Author's Note: First of all, I'd just like to apologize to anyone who asked for links and they didn't work for some reason. I'm not sure why. Anyway, I've uploaded the links on the bottom of my profile. If you look there, you should see them. Sorry about that! And thanks for all the reviews! I really appreciate it. Enjoy!
P.S. This one's really long!
Chapter 9: Empty House
My front door crashed open with a bang against the wall as Edward strode over the threshold, supporting me effortlessly in his arms as he made for the staircase. I still held my shoes in one hand and dropped them on the welcome mat before we proceeded anywhere else. His shoes came off too.
Our lips were still locked as he kicked the door shut behind him, using only one foot before he ran gracefully up the stairs, not even looking down on them once as they passed safely beneath his feet, both of us laughing merrily between kisses. I couldn't believe I'd almost missed out on this. I couldn't believe I'd almost said no. I couldn't believe I was wearing his ring on my finger…
When we reached the top of the stairs, I asked him to please let me down and without question, he placed me back on my feet obediently. Our lips never once missed a beat as I backed toward the bathroom, pulling him along with me until we reached the door. There I stopped, just for a moment, just long enough to speak to him. I had to talk through the panting that was a result from all the kissing. Edward had kept his promise, although I didn't feel like I was going to melt just yet. "I just need a human moment." The words came out in one giant slur between heavy breaths and for a moment I was concerned he hadn't understood me, but then he nodded once and kissed my lips one more time. "Of course." He replied more gently than I would have thought possible for this degree of intensity between two people, but then, I had to remind myself that Edward was no typical person. "I'll be waiting."
I felt my heart pounding in my chest as I looked at him, pointing one, meaningful index finger in his face. "And don't you dare move a muscle." I ordered him, my voice intense as I took one more step backwards and slammed the bathroom door between us.
Flicking on the light, I blinked painfully as my eyes adjusted. Personally, I was surprised I hadn't blacked out yet. I moved as quickly as I possibly could, desperate to get back to him, as though I was afraid that he might leave me if I took too long. I knew of course, that this could never happen, but the thought certainly helped the process along much more quickly. I didn't take a shower as I normally would have. That would have taken too long. Instead I simply stripped down in record time and replaced my dress with my spaghetti-strap tank top and silk pajama pants (which I kept in the bathroom cupboard) before turning to the bathroom sink. There I washed every substance off of my make-up caked features that wasn't absolutely necessary, including everything Alice had painted on earlier tonight and my own, self-inflicted tear-stains.
Then I proceeded to wash my hands thoroughly before yanking out the butterfly-shaped clip that was holding the top layers of my hair up, allowing the beautiful, satin-like waves to flood my shoulders freely, finally liberated from the confines of the vampire-induced style it had previously been in. I gave it a quick, once-through with my fingertips. Then I brushed my teeth, scrubbing as quickly, yet still as thoroughly as I could before finally washing out my mouth and recapping the toothpaste. Only then did I feel I was ready.
I opened the door so quickly I didn't even think Edward was aware of it before I crashed into him, my lips going straight for his as he stumbled backwards into the hallway wall, slamming into it so hard that I was afraid, if he were human, it would have knocked the wind out of him. Edward normally would never have stumbled of course, but I caught him off-guard and he was going along with every one of my motions without protest.
From there we moved towards my open bedroom door, never opening our eyes, our lips never breaking apart completely, only partially for quick breath-intakes before they fused together over and over again. His hands tangled themselves in my hair, pressing me to him with a pressure that I had never felt from him before.
I now felt ridiculously underdressed next to him, but I quickly figured out how to solve that problem with minimal difficulty. My fingers found the edges of his sport coat and gripped them purposefully before forcing them apart and back, him only having to shrug out of the sleeves to comply as I tore it off of him. Then his hands were in my hair again the moment they were free. I dropped the coat carelessly on my bedroom floor as we crossed into it from the hall.
We were headed for the bed now, me in the lead. Was I pulling him or was he pushing me? I couldn't tell. Perhaps a little bit of both. The backs of my knees buckled when they hit the edge of the bed frame and I fell backwards onto the mattress, pulling him down along with me as I hit the bedspread. I expected my skull to be pounded by his with the impact of the landing, but I'd forgotten again, Edward was no typical human being. He was graceful. He fell with me, on top of me, but was extremely careful not to harm me in any way.
I kept kissing him, ruthless, relentless as I back-crawled on the bed until my head hit the pillow, then I relaxed again, allowing my body to drop back to the sheets beneath him…I'd never wanted him more in the entire time we'd been together. I couldn't remember ever kissing him like this ever before. Continuously, unyielding. Other than that night at the fireworks, I couldn't remember him ever being directly on top of me before. He'd held me before, yes, he'd laid next to me, with his arms around me, but never before like this. Never before with intent behind it, his weight crushing down on me, pressing me to him. It felt…nice.
His hands moved passionately through my hair, sending me raging for more. My own hands flew down the front of his white shirt, unfastening each button with impossible speed.
"Bella…" his voice was wary as it whispered my name between kisses. I knew what it meant, but I wasn't intending to stop this time. Not when we were so close…
Now my fingers ran the length of his shirt's bottom brim, ripping it from the confines of his pants as I untucked it. "Bella…" He whispered again when he felt this. He was trying to warn me to be careful with my intentions, but I wasn't listening. I didn't care about my own safety anymore. I didn't care about anything except him. About what was happening right now.
I didn't even break contact with his lips to look down as my hands slid under his shirt. I was so hungry for it now that I didn't even bother to take his shirt off again. Just having it undone was enough. My hands ran across the smooth, cold skin of his back before I brought them back around to caress his chest, being sure to savor the feeling of all the muscles there as they moved against me.
His lips became suddenly noticeably more intense against mine, moving firmly as he kissed me and broke apart. Kissed me and broke apart. It became a steadily increasing ritual.
And then I did something that made impulsive look like church camp. "Bella, what do you think you're you doing!?" Edward cried out, breaking out of the kiss abruptly as my tank top came off in my hands and landed haphazardly on my dresser on the other side of the room. I was still wearing my bra, of course, a fortunate after-effect of my absent-minded haste in the bathroom before.
Edward kept his eyes purposefully on my face. They were hard now, questioning. The meaning of his expression was clear: I shouldn't have done that. He looked appalled and this made me laugh ever so softly. His expression became harder at this. He stared down at me, unmoving now.
"Edward," I chuckled quietly as I looked up at him, "it's okay. Really." But he wasn't listening. Now he was the one ignoring me. I'd seen that look in his eyes before. I knew what it meant. He was wrestling with his ethics. Trying to decide how far he could go before he absolutely had to stop. Trying to decide what to do next. When, after a long moment, he still hadn't moved, I raised my face to his and kissed him again, just briefly, making it little more than a soft brush against his lips, just testing the waters, helping him along with the gentlest of pushes. He didn't protest and his eyes softened ever so slightly, so I took that as a sign.
He seemed to relax a little as I kissed him a second time, making this one longer, but his muscles were still tense. He didn't move anything other than his lips. Then it came to me with a painful tug on my heart-strings. He was afraid to touch me. He didn't trust himself with me. I sighed internally. I'd thought he'd gotten over that. "Edward," I whispered again, stopping the kisses before they started so I could look into his eyes again. "I'm okay." I assured him gently, but then I realized that I was focusing on the wrong thing entirely. I hadn't even thought of what I must have been doing to him. I regrouped. "Oh, Edward, I'm sorry." I spoke more quickly now, letting down the barrier of tenderness that was slung between us. "I'll understand if you have to go…" But I wasn't entirely certain I would.
"No." Edward closed his eyes momentarily and shook his head in obvious defiance. "No, Bella. I'm not letting my stupid, senseless vampirism tear me away from you tonight." Then a smile broke through his hardened features, brightening them considerably. I knew this look as well. It meant he was challenging himself, confident that the better side of him would win. The side that loved me more than anything in the world. His icy lips came down on my neck, brushing it gently. I closed my eyes to savor the feeling of them, smiling myself. Then his cold hands were on my bare sides, causing me to gasp as his lips slid down the skin on my throat, stopping briefly to kiss my collarbone…and then lower still to caress the skin around my bra, but I noted that he was excessively careful never to once touch it.
He slid down my body, his lips moving next to my rib-cage and then the bare skin just below my belly button, sending chills shooting like meteors up my spine. I shivered. He stopped. Resting his chin on my stomach with his arms still wrapped around my waist, he turned his eyes up on me again before resting his ear against my skin. I placed one hand on top of his head, fingering the silky-soft, bronze strands there contentedly. I smiled again. "I love you so much." I whispered in the darkness, causing Edward to look up at me again. "I love you too." His voice was more careful than mine. "But…Bella…" He struggled to find the words. He knew what I must have been thinking. And he wasn't about to allow it. "…we can't do that."
I frowned, annoyed. "Why not?" I demanded, thankful that I couldn't see the color of his eyes in this light.
"You know why not." Was his only answer, but I wasn't satisfied with this.
My eyes became intense again. "Edward, I know you." I promised him. "And I know that you would never, ever hurt me." My voice quieted to a tender whisper. "You can't. It's in your nature to protect me. You won't hurt me, Edward. I know it."
"Bella," he protested, still careful. He shook his head, "please," he begged, "don't tempt me."
I sighed loudly. A part of me knew he was right. And I hated when he was right. I thought hard about what to say next, but Edward then supported himself again and crawled up to lay level with me again, next to me, still holding me, his lips at my ear.
My mind was on other matters now though, trying desperately to figure out a way, any way to skip around this problem. Finally, it came to me. It was the only way. And I'd completely forgotten about it. "So," I whispered, my voice becoming practical again, "were you planning on changing me on our wedding night."
Edward opened his eyes again and they studied my face for a long minute. "No."
I groaned. So he was still trying to figure out a way out of it.
"Actually, I was thinking about doing it before the wedding."
My eyes snapped open. Had I just heard him right? He was actually planning on changing me? My spirits soared. I couldn't believe this, but I kept a poker-face, my voice casual. "Oh?"
He nodded. "That way our wedding night can be reserved for something much, much more special." He kissed my cheek again, making my heart flutter wildly.
"Oh." My voice wavered, betraying me completely.
"But I still want to talk to you about the change, Bella." He disappointed me by saying. But then, in one of his movements that was almost too fast for me to see with my human eyes, he'd gotten off the bed and returned again, looking as though he'd merely switched position next to me. He handed me my tank top. "Put this on first." He commanded gently. "I can't talk to you when you're…like that."
I smiled, amused, but obeyed, sliding the shirt over my head to cover myself.
"Now, Bella, I'm still not entirely certain this is what you want." He told me.
"But it is what I want." I answered a little too quickly, causing Edward to look at me through concerned eyes. "Are you absolutely certain?" He asked, his voice melting my heart.
"Yes." I managed to just croak the word.
"But, Bella, I don't know if I can do that to you. It's going to hurt…a lot." I shivered as he pressed on. "And I don't know if I could bear to be the one causing you that pain."
I sighed. I had to think of a way to make him understand. Some way of communicating to him how badly I truly wanted this. "Edward," my voice adopted that practical edge to it again that I knew always got his attention, "let's say…" I shrugged. "I were to get pregnant."
I thought his eyes were going to explode out of his head. I held up one hand before he could say anything. "No. No. Just hear me out." I ordered. "Let's say, hypothetically," I threw in the word for his own peace of mind, "I ended up carrying your child somehow. Now, when I went into labor and gave birth to that child, that would be excruciatingly painful too, right? And technically it would have been you who caused it."
He had to shake his head and look away. "This is getting very weird." He cut in, but I didn't give up there. "Please, Edward, just listen to me."
He turned his eyes back to me and nodded once, although still wary.
"But when it was all over," my voice grew tender again, "when the pain was finally gone and never to return again, we would have gotten something so beautiful out of it. Something that was more than worth the pain."
"Bella, this is not the same thing."
Now I was angry again. "How is it not the same thing?"
"Because," he answered more sharply this time, "this pain is going to be fifty times what any woman has ever felt enduring childbirth."
I tried not to show the fear in my eyes too much. I focused instead on keeping an unreadable expression on my face, as though I were indifferent to the aspect.
"Do you remember how your hand felt the day James bit you?" He asked, no longer bothering to spare my feelings in an attempt to make me fully understand. I did remember. I just didn't want to. The feeling of fire scorching my veins. The feeling that I'd rather someone just cut off my hand and make it stop.
I was silent. He took this as a yes. "Well, imagine that." He whispered into my ear. "Only all over your body. Every nerve, every blood vessel, every organ. I remember it happening to me," he shook his head ominously, "I could never do it to you."
"But you have to." Came my soft, uncertain-now reply. Edward wasn't listening.
"And besides," he continued relentlessly, "how do I know that I'll even be able to stop once I start?"
I knew what this meant. "But you did stop, Edward." I reminded him. "The very night that James bit me. You did it." I looked him squarely in the eyes. "And you can do it again."
Edward softened now, his eyes growing tender again as they scanned my face. He smiled, managing to lighten the entire conversation almost effortlessly. "You are, by far, the most amazing person I have ever met." His lips brushed against my ear as I spoke. "You're so brave. So selfless." His lips found mine again and he pressed down with the gentlest of pressures. It was only then that I truly realized how exhausted I was. I began to panic. No! I couldn't waste any of the time I had with him tonight!
"Don't let me fall asleep." I whispered, my voice meek after he broke away, but I had already shifted my position on the bed so my head was resting on his bare chest. I felt the warmth of his smile just above my right ear. "Of course not." He whispered, kissing my hair ever so softly. And then he was humming my lullaby…
Author's Note: Okay, so, what did you think of this chapter? Was it too much? Too intense? Too graphic? Please, be honest. I need to know. The next chapter's coming soon!
