...... weird, nothing to say...

hmm... well, let's see. let's set this thing straight for anyone who cares. the word conceived is in the lyrics below. it isn't the definition that means to become pregnant. it's the definition that means: to experience or form (a feeling).

so below it basically means to love, to be in love. not to become pregnant. okay? okay. :)

oh! i'm doing this chapter a little differently, okay? it might be a little confusing, i'm just warning you...

bound at every limb by my shackles of fear... sealed with lies through so many tears... lost from within, pursuing the end... i fight for the chance to be lied to again...

you will never be strong enough... you will never be good enough... you were never conceived in love... you will not rise above...

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She opens her eyes tiredly. The bright white walls a contrast to the way she feels inside.

Sitting up she exhales softly, looking around the plain room with only a bed and single yellow light on the ceiling.

Swinging her legs to the side of the bed, her head hung, the brown hair on her head covering her face, she exhales again.

"Stupid dream." She mutters softly, rubbing her eyes, "They aren't real..."

The door opens and a man walks in yet her head still hangs... She knows exactly who it is.

"Did you sleep well?" The man asks, his voice loud, echoing off the walls of the room.

The girl nods and stares at her bare toes.

"Good. You have a mission today and you mustn't be tired and fall asleep during it."

She nods again, her toes a particularly interesting thing in the white room.

"Now. Come along, we have work to do." He commands and the girl stands and follows him, leaving the room until night comes. Only then can she dream about the imaginary flock and her imaginary family.

-The Girl's POV-

I look at the building, engulfed in flames. The fire I started. The fire I willingly started. For what exactly?

Family? No, I have no family.

Friends? No, I was never liked by anybody.

Survival? No, I can do whatever I want, they won't kill me. They can't kill me.

Freedom? No, I would get nowhere if I was free, I have nobody who would care for me, to care about me.

Myself? No, I don't care about myself, I'm a thing. A mistake, something that belongs to no one, something hidden away, something only scientists like to toy with, to do what they want and then throw it to the ground.

Me? I'm an it. Nothing of importance.

I have one best friend, Solitude.

A wise person once said they have never found a companion as companionable as solitude.

This person was right.

People are not companionable.

Solitude is.

I have dreams. Dreams where I once had friends and family. Where I cared about being an it. Where my best friends were not myself and people cared about me. I cared about things. Sure, I was quiet, and wore hoodies when it was about a million degrees, but I actually like my dream me.

This, real me... I hate her. I loathe her. I despise her. I hate every fiber of her being, every molecule, everything about her.

I want to annihilate her. Kill her. Destroy her. Throw her off a cliff. Get rid of her for good.

Sometimes I wonder why I don't kill myself. No one cares about me. No one likes me. I have no family. I'm not going anywhere with my life.

Then I remember my dreams. Where I'm happy, alive and free. Like a bird in the sky, soaring through the air, doing whatever makes her happy with the birds she loves.

I would sleep forever if I could. But, sleeping forever is different from dying. Sleeping leads to dreaming, and dreaming leads to leaving reality. I want to leave reality, not leave life.

Get it?

I sure hope so.

You're probably so confused, and have no idea who I am.

Well, neither do I.

I have no name. No name means no identity, nobody. So you can just call me Nobody.

I know more about the dream me than the real me.

The dream me has everything I don't have:

Name: Check. Shardae.

Identity: Check.

Friends: Check. The FlOcK.

Family: Check. Nalani, Lauren, Dantie, Chaz and Lydia.

Freedom: Check.

A Life: Check.

The dream me has everything I don't have.

Shardae has people who care about her, and she's like a forgotten friend. She's what I would have been... What I should have been.

Let me give you an excerpt of one of my dreams, maybe then it'll be less confusing. This is where I first met part of the flock...

I quietly walked out of the classroom. I went out into the hall. And started walking toward the girls restroom. Of course I didn't actually have to go, I just wanted to see the oldest members of the flock. And guess what?

I did. I instantly recognized who each one was. The really, really, really tall light-haired, sightless eyed guy was Iggy. The not-so tall but still tall guy with black hair, intimidating dark eyes was Fang. And the tall brown-haired girl with brown eyes was Max.

Max had walked out of the 8th grade spanish class, Fang from the 8th grade math class, and Iggy from the 8th grade science class. Yes, even though I was in 7th grade, I knew where all the 8th grade classes were. It's not that creepy. No, of course not.

They met up in the middle of the hallway on the second floor. The office was on the first floor and all three of their classrooms were on the second floor close together. My homeroom was right next to Max', then there were some purple lockers then Fang's homeroom in the corner. Next to his was some more purple lockers then the hallway and after that Iggy's homeroom next to the computer lab/class. The steps were near the computer lab. The steps had a fence type thing around the top so people don't fall and die.

Okay, so maybe they don't die but break their neck or something. Yes I know, I'm so optimistic. Absolutely.

I saw a girl with curly brown hair and brown eyes walking down the hall and she said hi to me, I gave a small wave. Then, she joined the trio. I put two and two together and figured that was Nudge that just passed me.

Yeah... That's one of my dreams, one of the many moments with the flock.

Their name, the flock. They're bird-kids, so they call themselves the flock. They are dream people and hadn't told me their names so I gave them names that fit them. Same thing with my family.

They're the reasons I stay alive, I like to sleep.

I have nothing... No life, I don't remember my old life. Before I was captured and thrown into the white room, to do their dirty work, to be their pet. To be Nobody, for no one.

They told me I was born there, that I always have done what they said. I can't remember being here my entire life. They said it was because I've been here forever, that since I've been doing the same thing everyday, it feels like my childhood didn't exist.

I asked them about the dream flock and my dream family. They said they were fairy tales, uselessly invading my mind, filling it with lies, about what will never, and could never happen.

I have no choice but to believe them.

They supply me with food, and a bed, a roof over my head. I need them to survive.

Without them, I couldn't go to sleep to dream. I wouldn't have a great dream realm where fun things happen and people laugh about silly stuff. I wouldn't be the least bit happy at night. I would have nothing to live for.

Basically, the people killing me, are keeping me alive.

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Sooooooo, what do you think?

It's a little dark, but I got this idea of a dark themed thing from my life, I'm feeling dark now, I found out some upsetting news (nobody died, if I told you, I'm pretty sure you would be like, 'Get over it. That doesn't matter.'), and i've been writing dark stuff on my phone, binder, papers, everywhere.

But yeah...

Okay, let's see, let's try to unconfuse the confused people.

Nobody is Shardae.

The last eight chapters were what They have told her are dreams; fairy tales, uselessly invading her mind, filling it with lies.

They are lying.

Her dreams are forgotten memories. The dreams aren't lies. They are lies.

The previous chapters really happened, but she was captured and somehow her memory was erased.

I'm not sure yet.

But yeah... Chapter 9.

Yeah... Bye.