and there's no definition of the word fair that allows for Roxas having to work harder for the things I've fucked up.'
Both Axel and Ventus started at the sound of a weak cheer from Roxas who, although thoroughly exhausted, had been listening to the whole exchange. With an almighty effort Roxas propped himself up on his elbows and smiled wanly but widely saying, 'That's my brother, Saint Ventus the Bountiful. Seriously though Ax I'm glad that job came through, not coz it'll let me off the hook or anything but because it'll make you feel more like part of the household. Now if you think you could keep the celebrations down to a dull roar I'm going to somehow crawl to bed.'
Axel offered to lend a hand but Ventus waved him away and did a credible impression of the lame carrying the lame, helping Roxas off to bed even though it was only 3.45pm. A few minutes later however Axel heard a noise that sounded like someone calling him but trying manfully not to be heard and he scurried into Roxas' room as quietly as possible to retrieve Ventus whose leg had frozen up on him. The covert feel to the awkward exercise tickled them both and they barely managed to wait until they reached the lounge before dissolving into uncontrollable laughter.
Both men were comfortable enough to just sprawl in the lounge and chill out without talking but Axel heard a snoring noise after about 5 minutes and lifted his head to see that Ventus had actually fallen asleep, obviously as knackered as Roxas. Axel briefly giggled at Ventus' sleep face and growling snores but he spent too long studying the man's features, so like his younger brother's, and his thoughts turned to the confusion swirling within him around the thought of a certain Roxas. Deep within the green eyes that were now boring a hole in the ceiling lurked a growing wistfulness restrained by iron determination to hold his feelings in check.
Friday morning saw Roxas wake up 30 minutes after throwing his alarm across the room which meant he was still in the process of pulling on clothes as he flew out the door. His classes felt like torture sessions and the only time he got a question right was when he thought he was answering a different question, so the end of day bell came as a saving grace.
Falling into a seat on the bus felt great and it was only with a huge amount of persuasion that Roxas was able to talk his legs into getting him up again and off the bus into the house. He had to stop and lean on the breakfast bar for a moment once he was inside and that was the moment that the limping wonder swooped out of the lounge and fixed him with a stare he knew all too well.
Ventus didn't let his brother begin to get a word in and quickly said, 'You can relax Rox, I called you in sick at work so you don't need to run out the door again. You've been running yourself ragged trying to get everything done and I reckon that you need some sort of a break before your head falls off or your brain explodes. Sit down for a bit and then it would do you good to go out for a strolling type walk, you know, one where you aren't almost running.'
Too tired to argue Roxas poured himself into the seat that Ventus had pulled up for him and dropped his bag at his feet. Leaning back he sighed at the strange feeling of not having anywhere to be and after a couple of minutes he could feel the tension start to leave his body. It took him a while to feel up to complying with Ventus' strongly recommended suggestion and when he finally swayed upright again his brother made his second non-negotiable recommendation; that it might be nice if Axel went with him.
Axel had been quietly engrossed in his English required reading when Roxas got home and he was so deep in the course material that he hardly heard what Ventus said. The house went quiet around him for a bit but then when Roxas got up to go for his peaceful walk Axel found himself just about dragged to his feet and propelled out the door to a shout of 'Walking and talking will do you good, byeeeee!' Disoriented he stumbled to a halt and stared wide-eyed at Roxas who looked similarly shell-shocked.
First to pull himself together having had more practice Axel said softly, 'I can go in the other direction if you want to be alone. I'm not quite sure what your brother thought he was doing but we can go for separate walks if that's what you want. You can decide where you want to go and I can just go the other way…'
Roxas stood, blinking in the bright sun and listening to what Axel had to say before he responded, 'You know, I wouldn't mind going for a wander with you. I've hardly seen you since the DVD night and we live in the same house. Maybe Ven is right and walking and talking could be good. It's a bit cold for the beach though, do you have any ideas where else we could walk?'
Taken aback Axel just blurted out the first thing that came into his head, 'I always walk around Siréne Park when I need to calm down or get some peace. There are some beautiful statues and the paths go on pretty much forever. I even know a bit about its history if you're interested in shit like that. We don't have to though, it's just an idea.'
Even before Axel had finished speaking Roxas was nodding his head as enthusiastically as he was able and Axel grinned at how well his idea was received. They set off towards the park, Axel taking care to keep his long stride in check in consideration for how tired Roxas was. At first they walked in a prolonged silence but once they got to the park Roxas asked about the history of the place and then there was no shutting Axel up.
Unconsciously adopting a tone similar to a lecturer Axel began the story, 'Well, when the town was first built on the Destiny Islands 150 years ago it was founded by the Siréne family, huh well more accurately it was bankrolled by Ariel Siréne and built by her children. One of the first things Ariel built was the dock which brought in the fishermen and then she discovered the unique fruit that grows here, the Paopu. Pretty much overnight the town tripled in size and Ariel became the headmistress of the school that became Keystone Primary.'
A strange look came over Axel's face as he paused in his mini-lecture, 'My mother used to tell me when I was little that I was distantly related to Ariel through my father's side. His father was born on the border world of Halloween Town but his mother's family had been here for ages so it could be true. All the pictures of the Siréne family show them to have flaming red hair I know that much.'
Axel suddenly became aware that he was digressing ever so slightly and he blushed. 'Ahem, sorry, I uh didn't mean to go off on a tangent like that. Anyway… So yeah, Ariel ran the school for nearly 2 decades while maintaining her control of most of the Islands. She died when she was only 49 and that was when her daughter had the park commissioned as a memorial. The story goes that Ariel heard a scream when she was walking along the beach and dived in to rescue a drowning child. She managed to get the child close enough for the girl to scramble ashore but before she could find her feet she was dragged back out to sea in an undertow. It was kind of weird that they never found her body though.'
Now at the end of his tale Axel looked over to see that Roxas was staring at him in fascination and he blushed again, this time in shy pleasure. For some reason instead of feeling the need to get the hell out of the situation Axel basked in the small glow of happiness, caught up in the pleasant interaction. He was so distracted that he didn't notice that they had managed to walk deep into the park along a winding trail and were now strolling along a narrow track that skirted the top of a steep sided ravine. The scene went from idyllic to terrifying in a split second when Roxas, intrigued by Axel's blush, stepped on the crumbling edge of the path and suddenly found himself teetering precariously on the lip of the gully.
Sometimes the body works before the brain can kick in and Axel's hand shot out faster than the eye could follow to snag Roxas' sleeve. With strength born of acute fear Axel gave a wild heave and even though it ripped the seam right up to Roxas' armpit it was enough to send him staggering back into Axel's arms. His legs were weak with a combination of panic and residual terror and all Axel could do was sink slowly to his knees with the trembling Roxas still in his arms.
Absorbed in the captivating history of Destiny Islands and the small insight into the background of Axel's family Roxas had been just as oblivious as the other boy to their surroundings. When the ground crumbled beneath his feet he was helpless to do anything other than gasp breathlessly and stare down at the rocky bottom of the ravine far below and he would have been unable to save himself if Axel hadn't pulled him back. As Axel crumpled to the ground Roxas was also unable to hold himself up and ended up clinging shakily to Axel trying not to cry.
The late afternoon sun glowed through the trees and soon the shivering boys were bathed in light and warmth as a shaft of sunlight slowly moved over them. The soft heat of the winter sun seeped into Roxas' body and he gradually stopped shaking enough to feel Axel's chest against his cheek and register the other boy's quick shallow breathing. It didn't take Roxas long to realize that Axel was almost in shock at the close call and when he tried to lean back and get a look at the redhead's face he was unsurprised that Axel convulsively clutched him close and his breathing sped up even more.
Thinking quickly and remarkably calmly after such a close call Roxas twisted himself round so that he could grab Axel's face in both hands and he forced the teen to look into his eyes. Drawing on knowledge gleaned from years of helping Ventus cram for his exams Roxas held Axel's gaze and spoke firmly and evenly, 'Axel, I'm okay. You made sure nothing bad happened and you can see me, I'm right here and I'm fine. Can you please say something coz I'm starting to get kinda scared.'
Slowly, achingly slowly, Roxas watched awareness seep back into Axel's face and he closed his eyes sighing with relief that the teen was coming back to himself. Though the ground below them was hard and cold neither boy felt able to stand immediately so they just sat there in the middle of the stony path. When it finally dawned on Roxas that he was still being held tightly against Axel he felt a jolt run through him again, similar to when their hands touched but a lot stronger this time.
Roxas was so certain that Axel had felt it too that he incautiously flicked his eyes up and locked gazes with the redhead, from which point there was no going back. Blatantly obvious in Axel's unguarded emerald stare was a multitude of emotions, but none more prominent than a deep yearning mixed with hopelessness. Roxas could only guess at what was showing on his own face as his defences were totally down but whatever Axel saw there it caused a faint questioning glimmer of hope to spark into light. Possessed by more courage than he thought he had in him Roxas stepped off the metaphorical cliff and pushed himself forward to lightly kiss Axel on the lips.
On the ground, still shivering at the thoughts of what might have been, Axel had no chance to lift his habitual barriers when Roxas looked up and stared straight into his soul. Axel knew that his feelings were written vividly all over his face and he was already mentally packing his things when he registered that Roxas was looking at him with an expression mirroring his own. Baffled hope barely had time to bloom before Axel's world imploded at the soft touch of Roxas' lips on his own.
The kiss was hesitant, soft and tentative and Axel gave up on thinking. He lost himself in the silky feel of Roxas' skin and the warmth of their bodies pressing against each other, their lips moving gently against each other and the heat of Roxas' breath on his mouth. When Roxas made a wordless sound of pleasure Axel's hand came up seemingly of its own accord and buried itself in the other boy's wild blonde hair, provoking a low moan and causing the kiss to deepen.
A cloud passed in front of the sun causing a sudden chill to fall on the boys. With his hand still cupping Roxas' face Axel softly broke the kiss and simply sat there staring wonderingly at the smile on the blonde boy's face. Linked by a new found closeness and understanding the two boys silently climbed to their feet and wandered back along the trail towards the entrance of the park and the beckoning warmth of home. There was one obvious difference on the way back though, unwilling to relinquish contact Axel and Roxas walked home clasping hands with fingers interlinked.
