Gladiator
"I suspect my knowledge of Terran history is imperfect Captain –" Spock begins in a tone that treads a fine line between modest and – if it is possible and Doctor McCoy certainly thinks it is – sarcastic with hints of downright snarkiness. The doctor groans softly even this early into the movie and Kirk raises an eyebrow softly in interested amusement at where this is going –
"But I am really not sure that Commodus was the son of Marcus Aurelius at all, let alone characterised in the manner this movie is suggesting."
Kirk sighs, happily, knowing what he had been getting into when he suggested "Gladiator" and – if he was being honest, rather having looked forward to the commentary he knew would come from the Vulcan.
"It's a movie Spock, not a documentary – historical accuracy isn't really at the top of the priority list."
"I do not understand. Why would they purposefully portray these events inaccurately."
"Just be glad we're not watching "Troy""
This keeps the Vulcan silent for perhaps ten minutes until the need to comment becomes too much and he points out a suspected inaccuracy in the costume department.
"Yes Spock, extremely inaccurate" Kirk sighs, again more happily than he would like people to think he was sighing. Before he can continue Bones cuts in with a low groan –
"Dear god are you two going to keep this up for the entire movie?"
"I suspect so Doctor" Spock retorts, simultaneous to Kirk looking affronted at being included in this objection and pointing at Spock to protest –
"He started it!"
"Sometimes I'm so glad you're our Captain" Bones sinks heavily into his much abused chair.
"Really Bones I don't know what you mean".
"I suspect Captain that the doctor is suggesting your protestation to be reminiscent of the playground protestation of a human infant" Spock interject helpfully.
"Spock!" Kirk's eyes widen in delight – "Are you insulting me?"
"Insulting you Captain?" Spock blinks, for all the world like an innocent kitten, a comparison the good doctor would no doubt have delighted in and instantly put to work in using as an ear – related reference.
"You're calling me childish!
"I am not one hundred percent certain that is what I was suggesting captain."
"Why pray continue Mr Spock –" Kirk grins – "Do tell me the exact percentage of your certainty in this instance."
Spock remains quiet for a moment and just when Kirk begins to think he is not going to rise to the bait, just when he is starting to switch his attention back to the movie Spock says, quiet quietly –
"Eighty seven point twenty six percent Captain."
Kirk turns round quickly to catch Spock's eye but the face betrays no hint as to whether or not he is playing with him.
The movie progresses with less ado as Spock manfully – if he would pardon the term – attempts to keep his corrections of every inaccuracy to himself, only unable to stop himself on precisely fourteen occasions. Bones is so nearly impressed with this that he keeps his eye rolls reserved for when Sulu and Scotty break into spontaneous shadow cast of the scenes of gladiatorial combat that alarms the rest of them, wondering exactly how many times they have been watching this movie already. Spock comments only that their re-enactment is at least as accurate as the movie itself and only Kirk is sufficiently compos mentis by this time to realise that this is not the compliment Spock makes it sound.
That night he lies awake, long after the rest of the crew is asleep, wondering if he can think of a movie in existence that Spock could not pick holes in.
_x_
I watched Troy the other day against my better judgement – Gladiator I can just about deal with, despite doing exactly what Spock does here. Basically never watch a historical movie with someone who studied the era, we're nightmares. :-)
