Disclaimer: we. No. Own. Tekken.

Chapter eight: Our hell, in the middle of the sea.

After Ling's… colorful depiction of just how she was feeling, no one spoke. Everyone was on edge. Just where were they being taken? Why did the stupid cat-bus fly from China to Japan to America, London, Korea and then back to America again?

An annoying ding sounded and a generic stewardess' voice spoke through the intercom.

"We are now approaching our destination The Island of Love or Hell. Please remain seated until the cat-bus comes to a complete stop."

"Meeeoow, this is your captain speaking and I'd like to say that making you all miserable was extremely joyful for me. The Island has a tropical temperature of 78 degrees. Please enjoy the accommodations that the Mishima Zaibatsu are providing.

Many pairs of angry eyes turned towards Kazuya.

"Don't blame me, this was none of my doing! I knew that old man was too quiet!"

"What the fuck is this shit?" Nina shouted. "Since when was old man Mishima a fairy?" No one answered as they landed on the strange island.

With a bumpy landing and many curses, the tekken crew stumbled out of their furry tormentor. Bryan flung a coconut tree at the cat-bus.

"That was for stealing my candy, you bitch!" He screamed triumphantly.

Angered, the cat-bus coughed up a hairball on him and ran away.

"You mother fucker!" He screeched, shaking his fist. "If I ever see your fat ass again, I'm gonna make some CAT CHAR SU!"

Asuka edged away from the crazed cyborg and noticed something.

"Where's mom and dad? They were right here…" Before anyone could answer, beautiful women in coconut tops and hula skirts greeted them with alohas and leis.

"Hey, this place isn't so bad." Lee murmured, eying up a particularly voluptuous woman.

"Please follow us." They coaxed.

"Why should we?" Michelle asked hotly.

"Do you not wish to know why you have been brought here?"

"I do." Nina said, cracking her knuckles. "And I want to know now."

"Let us just follow them." Baek said. "Violence will get us nowhere."

"Everyone just relax." Lee coaxed. "They're hot women, it can't be bad."

Shaking their heads and not knowing what to do, they followed.

They were led to a waterfall with a tiki twisted into a heart at its base. There Jun and Kazuya walked towards them. Jun wore a white tank top and yellow wrap and sandals along with a red hibiscus tucked behind her ear. Kazuya, however, was still in his three piece black suit.

"So you were in on it." Lei accused.

"Wrong as usual, dipshit, we were snatched by a crazy gorilla when the fucked up bus landed."

"And you couldn't get away from it because…?" Jin asked.

"You know how your mother is about the dumb animals, wise ass."Kazuya said.

"We were put into wardrobe and make up –

"You were put into wardrobe and make up." Kazuya interrupted.

"And suddenly we had a bunch of knowledge about this game show called the Island of love or hell in our heads." Jun finished.

"Mishima knowledge serum." Setsuna murmured.

"What's happening, mother?" Jin asked.

"There is no way off this island, no way to communicate with anyone. You must all participate in the game show."

On here words, a director and camera crew appeared and began shooting a scene of Kazuya and Jun by the waterfall.

"Hello America, I am Jun Kazama, and this is my husband, Kazuya Mishima. We are the hosts of T.V's newest reality show called the Island of Love or Hell. There are eight men and eight women and only one way to leave…through matrimony."

The camera zoomed in on the unbelieving faces of the "victims."

"Fuck this shit, I'm outta here!" Lee screamed, running away only to be caught by an unusually large gorilla. "I'm not staying! Put me down you pansy!"

"Gag him!" Kazuya ordered and it was done immediately.

"And you, America," Jun continued. "Shall choose who shall marry who."

Dramatic music played and Jin gripped his heart. "Not Ling!"

"Heh, how do you expect to force us into marrying someone? We'll just kick your asses and leave." Hwoarang said in a cocky tone.

"Oh, you'll stay." Kazuya said evilly. "You see, all of you have a dirty little secret that I would have no trouble telling millions of viewers. For instance, Lee's first kiss … Julia's father… Nina's obsession with—"

"Enough!" Nina said sharply. "We'll play the dumb game."

"I thought you would." Kazuya said with a smirk.

"Now it is time to introduce our players." Jun said with a sunny smile.

"Yes, the pathetic losers who couldn't get married on their own…" Kazuya interjected. "Our first bachelor is… Lee Chaolan, who despite what he claims is forty eight." Muffled cries could be heard from Lee. "He is a sad, sex crazed man who likes to wear purple and pony vests." More muffled cries. Photos were shown of Lee in Tekken 2 and 4.

"Next we have Baek Doo San," Jun said, glaring at her husband for humiliating Lee on television. "Who is a master of Tae Kwon Do." Footage was shown of Baek kicking some serious ass.

"Lei Wulong, Forty Seven, the "super cop" of China." Kazuya mocked. "His last date was twenty years ago with Jun." Lei flipped him off.

"Thirty four year old single mother and assassin, Nina Williams." Jun said evenly, despite the death glare Nina was giving her.

"My adoptive brother's bimbo gal pal, shadow of her sister, Anna Williams!" Kazuya was seriously enjoying himself.

"Michelle Chang, thirty years old, Native American who fights for the justice of Native American Indians."

"King, the twenty eight year old who takes his job way too seriously. Once and alcoholic, King "reformed" his ways and exchanged beer bottles for Red Vines."

"Steve Fox, twenty five, the son of Nina Williams, he is a renounced British boxer."

"Christie Montiero, twenty five years old and already broke even though she doesn't go to college. She currently works at a low grade disco joint (In Korea, Disco Tiger's: ahh, man, that wasn't nice!)"

"Julia Chang, twenty four years old, daughter of Michelle. She is a brilliant young woman working for a noteworthy cause: to reforest Arizona ."

"Jin Mishima, an unworthy pest whose father questions his sexuality after finding him with a Betty Crocker cookbook."

Jin threw a rock at Kazuya, but it missed and hit Julia instead.

"Jin, Kazuya, behave." Jun scolded firmly. "Hwoarang, a twenty four year old who is aspiring to be a Tae Kwon Do Master."

"Asuka Mishima, twenty three year old spoiled brat who would probably be a good match for King with the amount of tequila she drinks when broken up with."

"Dad! I can't believe you just said that!" Asuka ranted. Kazuya grinned evilly.

"Twenty two year old Ling Xiaoyu who likes amusement parks and has an unhealthy attachment with my son."

"And finally" Kazuya emphasized. "Setsuna Sanada, twenty two, is the only virgin on the show. She should give her company to me and other than that I don't care what the hell she does."

"Julia!" Michelle exclaimed.

"Kyle was hot…" Julia said as Michelle's eye twitched.

"Ling's not a virgin?" Jin asked. "Who the hell would want to go all the way with her?"

"I'm sorry Jin-Jin!" she squealed. "He meant nothing to me!" Jin ignored her.

In China…

"I thought what we had was special!" Some guy named Huangdi yelled.

Back to the Island…

"If you follow us," Jun said, "We will meet the producer of this show."

They headed toward the beach.

E/N (e standing for editor, since I'm just the loser that types out the story.): we know that the ages are inaccurate. Do not waste a review telling us so. But review and say this was awesome… or whatever. But review, because to get my sister to write fanfic, I have to bribe her, and you know what that means? I have to wash all of the dishes! And I am a LAZY girl, so I hope you all appreciate it. Sayonara.

From, Getemono, the lazy loser editor who types this all out.