AN: I gave Ian literally one line in the last chapter, and everyone in the comments was already tired of him Lmao. I know a lot of you guys feel bad for the position Jane is in, and I totally get that. I like how riled up you guys get. And I also want to thank all the regular commenters. Lalalalee, you are also a god Lol. A lot of you guys leave me these beautiful comments and compliment my writing and I can't tell you how much that means to me. Thanks cshutts btw. And SarahShalomDavid. And D3nsei. And cjunited38. And god this is going to be longest author's note ever if I go through mentioning everyone, but really guys I want to say thanks because it means a lot. And I love your comments. And welcome new followers and favoriters and commenters and such.
Maura's POV
Attraction is a very deceptive creature.
You examine it over and over, obsessively so. You know it. You know every inch of its being; you've seen it first hand, dissected it. Labeled it. Pulled it apart completely before meticulously piecing it back together.
You know why she makes your heart beat faster. And your breath catch in your throat. And your palms sweat. You know it's only some intoxicating concoction of Oxytocin and Dopamine and pheromones . It doesn't mean anything. It doesn't. And you know this.
But attraction…attraction is a very deceptive creature.
And even after you've discovered it, learned it, identified it beyond all reasonable doubt. You can't help but wonder if maybe, just maybe, it could be something more.
And that wondering terrifies you.
So when Ian returns, it's almost as if reaching the eye of the storm. When you hear his voice, you fly off of the couch quicker than Jane's hands can recapture your wrist. You can hear her mumble something behind you, but you're too preoccupied opening the front door to hear it. At the sight of you, Ian immediately smiles; you can tell he's missed you. His eyes roam over your form quickly before gleaming happily. You can barely return his gaze though because his lips are almost instantly on yours. Insistent and wet. His tongue dips quickly into your mouth as his arms move to wrap around you tightly. This is how he always greets you when he comes back from a long trip. And he goes on long trips so often that it's become a sort of welcome-back ritual now. A routine of sorts.
When you were younger, still fresh from your relief work in Angola, you'd treasured every one of Ian's surprise visits. Back then, it was only youthful adventure. You never knew if he'd pop in one night and press you up against a kitchen counter or sweep you away to some dimly lit park for a walk. It was exciting. It was something to look forward to, to hope for. And even though you were pretty certain your feelings for Ian went far pass exploratory, you still never expected more than a friendly, sometimes sexual relationship.
But after awhile, things changed. His visits became more frequent, his stays became much longer. And eventually during one homecoming, probably not even consciously so, he stayed long enough to develop a life with you.
A life of shared closet space and designated bedsides. Of morning kisses and midnight 'I love you's. You'd pass down the latest issue of Scientific American, and he'd brief you on some medical article he read. He'd tag along with you to your mother's art shows or to exhibit openings at the museum. He was always there by your side and you by his. And for a while, it was a happy little setup. You were never alone, not really anyway. And for once, in your entire life, you felt as if someone actually cared for you. And not in the way your parents cared for you where there was always a sense of parental obligation. And not in the way lovers before Ian cared for you where it peaked at the bedroom and quickly dwindled afterwards. It was something you'd never had with anyone else. It was a genuine friendship and a genuine romance.
And though you had hoped he enjoyed the domesticity as much as you, though you had frequently spent your nights lying awake beside him, recounting every event, every shared moment, reassuring yourself that this time he would stay. This time he would want to. It was only after a year of the arrangement that he started his medical tours back through Africa. And it was only two years after that that he settled on developing a new clinic in Ethiopia. Your relationship with him went on awhile like that. Back and forth. Staying and leaving. Whenever he was with you, it was gratifying. It was like every bit of emptiness inside you, all those dark trenches left behind by years of neglect would just…disappear.
But whenever he wasn't with you, whenever he'd kiss you goodbye swiftly in the glaring lights of some airport or nonchalantly tell you of an upcoming trip to one of his clinics, the sense of abandonment was excruciating. It was as if the happy haze had been lifted, the morphine had worn off. And all you could feel was this sad, lonely emptiness.
It was only after years of doing this, of continuing this cycle that finally, one morning in September Ian chose you. You remember waking up to his lips against yours, to his hand pressed against your stomach.
"I am dreading leaving, Maura. I could hardly sleep I dreaded it so much."
It was a beautiful little memory. He had finally whispered against your lips that after one more visit to tie up loose ends at his clinics, he'd come home. For good this time. And he would love it if when he came back you'd be his. Officially. You'd been so excited at his proposal, at the thought of having him permanently, that you didn't hesitate to say yes.
And now here he is. And he's here for good. And he loves you and you love him. And despite all the new problems that have developed in his absence, nothing will change that.
Especially not Jane.
Especially not her lips. And her eyes and that vexing attraction you have for her. Especially not some drunken kiss in the glow of bar lights.
No, those things wouldn't change what you felt for Ian.
So when he finally pulls back from kissing you, smiling happily from ear to ear, you return his smile just as widely. You finally have him the way you've always wanted him. This happy reunion doesn't last long though because Jane is clearing her throat roughly and standing up from the couch. Ian flicks his eyes over to her in an almost startled fashion, and you wonder if he'd forgotten there was someone else in the room.
"I think that's my cue to leave," she says awkwardly, trying to maneuver around the Australian native who is still partially blocking the doorway. He squints his eyes at her for a bit as if there is something about her that's clicking but not quite.
"Wait," he pulls away from you completely, turning to the detective who is still trying to slip her way through the strip of unobstructed space in the doorway, "pardon my forgetfulness, I am still quite a bit jetlagged, but I feel as if I know you from somewhere."
You see Jane's eyes flit to yours for a moment before quickly returning to Ian. "Uh yeah, I think Maura may have introduced us at a diner before," she offers, lifting up her hand in order to shake his, "I'm Jane Rizzoli."
Ian's eyes widen almost imperceptively in recognition as he finally accepts Jane's hand. After a second of shaking, you see Jane's fingers unclench, ready to end the interaction. But Ian doesn't immediately let go. He just kind of stands there, holding her palm hostage.
"Oh you're the Jane Rizzoli who works with Maura at the police department…Detective Rizzoli. Maura's told me so much about you."
You're a little surprised by his statement. You'd completely forgotten that you'd pretty much told Ian about everything that happened with Jane. Well everything up until the agreement. You'd told him about the first time you'd met her. About how she'd sweetly she welcomed you, offering her unrestricted assistance.
"I've uh –I've heard very impressive things about you, Dr. Isles," She scratched her neck shyly, " and after having to work with a jackass like Pike, I'm just glad we got someone who knows what they're doing."
"Oh, that's very kind of you to say, Detective," you blushed slightly, glancing away from her surprisingly soft brown eyes.
"Ahem," she cleared her throat awkwardly, rocking back and forth on her heels, "well, anything you need, Doctor, don't be afraid to come to me. "
As the months passed by, you had often gushed to Ian about how pleasant she was to you, especially compared to the other detectives. She never pointed out your way of dressing if not in compliment. She never rushed your results or ridiculed your choice of words.
"We'll have to run tests on the reddish brown stain in the carpet."
"Reddish brown stain?" she cocked one eyebrow up in confusion, "are you talking about the pool of blood in the living room?"
"Well…it has to be verified before we know with certainty what it is…" You'd fidgeted nervously. Whenever the other detectives heard you say something like that they'd snicker under their breath or roll their eyes in irritation. Jane did neither. She just kind of smiled amusedly before patting your arm.
"Very thorough…I like that."
Sometimes you'd tell Ian about overhearing Jane defend you against some discourteous officer or talk you up to one of her fellow comrades. It made you feel very accepted in an environment, which for the most part, you weren't. Overall, at least at the start of your job at BPD, Jane was a frequent, happy subject of conversation, and Ian often teased you about the budding office friendship. You'd just waved him off though, embarrassed at his assumption but still somewhat giddily hopeful. You'd never had an honest friendship before, outside of Ian anyway.
But it wasn't long before your hopes were dashed completely. Eight months or so after developing a rather promising acquaintanceship with the star detective, things changed.
Dramatically so.
It was almost if a switch had accidently been flipped, and suddenly Jane Rizzoli didn't like you anymore. She no longer defended you in conversations. She no longer opened doors for you or smiled sweetly as you walked pass. She no longer complimented your attire or your thorough work ethic. Instead she mocked you openly and seemed upset at your very presence. It was so glaringly different from how she treated you before that you briefly wondered if you'd simply imagined all her kind behavior. If those 8 months of friendliness had all been some complex hallucination. You remember sighing sadly over Skype as Ian assured you it wasn't a big deal, that she was just jealous of your brilliance. Though you'd smile at his attempts to comfort you, they'd done nothing to soothe your disappointment. You really wanted Jane to like you. What had you done wrong?
After a while of taking her teasing, she'd mostly stopped being a topic of conversation for Ian and you. Well, except for that one night when you freaked out over webcam about her kissing you in the elevator. Oh wait…
Your eyes widen in realization.
Oh god, he knows about the elevator. Ian knows about the kiss. You quickly try to gauge his emotions, but his face is only adorned with a confused yet pleasant smile. Which is unsettling considering he's aware of the horrible way Jane treated you. When you eye Jane, you notice she seems slightly caught off-guard by his previous statement. She probably had no idea how much you'd noticed her even before the 'agreement'.
"She's talked about me?" she asks disbelievingly and Ian simply nods.
"Yes of course, though I must admit, some of what I've heard isn't particularly flattering." Jane's cheeks redden in embarrassment. She looks at you quickly, probably for help, but before you can say anything, Ian continues talking.
"I apologize if that came off a bit blunt, but I'm a little confused at the moment," he turns his head briefly toward you before turning back to Jane. "If you're the Jane Rizzoli I'm thinking of then," he pauses for a bit, squinting his eyes, "what exactly are you doing in my house?"
Jane seems a little thrown off by the question as she looks at you again for help.
"I invited her over," you cough the explanation up hurriedly, quickly placing your hand against Ian's arm reassuringly, "I wanted to resolve some of our issues…"
It isn't a lie. You did want to resolve some problems with Jane, mostly regarding Ian's return though. Jane seemingly catches on to what you did and nods her head in agreement.
"Yeah we decided to bury the hatchet over dinner tonight, but… hm," she hums a little, glancing down at her watch, "It's getting pretty late. I should probably start heading home soon so…I guess I'll see you tomorrow Maura."
She waves briefly before quickly slipping out of the door. "Oh, and nice seeing you again too Ian," she tacks on kindly as she shuffles to her car.
You watch her for a moment before you turn back to Ian's questioning gaze. "Is there something going on?"
"What do you mean?" you try to ask it innocently, hoping to hold off his interrogation long enough to develop a story. He closes the front door before taking your hands in his.
"I mean, wasn't that the woman who tormented you?" Ian looks into your eyes searchingly, "what was she doing here honestly? She didn't try to hurt you, did she?"
You shake your head quickly, meeting his gaze with a comforting one. "Of course not Ian. Jane and I have moved pass the incident. She's honestly a very kind woman." He looks at you disbelievingly before saying, "I thought you were going to file a report against her. Did she talk you out of it or something?"
You shake your head again. This time taking his face in your hands. "I talked myself out of it. She's a brilliant detective, and I reasoned there was a better way to deal with it than destroying her career and reputation." Ian still doesn't look satisfied with your answer so you continue.
" Everything involving the elevator and the events before it have pretty much worked out in your absence. Tonight we were just discussing a few more things." You kiss him lightly to punctuate your statement before hugging him closely. "Now, that that's said. I'm really rather curious how you made it here so soon."
Ian pulls back looking into your eyes a little more relaxed than before. "I was able to wrap up things a lot quicker than expected. I thought maybe I'd surprise you. But it looks like I was the one surprised."
You smile sympathetically before leaning close to his ear and whispering softly, "The night is still young. There's still plenty of time left to surprise me."
He chuckles lowly against your neck; the subject of Jane all but forgotten. You feel his lips press wetly against your jaw as his hands wonder down to your ass.
"Is that so, Dr. Isles?"
Jane had been avoiding you for 3 weeks now.
Not outright avoiding, but maybe evading you slightly.
She still greets you at work; she still brings you coffee if you can't make it to lunch. She still jokes around with you and carpools to crime scenes. But you can't help but feel as if she's pulling away. She avoids your phone calls frequently. You two haven't seen each other outside of work since Ian's been back. And maybe that's partially your fault because Ian pretty much reserves your nights. But still, outside of lunch breaks, Jane refuses to go anywhere with you beyond BPD's front lawn. Part of you is sure it has something to do with Ian's return. You know she was a little bit wary that you would revoke the friendship once he was back, but now you've all but proven that false. You are constantly reaching out; sometimes even putting Ian on the backburner in order to spend time with her. But recently, she just seems so unconcerned with you. And you don't understand.
It makes you wonder if Jane is just like all your previous "friends". If maybe now that sex is so apparently off the table, she has simply lost interest in you. You scoff a little at yourself. You remember the moments right before Ian returned. You remember vainly trying to make her promise that she would remain your friend; even with Ian back, even with the allure of an affair firmly doused in reality. You wanted her to still care for you. To still want you in her life.
But even then she hadn't committed herself to the idea. Even then, she'd simply gotten upset with you before throwing the infidelity in your face.
You try hard not to think about it too much as you pack away your things for the day. Frost has already informed you of a hangout happening at the Dirty Robber, and this evening you plan to attend. You haven't really been able to go out with your friends lately because of Ian and wanting alone time with him. But you've really missed your friends, and you really want spend time with them…especially Jane.
When you finally arrive to the bar, the gang is already there. Korsak and Frost seem to be involved in a heated game of darts while Jane is simply sitting in the booth adjacent to them, looking on amusedly. There is some strangely sedate tune spilling from the bar's speakers, but you can only hear a bit of it before the sounds of the bar's residents drown it out.
Another dream
where you can't get what you want
but you can get me…
You nod your head unconsciously to the beat as you walk toward the table of your friends.
"Hello everyone," you wave happily when you get close enough to greet them all. At that very moment, Frost sends an unsteady dart flying toward the board only to watch it hit firmly on the outer edges.
"Ugh," he groans loudly as Korsak lets out a loud, bellowing laugh.
"Well, that's another ten bucks," the older man smirks arrogantly, patting the smaller man playfully on the shoulder. Frost rolls his eyes before digging two five dollar bills out of his pocket and throwing them on the booth's table.
"I'm going to get another beer," he huffs a little embarrassed by his defeat, "Take over for me Jane." He doesn't wait for her answer before finally turning to you. He looks surprised that you made it, but that doesn't stop him from smiling instantly. "Well hello there Maura, it's good to finally see you," you return his smile happily, hugging him when he opens his arms to you. After the quick embrace he pulls back, tilting his head toward the bar. "Do you want anything to drink while I'm over there?" You quickly shake your head no, thanking him for his politeness before sliding into the empty booth seat next to Jane. As Frost starts on his way toward the bar, Korsak greets you warmly, commenting on your recent absences from their Dirty Robber hangouts. You simply shrug, explaining that you've been a bit busy lately with Ian's return. When he nods understandingly, you finally turn your attention to Jane. You've really missed all your friends these past few weeks, but it's the beautiful brunette you've probably missed the most.
"Hello, Detective," you say sweetly, bumping into her shoulder lightly the way you two often do. But instead of bumping yours in return like she normally does she simply scoots farther toward the wall.
"Hey, Maura," she returns awkwardly, "I didn't think you were coming." She doesn't seem even the least bit happy about your presence and that makes you feel suddenly out of place beside her. Should you not be here? Are you not welcome anymore? Before you can respond to her Korsak taps heavily on the booth table.
"Come on, Jane, you're supposed to be playing for Frost." The younger detective simply waves him off, taking a short sip from the auburn liquid in her glass. "I'm not feeling it tonight. Maura can play for him." Your eyes widen at the suggestion. You've never played darts before, and you certainly don't want to play now with Barry's money on the line.
"I fear I'm not very acquainted with this game. I wouldn't be much competition."
"Aw come on, Doc, it's pretty easy. I bet you'll pick it up in no time." Korsak shoots you an entreating grin before patting your shoulder encouragingly. At the sight of his infectiously friendly smile you can't bring yourself to say no.
"Well, I guess…but I'm going to need a few practice throws to get accustomed to it."
Korsak nods happily, and you hear Jane exhale disinterestedly. You decide to ignore the brunette's reaction choosing to focus on the friendly face of the older detective.
Soon, Korsak positions himself in front of board and demonstrates for you how to throw the dart correctly. After a few more examples, you nod your head in understanding before taking an offered dart from his hand and lining up your shot.
You first attempt is underwhelming at best. The dart flies a few inches before plummeting into the hardwood floor. Your cheeks redden in embarrassment as you look from Korsak to the dart on the floor, but he simply chuckles before telling you to try again. You try three more times, each shot as disappointing as the first. It isn't until you're lining up for your fifth attempt that you hear Jane snicker a little from behind you. You quickly whip your head around to face her, a bit self-conscious and annoyed at her reaction. When she catches your irritated gaze, she simply rolls her eyes before standing up from her booth seat.
"Maura," she says, her eyes scanning down your body for a moment. You feel your cheeks redden again; this time for an entirely different reason. "Your posture is completely off." You look over yourself briefly, confused by Jane's comment. You had taken the exact stance Korsak had shown you.
"You can't throw the dart when you're facing the board directly. You gotta turn to the side a little," she says helpfully, but you're not completely sure what she wants you to do. After a moment of switching positions and watching her shake her head in disapproval you huff jaggedly. She laughs at your frustration before walking toward you.
"Here let me show you," she says, coming up closely behind you and grabbing your wrist with her hand. "Okay turn to the side like this." she places her hand on your waist gently maneuvering you into the position she's referring to. You bite your lip to keep from gasping at the contact. You flick your eyes quickly to Korsak who is simply looking on curiously.
"Okay," you hear her rasp into your ear. God, she is so close to you, "Now bend your arm at the elbow, aim a little higher than the bullseye," she almost whispers the last word, her nose now pressing against your exposed ear. You can't help but close your eyes at the sensation. Why are you so attracted to this woman?
"And shoot," she hums, using your hand to throw the dart for you and at the same time pulling your back flush against her chest. You can feel her pelvis bump against your ass. Then, as quickly as it came, her presence behind you is gone, and you're opening your eyes to find the dart on the outer edges of the bullseye.
For a moment, you just kind of stand there, shocked and unable to move. Did that really just happen? In the middle of the Dirty Robber…in front of a huge crowd of you colleagues. You glance over to Korsak whose mouth is just hanging slightly agape. When he notices you've turned your attention to him, he loudly, awkwardly clears his throat and looks away embarrassedly.
"Uh where's Frost? Feel like he's been gone for ages…better go find him," he stutters it out hastily before quickly making his escape. You notice a few other eyes looking toward you, but most of the crowd is still very distracted by their own conversations. You look over to Jane who is once again sitting in the booth, sipping her glass of alcohol. Like nothing even happened.
Maybe nothing did happen…maybe you're just oversensitive to her touches.
But Korsak's expression…he certainly didn't think it looked like nothing. You sit dazedly in the booth seat next to Jane.
"What was that?"
She takes another drink from her glass before shrugging. "I was showing you how to play darts." You nod, completely perplexed but not quite sure how to express it. Jane is so confusing sometimes. You eye her for a moment, knowing something is wrong. She's been oddly quiet tonight plus she's been avoiding you for three weeks straight.
"Did I upset you, Jane?" she widens her eyes a bit at you, shocked by your question.
"Why do you think I'm upset with you?"
"Well, you don't want to spend time with me anymore. You seemed displeased with my appearance here tonight. And you haven't really said much to me. Well, not as much as you usually do," you sigh after you've listed all the evidence. Jane just kind of bows her head when you're done.
"I'm just dealing with some things right now, Maur…I don't mean to push you away. I just need some space."
Your heart almost breaks at her words. You should have never gotten drunk that night at the bar. You should have never kissed her. Everything was going beautifully. You finally had a real friend, a friend who didn't need you sexually or romantically, a friend who didn't care how much your inheritance was, or how smart you were. A friend who admired your quirks. A friend who genuinely liked spending time with you. But now, well now you've gone and ruined everything with some drunken, sloppy kiss.
Some drunken, sloppy, incredible kiss.
You lean your head back tiredly against the bar, hearing the same song from earlier slowing to a close.
If you can't get what you want
Then you'll come with me
Set up and seek…love
You hear your phone vibrate in your purse and you quickly take it out to find a message from Ian.
"Sinto sua falta."(I miss you)
You smile at the sincere honesty of the message.
It isn't long before Korsak and Frost come back to the table, both of them looking between Jane and you awkwardly. You figure they've been away somewhere by the bar, gossiping excitedly, but you don't really want the drama tonight. You just want to spend time with your friends. But the way they keep looking at the two of you, you can tell the tension in the air isn't dissipating anytime soon. You sigh disappointedly.
"Guys I think I'm going to call it a night…" Both the men look at you regretfully, pleading kindly for you to stay.
"You've only been here for like ten minutes!"
"Yeah come on Doc."
But you simply shake your head, explaining to them how tired you are. Which is not a lie. You are absolutely exhausted.
"I'll see you all tomorrow," you nod at them, flicking you eyes down briefly only to see Jane staring quietly into her glass.
