Chapter 8: Her Sacrifice, His Breath (Gisei to Iki)

"Why it is always like this... When I am alive, you are not?"- ~IndraniFOREVER~

Human shinigami…..

Recently most of the people she had met died instantly…

No… that's just coincidence, that reaper is messing with my mind….

Yu looked at the sky; she had currently lost the track of time of how long she had been standing. The sky was bleeding in the west, and after the blood, the bruise-like shadow. When the darkness fell, she did not sense that she had avenged her family, but the same feeling that she had always felt guilt. The overpowering hatred was now replaced by old guilt.

She is the murderer of her own family….

'Oh god….. What I have done!'

Yu's chest hurt, the soreness was increasing and the feeling of a deadly corset fastening itself to her death was reviving again. She wanted to cry but could not; she could never cry even when she is heartbroken or shattered. Her eyes drifted upwards and she bent her neck up to her extreme point. Her eyes were blank and glassy; the sky was dark…. There was not a single star tonight. There was a huge vacuum in her heart as she raised her pale and scratched hands towards the dark sky only to let it fall limply. The thought of L dying by midnight did not, even for a moment brought comfort in her heart; instead she felt that with the piece of paper, she actually let a piece of her go to decompose.

'Yu…..'

She heard a faraway voice, and she knew it was L who was coming for her, after all this time. She felt that he has not yet seen her. She started to walk further inside the graveyard to find a large headstone where she could hide, but the voice grew louder and louder and his footsteps clearer, and with every footstep Yu dissolved more into the darkness, and finally found shelter behind the angel statue.

Please…. She cannot see him right across the eye….

Please L, go somewhere else, what you are seeking is not here!

'YU…' the voice, loud yet soothing drifted towards her…. L appeared to be very close to the statue, 'I know that you are out here somewhere…..' the footsteps stopped. He was standing in front of the statue behind which Yu hide under the cover of darkness.

'I know you are out here somewhere…. I feel it….'

I know…. That is why I am dreaded to meet you….

'Yu…. ' The name coming out of his lips always shakes her very essence as if her names was always etched in his memory and engraved in heart, 'answer me….'

No I can't….. I can't

'Alright then….' L sounded defeated 'I was nearly 97% sure that you would be here…. Maybe I was too confident. Sometimes humans are hard to read, especially introverts and well, hopeless people like me…. I think I should try other places….'

Yu's heart wrenched in pain, it was different than the previous physical pain; he was physically weak, vulnerable and had scant memories of who he was, the world was a complete stranger to him. He could have had a seizure or panic attack and yet….

He risked his life to find where Yu was…..

Until his memory returned, she was his only family

And he was hers….

And there was she, beguiled by a filthy Reaper, and letting him die….

Yu stood up on her feet. No, he cannot die just yet, and she couldn't just let him die. Memories sometimes lie; when they are warped by fear or exaggerated by emotions and imaginations, they are not always the usual depiction of a person's past, neither a person's past their present.

She was too preoccupied in the past, L's death and her misery that she forgot the lessons the Life Note has taught her…..

Every life is sacred and worth saving…..

Even if L was responsible for her mother's death, she will let him live…. If it is his destiny to suffer then, he will suffer by default, but she will certainly not decide for him.

Yu was firm and steadfast now. Never in her life had she found such strength. In the dark she ventured and went through every nook and cranny she could sense in the bleak light, but she could not find it anywhere…. It must have flown with the wind. Yu was so preoccupied with her search that she had completely lost the track of time. Even it was a rather chilly night in October; warm stream of sweat was running through her whole body. She almost collapsed near the clock tower of the cemetery, which now indicated that it was 20 minutes to midnight.

It was impossible, even if she found the paper, it was impossible to deliver to L by this short time….. He could be anywhere! And even if he was home, it is exactly 20 minutes walk from the Cemetery.

'It's gone forever…' Yu buried her head in her knees. The clock-tower light on her shoulders, she sat there, prostrate and frigid, like the tombstones around her.

'What is it little girl….. It is quite late to wander around these grounds….' An old male voice drifted across her. He addressed her as if she was his familiar. Yu could hear his slow footsteps nearing towards her, 'you seem sad….. Are you lost my dear?'

'You could say so…. ' Yu said 'I am lost…. Because I have let go of the most important thing of my life.'

To her reply…. The old man softly laughed, 'oh you precious child…. We all make mistakes one way or another in our lives and sometimes we separate from our loved ones, but remember always child,' his tone became sombre 'in God's world, everything has its own unique way of coming around. We are his reflections, and the people we meet in our lifetimes are the parts of our reflections, defining who we are. We meet time and time again with ourselves and it goes on and on until we have identified all of the particles of our soul in the mirror of others-'

'What if we die before that?'

'We are reborn…. '

Yu's heart almost leaped out of her chest with the word 'reborn', what if everything was not a coincidence, what if L's rebirth is meant to be…. What if he is the piece of someone else's soul meant to be identified with its origin, what if his identification was not complete and he was born again in this world to-

'Human soul is like a raindrop from the heaven which scatters into many pieces as it hits the ground and each scattered piece is a soul with a body. The purpose of the human life is to be that whole raindrop again. And when we do, our soul is freed from earthly pains and like the raindrop travelling upwards with the warmth of the sunlight, we return home….'

'What if there is no home… what if there is no God up there….'

'What if there is a God up there, waiting for us to return home like a loving parent waiting for his child after a long day of playing?'

'In my life, nobody waited for me…. Nobody….'

'Maybe they did, maybe it is you, too blinded by misery and dark past, failed to see it…. Sometimes the answer we seek they are right in front of us, but we are too afraid of our failures to acknowledge it…. Open your eyes child….'

Yu finally raised her head, she wanted to thank the old man who had talked with her, but she could see no one, even if there was someone, he had just gone away silently.

Open your eyes child….

Wild winds send chilly shivers down her spine and stamped something with her leg. She bent down to see what it was, to her greatest surprise; she had found the torn piece of Death Note which had L's name on it. It seems life itself has given her a second chance to prove herself, and she will.

Yu looked at the clock tower…. It was only five minutes to midnight!

She could feel her surrounding no more, like whirlwind, they dissolved in a blur, and she ran as if it was her last, like Death herself was chasing her, her eyes scanning only one….

Please…. Please…. Hold on, hold on….

This is not your end…. This cannot be your end…. The world needs your justice….

Like the frantic whisper from that night of insanity, the chant of his name graced her desperate lips, a needlepoint worth of moment can cost a colossal amount. No…. for the first time of her life, she will hope with all her might, for the first time, she will not lay on her chest on the ground, tasting mud of defeat, for the first time….

She will be brave enough to be brave, strong enough to be strong.

'RYU…..' she screamed at the top of her lungs to the man standing walking away at the other side of the street, which has not faded from the bustling traffic even in such an ungodly hour. Her whole body was on fire, and her hands shook like strewn leaves. Ryu turned his head towards her. His depressed eyes showed a flicker of joy and relief.

'RYU….. COME I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU-'

DONG…..

DONG…..

Ten seconds….

Ryu did not reply verbally, but cupped his left ear in a gesture that he could not hear her.

DONG….

DONG….

DONG….

Seven seconds…..

'RYU…. WAIT FOR ME I AM COMING…..'

Crash…..

'YUUUUUU…..'

L's scream was heard over everything. The traffic was in astray as there lay a young girl, bloodied in the middle of the street, with a piece of paper firmly clutched in her fist. L sank on the pavement and barely crawled towards her and took her head in his chest, causing his white shirt to be blood-smeared.

DONG…. DONG….DONG…

'Hey…. Yu, are you alright?' he soothingly yet brokenly whispered, 'stay with me okay…..'

'I don't…. I don't… have much time' Yu managed to blather, 'Hurry up…. Take the…. Take the paper…. '

'But Why…. But all of a sudden?' Ryu was confused. 'Relax, I will take you to the hospital, and everything will be fine… it's just a stinging pain…' Ryu started to caress her blood-smeared and sweaty head

'Don't as…..ask…. questions….. You are…. Not…sick… after all….' Yu's voice was muffled 'it…was… all because…. You…. Used…. That stupid…. Black…. Notebook…..' Yu steadfastly grabbed L's hand and placed on the paper, and like chain reaction Yu could realise, the paper was returning L's memory back. A surging feeling of strength filled inside her.

'look…. At…. Me…. Ryu…. look' Yu panted under her breath and interlocked her black eyes with his deep onyx.

DONG…

A helpless looking messy haired boy looked upwards at the snowy sky, as a suited old man held out his hand. 'Don't be afraid…. Come with me….'

.

He was a little bigger now as he was seen inside a huge house, as the other kids played, he sat quietly in a dark corner, looking at a leafless oak tree, and matching it with a lines of some poem….

When palsy shakes a few sad last gray hair, when youth grows pale, spectre thin and dies

'Tell me U, is palsy some kind of tree with gray hair instead of leaves?' he quietly asked to a person, to which the person answered in a feminine voice 'no…. Palsy is a disease and the way it makes the old people's hair fall is as fast as the trees shed leaves in autumn….. Like that Oak tree you see.' the person pointed him at the tree.

.

The same messy haired boy, was immersed in great deal of study; Chemistry, Mathematics, Physics, Anatomy, Microbiology; piles of books were stacked across him, and at the same time, he was solving the most hardcore cases in the world. He was a skilled invigilator, observer and a polyglot, knowing at least ten languages.

.

Then Yu saw the horrid memory in which L ignored her mother's last pleas. But the outcome was different. After the screen was shut down, L threw his computer away and flung his arms around himself to let out a cry that felt like a child getting scared by the sight of ghosts and a wounded animal, screaming…. 'MAMORU….. I AM SORRY…. I AM SORRY….'

.

It was a hotel room and everyone was flashing ids… 'Chief Soichiro Yagami…. Matsuda… Mugi…. Ukita…. Aizawa…..' and to the reply, a raven-haired pale youth made a hand gesture of a gun and pointing at the officers as 'BANG….'

'If I were Kira, you would be dead Mr. Soichirou Yagami, chief of the NPA'

Then the scene fast forwarded to the point when he was scratching his ankle with his feet, confirming his identity.

'I am L….'

.

'Thank…. God…. ' Yu whispered as her eyes drooped, 'My…. Ink…. Wasn't a…. waste then…. ' she looked at L dreamily, 'I…. always…. Knew… that… it can't be…. You…. Who was…' before she could speak further, she coughed blood and her body felt feverish,

'So…. Who are…. You…. Ryu?' she asked with a sense of finality in her tone.

'I….. Am… L...' his answer was as earnest as his calling of her name.

DONG

'Why it is always like this…. When I am alive, you are not…. And when you are I am not?'


One question:

Who might be the old man in the graveyard? answer me in reply.

and in case you don't know, the lines "fancy doesn't cheat so well" and "When Palsy shakes" are taken from the poem Ode to A Nightingale, by my favorite poet: John Keats. I was watching a film named 'Bright Star' the other day, which was actually on John Keat's life, and the poet's life was so sad, and he was so tender and romantic... it gave me all the feels. I originally did not intend to add poetry, but then I thought: Why not? We know barely anything about L, so it is expected that he has something in his past which is quite unexpected.

I am sorry if too much literature is boring you... but hey, can't help it! R&R&R