HEYY XX IM BACK AGAIN! XX
sooo, ther wuz 1 main thing I forgot that heps of suethors lyke doing- and that iz delibretely spellin thingz wrong in da summerys. its impossibel 2 read proply and drives ppl mad wit its extreme lak ov respect 2 da english languich. lol
I find it excruciating to write like that, so I will discontinue, and then leave you with a remarkably witty disclaimer:
Nope. I have nothing.
Damn. The steroided angel had stopped.
'Come on Alex,' she pleaded 'Don't you DARE stop breathing on me.'
Alex gasped and shuddered. He looked up into her eyes… Those eyes... They were like deep endless pools of clear, calming water with flecks of sparkling turquoise and jade. It was as if an intoxicated hobo had passed out in the street, shattering his beer bottle into a thousand shimmering, verdant shards, sparkling in the light of the moon. A diamond held nothing, nothing at allto the overwhelming beauty that looked anxiously down at him. He could have stayed there forever, just watching her concerned gaze.
'Ria,' he whispered.
'Yes?"
He didn't need to say a word.
Alex wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a passionate kiss. He wanted to just lie there, without ever leaving. It felt like there was no one in the room, hell, no one in the whole universe except him and his beloved Ria. He sank his lips next to hers, tenderly kissing her. To his surprised delight, she kissed him back.
He felt as if the moment had lasted him an eternity, yet, it only lasted approximately 57.89 seconds. But who was counting?
Alex only looked up from his angel when he heard a voice. That voice was one of the only reasons he could ever stop.
'Hey. It's Double-Oh-Nothing.'
Oh no. Oh no. Eagle.
'I said, it's Double-Oh-Nothing.' Eagle intoned, slightly louder this time.
If Eagle was here, then that could only mean…
'Alex!' Wolf hissed, his fists clenching in fury.
Alex now despised Eagle even more than he already had, for interrupting his first kiss. (With a girl, that is.) It was the best kiss of his life, hell; even Artemis Fowl hadn't been that good.
Alex would never want to go through the agonising details of his breakup with Wolf. So why was he here? Why did they have an SAS unit coming all the way from Wales, just to deal with three assassins, plus the one hundred armed forces who clearly weren't waiting outside?
'You told me you could NEVER be with another girl!' growled Wolf.
'You broke up with me. I don't think anything I said can really count too much now.' Alex stated calmly.
'A friend, Alex?' asked Ria, her grip tightening on his shirt. Her hand moved an inch towards his neck.
'I, er, well, um, the thing about that is…' Alex trailed off hopelessly, watching her beautiful fingers move slowly towards his throat.
'You like boys.' She said, breathing in deeply. One of her magnificent eyes twitched.
'No- actually-I-there was Sabina-'
Ria exhaled slowly.
'Alex?' Snake asked kindly, gesturing to his rifle. 'Do you want me to shoot that foot for you?'
'You were having me on this whole time.' She stated.
Fox, who was there for some reason, put a reassuring hand on her shoulder.
'Mary-Sue, I think it would be best if you didn't strangle Alex.'
'My name is not Mary Sue.' seethed Mary-Sue, whoops, I mean Ria. 'My name is Maria-Susan Amelie Anastasia Violet.'
Snake put his hand on her other shoulder.
'Alex is not having you on, Ria. I've seen Alex, and I know when he loves somebody. It's clear to me that he cares about you a lot.'
'Is that-Is that true, Alex?' Ria pleaded. Unfortunately, she hadn't noticed that her hands had tightened around his neck and were choking him mercilessly. With a gasp, she stopped, and tenderly massaged his bruised neck.
'YES!' said Alex, gasping for air.
'Well then I don't care how many boys you've dated.' (1)
Alex gave her a brief kiss, then looked at Snake and asked him,
'What are you here for?'
'Oh, the government said we were needed as a safety precaution. This is just while the school is in lockdown. We're waiting for the heads of SO to arrive.'
Until then, Alex's classmates had just been sitting in shock. Then, Wendell Jenkins, the unpopular know-it-all, timidly raised his hand and said:
'Excuse me sir, but who were those men?'
'That's not for us to answer. Just stay quiet and don't panic until we tell you to. There may be more men outside the building.'
Fox inspected one of the three mountains, poking Everest with his toe.
'He's feeling no pain, if you catch my drift.'
'I wish I was as lucky as him.' said Eagle dully. 'What about the others.'
It was said without any hint of questioning.
'This guy's got a pulse!'
'That's dreary.' Said Eagle in a monotone.
'The heads should be here any moment now.' said Snake. 'Max, can you tie that guy up?'
'Max?' snorted Alex. 'Your name is Max?'
Eagle slowly and creepily looked at Alex. 'My name is Maximum Pain.'
'Wow.' said Alex. 'Your parents must have hated you.'
'They misunderstood me.' said Max. 'But then again, so does the rest of the world.'
Alex backed away slowly.
The awkward silence was then broken by Wolf's mobile playing a loud and shrill version of 'I Kissed a Girl'
'Hello?' answered Wolf.
"Yes. Alright then. Thank you.'
He turned to face the room.
'That was the heads. They want a meeting with you after school. Also, there is an assassin located in the vicinity. We have to find the man ourselves, as the phone line was cut.'
It was then that Yassen Gregorovich walked into the room.
Several weapons were instantly drawn.
Yassen put his empty hands up and said:
"Maria, why haven't you killed him yet?'
(1) Six, just in case you're curious.
Don't tell me Eagle is out of character. Seriously, don't. As much as I love Amitai's portrayal of him, people forget that it's not canon. This is MY parody, and in MY parody, Eagle is an emo.
Next chapter (if I ever get around to updating) includes Alex's no-so-secret admirer. Yes, another one. It's nothing at all graphic, but still, prepare to be scarred for life. The first person who guesses which (canon) character is madly in love with Alex:
GETS A FREE IPOD TOUCH!!
Disclaimer: The above statement is not actually true.
A grand total of two people reviewed my last chapter. I'm not hinting anything at all here, so I'll just repeat. Two people reviewed my last chapter.
A grand total of two people, if you catch my meaning.
