Chapter ▪ Nine

Tris

The last days I didn't see much of Eric. Four and Lauren are the only ones to take care about the initiants during stage two — Four. I see him way too often and spend more time with him than we both actually planned on doing. The moments we are alone in a room can get very awkward. We don't have much to talk about anymore and I have to admit, that I'm not really interested in how he is doing after our break-up. I don't want to tell him about me and Eric either.

Whenever I think about Eric I can't hold back a smile. I have never thought that he can be like this. Not even in my wildest dreams. He is charming and kind in his very own way and I love it. I adore the way he treats me. It makes me feel something I have never felt before, not even when I was with Four. I suddenly start to think about my future but I'm anything but worried. With Eric by my side I never worry.

I walk up the stairs to the office. I don't know what has been worse today. The simulation, which included a whole lot of water in a parochial room, or the encouragement I received afterwards from my ex-boyfriend. I didn't ask for any of it. I'm standing in front of the office and wait. I'm inconspicuously leaning against the door and try to hear voices coming from inside. I don't hear anything, but I know that Eric must be there at this time of the day. It means that we are alone, which is a good thing.

I open the door to see how my senses disappoint me. Through the door crack I see the back of a brown-haired woman. Lauren. She's standing straight with her chin up and it looks like she crosses her arms. As I open the door wider I see Eric standing in front of her on the other side of the desk. He's leaning with his back against the wall behind him, with his arms crossed as well. His glance is hard and his eyes wear their usual coldness. Instead of entering I listen to them talking.

"Look, we can go without you, Eric. As fast as Max made you a leader, the faster he can roll his desicion back." I hear Lauren saying sharply, pointing her finger on Eric while she talks. As Lauren turns around with a loud sigh, I back away immediately and hide, so she won't see me. Eric is no longer in my sight, I can only hear his voice now.

"You can go without me?" I hear him moving, probably walking towards her. He sounds upset. "How dare you talking to me like this? Don't you forget who is standing in front of you."

"I'm totally aware of who is standing in front of me." she protests aggressivly and it's quiet for a moment. I heard steps but I can't integrate them into a movement, which her or Eric possibly just made.

"I am capable of doing horrible things, Lauren. And you better believe me when I say that. I wear blood on my hands for this damn faction." I wince a little at what he just said, raising my hand to cover my mouth, just to make sure I won't make any noises. "When I notice you taking any steps against me — which we both know isn't that easy in your position, but if you are dumb enough to try I'm gonna cut you into pieces."

My heart tells me, that it might be better to go. I don't need to know these things about him. I don't want to know it. But my head tells me different. Too many questions are floating through my mind right now. What is he actually capable of? What does he mean by having blood on his hands? And especially, what are they talking about?

My feet start moving away from the door, almost automatically. But Lauren's voice makes them stop again and I turn around, back into my previous position.

"I can't believe what they did to you, Eric. You and I got along back in the day. But when I look at you now ... I have to remind myself that it really was you I have spent most of my time with during initiation."

"Get the fuck out."

Then I hear steps fastly coming closer to the door and I rush to the next corner I can find near to me. Lauren walks out of the office, whispering the word asshole, if I understood correctly. The last things she said make me wonder how he has been during his initiation and how close he was to Lauren.

I make sure that Lauren is gone and quickly move toward the door again. Eric is now standing with his back to me, running both of his hands over his face in frustration. I close the door behind me loudly to make him notice that I am here. He looks at me and his glance softens slowly. I can't tell him that I've been listening to them talking, so I'm just going to pretend I didn't hear a thing. Even though I have a lot of questions to ask him.

"Hey, gorgeous." he smiles at me. The sound of his voice is so different from what I have heard before. It suddenly feels hard to tell which of his two sides is the real Eric — the ruthless leader of Dauntless or the lovely and calm man I have fallen in love with.

I need to carry it off well, so I just play along with the lovely part of his. I lean against his chest, going on my tiptoes to kiss his lips. I feel his hands on my back and his touch makes me forget about what happened before for a little moment. Even though I don't want to seperate, I back away, turning around to close the door I simply left open. Kissing him in front of it was risky enough.

As I turn around to see him again, he is already sitting on the chair. I take a seat on the desk right in front of him. I need to know what he and Lauren have been talking about.

"Is everything alright?" I ask carefully. On that way I try to find the answers, trying to get them without letting it sound like I would have a clue about what just happened.

"Sure. Why?" he says but he doesn't smile, nor is he looking at me.

"You look stressed out. Lauren walked past me and she looked pissed. Was she here?" In my head these words didn't sound as direct and conspicious as they do now. He looks up to me and I smile to not let him notice anything. Then I start moving, sitting down on his lap with my arms around his neck. His hands start running up my thighs until they stop at my hips. I don't mind his tight grip on them. I like it and I can't hold back a smile.

"Yes, she was here. But it wasn't anything important. We just clarified some things." It's not really a lie, but it is no truth either. I stop asking any more questions. I don't want my curiosity to take over. I lean down a bit to kiss him once again. I can never get enough and I know that he feels the same. With every second the kiss gets more passionate and I simply enjoy it. The way his hands feel on my body, the way he tightens his grip, the way he kisses me — it all keeps me craving for more, much more than this and he knows it.

His warm hands slide under my shirt, pulling it up a bit and I just let it happen.

I am capable of doing horrible things, Lauren. I don't know why I suddenly have his voice in my mind. I can't ignore the things he said. I know he can get brutal, at least he acts like it. But would he really — I need to get rid of this thought. I can't believe what they did to you, Eric.

I stop and back away, earning a questioning glance from Eric. "What is it?"

He's not like that. He just said those things to make her go away. That's what I keep on telling myself, but it won't get any better. I stand up and force a smile.

"Christina is waiting for me. And she doesn't like to wait." I lie and I can't believe what I'm doing. I just found an excuse to get away from him and it makes me feel guilty. I don't want to leave him but I need to get rid of these voices in my head. I turn my back on him and I suddenly feel his hands on my hips again. He gently pulls me closer, pressing his chest against my back and I feel his lips on my neck. I hold back a quiet laugh and bite my underlip, because I love how it feels like. I close my eyes with a quiet sigh and it makes me lose myself for a moment. Once again.

"She'll get over it." he whispers against my skin, trying to convince me. That wouldn't have been necessary if those voices in my head weren't this strong. It's like they directly lead me out of the door, away from Eric. And in the end they even win. I break away from his arms, from his kiss and I still feel the pressure of his tight grip on my hips. I turn around to press one last kiss on his lips.

"I'll see you tonight." I say quietly as I move out of the office, slowly closing the door behind me.


AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm sorry for being so slowy lately. But I'll make sure to update as fast as possible. Leave a nice review if you enjoyed this chapter. c: