Here it is (finally)! There's a bit of Italian in this, and it's completely off of google translate, so... sorry. Congrats on making it this far! It's been an interesting ride!
BLIND Chapter 9: Magnanimous
"If you plan on being anything less than you are capable of being, you will probably be unhappy all the days of your life." ~Abraham Maslow
Clary shook as Jace brought her up to her room, his hand around her bicep. What she had seen was still registering in her mind, and she didn't know what to do. All she could think about was the poor condition Alec had been in. She'd seen the chains in the room, which had struck a chord with her memory of the Seelie Queen. The Queen had known, she had known and she hadn't helped him. She'd stood idle, laughing at the pain she'd caused. Clary cursed her under her breath.
She couldn't believe the way she'd found Alec. He had looked dead. He probably should have been, and would be soon. He hadn't been healing from the runes she'd drawn, his wounds too serious. It made her wonder about the video. The one with Alec slaying that werewolf, the one with his confession. Had he wanted to do that? Seeing him strewn out in Jonathan's basement cemented the idea in her mind that he hadn't been a willing participant.
"You weren't supposed to see him," Jace muttered as he pulled her into her room on the craft.
"Jace," Clary whispers. "What did Sebastian do to him?"
"We didn't do anything to him," Jace frowned. "I can't believe you think I'd hurt him. He's my parabatai."
"No," Clary says carefully, pulling away from Jace and wrapping her arms around herself. "Of course I don't. You're right. I—I'm sorry. It's just been stressful lately, and I'm tired. I'll see you tomorrow?"
"Yeah," Jace grins. "We've got a date for tomorrow, then."
He presses a kiss to her cheek before turning towards the door.
When he's gone, Clary unfolds her arms from around herself. She walks to the bathroom connected to her room, staring into the dark before turning on the light. She takes a moment to look at her own reflection in the mirror, pale and pasty against her bright hair. Dark circles under her eyes, her visible collarbone a prominent reminder of her need to take care of herself.
She'd been so worried about Jace. She'd never thought something could be wrong with Alec. She'd been—God, she'd been so stupid. She blinked back tears as she looked down at her hands, tinted in red. She turned on the tap and pushed back her sleeves, though they had flaking blood on them. She let out a deep breath. In through the nose. Out through the mouth.
She turned on the tap (where was the water coming from?) and dipped her hands under before lathering them in soap. Jace had told her that he and Sebastian hadn't touched Alec. She took a deep breath in through her nose. She had seen Sebastian cut a line across Alec's face, taking away his eyes. She let the air in her body seep out of her mouth.
Jace had lied.
The next day found Jace trying to impress Clary with fancy drinks in Venice. She laughed at his jokes, and they fell into the rhythm they'd always had. She was witty, so was he. She couldn't get rid of the unease under her skin, because this Jace, despite being so much like hers, wasn't. He was something else. A liar, and she held few doubts he'd hurt Alec with Sebastian. He was just a touch harsher in his jokes. A bit crueler around the eyes.
"Come on, I've got to go get some metheglin for Sebastain before we get back." Jace said, putting his hand in Clary's and pulling her up from her chair.
"What's metheglin?" Clary asked as they walked. "Is it some sort of potion?"
"Of sorts," Jace laughed. "It's mead, with spices in it, but for Sebastian we get the cilantro kind. Who even likes cilantro?"
Clary shrugged. "I do."
"Ugh," Jace's face twisted in disgust. "It tastes like dirty old soap."
"Taste a lot of soap in your day, Jace?" Clary teased, eyebrow raised.
"Hush," he said, and Clary smiled a little bit. She couldn't ignore the revulsion
growing in her stomach. He was so innocent. She just wanted it to last, despite the nausea spinning around her. She knew how wrong this all was. Still, she laughed.
Jace pulled her into a store her eyes had glanced right past (glamoured, she realized), a smile across his face.
"Bongiorno, Jacupo!" Jace called, and the man behind the counter's nose flared.
He was a large, middle-aged, balding man, and his hand clenched the butcher's knife in his hand as he swung out from behind the counter.
"Voi," he yelled, coming at Jace. "Voi stronzo! Ti ammazzo!"
"Whoa," Jace muttered as he braced and flipped the man over his sholder. He groaned, but didn't get up. "I didn't think you'd be this happy to see me."
Clary stood next to Jace, dumbstruck. She had no idea what had just happened. "Um," she said.
"Right, sorry," Jace said, turning to her with a wink. "Didn't expect him to have bitter memo—"
"Per mia figlia!" The man roared back to life, his knife slicing up Jace's back. He doesn't get much further until Jace turns around, and with one swift
move has the knife from the man's—Jacopo's—hands and a welt on his head that has knocked him out cold.
"Forgot what fathers could be like," Jace apologized.
"Your back?" Clary asked, concerned. She shouldn't be concerned, because this was a warped version of Jace, but… It was difficult not to be.
"It's—oh angel, Clary," Jace said, something changing in his eyes. He pulled Clary to his chest, breathing in her hair.
"Jace?" Clary asked, confused. "What's going on?"
"He—Sebastian—linked us. I—I've been under his influence," Jace explains, pulling back to look Clary in the eyes. "He made me—I—Oh angel, Alec. Clary, you have to get him out of there. Sebastian's going to let him die. He's almost there, we did everything we could to make sure he would and it would be painful, oh angel, Clary, I…"
Jace was crying, Clary realized.
"Hey, Jace, it's okay." Clary said, running her hand through Jace's hair. "It's okay," she reassured, though she had no idea what was going on. She just knew that this was her Jace.
"No," Jace shook his head, smiling a bit. "It's really not. Sebstain's going to take over again, once he realizes the bond is failing. I want you to promise me you'll get Alec out. There's a control panel behind the dresser where we kept your mother's dresses. Just pull the blue lever, it'll send out a beacon to whomever you're thinking about. It'll allow them to lead others to the ship."
Clary nodded. "I promise I'll get Alec out."
Jace let out a breath of relief. "Promise me one more thing."
"What do you need?" Clary asked, her face soft.
"If they don't want to kill Sebastian because it'll kill me too… don't let that stop them. Run him through yourself if you have to."
"What?" Clary asked, her face chocked full of shock.
Jace wouldn't meet her eyes. "I… I've done terrible things, Clary. I don't… After what I've done, I deserve it as much as he does."
"Bull shit." Clary spat. "You were under Sebastian's control. You couldn't have done anything different."
Jace was silent for a moment. "I could have fought harder."
"You?" Clary snorts. "I doubt you did anything but your best. You love Alec. You wouldn't have hurt him on purpose. He's your parabatai."
"I used to," Jace said quietly. "I used to go on dates and tell him all about them because I knew he hated it. I've always had a cruel streak, Clary. I should have fought it."
"Those examples are nothing alike!" Clary argued. "I will make you no such promise, Jace, I am not signing your death waiver!"
Simon, I need you to get Magnus and Isabelle. Get Maryse and any Shadowhunters you can find. I've figured out how to get you to the ship, and I need you to get everyone together and wait until you feel my pull. Only you'll be able to do this. Okay, Simon?
Simon took a moment to panic, glancing around Magnus's quiet apartment. He was going to have to pull everyone together. Yeah. What do I need to be prepared for?
There was a fight going on, between Sebastin and Jace and all of the shadowhunters Simon had rounded up. Clary, her expression set, pulled on Magnus's arm, leading him and Simon through the craft they'd discovered until they reached a door that sent a splash of cold over Magnus's person.
"Is that—"
Clary nodded. "I'm not sure he's not dead yet. We need to hurry."
She opened the door, and he was hit by the stench of death and the iron of blood. Alec. All of these smells were assaulting him because Alec was dying. Magnus didn't know exactly what he felt, but good was not among the range of emotions.
He took a deep breath before running down the stairs.
The scene Magnus rushed into was gruesome. He found a black head of hair and a sea of caked red on a mattress in the corner of Sebastian's basement, and felt any anger towards his boyfriend disappear. He sucked in a quick breath and ran to the bed.
As he got closer, horror twisted his stomach in knots. Alec'c mouth was cut open, and he was bleeding up a smile, as if someone had carved a grin onto his face.
"Alec," Magnus said, panicked. He saw Alec's chest move, and felt a small sense of relief. He was still alive. "Alec, i'm here. I' going to try and heal you."
Magnus summoned his magic, a roaring fire in his chest, to his finge tips, and pressed a spell meant to track the worst of the damage. His magic, after a few seconds that seemed to take way too long, flew back to him, singing of blood poisoning, burns, legs that would never walk, eyes that would never see. Damage to the lungs, both from water and lack of air. His magic pulsed around Alec's chest, as if there was something blocking his vision.
Magnus pulled Alec's shirt open, ripping it. There were bruises and the usual runes, but nothing unusual. What was going on with his chest? Examining it for another minute, he realized his eyes were skirting around Alec's left ribs. He focused on them, clearing his mind. He knew something was there, and as he thought it, swirling lines cut from a steele began to appear.
As the mark cleared, Magnus felt the breath leave him. No, it couldn't have been. An old mark, Magnus recognized it as, one that had been illegal for many years after being ruled unethical.
A secrecy rune, meant to keep subject areas locked away from speech but stuck in thought. Oh god, it made sense. It was why Alec switched to talking about the weather and wouldn't say anything about what was going on. He'd been forced silent.
"M-Mags…?" Alec spluttered, breathing heavily, blood spilling from reopening the wounds up lips. "I can't… see anything. What's… going on?"
Magnus bit his lip, choking down a sob. "You're going to be fine," he lied. "Don't talk, you'll make it worse." He couldn't see, of course he couldn't, with slits horizontally through his eyes, caked in dried blood.
There was crusted blood all over the dirty mattress Alec was on, around his legs and torso. He could practically smell the infection. The scent of burned flesh, of death, was overpowering. Alec was going to die.
Magnus let a sob escape from his mouth, his hand coming up to try and cover it.
"Magnus," Simon said, a hand appearing on his shoulder. Magnus had forgotten about him and Clary. "Is there anything else you can do?"
Magnus shook his head, his vision completely blurred with tears. He couldn't see anything through the fog his tears created. "He's going to die." His voice broke. "Why didn't I notice? Oh, god. God. He's going to die," Magnus's breathing quickened until he felt like he was having the beginning of a panic attack.
"No," Clary said, her own voice tight. "I promised Jace."
"Are you sure?" Simon asked. Clary nodded, and before Magnus could figure out what was happening, Simon was leaning over Alec.
His first instinct was to pull Alec away from Simon, Alec was his, but he let him as he realized what this was. It could be his only chance. Magic wasn't going to work. He was too far gone.
"He doesn't want this, you know," Magnus said to Clary as Simon stole the last of Alec's blood.
Clary's frown was filled with steel. "I promised Jace that Alec would make it out of this alive."
Magnus was too relieved that Alec was still going to be with him to argue with her. Alec had never wanted to be a vampire, but at least, this way, he'd survive.
At first, Alec didn't talk to anyone about what had happened. All he wanted to think about was blood, and the snap of his parabatai thread. He and Jace were both dead, but only one of them were walking around. What more could he have to think about? Maybe he should have just died.
He was called into the Clave to make a statement. He needed to tell them about what had happened with the Sebst—Jonath—Valentine's son. They needed to know how he's been involved, about the video, about his injuries.
So he told them, skirting around the parts he didn't want to talk about, like the times when Jace tortured him without supervision, or about the rape. He told them about the mutilation, the water running over his face that had mad it impossible to breathe. Maybe, he mused, he should have swallowed his tongue near the end. It would have saved a lot of trouble.
He stayed at Magnus's because he couldn't exactly go into the institute now that he was a vampire. They walked on eggshells around each other-never quite fighting, but not at all good. The relief of being alive, for Alec, had hardly been there at all.
He'd never wanted to be anything but a shadowhunter, and he resented Clary, Simon, and Magnus for it. He had wanted to die as a shadowhunter, and that had been ripped from him. He would never be burned, never be kept next to his brother. His ashes wouldn't guard the next generation.
He was always such a terrible shadowhunter.
"We're going to have to talk sometime," Magnus said as Alec drifted out of the guest room one evening. Alec knew that tone, knew the sharpness of it didn't leave space for bullshitting.
Alec nodded. "I know."
There was silence as Magnus turned to the kitchen, beckoning Alec to follow. He did, his feet making no noise against the wood. He could move quietly without a silencing rune, now.
In the kitchen, Magnus was pouring himself a cup of tea and heating a mug of blood he had on stock in the microwave.
"It's been hard," Magnus started. "It's been six weeks since… everything. You're completely healed, physically, but… We're at a complete disconnect. We need to figure this out." He put his hand on Alec's, and Alec felt the stir of something perhaps a little sunny inside him, but he remained largely unmoved. Everything between them had gotten so twisted.
The microwave beeped, and Alec could smell the fresh blood as Magnus brought the mug over to him.
"Do you want to take this to the living room?" Magnus asked, and Alec nodded.
They made their way to the living room, Magnus taking a second before deciding to sit next to Alec on the couch. They sat there for a second, neither really knowing where to start. This conversation could easily break them.
"So," Magnus cleared his throat. "I want you to know that I don't think what happened to you was your fault. I haven't said it before, but… It wasn't. Clary told me what you said, and…"
Alec nodded. "Clary found me," Alec stated. Magnus already knew this.
"I know, darling." He put his hand on Alec's arm. He would have gone for his thigh, but last time he'd done that, Alec had nearly flown away from him.
Alec took a sip from his mug. "I never wanted to be a vampire," he mumbled.
"I know. I'm sorry." Magnus said. "But isn't it better to be alive as a vampire than dead as a shadowhunter?"
"No!" Alec yelled, feeling something other than indifference ignite in him as he pulled away from his (ex?) boyfriend. "No, I'd rather be dead as a shadowhunter, but you took that away from me." Alec hissed as he fled to the spare bedroom.
Magnus sighed. At least he'd gotten Alec to say something.
Magnus was out when the man came knocking.
"Hello?" Alec'd said. "Do I know you?"
"Camille wants to talk to you about your little problem with mortality." The man said. No wonder he could smell blood on him, bites from another vampire.
He'd forgotten about Camille. He'd forgotten about all of the problems he'd been having with Magnus's immortality, he'd forgotten what had seemed so important. He'd wanted to be with Magnus forever.
He tipped his head back and laughed. And laughed. And laughed.
He'd wanted to somehow be with Magnus forever. And, now, it didn't seem to unappealing to be with the warlock. He could pick himself up. He could pull himself together. He still had a little sister to protect, and a romance to chase. He couldn't let that normalcy slip through his fingers. It was stupid. He'd wanted Magnus so much… He wanted him now, he realized, in a different way.
He needed to pull himself together. Everyone else's life was still happening, and this man was a reminder. The world had not stopped spinning. He could work through this. They could start to mend their problems.
That night, when Magnus got home, he was greeted by a warm mug of tea in Alec's hands and an invitation to have another talk. It didn't even end in Alec storming away. They got somewhere.
Magnus was glad he'd gotten Alec to open up to him about what Sebastian and Jace had done to him in the basement of their ship craft. He felt terrible about not noticing—Alec had been falling apart all around him and he hadn't even noticed. But they were working through it, regaining trust in one another. Magnus could pull Alec in for hugs, he could kiss him (with tongue. It'd taken a while to work up to that).
He wondered about the pictures he'd received just after Alec had disappeared. He thought he knew what they were now—pictures of brutality Alec hadn't told him about yet. He could wait—Alec was still shaking as he retold Magnus about having to burn the skin and veins of his legs together after Sebastian had hamstringed him. He didn't want to push, not with Alec waking up screaming as often as he did. He'd been turned by a daylighter, and it had been passed on; most nightly screams woke Magnus, so he knew they were still a problem.
He'd meant to work up to the photos, maybe ask about them a year later or maybe never. But when he got home from a call out one day he came back to find Alec laying on his back on the floor, the pictures surrounding him, tears of blood leaking from his eyes.
"Alec?" He asked, wary. "Are you okay?"
Alec was silent for a long time. "It's Jace, in the picture."
Magnus stayed silent, still at the entrance to the room.
"I used to want that. I used to want that so much," his voice broke and red streamed down his face as he covered his eyes. "I hate him so much. I shouldn't, it wasn't really his fault. But every time I close my eyes to thing of my brother, my parabatai, all I can think of is him pressing me against that wall. About how much I wanted him to stop but he wouldn't. When he was done, Sebastian was there, and it just didn't stop."
Alec was silent for a moment before he spoke again, his voice thick. "I think the worst part of it is knowing that he didn't want it either. That, sure, I was the one screaming and crying, but he'd never wanted it. But I had, even if it wasn't then.
"And you kept accusing me of cheating, and I wasn't, but sometimes it felt like I'd betrayed you just because I'd wanted him when I was younger. When you tried touching me, when you try touching me, I feel so guilty. I wasn't strong enough. I let them wreck me. I let them take your love from me. I'm sorry, Magnus. I'm so, so sorry."
"Sh…" Magnus said, pulling the boy into his lap slowly, allowing him time to push him away. "It's okay. Hey, look at me. Look at me, sweetheart. It's not your fault. Don't give me that look. It's not. I love you. It doesn't matter what they did to you. What Sebastian did was wrong. He's one in the wrong. Only him. Just because you wanted Jace once doesn't mean it was okay, what happened. I still love you, hon, even if we've got a lot to work through. We're going to be okay."
Magnus kissed Alec's forehead, pulling the undead boy closer to him, onto his lap. "There's nothing wrong with you."
Alec seemed to shudder, then he went boneless in Magnus's arms. His head rested on Magnus's shoulder. "I want that to be true."
Magnus smiled a little bit, giving Alec's nose a quick kiss. "Eventually, it will be. Give it time."
Alec smiled a little, sleepy in Magnus's arms from his emotional rollercoaster of an evening. "That's something we've got a lot of, isn't it?"
The End.
