Chapter 9:

A/N: Good grief! I don't know how I'm going to end this one so… I'll just drag it out shall I?

Jane: It's just how I picture him in an emotional state :)

Chey: Thank you!

Rated M for … My sick mind. A lot of the word Fuck and too much angst!


More thick red drops landed in the water, the numbness subsided and the intense pain was unbearable. He braced his hand against the shower wall and his head was spinning so fast…

Craig was sitting on his bed wringing his hair through his hands. He'd known the whole time he was hurting Kyle but it was just supposed to be a couple of times… He'd watched blindly as the red marks turned the color of bruises and then the last blow… he'd watched Kyle's skin split, "I'm a fucking monster" He didn't even know you could break skin with an open hand. He lifted his head quickly when he heard a loud THUMP come from the bathroom and he immediately rushed in to see if Kyle was okay.

Kyle had collapsed on the shower floor. Craig turned the shower off and pulled the wet body into himself and out of the shower, soaking his own clothes in the process. He laid Kyle down on the bathroom floor and pulled out his first aid kit, which had already been used more on Kyle than himself, and pulled out the small jar of smelling salts. He turned his head in disgust at the strong ammonia smell and gently waved it under the redhead's nose.

Kyle's eyes opened immediately, they were watering and he was coughing, he too turned his head away from the foul smelling jar. Kyle pushed Craig away and sat up painfully, covering his privates in embarrassment. He gently stood on shaky legs and turned his back towards the mirror to assess the damage. A little gasp escaped Kyle's mouth when he saw his skin and Craig turned away from him in shame.

"What the FUCK did I do to deserve this?!" Kyle shouted, not caring if Clyde heard the commotion. Craig just covered his mouth and shook his head back and forth like he had when Kyle had first been un-cuffed. "Is this because you're fucking jealous of Stan?" Craig's eyes were welling up with new tears fast, "What the FUCK is your problem?!" Kyle stormed back into Craig's room to find his discarded clothes and very carefully pulled them over his sore ass. He grabbed his bag angrily, he couldn't wait to leave… and limp all the way home in this poor state… Maybe he should call Stan… and tell him what? That his ass hurt so he could barely walk? No thank you!

Craig's sobbing voice stopped his decent out the door, "I'm so sorry, I just…" Kyle turned toward him to hear his apology, not that he deserved to be heard.

"You just WHAT?" Kyle barked back, his face glowing with pure anger.

Craig's face was wet and he didn't look like his tough self at all, he looked pitiful, "I just… I fucking love you." The last part was said so quietly Kyle could barely hear it.

"You love me so you decided to taunt me and beat the shit out of me? I'm sure that's how it works." Kyle turned and continued leaving.

"He beat the shit out of you?" Clyde had of course heard some of the argument and definitely the last part when the door was wide open. Kyle blinked red rimmed eyes at him and started leaving for the front door again. "Do you need a ride home, man?" Clyde added in a concerned voice.

"Your drunk." Kyle sniffed.

"I'm sobering up, it's close and the roads are empty." Clyde shrugged.

Craig watched as his roommate left with Kyle, a comforting arm around the redhead's shoulders.


Kyle called in sick to work the next day and laid in bed all day face first, eyes wet from the pain which was worse and more bruised today than it had been the previous night… just like his wrists had been the first time he'd slept with Craig, his wrists were raw again too. What if you actually get hurt? Stan's concerned words flashed through his mind. 'I just… I fucking love you' Craig's stupid words flashed through his mind too. Was that his way of apologizing? Saying he loved Kyle, he couldn't possibly mean it, he just said it in a stressful situation. Kyle was still trying to figure out if he even liked Craig, which was quickly shaping up to be a big NO.

Everything Craig had said to him recently flashed across his mind in a matter of minutes, along with images of his stupid face…

'You took my stuff because you're into me…I stood here watching you smell my sweater…Where would you prefer to be groped?...I'll make sweet-romantic-comfortable-private love to you when I get my apartment, if you want… You're the one who rushed over so eagerly… violently passionate… I'm kind of dominant… You're actually leaving?... Stay… Whenever you want… You want me to keep you warm?... Oh, you want to come over?... Sorry dude… You're not supposed to compliment me… You didn't do anything… Do you even like me at all?'

Kyle realized he had led Craig on, it was partially his fault. He clutched violently at the sweater he was using as a pillow and smelled it deeply. Kyle didn't understand why Craig had to ruin everything just because Kyle had some pictures of his best friend in his wallet. He wondered if Craig had any pictures of Clyde in his wallet, if he'd ever had a stupid pointless crush on Clyde like he had on Stan. The thought of Craig liking Clyde like that made Kyle's chest hurt… he did like Craig after all. 'Is this how Craig felt when he saw Stan's pictures? He shouldn't have been snooping through my things like that!' Kyle smelled the sweater again and let out a little choked noise of pain… emotional pain.


"Dude, you have to come out of there and some point, you can't just starve yourself!" Clyde was pounding on the door to Craig's room, he wouldn't even answer his texts. "If you don't say something in the next five minutes I'm breaking the door down to see if you dead, last warning!" He knocked hard one last time with raw knuckles. "You'd better not be jerking off." Clyde shouldered the door hard until it came off the hinges, he threw it aside and panted. "Hulk smash!" He joked.

Craig was lying in bed with puffy eyes and unkempt hair, he was staring at the TV but it wasn't on.

"Dude, you've been sitting in here for almost twenty four hours. I got some burgers." Craig didn't say anything, or look at him. "Come on, dude. Talk to me…" Clyde sat on the edge of the bed.

"What would you do if you got so mad you unintentionally slapped Bebe across the face? And you felt bad but she wouldn't speak to you?"

"Bebe would kick my ass."

"I know but… what if she didn't."

"Then I would feel really bad and beg her forgiveness, cause damn she's way out of my league and god knows I'll never get a hot piece of ass like her again."

Craig frowned at Clyde's words. "And, if she didn't accept your apology?"

"I would die trying." Clyde shrugged. Craig covered his face with his hands. "Do you really love Kyle?"

"You heard that?" Craig asked incredulously.

"Write him a letter with everything you want to say, that's what I'd do. I can't believe you hit him, dude. That's not cool."

"I know."


Kyle was glad that Craig wasn't at work the next day, he wasn't sure he was ready to see him yet anyways. He opened his locker to deposit his bag and there was a piece of paper lying at the bottom. He wondered briefly if he'd put that there but he didn't recognize the sloppy handwriting and poor grammar. He lifted it up, setting down his bag.

Dear Kyle,

You should hate me because I'm an abusive piece of shit. You shouldn't forgive me ever, you should be pissed – I can only be glad you didn't turn me in to the cops for assault. I quit the store yesterday– I can't look at you every day, looking the way you look. You're so perfect and nice and smart and clean – I don't deserve you. You know you could do better and that's what makes me angry, the reality is that I'm not your type. You ARE my type, I wanted you the second I saw you on the first day of work and I tried so hard to get you to like me you tried so hard to stop me, but what do I know about being likeable? Nothing!

I'm glad you enjoyed something about me because no one ever has. You can keep the sweater or throw it away or whatever I don't care - You'll be fine without me I know it, you're probably relieved to be rid of my stupid ugly fucking face and I miss yours.

I loved everything for what it was and you're fucking amazing, thank you for the good time –

Peace – C.

Kyle let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding and swallowed back the distinct lump of sadness. He felt empty clutching the letter in his hands, he felt miserable. Kyle finished his shift, although his work ethic was not what it usually was the boss brushed it off as his sickness from the other day 'You never call out, it must have been a doozy!'

He texted Stan a few minutes before shift end and told him he didn't need a ride, Stan knew what that meant. Stan didn't however know about his and Craig's fight. He walked to Craig's with confidence, not getting lost this time. Clyde answered the door again, he gave him a pathetic and confused look. "Hey, man. What's up?"

"I need to talk to Craig." Kyle was speaking to the ground.

Clyde opened the door wider and gestured at Craig's bedroom door. The knob was unlocked this time and Kyle was on full alert. Craig was in bed, he looked like a mess with his greasy hair and bloodshot eyes but as the words from Craig's heartfelt letter came to mind suddenly Craig looked better than he ever had before. 'I loved everything… you're fucking amazing'. Craig looked at Kyle's shoes wearily, he looked like he hadn't slept in days or least not well.

"I got your letter. I wanted to reply…" Kyle said bluntly.

"Oh." Craig mumbled, not looking directly at Kyle's face.

"I don't hate you and I do forgive you. You are my type and I do like you. I slept on your sweater the last two nights, I used it like a pillow and I kept dreaming about you. I'm not fine without you and I miss your stupid ugly fucking face." Craig finally looked up at Kyle with his usual blank stare but Kyle saw relief deep in those dark eyes. "You know something else? I did use to have a crush on Stan, but it was stupid and one-sided and I have a crush on you now. Can't we just forget it happened?"

"I can't stop thinking about you." Craig said quietly and then spoke up and said, "Are you okay?"

Kyle paused for a moment to contemplate the question, "No." He replied; Craig flinched at the word "I'd be better if you and I were still…" Kyle couldn't name it.

Craig flattened his hair out in an attempt to make it look okay and stood to walk towards his once-lover. "I'm not okay either."


A/N: Sad sappy and sexless? What's happening to me?! Jk, they're probably romping in the next chapter.