Opening old wounds
Shepard took a seat in the therapist's office, eyes directed to the winter wonderland scene outside. She drummed her fingers against her knees in a bid to stop her biting her nails, as she recently developed a habit of doing it when she was nervous.
"So Honey." The asari doctor said, brightly. "I'm Dr M'Fee. The citadel council appointed me as your therapist." She offered her hand, in which Shepard shook it, respectfully. "Now today, we are just going to talk about your life, just so I can get some background."
"Ok." Shepard replied, quietly.
"So tell me about your childhood."
"What would you like to know?"
"You were an orphan. What was life like for you growing up?"
"I grew up in a group home, It was run by the most evil, sadistic bitch, I've ever known."
"Tell me about her?"
"She liked the boys, treated them like superstars. But us girls, she resented us. The prettier the girl, the stronger the hatred. She used to re-name us. I was called "Cherry Pie" I fucking hated that."
"Why that name?" The doctor asked as she took notes down on her Pad.
"She liked to give girls sexier names. It made us more appealing to the customers."
The doctor cocked an eyebrow in response. "Customers?"
Shepard barked out a laugh. "Yes. What the authorities didn't know was, she turned that home into a brothel and we were the working girls."
"How old were you?"
"When it started?" She pursed her lips in thought, unpacking all those memories she boxed away in her mind, all those years go. "I was ten. I don't really remember all that much, just the pain really. It was agony, but I learned to ignore it. No one cared if I was in pain."
"What about the last time?"
"Ah yes. I was twelve and harder hearted than any twelve year old should be. The man was the most violent yet. Something inside of me snapped, so I grabbed the screwdriver I had hidden under my pillow and drove it deep into his neck. I was shocked at how much blood there was."
"Then what happened?"
"I ran out of the room. I ended up in her room, trying to find any money I could take. I found my birth certificate, so I took that too."
"You met Admiral Anderson when you were sixteen, what did you do in the mean time?"
"I moved from place to place. Then when I met David, he pulled my life starboard and set me on the right course."
"What do you think would have happened, if you didn't meet him?"
"I'd probably be dead." She replied, drolly.
"Do you regret joining the Alliance?"
"No, I don't. Joining saved my life."
"And where you met the Major?"
Shepard couldn't stop herself smiling when she heard his name. "Yeah."
"So tell me about him?" She asked, almost teasingly.
"He is a wonderful man. Kind, gorgeous, loving."
"Do you love him?"
"Yeah. More than I've ever told him, I think."
"Does he know about your past?"
"Yes. Not all but he knows more about me than any one else."
"What about your crew?"
Tears pooled in her eyes as she thought about them. "I haven't seen them in a while."
Dr M'Fee handed her a tissue, giving her a sympathetic smile. "That makes you sad?"
"Yeah." Shepard croaked out, as she dried her eyes with the issue. "I pushed them away."
"Have you tried to contact them?" Shepard shook her head, making the therapist frown. "Why not?"
"I don't deserve them or Kaidan." Her tears flowed again, taking the box of tissues from the doctor.
"Yet he stays with you. Do you not think yourself worthy of love?"
She looked down at the floor, tears dropping on to her lap. "I closed my heart off at a young age. I don't know how to really let someone in."
"But you told the Major painful things about your past, so you trust him. He proved that trust was justified when he stuck by you."
Shepard looked up, drying her eyes, a small spark flickering on within them. "I never thought of it like that. I do trust Kaidan. I trusted my crew."
"Have you ever been open with your friends?"
"Once, when I thought I was going to die. I expected die. I left video messages for them. Kaidan later told me that it was played to a room full of people. I'm not sure how I feel about that."
"Because you showed your vulnerability?"
Shepard nodded. "I've been so used to being the toughened soldier that I struggle to lay it all out there."
"Have you thought about getting in contact with them?"
"Sometimes, but I cant seem to work up the courage."
"Ok. I'm going to give you a task for our next session. I want you to write letters to each of your crew. Be open and honest. We will go through them next week."
"You wont show any one?"
"Not at all. They'll be between us. They are just for to release all those pent up feelings you have." The doctor led Shepard to the door, shaking her hand. "How would you feel if we had Kaidan in one of your sessions?"
"I guess it'll be ok."
"Good. Get started on those letters."
Shepard walked out into the snow filled streets of London, feeling strangely liberated, unburdened by all those painful memories. Putting her scarf around her neck, she walked down the street to a near by park where Kaidan would be with Eden. In the distance, she could see him surrounded by children, no doubt wanting to stroke the puppy. She felt a little flutter in her stomach, a little bloom of hope that her future would be one entirely of her own making with Kaidan. She walked over to them, sitting beside him on the bench, Eden trying to jump up and lick her. "I see you two made some friends." She laughed, stroking the excited dog.
The children gasped when they saw who it was. Kaidan put an arm around her, pulling her to him. "Hey kids, this is my girlfriend, Honey."
A blonde haired girl, no more than six, jumped on her lap, looking up at her with awe. "Commander Shepard, you're my hero."
Shepard felt a little uncomfortable, but soon shook off the feeling as she looked down at the little girl. "Well, you're my hero."
Kaidan watched, smiling as she talked to the children. He could finally see the old Shepard re-emerging from the dark shadow that had kept her hidden for so long. So deep in thought, he didn't notice the children get up from the bench. Suddenly something wet and icy cold hit his face, shaking him from his thoughts. He looked up to see Shepard, wearing a mischievous grin, a snowball in her left hand. "Oh, you are going to pay for that." He ran after her, picking up a snowball of his own. The parents of the children watched as the galaxy's hero, ran around with delight, throwing snowballs at the children, one mother taking a picture.
The children said goodbye, Kaidan wrestling a lead back on the excited Eden. Shepard wrapped her arms around him, burying her face in his neck. "That was fun." She laughed.
He pressed a kiss into her hair, pulling her tight to him. "You know, for someone as apt with a gun as you, you really have no accuracy at all." He laughed.
Shepard wrestled Kaidan to the snow, jumping on top of him, Eden excitedly barking. "Say that again." She glared at him, the laughter in her eyes giving it away.
"What? Kiss me?" He winked.
She pressed her lips against his, closing her eyes as his warmth engulfed her. It was loving and gentle, everything she knew it would be.
Kaidan opened his eyes, as he felt her pull away. He became breathless when he looked up at her, seeing her, his Honey, looking so peaceful and happy, his heart wanted to burst. She was so very beautiful. "Shall we go home?"
"Yeah, our home." She helped him up and together they walked hand in hand, Eden walking along happily, with a stick hanging from his mouth, to their sky car.
Kaidan stepped into the shower, sighing as the warm water seeped into his cold skin. Thanks to Shepard wrestling him on to the snow, his clothes had been wet through, making the journey home, an unpleasant one. He smirked to himself as the shower door opened and closed, two arms wrapping around his waist. "It's been a while since we shared a shower." He turned around to face her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders.
"Only this time, we wont have Wrex, whining that the water was too hot." She chuckled.
"Communal showers. Those were the days."
"Hmmm, now you've got your wish."
"To have you wet and naked in a confined space?
"That's the one. At least that is what he is telling me." She slid a hand down his toned body, taking his hardened length in her hand. "He likes me." She teased him, stroking the shaft.
He moved, pushing her against the shower wall, his lips crashing to hers with a sense of need and urgency. He moaned against her mouth as she teased his open, tongues tasting each other, savouring each other. He pulled back, both breathless. "How did we hold out for five years?" He asked, pressing a kiss into her collarbone, nipping slightly at the skin.
She gasped as his hands moved cup her breasts. "I have no idea."
He forcefully pulled up her leg to rest against his hip, keeping her steady against wall. He slipped his hand in between her legs, probing at her sex, his fingers deftly working, finding all the right spots.
She groaned against his shoulder as he entered a finger into her, nails digging into his back as he pumped his finger in and out of her, his thumb teasing her clit. Her moans grew louder as she neared her climax, Kaidan working faster and faster.
"Sing for me, Honey." He whisper against her neck.
Her legs felt like jelly as she came hard against his hand. "Kaidan." She groaned, struggling to keep herself steady. She didn't have time to think as he quickly thrust up into her.
He groaned at the feeling of being inside of her. This was a pleasure they had denied themselves for five years. He moved his hands around her backside, pulling her up, her legs wrapping around his waist. Their lips met, kissing lazily as he rolled his hips, setting a slow pacing. Kaidan felt the heady fogginess of desire, engulfed his mind as her lips kissed every part of him they could reach. He pulled out of her, setting her on her feet, making her whine. He turned her around, pushing her against. Gripping on to her hips, his thrust into her again, harder than he realised, judging by her grunt. He snapped her hips back to meet his thrust, setting a new, faster rhythm.
She pressed herself hard against the cold tiles of the shower wall. Once again, she felt the familiar heat in her groin. "Harder." She begged, moaning loudly as he obliged her. Her body tensed up as she came hard, screaming against the wall.
The pace become uneven and quick as he felt her walls closing in around his length. Making a few desperate thrusts, he spilled himself into her, groaning against the space between her shoulder blades. After a few lazily thrusts, her waning orgasm, milking the rest of his own. He pulled out of her, wrapping his arms around her. They stayed silent in the shower a few minutes, while their breathing returned to normal. Soft laughter filled the bathroom, as the lovers came down from their post coital high. "That's a great way to end 2187." Kaidan pressed a kiss into her shoulder, turning the water off.
"Oh yeah. We get to start 2188 as a real couple."
"I think 2188 will be our best year, yet."
They got out of the shower, drying off before getting into bed. They spent the last hours of one year and the beginning hours of a new year, making love.
