A/N We're drawing to a close here but don't worry, I have a sequel planned! Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, favourited, and followed this story. You're all wonderful and lovely! I think we just have the epilogue left now. I promise to have it up soon. Please let me know what you think!
Chapter 9
Having gotten in the habit of rising early due to spending time working at his father's legal firm, Arthur found himself sitting at the dining room table drinking orange juice and eating cereal at six in the morning. He didn't like waking early, he really preferred sleeping in, but his sleep had been restless and he knew that if he tried to force his body to go back to sleep, he would only dwell on the previous night's conversation with Merlin. He had no idea how to convince Merlin to give him a chance and he wasn't even sure if he should. It was obvious there was something lurking behind Merlin's easy, crinkly smile and wicked grin. Arthur wanted to ask but he hated the idea that Merlin may not answer him. Trust was important to him and Merlin didn't appear to trust him.
Merlin's friend Will had hinted that something had happened but Will had been so hostile that Arthur hadn't been able to find out anything else. He sighed and pushed his cornflakes around in the bowl. If he couldn't ask Merlin and Merlin wouldn't tell him, how was Arthur supposed to believe Merlin when he said he trusted Arthur? Arthur considered Merlin to be among his closest friends. Merlin was the first person Arthur rang when he had good news and the first person he wanted to talk to when something was wrong. Merlin listened, offered his opinions, and told Arthur to get over himself. As much as he could get on Arthur's nerves, Merlin was an important part of Arthur's life and he didn't want that to end.
Sighing, he snatched up the bowl of his half-eaten cereal, chugged the rest of the orange juice, and deposited the dirty dishes in the kitchen sink. Morgana and Merlin weren't awake yet but that didn't mean Arthur had to wait for them. He sent a text to Lance telling him to go to the park whenever he woke up so that they could practise shooting goals before the pick-up game at ten. Lance probably wouldn't meet him there until eight or nine but Arthur didn't care, he didn't want to wait in the house until Merlin woke up and tried to talk to him. He didn't want to see Morgana watching them as they danced awkwardly around each other. He especially didn't want to find out if Merlin was planning on going home a day early due to everything that had happened the night before.
Arthur changed, grabbed his football, and scribbled a quick note to Morgana telling her that he would be at the park and could use a cheerleader for their game later. He was about to walk out the door when he hesitated. After a moment of indecision, he went back to the notepad and wrote a note to Merlin, pushing it under the door to the guestroom before he left. He felt his stomach clench as he walked out the door, hoping that Merlin would read it in private or at least notice it before he ran into Morgana. Arthur didn't think he could handle it if Merlin left without reading it and Morgana or Margaret found the note.
It was hard for Arthur to rein his temper in as he and Lance took practise shots against Lionel. When Lionel yelled at Arthur for the third time to stop being so aggressive, Arthur finally snapped and told Lionel to stop being such a girl.
"You can't kick the keeper just because you missed your first shot, Arthur," Lionel snapped, the ball tucked under his arm as he glowered at the younger blond youth.
"I didn't mean to kick you!" Arthur exploded, ignoring Lance who was trying to calm him down. "You dove for the ball right when I was about to score, it's not my fault your shoulder got in the way."
Lionel sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Look, mate, maybe you should go for a quick jog or something and get your anger out before everyone else gets here. At this rate you're going to earn yourself a red card in the first few minutes and we can't afford that." He looked at Arthur seriously. "I don't know what's wrong but I won't let you play if you can't control yourself. It's not fair to us or the other team if you hurt someone."
"I'm not going to hurt anyone," Arthur grumbled. "I'm not angry!"
"Come on, Arthur," Lance said quietly, plucking Arthur's shirt sleeve and nodding his head to the left. "Let's just run to those trees and back, it's not even a half mile."
Arthur growled his frustration at the brothers and took off for the trees, ignoring Lance who was yelling at him to slow down.
Lance caught up to him quickly and said nothing as they sprinted for the trees. Arthur stopped once they got there and slumped against one of the tree trunks, saying nothing for long minutes as Lance panted next to him, trying to catch his breath. They both looked back at Lionel who was now waving at a few of the others boys and two of the girls who played in the pick-up games with them sometimes. Arthur wondered if Morgana would come to watch and if she would bring Gwen. He wondered if Merlin would come with her or if he would ring Gaius and asked to leave early.
The look on Merlin's face the previous night when he'd told Arthur to go back to his room and not help him make up the bed had left Arthur feeling as though Merlin had gutted him. Merlin had always been so welcoming, had always let Arthur participate in things. It hurt to know that Merlin was starting to shut him out due to the unfounded belief that Arthur would forget him when he went off to university.
Lance cleared his throat and nudged Arthur's shoulder, silently asking Arthur if he wanted to talk or head back to where the rest of their pick-up team had assembled.
Arthur shrugged and waved towards the team, indicating that they could return but that he didn't want to talk. He appreciated Lance's silent acceptance and ability not to pry. Lance was a good friend, Arthur thought, and he would be a good person to talk to if Arthur could figure out where to start.
They jogged back to where the others had gathered. Arthur's anger had dwindled from raging fury to just general frustration. He sighed and nodded when Lionel told him that he would pull Arthur immediately if he thought Arthur was being too aggressive.
"Just let it go for the next two hours," Lance suggested quietly, half-smiling when Arthur glared at him. "Whatever it is, you're not going to sort it out on the field. Better to have fun for a bit and then fix it later."
"I guess," Arthur replied, looking in the direction Morgana would likely come from if she chose to watch. He hoped she was better and not still upset about Cenred. He knew she wouldn't bounce back immediately but her temper the night before had been slightly frightening. 'A bit like my own,' he thought miserably. Lionel was right; he needed to get himself under control. Reacting like a child who hadn't gotten their way wasn't going to help him.
"What are we doing later?" Lance asked, trying to draw Arthur out of his mood.
"Huh?" Arthur asked, pulling himself out of his thoughts. He'd forgotten that they'd made plans for Sunday afternoon. "Oh, I'm not sure. What did you want to do?"
Lance shrugged. "It's Merlin's last day in town, right?"
Arthur didn't answer. Instead he turned away and crossed his arms, not looking at Lance.
"Arthur?" Lance asked, a frown on his face. "What's wrong?" When Arthur still didn't answer him, Lance sighed. "We'll figure it out later. Come on; let's take some more practise shots. Just try not to kick me or my brother or anyone else this time."
Arthur snorted and followed Lance, relieved, and somewhat sorry, that Lance hadn't pushed him to talk. Merlin would have pushed him to talk, Arthur thought, or he would have just kept talking until Arthur broke down and told him so that Merlin would shut up. Sighing, Arthur chased after Lance to get the ball, trying to put all thoughts of Merlin out of his head, at least until the game was over.
It wasn't until half-time that Arthur noticed Morgana, Gwen, and a blonde girl Arthur didn't know standing on the side-lines and chatting to one another. He scanned the small crowd of onlookers and wasn't sure if he was disappointed or relieved not to see Merlin among them.
"Good goal," Gwen told him when he jogged over, a warm and friendly smile on her face.
Arthur shrugged. "We're still behind."
Morgana rolled her eyes. "It's only two to one at the half, you can still win."
Arthur shrugged again and Morgana snorted. "How long have you been here?"
"Fifteen minutes," Morgana answered. She turned to the blonde girl standing next to her. "Arthur, this is Vivian. She went to school with Gwen and me."
Arthur nodded to her. He'd heard of Vivian before and very few of those things had been positive. "Nice to meet you."
"Of course it is," she said haughtily, looking at him as if he were something unpleasant on the bottom of her shoe.
Arthur raised an eyebrow at Gwen who ducked her head to hide a grin. "Is Merlin with you?" he asked quickly, trying not to sound eager or nervous.
"He was," Vivian said, disgust seeping in to her voice. "He's quite rude, isn't he? I suppose you can't expect much from people like that but it still comes as a shock." Her eyes flicked to Gwen and her lip curled up in a sneer. "Some can pass better than others, but a pig with lipstick is still a pig."
"Right." Arthur stared at her in shock before turning to Morgana who looked as though she was rethinking her decision to bring Vivian along. "So where is Merlin now?"
"He's talking to Lance," Gwen answered, motioning to where Merlin and Lance were chatting on the other side of the field. "I'd actually like to say hello to Lance, I'll go with you."
Arthur, assuming Gwen wanted to escape from Vivian, didn't protest. He shot Morgana an almost apologetic look when she made what sounded like a strangled cry at the realisation that she was to be left alone with Vivian.
"Why did she bring her along?" Arthur demanded quietly when they were a few metres away.
"She's a piece of work, isn't she?" Gwen replied almost sadly.
"You had to go to school with her," Arthur said, realisation dawning on him. Gwen had probably had to deal with that sort of behaviour from Vivian and other students for years. He wondered if Merlin went through similar things at college and if that was why he was so reluctant to trust Arthur when he said he wouldn't stop caring for him. Merlin had always known Arthur was wealthy but this summer had shown Merlin just how much. Arthur suddenly felt embarrassed and angry for reasons he couldn't quite put his finger on.
"It wasn't so bad," Gwen replied. "Most of the girls aren't like that and Vivian was in Morgana's year so she won't be going back with me."
As they drew closer to where Lance and Merlin were chatting, Arthur heard Merlin saying, "I'm not sure, it's going to be a busy year!"
"Well, maybe I'll come see you," Lance replied.
"I'd like that," Merlin said and Arthur could see his grin. "I miss my friends when I'm in Ealdor."
Lance looked like he was about to ask a question when he noticed Arthur and Gwen and waved at them. Merlin glanced at Arthur and then immediately back at Lance, muttering something Arthur didn't quite catch before walking away. Lance frowned at Merlin and then at Arthur when Arthur paused, trying to decide if he should follow.
"Something's not right with him," Gwen whispered, watching as Merlin walked over to talk to Lionel and Rekha. "Do you think he's upset that he has to leave tomorrow? I mean, I know it's not easy for him in Ealdor, he doesn't have to say much but you can tell it's hard for him there."
"What do you mean?" Arthur looked at Gwen in confusion. "He's got Will and his mum is really nice."
Gwen shrugged. "He didn't really tell me anything. You can just tell it's not easy when he talks about it."
"Does he talk about it a lot?" Arthur asked, feeling hurt that Merlin had never talked to him about the problems he had back in Ealdor. Maybe Gwen was reading too much into things, Merlin hardly knew her.
Gwen shook her head. "No, but you can just tell." She turned to say hello to Lance who was now standing a short distance away as though he was politely waiting for them to invite him into their conversation.
"We're trying to figure out what we should do later," Lance said to Gwen, trying to include Arthur, who was still watching Merlin, in the conversation as well.
"Vivian wants to go to Harrods," Gwen replied, looking quickly at Arthur who made a disgusted noise.
"No," he said and Gwen smiled. He ignored the conversation between Gwen and Lance and watched Merlin, who was now walking towards Morgana and Vivian.
"Team!" Lionel called out, interrupting everyone's conversations. "Time to get back on the field."
Arthur and Lance smiled apologetically to Gwen and jogged back onto the field. Arthur felt a pang of guilt for not having said anything to Merlin but then again, Merlin hadn't approached him either. The thought wasn't a comforting one.
Merlin sat on the grass with Gwen as the game continued. Morgana had left with Vivian to go shopping at Harrods, promising to meet up with everyone later once she had gotten rid of Vivian. Merlin had taken a dislike to the girl after she'd told him he needed to walk a short distance behind them so that people wouldn't think they were together.
"Merlin," Gwen said gently, interrupting Merlin's thoughts. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," he lied, a falsely bright smile on his lips as he turned to look at her. "I don't really fancy football, is all."
She sighed. "I don't particularly like football either but you're not even watching. Did you want to leave? I could tell Rekha to tell Lance and Arthur that we'll meet up with them later. We could go get that ice cream we talked about."
Merlin smiled at her for real this time. "That's okay."
"What is it?" she asked again, obviously concerned. "Is it Arthur? Did he do something?"
"It's not Arthur," Merlin replied, turning to look at where Arthur was running forward to help Lionel protect their goal.
"He likes you," Gwen said simply. She giggled when he whipped his head around to stare at her. "It's obvious to anyone who knows him." She paused and then said a little nervously, "You don't have to tell me but do you like him back? He can be difficult but he's really not so bad under all of that and I told you before, I liked him once…you could…well, you're more his type and I just…"
Merlin shook his head and squeezed her hand to get her to stop her rambling. "It's not that." When Gwen didn't press him he added, "I do like him."
Gwen squealed and clamped her hand over her mouth. "I'm sorry," she said sheepishly.
Merlin smiled. "It's fine." He sighed. "It's just not that easy."
"What do you mean? You like him and he likes you back. Merlin, he likes you a lot!" Gwen looked pleased but hesitant as well. She could tell there was more that Merlin wasn't saying but didn't want to push him too hard if he was unwilling to talk about it.
"Yeah," Merlin said angrily, "but for how long? We're both going to uni in a year. He's not going to keep me around when he's at uni. It'll be easy while he's at Eton. No one will see us together; no one will be able to say anything. But when he's at Oxford? He's not going to want anyone to know he's a poof or dating a weird looking twink whose family can barely pay the bills."
"Merlin!" Gwen said, clearly shocked.
"What?" he asked dejectedly. "It's true, Gwen."
"For one, you're not weird looking," Gwen told him gently, making Merlin scoff and turn away. "No, listen to me." When Merlin looked back at her raising an eyebrow, she continued, "I don't think you're giving him enough credit. He likes you and it takes a lot for Arthur to like someone like that."
Merlin shrugged. "I doesn't matter. He'll figure himself out when he's at Oxford and he'll forget me."
"You know Arthur's pretty sure he's gay, yeah?" Gwen asked, more amused than anything. "He knows it's not a phase. I was there when he told Mister Pendragon. Morgana told me to stay in her room but she and Arthur went out there and she yelled at him until he finally told Arthur that as long as he didn't get HIV or start wearing rainbow flags, then it was fine."
Merlin laughed despite himself at the image of Arthur in a rainbow t-shirt. He had a feeling Arthur wouldn't be caught dead in one. "His father doesn't care?"
"Oh he cares," Gwen replied. "Maybe not for the reasons you think he does but he cares. He worries about Arthur and Morgana. Morgana thinks that Uther's an old bigot but I don't think it's homophobia. I think he's just worried and doesn't know how to handle it."
"What do you mean?"
"Have you told your family yet?" Gwen asked, getting the answer when Merlin looked away. "Maybe you should tell them and you might understand a bit better." She reached out and took Merlin's hand, squeezing once before just holding on to it. "You won't be in trouble, will you?"
Merlin shook his head. "My mate Will reckons my mum and uncle already know." He sighed. "I'm not really worried about them. I just…I don't want to have to say anything."
"It's everyone else?" Gwen asked knowingly. When Merlin didn't respond she said, "You shouldn't think about them. They don't matter. People are always going to talk nonsense, they aren't worth it."
"I know," he replied quietly, thinking back to the Tanzanian girl Geoffrey had told him about and the khanga hanging on Geoffrey's wall.
"You give them power over you by worrying about what they think," Gwen said sternly. "You don't have to tell everyone but you should tell your family." She looked up at the game to see Arthur and the rest of the team tackling Lance into a hug for scoring. She smiled briefly and yelled encouragement before turning back to Merlin. "No one who cares about you is going to hurt you or hate you."
"There's no one left who can hurt me," Merlin muttered.
Gwen frowned. "What do you mean?" When Merlin didn't answer her she pushed him with her shoulder. "Merlin." She squeezed his hand again. "What happened?"
He looked at Gwen, taking in the worried and concerned expression in her brown eyes. She was a good friend, he thought. She would keep his secret if he told her and never tell anyone else. He couldn't tell her though, it didn't feel right, and he shook his head.
Gwen nodded. "Whatever it was, you should tell someone. Maybe tell Arthur."
"He'll get angry," Merlin replied. "I've already seen him lose his temper with Morgana; I don't particularly want to be on the other end of it."
Gwen snickered. "Well, at least think about it. I doubt you could tell him anything that would make him get too angry with you." She shrugged. "Just remember what I told you before: if someone really cares, they won't hurt you or hate you for who you are."
Merlin sighed and turned back to watch Arthur play. "I hope so."
When the game ended Gwen gave both Arthur and Lance a kiss on the cheek before saying that she was going to meet up with Morgana at Harrods. She gave Merlin a pointed look as she left and told them to let her know what their plans were once they showered.
"I'm going to go back and shower at Lionel's," Lance said to Arthur and Merlin. "I forgot to bring a change of clothes."
Arthur nodded. "I'll text you when we're leaving and we can go find Morgana and Gwen."
"Sounds good, mate," Lance replied, waving to them before jogging after his brother and his girlfriend.
"Ready?" Arthur asked, not bothering to look at Merlin and see if he was following as he walked away.
The walk back to the Pendragon house was extremely quiet and uncomfortable. Arthur was waiting for Merlin to say something and Merlin was working up the courage to tell Arthur everything he needed to say. Merlin had almost gotten out the words when Arthur said, "I'll be down soon" and hurried up the stairs and into his room while Merlin was left in the foyer. Sighing, Merlin went to the guestroom and flopped down onto the bed.
Merlin wished Will was back from America. He really wanted someone to talk to about everything that was going on. When Ian had first started spreading rumours about him, Will had told Merlin not to lie about it to his mother and Gaius. Merlin had known it was wrong to lie to them but he hadn't wanted to see the disappointment or anger in their faces. It had been hard enough when Will had confronted him and it had taken a lot to make Will keep his secret. Will had been furious for weeks and had nearly retaliated.
"Hey," Arthur said from the doorway, looking hesitantly at Merlin.
Merlin shot up into a sitting position and he offered Arthur a tentative smile before looking at the floor.
"Did you see my note?" Arthur asked, not moving into the guestroom.
"Yeah," Merlin replied, digging into his pocket and producing the note. "I wasn't going to leave."
Arthur nodded. "Good."
Merlin wasn't sure what to say so he simply smiled again.
"I meant it," Arthur insisted, motioning to the paper Merlin had in his hand. "That I want you to stay."
"I'm not leaving," Merlin repeated. "Well, not until tomorrow."
"What are you scared of?" Arthur asked suddenly, taking a step into the room. "What have I done that scared you so bloody much?"
"It's not you," Merlin replied, eyes widening at the sudden change of topic.
"Then what is it?" Arthur demanded, looking at Merlin coolly and Merlin knew Arthur was behaving arrogantly in an attempt to cover his own insecurities. He hated that he knew that. It made him feel worse for keeping the truth from Arthur.
"We should talk," Merlin said finally, feeling resigned.
"Yeah," Arthur said, "we should." He stalked into the room and plopped himself down on the bed, looking at Merlin intently. "Talk."
Merlin snorted. "Yes, your highness." When Arthur rolled his eyes, Merlin grinned. "I know this is going to be hard for you but you need to shut up for a bit."
"Should I tell Lance we're not coming?" Arthur asked, sensing that there was more to this talk than Merlin was letting on.
"Tell him we'll be late," Merlin said quietly. "Well, if you still want me to come when I'm done telling you."
Arthur said nothing to reassure Merlin but he pulled his mobile out and sent Lance a quick text. "Okay, tell me."
"Do you remember Ian?" Merlin asked. When Arthur shook his head Merlin clarified, "He was playing football the first time you came to Ealdor. You talked to Daniel?"
Arthur nodded and his face darkened. "He was the boy who told me not to talk to you."
"Yeah." Merlin swallowed around the lump in his throat and nodded. "Ian's his best mate."
"What about him?" Arthur asked, looking confused.
"He doesn't like me," Merlin said. "At all. He said some nasty things about me at school."
"Who cares?" Arthur said, shrugging. He wasn't sure what this had to do with anything and was about to ask Merlin for clarification when Merlin started talking.
"When I first moved to Ealdor, the only person I knew was Will. My mum's friends with his mum and whenever we visited Gaius, Will come over. When my dad died and we moved, Gaius told me to get friends my own age." Merlin smiled at the memory and at Arthur's confused look. "Will's had some trouble and got caught shoplifting a few times when he was thirteen. Gaius didn't want me doing the same thing."
"And he's a year older than us," Arthur pointed out, doing his best not to say anything about how Merlin could definitely do better than to pick friends who stole. Of course, Will cared about Merlin and seemed to have shaped up, he knew he shouldn't judge.
"And he's a year older," Merlin agreed, grinning at Arthur as if knowing what he was thinking. "Anyway, I tried to do what Gaius told me and I started talking to Ian and Daniel. I liked them." Merlin shrugged. "Ian and I got on especially well. They teased me at first but they weren't too bad." At Arthur's confused expression Merlin said, "For being Irish. Believe me, I've heard every Irish joke there is."
Arthur snorted. "So have I, Gwaine's full of them."
Merlin laughed. "Anyway, for about a year I spent most of my time with them. I saw Will, too, but mostly I was with Ian or Ian and everyone else. Ian was my best mate. I liked him." He looked at Arthur and then away when he felt his cheeks colouring. "I liked him a lot."
"You mean…?" Arthur asked, catching on to what Merlin was telling him.
"Yeah." Merlin nodded once, trying to get himself under control. "Well, I thought he liked me too. When we were alone he'd…" Merlin blushed crimson. "It doesn't matter, you don't need those details." He shook himself to try and reorganise his thoughts. "After lunch one day I told him that Will knew about me and asked if I could tell Will about us."
"You were dating," Arthur supplied.
"No!" Merlin snapped and Arthur was surprised by the venom in his voice. "No, we never dated. We did other stuff and we were friends."
"I thought you hadn't…" Arthur began and Merlin cut him off.
"I haven't. I've done just about everything else." Merlin shrugged and Arthur realised that Merlin was putting up a wall so that he could tell this story, that there was a lot of hurt and a lot of pain buried under everything.
"All right," Arthur said slowly, thinking that perhaps he should ask Merlin what he considered sex and what he considered 'everything else'. "What happened?"
Merlin looked at Arthur sadly before gathering himself up and looking somewhere over Arthur's shoulder to tell the rest of his story. "He lost his temper. Called me something terrible, said I was disgusting and that there was no us, that it was just easy to use me since I was so soft and girly." Merlin went pink with resentment and embarrassment at the memory and rubbed his forehead. "He told me he wasn't gay and that I should leave him alone and never come near him again."
"But he…" Arthur interrupted angrily. His skin was prickling with rage and he tried to calm himself down when he saw that Merlin looked fearful.
Merlin shook his head. "Let me finish." He took a deep breath. "I said it was fine and that I wouldn't tell anyone. I told him I was sorry but he didn't care. He was so upset, Arthur." He looked at Arthur who was watching Merlin with something akin to horror and fury but that Merlin couldn't quite name. "He shoved me against the science block wall and I lost my temper. I told him he was a prick and that it wasn't my fault that he was gay. I think that's what really did it, you know? Me telling him he's gay. He hit me, broke my lip, pushed me down and probably would have kicked me in the face or something if I hadn't screamed at him to leave me alone."
Arthur opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. He had wondered what it was that had happened to Merlin but he hadn't imagined this.
"I'm not done," Merlin said quietly. "Misses Hall heard me and she and Mister Padget were outside quickly to break us apart. Misses Hall called my mum and Mister Padget asked what had happened. I was scared, you know? I told him that Ian was teasing me for being Irish and he figured that's what it was all about and that Ian was just defending himself."
"That's ridiculous!" Arthur burst out. "He couldn't possibly have believed you would start a fight."
"Doesn't matter," Merlin replied. "Ian didn't correct him and I got sent home for fighting."
Arthur looked livid and muttered something about how he couldn't imagine Merlin killing an insect let alone starting a fight.
Merlin snorted. "My mum was pretty upset with me and she made me go apologise. I didn't want to; I thought Ian might punch me again." He shook his head. "She went with me, though, to make sure I did it, I guess. Ian wasn't there but his dad was and I told his dad I was sorry. I think his dad thought it was a joke. He didn't look upset or anything but he said he'd tell Ian I'd come over and said he hoped he'd see me again."
"He probably thought it was just something stupid," Arthur commented, trying to keep his tone neutral. "Besides, you were the one with the broken lip."
"Yeah." Merlin nodded. "That's what Will said."
"You do know that Ian's a right tosser, yeah?" Arthur said seriously.
"It got worse," Merlin replied. "Will came over later and told me that Ian was telling everyone I got sent home for trying to make him do things with me behind the science block." Merlin blushed. "He told everyone that I was some kind of militant fag…"
"Do not use that word," Arthur interrupted furiously, reaching for Merlin's chin and forcing him to meet Arthur's gaze. Merlin swallowed and nodded and Arthur let go. "What happened?"
"They believed him," Merlin said quietly. "Ian's friends were my friends and really, they were more his friends than mine. They told people all kinds of things about me. Don't ask what they all were, I stopped listening." He shrugged. "Will took up for me and I just started spending a lot of time with him. Ian and Daniel tried saying that we were together but the rumour didn't stick, Will's had too many girlfriends and no one in his year really cared what Ian or Daniel had to say."
Arthur nodded. He had no idea how to reply. He was outraged that such a thing had happened to Merlin and that no one had bothered to find out the truth. "Why didn't you try to correct them?"
"What was I supposed to say?" Merlin demanded. "I am gay, I did like Ian. I couldn't tell people I wasn't or that I didn't." He swiped at his face. "I'd told enough lies, I couldn't tell more."
Arthur sighed and was about to argue that there was plenty that Merlin could have said. That he could have told everyone that being gay wasn't something disgusting or criminal but the words died on his lips at the look on Merlin's face. He was clearly hurting; this wound was still so raw even after two years. "That's why you don't trust me."
"I do trust you," Merlin argued. "Some people told me that they didn't care what Ian said and that he was an arse. I couldn't face it so I ignored them. Mostly I got left alone. Will told me to grow up and stop sulking and he was right. I missed out on some good friendships and that was my fault."
Arthur nodded. At least not everyone had shunned Merlin. "You idiot."
Merlin snorted. "Thanks."
"I'm serious, you're a complete idiot." Arthur shook his head. "Why didn't you tell me before?"
"When?" Merlin glared at Arthur. "When would have been the best time to tell you? Besides, this isn't about you!" When Arthur glared at him Merlin sighed. "Arthur, I didn't know you were gay until a few days ago! I wasn't about to tell you when I was up with you and your mates at Eton. What if one of them had overheard?"
"They wouldn't care," Arthur snapped.
"I didn't know that," Merlin insisted. "I couldn't tell you. I didn't want you to leave or hurt me."
"Glad to know what you think of me," Arthur said dryly. "Thanks."
"Arthur," Merlin began, reaching for Arthur's hand and squeezing. "Stop it. I'm sorry."
Arthur turned his hand over a held on to Merlin's. "I'm angry with you." He looked at Merlin with such intense hurt in his eyes that Merlin wanted to cry or even kiss him to make the look go away. "You didn't trust me."
"I do now," Merlin whispered, looking down at their joined hands. "Please, Arthur…"
"I know," Arthur said quietly and he leaned forward to brush his lips against Merlin's in a chaste kiss. "I need time, though. I need to think."
"About what?" Merlin asked nervously.
"About what we do next," Arthur said simply.
"We're still friends," Merlin replied, sounding relieved.
Arthur looked amused. "Of course. You might be an idiot but you're my idiot."
Merlin snorted. "You prat." He brought his other hand up to stroke Arthur's cheek. "I'm going to kiss you now and if you don't want me to, you have about three seconds to say no."
Arthur laughed and tugged Merlin forward, letting Merlin take control of the kiss and opening his mouth to Merlin's gentle, curious tongue. Arthur smiled into the kiss and then gasped when Merlin broke away to trail gentle nips and kisses down his neck.
"I like you," Merlin mumbled into Arthur's neck. "'M sorry I wasn't brave."
Arthur tilted Merlin's head back so that they were looking into each other's eyes. "You were. You handled it, you lived through it, and you're going to make it right. You told me." He kissed Merlin deeply, knowing it didn't cover even a quarter of what he wanted to say. There was so much left to be talked about, so much that needed to be discussed. It could wait. Merlin had bared enough of his soul in the last hour and Arthur wasn't sure he could handle much more at that emotional level right now.
Merlin broke the kiss and rested his head against Arthur's. "Thank you."
Arthur frowned. "For what?"
"Listening," Merlin answered. "For listening and not being a completely judgement arse."
Arthur snorted. The truth was that he was still furious and if he saw Ian or Daniel or any of those other people he would probably have a few things to say to them. "I like you."
"We're friends," Merlin said, grinning.
"Maybe more than friends," Arthur admitted but it sounded more like a question to Merlin.
"Maybe." Merlin chuckled. "But not yet. I'm not ready for that."
Arthur nodded and felt his mobile buzz. He looked down and read the text. "Lance is with the girls. Should we go meet them?"
"Yeah," Merlin said. "It's my last day. I don't want to spend it inside."
Arthur thought privately that he wouldn't mind spending the day alone with Merlin but he wasn't about to say that out loud. He'd try and convince Merlin to sleep in his room that night and maybe kiss him for longer than thirty seconds.
"Don't forget your wallet," Arthur said before he could voice any of the dirtier thoughts that were now going around in his mind. Merlin had just admitted to some incredibly serious and horrifying experiences, after all. It wouldn't be appropriate for Arthur to try and take advantage of him. Merlin had told him before that he wasn't ready and Arthur more than respected that.
"It's in my pocket, Mum," Merlin teased. "Let's go."
Arthur pulled Merlin in for one last kiss, grabbed his hand, and tugged him towards the front door. He wouldn't push for anything more, it was all up to Merlin, but at least they'd gotten over one of the major hurdles. They had time. They could discuss both of their other insecurities later. Now, he was going to enjoy his last day with Merlin until he had free time at Eton.
