"It is the way it is, because we are the way we are." – Ivan Ward (i.e. Me)

A/N: Serious writer's block. Do enjoy.

Chapter Nine

Lily Claire Evans is rarely in such a mood that she can not possibly think of a single thing to say. Anyone who has met her knows that shutting up is not one of her strong suits. In the most simplistic terms Lily liked to talk. Even if there was absolutely nothing to talk about.

So, finding Lily completely silent should have worried James to the point of lunacy. Nothing could possible be worse for their relationship than a quiet Lily Evans. But unfortunately James had not known Lily quite long enough to know that he was in trouble. He had not even known her long enough to know that leaving her alone in such a state was not a good idea.

He did, though.

He would later assert that he had no choice. That he felt it was best for everyone involved if he most ungraciously removed (i.e. kicked) his father out of his house. While he was gone Lily got up and left. Well, not really left. She just walked away from where she had been. She was not rushing, but she made sure to be out of sight by the time James got back. To be honest Lily did not really know where she was going.

Lily would often found herself confused. It was usually her own doing. But she rarely found herself confused about being sad. You see, Lily did not know if she should be sad or mad or if it truly was James' fault. What it came down to was the fact that James had no way of knowing he would end up loving Lily. He was merely following High Law. If he had not done so, he would have gotten in trouble.

Truth be told, the matter was never brought to James' attention until it was managed. Unfortunately, Lily did not know that. Most common people thought that their king managed everything that happened in the kingdom. That, of course, was not the case. The local government managed that sort of thing.

Those facts aside, Lily was still torn.

So, she went home.

----

James could feel the anger prickling at his finger tips. As he had expected his father had taken a delicate situation and dropped it on the floor. He stared at Lily's empty chair hoping, almost wishing that she would just sit back down. He had known that this meeting would not go well, but he had not expected what had happened.

"My Lord," James looked up at Athor. "I have sent two guards after Lily with the charge to watch her every move." James nodded.

"Good, good." He stood silently for a moment. "Athor have you done what I asked?"

"Primary construction has been completed," Athor said. James shook his head and sighed.

"Give me more, Athor."

"All of the vaults below the throne room have been successfully made into one large chamber. I could easily gather the generals and finish the job within a few hours."

"Good, do it," James said. He looked back down at Lily's empty chair.

"If I may say, James," Athor said, "perhaps you should talk to her. Explain that it was out of your control." James shook his head.

"I am king, Athor. This kingdom is my responsibility. It's goings on are all on me. I am the symbol, to the people, of their government. Anything the government does is my doing. All actions the government makes are mine. By all truth and honesty, I killed her parents."

"You can not possibly control all of Tunisia," Athor said. "Complete control is impossible." James shook his head, again.

"Aye, though that maybe, how can I hope to control this whole continent if I can not control my own kingdom? Or, for the Gods sake, my father's very words?"

"My Lord, you incriminate yourself unjustly." Athor laid his hand on James' shoulder. He swatted his general's hand away.

"If I do not head this government," with every word James' voice rose, "then who does?! Who will take blame for what the governors and mayors do, if not me? This land and all of its elected officials are my responsibility! They are my voice and rule among the people. When I am afar they are my judgment! And may I say, had I been there, when judgment on her, my love's parents, was to be made, I would no have made time for mercy on them. And you would not have advised me otherwise. You know this to be true, my friend. Her parents' blood stains my tunic."

"You could not have possibly know, my lord. You can be sure that had the courts known there was a child judgment would have been dealt differently."

"So, it is Lily's fault."

"No, my lord. It is ignorance that committed the crime."

"Ignorance is my only excuse. How could I have possibly known? What sort of reasoning is that? What should I tell my lover? Sorry, my beauty, but I did not know there was a child? Please forgive my over sight in the deaths of your parents."

"Can you find no peace, James? You know well that if they had not been killed for their crimes all fault would fall on you," Athor said.

"Perhaps it should have."

"How can you blame yourself for so much?"

"Do you love, Athor?"

"I love you, my lord."

"Do you have a lover, Athor? A body that you lay with? A lover?" Athor hesitated.

"Yes, my lord."

"It is for love that I blame myself. Her mother and father loved each other and could not make the appeal. Love knows no sex, no age, and it certainly does not know species. They were killed for their love," James said.

"They could have gotten an appeal."

"Could they? Could they really have gotten an appeal? Was her mother not married? What court would have granted an appeal to a married Dien? None would have and you know it." They were quiet for a moment.

"All I can think to say, my lord, is that the past is gone. There is nothing you can now do about it."

"May you always relieve me of my guilt," James said. "Though you do it wrongfully."

"I do it for love of you. If a few words can ease your soul for moment, I will speak 'til I no longer can breath if only for your peace."

"Your loyalty to me is foolish and powerful."

"I will die before any hand raises against you or your kin. My blood for your life. Such is my oath," Athor swore.

"I would have you kill all those generals who do not abide by it," James said.

"Command me, Lord, and it shall come to pass."

"None, but those loyal generals may know of what is below my throne. You must kill the builders. And all of those generals who are not completely loyal. But be careful in what you do. Your actions are now mine."

----

James rarely slept. And when he did it was not a sound sleep. His mind hovered on the edge of consciousness. Asleep enough to relax, but awake enough to know no rest. When night fell upon the land the thought of rest, or at the very least stop of work, became exceedingly appealing. Especially after a particularly stressful day. Which just happened to be the sort of day James had just had.

James walked slowly through his palace and up to his bed chambers. He informed the guards at his door to only allow Athor in. He strolled lazily across the grand chamber to the bedroom. As he went he blew out each and every candle, relishing in the blissful darkness that followed the extinguishing of each flame. James entered his bed room and closed the door to the other room. Slowly, he stripped off his clothes and lay down in bed.

His mind wisped to the very edge of his consciousness and all of that day's events slipped away. His breathe slowed to a point that would have killed a human. All responsiveness dimmed, but not enough to not notice the door opening. He quickly realized it was not Athor who entered his room. Athor was always sure to identify himself immediately. And he never climbed onto James' bed. He would have worried had he not caught a whiff of the intruder. The smell of flowers in a spring rain invaded his nostrils. He knew well that it was Lily leaning over his head. He opened his eyes.

"When my mother left me at the door of the orphanage she placed with me a note. The note indicated my name and a saying she thought I should live by. Do you want to hear it?" she asked. He nodded. "When night breaks into day, first we must stand, but after that is the sun."

"Lily-"

"My mother was in love. She risked her life, her family, everything she had for love. She died for that love. A forbidden love, but a true one. I am made of that love. I lead a blessed life, a loving life. And if things hadn't happened the way they did who knows if I would be here now." James smiled.

"Love knows not the failures and triumphs of life. Only the heart to which it is designed," James whispered. "I will stand."

"And I will be your sun to light your way through the darkest times."

"And when you must stand I will light your way."