Chapter VIII

Edward's Point of View

I paced my room back and forth. I needed to go. I needed to save Maria before the Volturi sank their teeth into her. I knew that Alice and Jasper were right. If I go there alone, I will not accomplish anything. I needed their help, but Alice – being the ever-observant sister that she is – was asking questions I wasn't ready to answer. Her threat flashed in my mind again and I knew I could take her at her word. She wouldn't let this go. She would dig until she knew everything.

I did not want to admit to everyone that my heart was divided beyond my control. I love Bella, I do! I want to be with Bella. However, I would be lying if I didn't admit that I could feel the pull deep within me. There was an invisible force that connected me to Maria that left me exasperated. Most perplexing was this need to save her. It was physical and unrelenting. It fought against Jasper's influence and my own rationality.

What I told Bella nearly a year ago still rang true. I am a selfish creature. So I hadn't told Bella about Maria. I hadn't been completely honest when I said it just wasn't the right time. I knew Bella had a right to know about Maria, but I was scared for her to know. I was afraid of the truth about Maria. What would Bella say or do when she found out about the kiss? What if Bella wanted to have a relationship with Maria; where would that leave me? It was hard enough for me not to think about Maria, and she was half way around the world. How much worse would it be if she were just a few miles, or worse, in the same house as Bella?

I pulled at my hair and groaned as I tried to still myself. I had given my word that I would wait until tomorrow to go save Maria, with or without help. It was proving to be very difficult to keep my word. This connection I had with Maria had me fighting against my better judgment. Multiple times I found myself on the verge of fleeing to her; only sheer will stopping me. I felt like I was in utter chaos!

I took a deep, calming breath and let my mind focus on the physical things around me, rather than the emotional turmoil within. The first sounds that came to me were Jasper's words to Alice. He was trying his best to fill in the gap in her memory.

I winced with guilt. It was my fault that she doesn't remember. All too easily, the details formed in such clarity in my mind and filled in the empty spots that Jasper didn't know about what happened that day.

The moment I heard David's mind utter that McAlister wanted Bella, my feet were racing back to her. Despite being miles from her, I could smell her. It was far more potent than when I had left her before.

A howl echoed in the forest behind me. I quickened my steps to get to Bella. It was foolish of me to leave her so vulnerable.

Another howl, closer, caused the venom in my veins to begin to race.

'Do not engage him alone, Jesse! If you can stall him long enough for us to get there, we will take him down as a pack!'

'Yeah, yeah…' Jesse reiterated to Jared. This wasn't good!

I could make out the footfalls as Jesse ran and then suddenly they stopped. A whimper gave my mind pause for a faction of a second just as a horrendous stench slammed into me.

McAlister!

Then the smell was gone.

I found myself standing still when I should have been running. What was this ability that he possessed that seemed to render us useless? I shook my head, the disorientation slowing me down momentarily and began running again, pushing myself to my limits. I wasn't sure how much time may have passed.

'What was that?!' Jesse whined as he picked himself up to run.

Jared growled. 'That was the leech!'

I crossed the threshold of the forest. Instantly, I noticed an undressed Jacob lying on the ground unconscious. His heart was beating slowly, but steadily. However, a wrenching in my gut made me groan as I took in Jasper's dismembered body. His legs were missing, as was one arm. He was pulling himself to his legs. He looked up at me pleadingly. "Alice is in there!"

Alice's mind reached out to me and I could see him pick Bella up. "SSSTTTOOOPPP!" Alice screamed out. Suddenly, McAlister's mind was wide open. He thought Bella's blood held the key for mortality. He wanted it badly, but at the same time, he found it increasingly harder to resist the call of her blood. He began to lift her closer to his mouth. In that millisecond, I could see nothing else, just the slow motion of him ripping Bella from my life.

My feet moved as I barreled into the house, breaking the door off its hinges. As soon as the obstruction of the door was removed, Bella's potent aroma smacked me in the face. It enticed the hunger within me, until my eyes fell on McAlister. His eyes focused on me, driving me forward. I made a straight line to the monster that held my precious Bella. Part of my mind acknowledged running into something, much like it did when I ran into the door, but I couldn't be stopped.

In one fluid motion he yanked Bella closer to himself and hissed at me viciously. I found myself crouched down, ready to attack.

Then, Bella's head turned over as foreign words slipped from her lips. Her eyes flickered as her scent started to become even more pronounced. It was potent and surrounded us thickly, like a fog. The hunger deep within me stirred. I tried to push it down as I circled around McAlister.

"How can one Drake smell so enticing?"

I shook my head at the sudden anger and hatred that boiled up within me just at the memory of him wanting to devour her. I could see it in his eyes.

"Let her go…" I growled.

He turned his eyes back on me and studied me. "Do you really believe that you stand a chance?"

"I won't let you have her!"

"She is your mate, then?" He looked down at Bella. "How can you resist her aroma?"

It wasn't always so difficult to resist it, but it was at that time. Now I knew why. Her true essence had always been hidden behind Fin's barrier, but last week, it was breaking free. That presented a whole new problem. Once that barrier was gone, it was gone. Fin had said that if she broke it again, he would not be able to fix it. I knew she wouldn't be safe around the Volturi if that happened, but the truth of the matter was that she wouldn't be safe around any of us. If her true essence had ensnared Carlisle the night he drew blood, the most disciplined of us all, how did any of us stand a chance?

I had been lucky. Twice now I had proven too weak to the siren of her blood or essence, which ever it was. Bella's voice had saved her the first time. Last week, I wasn't so sure that would have been the case if Fin and Carlisle hadn't showed up when they did.

A growl left my lips, pulling McAlister's eyes back to me. "It's not without effort, but I won't hurt her!" In that moment, a memory flashed in his mind. One where McAlister murdered another girl; his own mate.

His brows knitted. "You're a foolish boy to underestimate the viciousness of the hunger within you."

"I'm not you! I love Bella, and I woulddie before I did anything to lose her!"

He shook his head with grief. "You're a foolish child." He steadied Bella in one of his arms and with the other lifted her hand up. "You may see my memories, but you don't know the control the hunger has, not in its truest form. You'll see-" His plan unfolded in his mind mere seconds before he followed through with it. I didn't have enough time to react. "-our kind should not exist at all and never can we truly co-exist with hers." His nail swiped across her palm.

The smell hit me before the first scarlet drop welled up against her porcelain skin. In that instant, the aroma became tangible. It caressed my taste buds and spurred the monster forth. 'Bella!' I yelled in my head, trying to push the hunger down, but it was a torrent of animal instinct that kept dragging at my conscious mind. The monster responded by purring in delight as it stalked closer to the source of its desire. 'I love Bella! I won't hurt her!' I screamed at it, fighting desperately against the monster.

Suddenly, the aroma spiked. In that fraction of time, I no longer knew or cared about anything but possessing my prey. I wanted, no, needed it! The man, who held the precious morsel also seemed to realize exactly what he held. His eyes flickered as he inhaled the air in the room and then he groaned in ecstasy. In one fluid motion, he pulled her to his lips. In the same motion, I blurred from my position, ready to kill this competition and claim my prize.

I caught him off guard as I knocked him into the wall, cracking the wood. His eyes narrowed dangerously but he did not relent the delicacy. His lips pulled back into a vicious snarl as he tucked my prize closer to his chest. Crouching down, he prepared himself to destroy me, but I would destroy him first! We both began to blur to the other when a voice slowed both of our steps.

"Edward, stop!"

The words meant nothing to me but his smell wafted into my nose, pulling my attention momentarily to a small man with wild red hair. He lifted his palm up as his face strained. Frustration crossed over his face, then he lifted both palms up and spoke again. "Pleh li Fa Ra Sha!"

I turned my head back to the predator that possessed my prize. His eyes were narrowed not at me, but at the man. I again turned my head back to the little red haired man. He smelled appetizing, but was nothing compared to my true desire, the siren that beckoned me.

I used that moment of distraction to my advantage and sprang at my soon-to-be meal. In that instant, a hard body slammed into me. 'No, Edward!' I recognized the voice in my head as the small man.

Something was clamped around me. Preventing my advancement. 'Son, find the will.' I struggled against my restraint as another voice bombarded my mind. I snapped back with my teeth at my captor. A blonde creature held me, pain situated on his face. I growled and tried to yank away from him. 'Stop breathing it in son!' His voice assaulted my mind again.

"Get him out of here! It's about to get hot!" The small man's eyes flashed toward Bella. Then, his hands lit up with flickering flames. In that same instant, self-preservation kicked in, effectively pushing the hunger away.

Almostinstantly, my mind recollected itself. I stopped thrashing in Carlisle's arms as I clamped my mouth shut and cut off the air that was filling my nose. My eyes shot over to Bella, whose nearly red eyes were wide open. Her eyes looked tormented as she stared at me.

The look on her face would torture me for the rest of my life. She saw the monster I was capable of being. Even now, I flinched at the look in her eyes. She was afraid to return. She was afraid of me. Did she hate me? It was torment to sit here when all I wanted was to run to her and convince her that I wasn't that monster, but I couldn't. That monster would always be lurking beneath the surface.

Her eyes flickered as tears rolled over her bottom lashes. My heart throbbed painfully in my chest. "Bella!" I inhaled Bella's scent again. The monster tried to regain control, but this time the scent wasn't quite as potent. I struggled against it and managed to keep it at bay. My struggle now was against Carlisle's arms.

McAlister knew he was getting into a sticky situation. He was outnumbered, but he refused to give up such a rarity. He wanted Bella. I growled viciously at his thoughts. His eyes fell on me and then the horrendous stench filled the room, somehow masking Bella's scent.

"Get him out of here, now!" Fin yelled. I shook my head with disorientation as fire shot from Fin's hand and formed a barrier around McAlister before he could run. He was trapped and, consequently, Bella was, too.

"No! Bella!" I tried to run to her, but Carlisle held onto me.

Carlisle groaned with effort. "Son... You'll burn." He turned his gaze to Fin. Through Carlisle's mind, I could see that Fin was breathing hard. His body shook with fatigue.

A gust of wind whooshed through the room and made the flames burn higher and brighter. Where was the wind coming from?

"Everyone get out! It's about to break!" Fin practically stumbled to Carlisle and myself. He grabbed onto me as well and began to drag me away.

"No! We have to save Bella!" Her eyes no longer saw me; theywere almost vacant as the foreign mumblings became more pronounced. I shook my head. They were going to let him kill her!

Another whoosh of wind filled the house, but it seemed to sustain itself in the room as the wind pushed at us. It was almost as if the wind was coaxing us away.

Fin shook his head. "No time!" No time to save her? This wasn't the Fin I knew. The Fin I came to know gave everything to save her. Why wouldn't he now?

McAlister looked at the burning room wide eyed and took in the unexplainable torrent winds that slapped at him. The growing flames trapped him. He turned to the cracked wall that was to his back and began to move towards it, taking Bella with him.

Itdidn't stand a chance. He burst through the wall, like it was merely paper, andgrowls filled the air. An array of voices filled my head as Fin released me and ran through the flames.

"Carlisle! We need to go after them!" I pulled at his arms, trying to run towards the door. Carlisle, seeing that I was leaving the house safely, released me.

If Jasper hadn't managed to pull himself together and run in at that moment, he would have been destroyed. It seemed that when Bella's essence-barrier broke, the house sheltered us from the initial shock wave of flames that had burst from her.

If Jasper were to have perished, then no doubt, Alice would have, too. Neither Carlisle nor myself had realized that Alice was there, lying broken. Bella's scent had completely filled the air, erasing all others. As soon as Jasper got to her, it had clicked in my head what happened. The thing that I ran into had been Alice.

Jasper blurred into the house. His eyes zeroed in on the eastern wall. A pain distorted his face. "Alice-"

Bella's scream echoed loudly. I moved to run out of the door when a roaring sound began outside and then something violent smacked into the house, shaking the very foundation. We all stood stock-still as the smell of burning wood, hair and flesh assaulted our senses. The heat in the room had climbed several suffocating degrees. We were in a very precarious situation.

An instant after the violent shock wave, the sounds of howls filled the air. Jasper scooped Alice up gently. "Carlisle..." His voice broke as he looked at her limp body. I listened into her mind. She was in pain.

"Carlisle, do something, please!" Jasper looked to Carlisle, pleading.

I moved toward the door, but then stopped short. I was amazed by the scene I saw. The forest was lit with dying flames slowly being extinguished by the drizzle that was ever present. I stepped out into the ash that had once been grass and gaped at the destruction. One thing was very obvious the moment I stepped out. The only ones that remained outside were the Quileutes. Some were injured, but living. Several other houses were burning and they were rushing to pull people from a fiery death. Fin and Bella, however, were gone.

At the time, I had thought that it was Fin that had caused such destruction. Even after seeing Fin's memories of what happened, I couldn't wrap my mind around Bella hurting anyone, much less destroying them. How did she feel about that? Had she been aware of what she was doing when it occurred? I turned my mind over to reflecting on Fin's memories.

Fin didn't hesitate running through the fire to get to Bella. He had known the flames would be harmless to him, however, he wasn't so certain if the same was true for Bella. He couldn't chance hitting her without knowing for sure. That didn't matter, though. Fin could see his barrier cracking within her. He could feel it with every fiber of his essence. That was the reason he had tried to pull me from the house. Although his strength was waning, he tried to get me away from Bella to save her from herself.

'McKenna will not forgive herself if she incinerates him.' Fin's thoughts were selfless as he fought against his instincts to help Bella. He knew that McAlister would not live much longer and that it would be Bella who saved herself. The force of the barrier breaking was too strong for a vampire to survive but it was also too chaotic to control. McAlister would die, but so would anyone else in the way.

When McAlister fled the room, Fin panicked and left us in the house. Instinct finally won over and he fled to follow his daughter. When he came out of the newly formed hole he found that McAlister was surrounded by the wolves. Fin hadn't thought much about McAlister's disappearing trick, probably because it didn't seem to work on him, but I do. Why hadn't he used it again? He could have easily got around the wolves in doing so. Was there something that stopped him? Was it Bella's barrier breaking that caused it? Was it her essence that made his gift ineffective?

'She's so afraid.' Fin knew this because of the bond he shared with Bella. It wasn't empathy like Jasper or David. He couldn't pick up every emotion she felt, just the strong ones that dominated her fully.

He tried to move closer, but as he did, Bella's eyes flickered and the wind that circled around them grew stronger and purposeful. It was as if the wind was pushing everyone away from Bella.

'Is this McKenna? Is she manipulating the wind to push us away? Does she know what is coming? Oh sonte graahem... you are so much more than I ever thought... you are amazing...'

Fin still fought through the wind, only feeling more pride in Bella as the wind pushed stubbornly against him. It was then that he heard familiar words that I didn't know. I hadn't understood them, but Fin did. He recognized the Draken words, but there were words there not even he recognized. Were they a form ofDrake that Fin had no knowledge of, or perhaps something different all together?

"Da mae fraddaag (I am sorry). Da noz kiz guz fir nusht (I cannot hold it back). Tihee sihi ooht sai'. Da mae fraddaag (I am sorry)!"

"McKenna…" Fin sympathized with Bella. Every second that passed, he could feel her fear and pain growing because of the breaking barrier that bound her essence. A phantom pain filled his body, making it tingle in remembrance at his own barrier breaking many years ago.

Then the brown that I loved so much in Bella's eyes disappeared and all that remained was liquid crimson. In that instant, her head flung back in pain and something beautiful happened. The air around Bella and McAlister became a visible cyclone of wind. Bella's body flickered, illuminating the darkness of night. It was almost like the flame had consumed her. She looked like something unearthly, like an angel.

Pain filled Fin as he felt the severing of his essence within Bella as the wind stopped around them. Then the break. It made him stumble when a scream burst forth from Bella's lips. The barrier had broken.

As the scream left her lips, air burst from her, shoving everyone but McAlister, who held onto her fiercely, away violently. 'It's too strong!' Fin's mind realized just seconds before he was flung into the wall of the house. He was pinned there as the roar of fire next shot from her body.It was a white flame that looked almost ethereal. As the flames moved further away from her body, the flames slowly shifted to a pale blue. Magnificent.

Fin managed to pull himself into his orb in an attempt to protect his body. The flames cut straight through him, heating him up in a painful manner.He screamed in pain as he likened the sensation to his insides broiling and being on the verge of melting, but his orb had shielded him just enough that he did not perish. Although extremely painful, he was alive.

He couldn't hold on any longer and fell from his protection. In a heap on the ground, he looked up with fatigue to see Bella. She lay unconscious on the ground and McAlister was nowhere to be seen, presumably incinerated.

It took Fin some effort, but he managed to get to Bella. His arms shook as he lifted her into his arms, noticing that his skin wasn't its normal pale complexion, but a red color, much like sunburn.

It had taken him a few tries, but he finally managed to coax his essence back out long enough to pull himself and McKenna into his orb. He managed to get a few miles away. It was there that he and Bella both collapsed. Shewas still unconscious. He managed to shield Bella with his body before he, too, fell unconscious.

It hadn't ended there. Fin's memories took me further to when he awoke.

Fin woke suddenly with the feeling that something wasn't right. He bolted straight up, searching for Bella. 'McKenna?' He knew instantly that he was not in the same place that he and McKenna had fallen. He recognized the smell, though. They were in Ireland.

My mind flickered back to Maria momentarily. That was where I left her, but she wasn't there anymore. Again, the invisible cords that connected us began to pull at me. The need to go to her and save her wanted to consume me again, but I turned my mind more fully back to Fin's memories to try to overcome the urge.

Fin could feel the fear and overwhelming sadness from Bella. She was nearby, but he couldn't relax until he laid eyes on her. He stood on wobbly legs, following his instincts to go to her. "You should rest, my friend." Fin recognized Hammon's voice immediately. "Your essence has not yet recuperated."

Fin shook his head, finally eyeing his friend who leaned against a tree, facing away from him. He was looking at something. "I need to get to McKenna… sh—"

"She is safe." Hammon turned his head to Finand then nudged his chin back in the way that he was originally looking.

Relief transcended over Fin as he practically stumbled his way to Hammon. He stopped suddenly as he took in McKenna's demeanor. She sat in the center of scorched earth. Her legs were pulled tightly up into her chest as she hugged her legs. Her eyes seemed vacant as wind whipped solely around her.

"She has a very powerful essence. It reaches out beyond her physical body." Hammon spoke with awe.

"How long h-" Fin took several deep breaths as his body tried to recuperate. "-has she been like this?"

"Three or four hours." Hammon turned his head to Fin. "She's grown up quite beautiful, much like her mother." He smiled. "But I get a sense that she is just as stubborn as her father."

Fin made a noncommittal sound, concentrating on her. "You saw us and you came?" He side glanced Hammon as his mind and body screamed for rest.

Hammon nodded. "I saw your intention to return here. You thought youneeded my help." Hammon furrowed his brows. "I do not believe this is wise for you to attempt to replacethe barrier in your weakened state."

"I can't leave her this way." Fin turned his attention back to McKenna. "She's so scared." He turned his sorrow filled eyes to Hammon. "I know you can feel the essence. It's only a matter of time before the others do, too." He shook his head. "I have to try."

Hammon sighed. "You have my aid, my friend." He smiled, disheartened. "Just speak the word."

Fin nodded as he stepped out from among the trees and walked cautiously toward McKenna. He knew better than to speak to her, or to upset her further. It must have seemed avolatile and scary time for Bella when the barrier broke. It was even worse when one wasn't prepared for or knew how to control it. He could sympathize with her. He hadn't had someone there to tame the raging fire within himself, either. He hadn't had anyone who could replace the barrier, but she did. As long as he was alive, he would do anything to help McKenna.

"McKenna?"

As soon as he spoke her name, a tear rolled over her eyelashes. She slowly lifted her head as her nearly vacant eyes settled on him. Again, he could feel his heart breaking. "Why?"

"Why?" He asked tentatively.

She studied him, a weariness appearing in her eyes. "Why is this happening?" She looked at the scorched ground and winced. "I..." Her eyes became tormented. "I didn't mean to…"

"It is your essence. The barrier has been broken and your essence is now flowing freely through you."

"No…" She shook her head as a tremble went through her body. "I…" She lifted her arms from around her legs. They trembled and began to fluctuate between flesh and fire. "I… It's… I remem—"

"McKenna… Calm down. You can't let the essence control you. You control it…" He spoke in a soothing voice.

"I… I can't!" Tears came to her red eyes as she wrapped her trembling arms back around her legs. "It hurts!" She cried out as her body began to flicker with flames. "Make it stop!" She cried out again as the winds around us grew stronger. The temperature, too, was increasingly warming. "It's tearing me apart! Please! Stop it!" She tightened her arms around her legs and ducked her face into her lap, pulling herself into a tighter ball on the ground.

Fin looked to Hammon.

Hammon nodded once and turned his eyes on McKenna. Fin too turned his attention to McKenna. "I'll do what I can."

McKenna's head lifted and her eyes shifted to Fin's. There was a torment there that Fin didn't understand, but he would make it stop. He would succeed in putting the barrier back, no matter how long it took.

McKenna's eyes widened as she gasped. Her eyes flickered uneasily and then the wind and fire around her ceased as her body loosened and fell into Fin's waiting arms.

Fin had spent the next few days putting a barrier in place. This is what Fin had meant for me to see in these memories. He hadn't meant for me to see his last conversation with Bella. As soon as the memory came into his mind, he quickly pushed it away. He left quickly after that, but I had seen it.

"I am not going back there." Bella's brown eyes were filled with tears as she shook her head vehemently. It was the only thing she had spoken since the barrier was back in place. Fin had figured that her actions were simply because she still did not want him around. Now, he wasn't so sure. "I can't."

"What about your friends? What about Edward?" Fin wasn't really sure when he had stopped resenting Bella'sconnection with a Kre Kruda, but at some point, he had stopped thinking of me and myfamily in that way.It wasn't until Fin saw the monster that lay dormant within me that day that he became leery of me. He knew it was the essence that called to me, but this is what he had been warning me about all this time. I was dangerous for her.Fin recognized that I would always be a Kre Kruda and Bella would always be a Drake. Our worlds could not cohabitate because eventually, it would come down to one of us destroying the other.It wasn't like Fin disliked me, because he did. For him, it was just a matter of fact that it was in my nature to seek the essence in blood and take it. Fin was right to recognize that Bella happened to have an incredible amount of essence that grew like his did. He knew what they were. His friend, Hammon, had once told him. He was a Healer and it seemed that Bella was, too. This incident only served to open Fin's eyes that he couldn't be complacent about his and Bella's gift and situation. He realized that he couldn't let his guard down, with me or any of my family, regardless of the fact that he actually liked us. It was too dangerous and I agreed with him, but it still stung like poison hearing it come from Bella, too.

"It isn't safe…" She lifted her head up, her eyes tormented as she studied Fin.

Fin was divided. Part of him was glad that Bella finally realized the precarious situation she was in, being with me. However, another part of him recognized a loss of innocence. She didn't trust me anymore; therefore she didn't believe that love was enough. It tore at my heart. I did this to her.

"Edward?" Fin asked delicately.

McKenna's eyes lowered as she turned her head away.

I shook the memory from my mind as Alice's mind screamed more accusations at me. Jasper couldn't tell her about the monster that I had become and how I stole away her innocence. Nor could he tell her that Bella didn't want to be here. To Alice, I was in the wrong for not going to her and sweeping her back home where she could be "safe." She couldn't understand why I wasn't wanting her with me.

I did want her with me. I yearned for her, but she was rightfully afraid of me. Twice now, I could have killed her. Fin was right, Bella finally understood the danger and she wanted to keep her distance. Besides that, she could bewith the boy that the cosmos had planned for her. Maybe this was for the best.

She was never truly mine to lose anyway.

My heart felt like it was being squeezed in a vice grip at that thought. If that were true, why was my heart breaking more every time I tried to convince myself of it?

As Jasper finished telling Alice everything that he knew, she stood up in a huff, nearly tipping over her homemade tomato soup. Considering the last time she had had food in her system was a few decades ago, Carlisle thought it was best to start Alice off on liquids. 'If you aren't going to go get her Edward, I will!' Alice was just as stubborn as ever. I couldn't tell her the truth, though. It would hurt her to know that this was Bella's choice.

I sighed. "Alice, just drop it." I smirked as Jasper began to tell Alice what I said, but she already knew what my response would be.

"I'm going over there!"

I didn't have to respond to that, because Jasper didn't want her to go over there. He not only worried about the wolves and their volatile nature, but also what Bella was capable of. He hadn't seen it, but Jared and Jesse explained what they had seen.

Her "episodes" didn't seem to have any rhythm or reason. They occurred sporadically, leaving it impossible to predict when it would occur.

There was also the destruction that hadhappened. Charlie's and two neighbors' houses were shells of what they used to be, as the fire claimed them. Thankfully, the wolves managed to pull the neighbors from their otherwise fiery tombs. Twenty minutes later, the fire department showed up and battled the flames for several hours. Not only did they have to put out the houses, but also the surrounding forest. Luckily, they had the weather on their side.

The police suspected arson. There were inquires as to where Bella was during the fire. None of the officers honestly suspected Bella of foul play, mostly for Charlie's sake. However, there were still unanswered questions about what happened to her months ago, and now the destruction of the Swan residence. As soon as Bella was back, they would want to question her thoroughly.

"Please Alice, it isn't safe there."

"I am going." Alice crossed her arms stubbornly.

I sighed. I knew better than to think that Alice would drop something just because I said to. That would be like telling the rain not to fall or the sun not to shine.Some forces are just beyond our control, and Alice was one of those.

I moved quicklyfrom my room and came to a stop at the kitchen doorway, knowing Jasper didn't want me too close to Alice. I didn't blame him. He had every right to be angry with me. At least his anger had lessened since Alice was better now. Perhaps over time...

"Alice, don't go there."

Alice spun around to face me. Her anger made her look better than she had when she woke; notquite as ashen. Then again, perhaps the effects of being so close to death were wearing off. Fin had said it would be a couple of hours before she would start feeling better.

Fin's power was a marvelous gift. The ability to heal oneself and others was amazing. It was amazing to see it happen before our eyes. Like watching nature takes its course in super sonic fast forward as the body knit itself back together.

"Well, you aren't. Someone has to let her know that we want her here!"

I sighed. "Alice, she doesn't want to be here."

"That's ridiculous. Of course she wants to be here. She's practically family."

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "No, we aren't family." The hollow ache within me became more pronounced.

Alice looked as if I had just slapped her in the face. "Why would you say that?!" Her heart began to race.

I lowered my eyes. "Alice, she is afraid of us... of me. She specifically said she didn't want to be here." This was torment, voicing what Fin had inadvertently shared with me. Then again, maybe he had meant to share it with me all along. Maybe it was his way of showing me what I needed to do... to walk away.

Alice shook her head. "No. I don't believe that."

The pain became more consuming as I lifted my face back to Alice. Her eyes widened and she took a step toward me, but I shook my head stopping her. "Edward... it has to be some misunderstanding..." She studied my face, searching for answers. There were no answers because this was Bella's decision.

How cruel fate was.

How many months had I spent avoiding Bella at the beginning? Too few, perhaps, since I hadn't stopped her from discovering what I was, or from accepting and trusting me, despite my warnings. It wasn't until she had been ripped from my existence that I realized how deeply I needed her with me. And for what? So I could merely bandage her open wounds, and in the process discover just how painfully right I was to try and push her away in the first place?I was the biggest danger to Bella, because she trusted me so thoroughly. Now, she knew. She understood that I was just a monster hiding in this body.

"Don't give up on her..." Alice whispered. "She loves you Edward, I know she does."

"Alice, I'm dangerous for her."

Alice rolled her eyes. "You are stronger than you give yourself credit for."

"Her essence is stronger..." I spoke with all the defeat I felt.

She opened her mouth and then closed it. She remembered the hungering pull that Bella's scent caused within us. She shook her head. "I know you two ca—"

"Alice..." I sighed.

"You can! I know it! You two are meant to be together!" A pang of guilt vibrated through my body at Alice's choice of words. Jasper noticed and wondered about it. He didn't say anything, letting Alice have the floor.

"Alice, you don't know what you're talking about. Just drop it, okay. This is her choice."

"No. I refuse to accept that! If you don't want to fight for her, then I will!"

"It isn't about fighting for her! She is afraid of me! Even worse than that, she has a perfectly good reason to be afraid of me! Do you really think I cherish that thought? Do you think it doesn't tear me apart that the woman I love is in danger every second that she is with me?"

Alice shook her head. "You wouldn't hurt her!"

My eyes began to burn with phantom tears that would never fall. "Alice, I am a monster."

"I wish you would stop that!" Alice spoke exasperatedly. "You're not a monster!"

"Yes! I am!" I balled my hands into tight fists. "I... I nearly killed her, Alice! Not just one time either, twice!"

Alice was taken back by the news. She tried to wrap her mind around that fact. "You didn't, though..."

I looked at her hopelessly trying to will her to understand. "It wasn't because of my own self-control." I turned my head away, seeing her mind piece my words together.

"You would have stopped on your own though, I know you would have."

I shook my head. "You don't understand."

"I remember the hunger, Edward!"

"It's more than the hunger... this was all consuming. I wasn't even me anymore!" The pain made my knees tremble. Leave it to Bella to make me feel more and more human even when she wasn't here. "The first time, it took me by surprise when Carlisle attempted to draw her blood." I shuddered in remembrance of that day.

"Then last week, McAlister wanted to show me that I was the monster that I tried to bury. He cut her hand. Even before any blood welled up the scent had changed me. I tried to fight it! I tried to stay focused on Bella and how much I love her, but the monster still took control. Again, Bella was just a morsel to be consumed." The memory of the scent made the hunger in me begin to burn, I would have to feed soon…

"But..."

"She saw it, Alice! She saw the monster that I was... So there is no but. There is no getting around it." I shook my head and studied the different grains in the wood on the floor, the pain becoming nearly unbearable. "I thought that after the first incident I had gotten stronger because it was easier to be around her. Her scent wasn't as powerful." I locked eyes on Alice. "I was a fool. The reason why it was easier was because Bella's true essence was hidden. When her blood was released, then her true essence came with it." I took a step back readying myself to leave. "If I can't handle her true essence, how am I supposed to be with her? Her essence is her."

The truth finally hit me square in the face. I couldn't be with Bella. None of us could. Fin's barrier wouldn't last forever. I had no doubt that the moment it fell again her life would be in danger by all of us, especially me. Yes, we loved her and she was more intertwined within our family bonds than I thought possible, but not even Carlisle would be immune to her pull. We couldn't stay.

Salt filled the air suddenly. I knew Alice's eyes were filled with tears and I couldn't bear to look at it. I knew this would hurt her. I hadn't wanted to tell her because Alice loved Bella. "So, that's it?" Her voice quivered around her words. The room was silent for a few seconds with the exception of Alice's heartbeat and shallow breaths. "No. It can't be."

"Alice..." I couldn't bear to look up.

"No." Alice walked past me. "I won't accept it... There has to be a way. Somehow, there is a way!" She walked out of the house. I knew where she was going. I couldn't stop her. Somehow, she would find a way to get to Bella. At least now she wasn't walking in there blind with a heart ready to be splintered.

I lifted my head as Jasper studied me. 'You're not telling us everything, are you?' Jasper's empathy made it hard to hide anything around him. However, unlike Alice, he wasn't as intrusive.

I shook my head.

'I'm not one to meddle, but now is a time to get everything in the open. War is closing in on us. We cannot have secrets; they only divide us and make us weaker. Think about that.' With those thoughts, he blurred off after Alice. I was left alone to mull over everything, yet once again.

I couldn't do it, not at the moment. Everything was a chaotic mess that consumed me. Instead of stewing in my own misery, I ran out of the house. I ran for miles, trying to leave the pain behind so that I could think. I just needed to think. Suddenly, a familiar smell caught my nose, stopping me in my run. The pain didn't lessen, but now anger also coursed through my body. I didn't want to see her. All of this turmoil became too real because of her.

"Are you ready to talk?"

{10Chapter8.1}