Chapter Nine
November 14, 1839
During the following fortnight, Daniel did not speak a word. He was catatonic, and Henry had to guide him in every action. He did not respond to kisses or the long nights of being held in Henry's arms. Henry had to feed him by hand and hold his glass to his lips to make him drink. He bathed him, dressed and undressed him, brushed his hair. The young man looked ghostly with his hollow eyes and white hair. Henry began to worry that he was no more than a living ghost now, merely an empty shell. His mind seemed to have fled for good after the last episode of torment.
In an effort to draw Daniel out, Henry withheld all his sedatives for the course of a week. He began to see the youth exhibit signs of discomfort, and he thought he saw a dim flash of desire in his eyes. When Daniel remained silent, Henry made him drink a copious amount of gin. Then he sat down with the young man on his lap, and explained everything to him.
"Along with my inheritance, my father left me the contact of a strange group," he said. "This group included the names of many distinguished people, along with a curious amount of middle class and even sinister members of society. I have never been a sociable man, but I knew that I would need to claim a social circle to go with my newfound status. Of all the clubs and organizations that my father associated with, this one seemed the least scrupulous about its members. I made contact with the group, and became intrigued by their vast accumulation of knowledge. I was also surprised that they did not judge me, although I was still a bit of a ruffian at the time. I enjoyed socializing with the group, and fit in well enough to be let into their deeper circles."
Henry looked at Daniel, but could not tell if he was listening. He stared into the fire, hands limp in his lap. Henry kissed his cheek and rubbed warmth into his cold hands.
"This group is actually the nexus of many, many other groups, clubs, secret sects, organizations, businesses, and even religions," Henry went on. "Every person with an interest in the occult or the esoteric, illegal medical practices and experimentation, and other such outre studies, has been affiliated with the group at one point or another. They are able to fund and facilitate the work of those they deem daring enough to further the cause of human evolution. And Winslow Octavio Paternoster is the head of that group."
Daniel was looking up at Henry now, and his eyes had focused. Is he paying attention to me? Henry wondered. Curiosity always was his weakness. I'd better pretend not to notice, though. I don't want him to retreat back into himself.
"Winslow Octavio Paternoster is only the name he chose for himself when he brought his traditions to England and established the group here, for the man is far older than the oldest man now living in this country," Henry said. "He is a sorcerer—there is no other word for it. Paternoster has lived for many hundreds of years, perhaps thousands. His practices out-date even the man himself, for they have been brought to modern times from the dim recesses of the Roman Empire. The group is a kind of philosophy and religion, through which all seekers of knowledge outside the mainstream gravitate out of ideology, necessity, or curiosity. Those that are not a part of the group are watched by the group. There is no fringe activity that the group is not aware of, in England and beyond."
"Wh—"
The sound was hardly a wheeze, but Henry caught it. He looked down at Daniel. Daniel had gripped the front of his shirt in one hand, and was frowning pensively. Henry handed him his glass of gin and the youth drank. It was enough to allow him to speak. His voice was rusty from disuse, but his old inquisitive tone was unmistakable.
"What is it called?" he asked. "The group?"
Henry stifled his joy, not wanting to frighten his lover. He stroked Daniel's pale hair and held him slightly tighter.
"Sol Invictus Mithras," he replied. "On the surface, Mithraism involved the worship of a deity, Mithras, who was born from a stone, slayed a sacred bull with his bare hands, and shared a banquet with the sun god Sol. In truth, Mithras was a being brought into this world through one of the Orbs, hence the birth from a stone. His slaying of the bull represents the subjugation of the beasts and the natural world. The worship of the sun, Sol, symbolizes the worship of the power of creation, the banquet symbolizing the sharing of knowledge from creation to Mithras and then to his followers. Mithras founded a secret society and dressed it up in religion to hide its true purpose from the government and the ignorant masses. Today, the religion itself has been excised from history by shrewd guardians of the bland mainstream historical trope, and so the society has shed its disguise. The Sol Invictus Mithras exists through extreme practices of secrecy and a rigorous initiation system."
"You must be high in the order, if you know so much."
"Paternoster prized me for my bold theories and experimentation in the field of psychiatry, and my streak of brutality has made me a useful weapon to wield against those that would betray the group," Henry said. "I was able to pursue my wildest theories through the group, and perform experiments that no normal psychiatrist dares dream of. The knowledge I have gained has earned me the respect of my peers, even at my young age. I have helped many patients with techniques that are so futuristic that I am forced to keep them secret, even from the patients themselves sometimes. I have given much to and gained much from the Sol Invictus Mithras. That is the only reason that I defied Paternoster and lived. Do you remember what happened, Daniel?"
"Yes," Daniel shuddered. "I saw all of it. I was in the back of my mind, watching through my eyes while Alexander used my body. It was awful."
"I'm sorry. I wish I had gotten there sooner."
"Was Alexander right, then?" Daniel asked. "This group, the Sol Invictus Mithras, sent you to retrieve me from the hospital that day, didn't they?"
"They set the entire episode up," Henry admitted. Daniel went to speak, but he put his fingers to his lips to shush him. "Let me finish telling you all of it."
Daniel nodded.
"Paternoster had known of Alexander von Brennenburg for a long time," Henry explained. "He had sources keeping a close eye on the man. He heard that the situation at Brennenburg had escalated, but members of the Sol Invictus Mithras arrived after the castle had fallen. You were watched when you appeared in the next village over from Altstadt. Through correspondence with his sources in Prussia, Paternoster discerned that you had survived Brennenburg. The night that you returned, you were followed. It had been the plan to drug you, but you drank yourself into such a stupor that it proved unnecessary. One of the thugs the group employs for dirty work beat you, then brought you to the hospital. I was dispatched the next day to offer you psychiatric assistance."
"Did you know it would be me?"
"Yes, I knew."
"Oh."
"I was chosen to be the one to seek you out because of our past together, and I accepted because I wanted to see you again," Henry said gently. "Everything that I told you was true, Daniel. You were the first boy I ever wanted, and I did fall in love with you once you were finally mine. I never intended to fall in love with you, but I truly, truly did. You must believe that."
"You risked your life for me," Daniel said. "When Alexander and I were sharing a mind, he looked into yours. I saw how you threatened that man, Paternoster, just to protect me. I don't have to believe you, I know it's true."
"Then, can you forgive me?"
To Henry's surprise, Daniel laughed. It was a sad, jaded sound.
"Can I forgive you?" he echoed. "Don't you remember who you're talking to? A torturer. A murderer. A coward and a selfish—selfish—"
"Brat," Henry supplied.
"That is far too kind," Daniel said. "Henry, of course I forgive you. No one involved in any of this has clean hands. Besides, you didn't have me locked in there, it was the—what did you call it? The Sol Invictus Mithras."
"I nearly killed Paternoster for taking you from me. I would have died trying to kill him if you had been destroyed."
"I know, I saw it all in your mind," Daniel said. "I forgive you. In fact, I love you."
Henry kissed him passionately. Daniel timidly returned the kiss, his mouth spicy from the gin. He laid his head on Henry's chest, and sighed tiredly. There was a peaceful lull in the conversation.
"Why did they want me?" Daniel asked after a while. "Did they think I had stolen power or knowledge from Alexander?"
"The possibility existed, but it turned out to be far more than that," Henry said. "I told Paternoster of your state, and he realized that your communication with Alexander was more than a mad hallucination. Do you remember the device that Paternoster presented to Alexander outside the cell? Had you ever seen anything like it before?"
"Yes, I found similar devices scattered throughout Brennenburg," Daniel said. "When I touched them, I could feel Alexander's memories."
"Didn't you find that odd?"
"No, why should I?" Daniel asked. "I figured that they were a sort of diary, like my journal."
"Daniel, an immortal telepathic being from another dimension has no need for a diary," Henry said, smiling at the youth's characteristic ignorance. He patted his head to make up for the dry remark. "No, those are Memory Capsules. They record not only memories and thoughts, but preserve pieces of a being's very existence—their soul, if you will. Alexander must have always known there was a chance he would be destroyed, and so he left those capsules as a link with this world. When you touched them, you brought fragments of his soul into your mind, thus preserving him. Though he was destroyed, that link must have drawn him back from the void or wherever he was."
"But that's impossible!" Daniel said. "He was devoured by the Shadow. I saw it."
"So long as a piece of him remains, he lives," Henry said. "Of course, he is very weakened, which is why he needed the Orb to possess your body, and could not fight Paternoster in the end. But he lives."
"Even now?"
"Yes, but you needn't fear him any longer," Henry said. "Paternoster locked you away because he wanted the power of the Orb to finish linking you to Alexander. You were the bait to draw all that is left of Alexander's soul into one vessel, so that it could be captured."
"Captured how?"
"In the Memory Capsule that Paternoster had," Henry said. "He used the power of the Orb to draw all of Alexander's remaining energy out of your body and into a Memory Capsule."
"Ah, like an exorcism."
"Well … something like that."
"So Alexander is trapped inside a Memory Capsule now?"
"Yes, under the guard of the Sol Invictus Mithras itself," Henry said. "The reason Paternoster wished to contain him was not to eliminate the threat of such a powerful being running loose in the world, but to try to exploit him for knowledge. Alexander comes from a very sophisticated race of beings that are nearly immortal, and Paternoster has been interested in their talents for a long time. I myself have an interest in their telepathic abilities … but I could never bring myself to speak with that bastard Alexander. I may not even stay with the Sol Invictus."
"Alexander did let me go in the end," Daniel pointed out. "And you shouldn't give up everything that you've gained from that group, not for me. I won't be in any danger, since I'm not useful to them anymore, right?"
"That's true, but I don't know if I can forgive Paternoster," Henry said. "I'm not even sure I can agree with their philosophy anymore. The pursuit of knowledge at all costs is an easy thing to follow, until you've found something priceless."
"I'm hardly priceless."
"Must you force me to say the words? You've made me a sentimentalist," Henry scolded. "I love you, Daniel, hence you are priceless to me."
"Henry … "
"Why are you surprised? I've been saying it all along, haven't I?"
Daniel's eyes gleamed and he wiped them. He smiled wearily up at him.
"Thank you."
"I only did what I had to do," Henry said simply. "No one, no one will take you from me, Daniel."
"I was right, then," Daniel said. "I told Alexander that it was different this time, and it is. You may have lied to me a bit, and you are rough, but you love me. Even though I don't deserve it, you do love me, and you honestly want to protect me."
"Yes."
"I may have no right to ask anything more of you—"
"Go ahead, Daniel."
"Please, just … just never lie to me again?"
The request was so plaintive that it twisted Henry's heart. He kissed the man's forehead and face soothingly. He really does suffer beautifully, he could not help but note. None of my lovers have ever needed me as much as he does. So many years ago, I stood over him and watched him bleed from my blows, and hated the entire world for not allowing me to pick him up and comfort him. I hated him for being so desirable, and I hated myself for desiring him. To think that love could bloom from so much hatred and anger and useless violence. It's a thorny love, but it's love nonetheless.
"I won't lie to you again, I promise," Henry said. "I won't ever betray you again."
"Good. That's good."
Daniel closed his eyes and rested in his lover's arms. Safe. I feel safe with him. Isn't that ironic? I feel safe with Henry Bedloe, of all people. But I saw his mind through Alexander's weird power, and I saw the truth for myself: he loves me, he always has. At Paternoster's manor, he did everything in his power to protect me, and when he failed, he risked his life to rescue me. No one has ever done anything so selfless for my sake before. No man has ever loved me before, not even my father. And Henry has grown into a fine man of intelligence and strength. He even has knowledge of the Orbs and such esoteric powers! I never thought that I could admire him, but I do. I know I can be safe with him. He will protect me from anyone that would try to hurt me again … and from myself, if need be. I haven't always made the wisest decisions.
"Shall we go to bed?" Henry asked. "My legs have gone numb."
"Yes, let's go to bed. Together."
"I wouldn't have you anywhere else, love."
